Am I Asking For Trouble?

[LovelyRose]

Thanks, LovelyRose. So sorry I missed this. I really needed this. Your situation sounds similar to mine, though I don't see my guy that often. May I ask some of the ways you fought the anxiety on your own? Because I really am trying, but my God... it's a BEAST. It's a constant struggle, minute by minute, to keep it at bay.

 

 

Hi Lovelorn,

 

It was very hard for me. I also couldn't eat but I forced myself. Not sure if you are able to read my threads. The first time he disappeared for the entire day I immediately texted him "are you ok, if so are we ok..I haven't heard from you and I'm worried." The beginning stage didn't go so well as I ended up upsetting him. But we have overcome that phase.

 

What did I do with my anxiety? That's how I found this forum, lol. I googled everything I need advice on because I didn't want to go to friends. I cried and cried like there's no tomorrow. But after I cry I prayed hard for guidance. Not sure if you're religious so that may not apply to you. I also listened to gospels or any motivational speakers on YouTube. I've also meditated and listened to a lot of EDM. But I also drowned myself with emo love songs. I also danced, yes just me alone in my room, I crocheted. I'm also addicted to candy crush game on my phone, lol.

 

I don't know, but to me crying helps. Both mentally and physically, like I am releasing all the toxins in my body. So I embraced all my fears (potentially losing him) and pain and cried my eyes out. Then after my crying session, I am recharged.

 

I was very afraid but I'm also a Taurus so I am very very stubborn and I asked him everything I wanted to ask. In the beginning I was so afraid of losing him that I was so afraid to mess up. I walked on egg shells, etc. But I had to remind myself over and over again that it's a two way street. We are BOTH exploring where this relationship goes. Meaning I also need to decide if he is the one i want as a partner. So after that, I am even more brave to communicate with him. Only this time I do it very calmly and with better words.

 

Have you at least once or twice attempted to ask him or talk to him about your issues? Doesnt matter if its only been few months. You should have the freedom to say what you want to say and ask what you want answered. Just dont go crazy like I did.

 

Hope this helps a bit.

 

P.S.

Out of topic, how do you PM? Just curious.

[Lovelorn00]

Hi Lovelorn,

 

It was very hard for me. I also couldn't eat but I forced myself. Not sure if you are able to read my threads. The first time he disappeared for the entire day I immediately texted him "are you ok, if so are we ok..I haven't heard from you and I'm worried." The beginning stage didn't go so well as I ended up upsetting him. But we have overcome that phase.

Wow. Are we the same person?? Haha! It's been four months now, and I will say that my guy has never gone a day without contacting me in some way. But if he did, I definitely would have reacted the same way you did at first. Heck, I feel like reacting that way when I don't hear from him for 10 hours, but I'm slowly learning that it's just who he is. Luckily, I've managed to keep it all inside, so I've never actually confronted him about it. I've tried to play the "cool girl" as much as I possibly can

 

What did I do with my anxiety? That's how I found this forum, lol. I googled everything I need advice on because I didn't want to go to friends. I cried and cried like there's no tomorrow. But after I cry I prayed hard for guidance. Not sure if you're religious so that may not apply to you. I also listened to gospels or any motivational speakers on YouTube. I've also meditated and listened to a lot of EDM. But I also drowned myself with emo love songs. I also danced, yes just me alone in my room, I crocheted. I'm also addicted to candy crush game on my phone, lol.

Those are great coping techniques! I'm not religious, but I'm pretty spritual. It DOES really help. I've also ramped up my workouts, so that's helping a bit, too. I guess I just never realized that it's something that needs to be fought every minute and every second of the day. If I don't pay attention to it for one second, it quickly spirals dangerously out of control.

 

I was very afraid but I'm also a Taurus so I am very very stubborn and I asked him everything I wanted to ask. In the beginning I was so afraid of losing him that I was so afraid to mess up. I walked on egg shells, etc. But I had to remind myself over and over again that it's a two way street. We are BOTH exploring where this relationship goes. Meaning I also need to decide if he is the one i want as a partner. So after that, I am even more brave to communicate with him. Only this time I do it very calmly and with better words.

 

Have you at least once or twice attempted to ask him or talk to him about your issues? Doesnt matter if its only been few months. You should have the freedom to say what you want to say and ask what you want answered. Just dont go crazy like I did.

No, I haven't had the nerve to tell him about these issues yet. The other night, we talked on the phone, and I told him I was stressed, but I didn't tell him the source of the stress. "I want to help," he said, but I quickly changed the subject, because I was too afraid to explain it to him. I'm honestly kicking myself for letting fear get the best of me (once again), because that would've been the perfect opportunity. But I'm so attached to this "cool girl" mentality that I try to avoid any little signs of neediness at all costs. I know the rules very well - never be the source of drama, never talk about things he's doing wrong, never express neediness or clinginess. If there's even a hint of these things, he disappears.

I’m so glad you responded to this. I’m going to read your threads and try to PM you. It feels good to know that there others who have experienced the exact same thing I’m experiencing now.

[Lovelorn00]

P.S.

Out of topic, how do you PM? Just curious.

 

LovelyRose, I tried to PM you, but it wouldn't allow it. I think you have to be a member of the community for a while OR have a certain number of posts, but I'm not sure.

 

Anyway, I read all of your threads, and it's UNBELIEVABLE how similar our situations are, even down to small details like him not being very expressive or the time he held you while you were riding around in a car with him. I feel like we're the same person!!

 

Are you and your guy still doing okay? Your situation gives me hope! Lol

[Minneloa]

OP, you mentioned earlier that you were looking into medication for your anxiety. Any progress on that front?

[Lovelorn00]

OP, you mentioned earlier that you were looking into medication for your anxiety. Any progress on that front?

 

Yes, I actually mentioned medication to my therapist, and to my surprise, he actually suggested that I try an herbal supplement before medication. He knows me well and knows that I really hate the thought of being on medication (again), so he suggested I try that first and then try medication. He also recommended specific meds that he'd like for me to try, if the supplement doesn't help. I've got the supplement, I just haven't started it yet. I'm planning on starting it this weekend.

[LovelyRose]

No, I haven't had the nerve to tell him about these issues yet. The other night, we talked on the phone, and I told him I was stressed, but I didn't tell him the source of the stress. "I want to help," he said, but I quickly changed the subject, because I was too afraid to explain it to him. I'm honestly kicking myself for letting fear get the best of me (once again), because that would've been the perfect opportunity. But I'm so attached to this "cool girl" mentality that I try to avoid any little signs of neediness at all costs. I know the rules very well - never be the source of drama, never talk about things he's doing wrong, never express neediness or clinginess. If there's even a hint of these things, he disappears.

I’m so glad you responded to this. I’m going to read your threads and try to PM you. It feels good to know that there others who have experienced the exact same thing I’m experiencing now.

 

 

 

Lovelorn,

Oh blah! No wonder I couldn't see the PM option.

 

What exactly do you mean by "cool girl"

 

Our situation is a bit different because we are totally exclusive. We kinda didn't have to discuss it because we talked A LOT before he even asked me out. By the time we are dating, we already know we are exclusive because we both know we don't like to share. We say things a lot like, "you're mine or I'm not sharing you." If he teases me about having to flirt with girls I pinch him, lol.

 

You have to ask yourself if your wants are reasonable. You are right about not wanting to look clingy and needy. But at the same time you shouldn't ignore what bothers you. My guy is allergic to talks. He thinks if you talk about things it's automatically drama. But overtime i managed to make him understand that it's not always the case.

 

I told him we are talking as matured adults and not having drama. I said, we are different people. I like talking everyday and hearing from you everyday. Not because I'm super needy and I'll die if you don't but simply because I like you a lot. You make me feel good so why wouldnt I want to talk to you everyday.

 

The point is, you just gotta make sure you explain your side. I made it clear to my guy that I trust him all the way. So me wanting to hear from him is simply because we are long distance and we don't see each other regularly. I said he is not wrong nor right and so am I. Just two different individuals. It makes me miss him more if he disappears for an entire day. So I said, if you can't call me everyday, at least a good morning and good night is greatly appreciated. But I made sure I say that I am not telling him what to do. Those are my wants and it's up to him what to do.

 

I used to be afraid that if we don't talk everyday he will lose interest. But then I realize it could go either way. I could also lose interest. He told me that he is not like that. Even when we don't talk or see each other he knows he is all mine and I am his. So I keep reminding myself that in a mature relationship with complete trust, excessive contact is really not necessary. We are busy adults that have other goals and responsibilities.

 

He still have days where he doesn't call which I hate. But I remind myself he is not me. Someone in this forum mentioned something like, once you realize that someone's actions is not about you, then it wouldn't hurt you anymore. Sooooo true. Because I always say, I always have energy and time for him but he doesn't. But I just have to understand he is different.

 

Took few months but we are at a stage now where we understand each other a lot more. He even jokes that he actually likes my craziness. You need to understand your guy more. I used to think 5 let alone 10 hours of no contact is bad but I'm so used to my guy now that it doesn't bother me as much. It only bothers me because I miss him every second of the day. But I know his every routine, his schedule, how he sleeps a lot like a koala. He's tired all the time and has very busy schedule.

 

Let's analyze your situation. Besides not knowing for sure if you are exclusive, what else is causing you stress and anxiety. I know not seeing him is also making it worse. What's the quality of your phone conversation? What type of person is he? Does he party a lot? Do you know his routine? I know him being active on social media drives you nuts. But look at me for example, I'm always showing active because I play candy crush and I hardly chat with anybody. I only go there to watch videos.

 

Mine is a little different because my guy is extremely simple. He goes to work, school and when he hangout with friends it's normally his best friends which includes my cousin who is already married. His outdoor activity is simply going to a bar having few beers and dinner or movie and hangout at my cousin's house or his sister.He's usually home by 10pm. Football season he gave me a heads up that he will be at a bar a lot watching football, which is next month.

 

So far we are doing great. But we haven't talked about label yet which is my anxiety right now that I'm really doing my best to ignore. He keeps referring to himself as "boyfriend" but I'm not sure if he's serious. With my humiliating experience with him in the beginning, I will not assume.

 

So my dear you need to gather all your strength and have the courage to discuss your situation with your guy. He is definitely not wrong. You're just different. You have to compare your wants to his capabilities and if it doesn't match, find a meeting point. Once you analyze yourself, let us know and I'm sure we can advise you how to approach him.

[LovelyRose]

Yes, I actually mentioned medication to my therapist, and to my surprise, he actually suggested that I try an herbal supplement before medication. He knows me well and knows that I really hate the thought of being on medication (again), so he suggested I try that first and then try medication. He also recommended specific meds that he'd like for me to try, if the supplement doesn't help. I've got the supplement, I just haven't started it yet. I'm planning on starting it this weekend.

 

 

 

I would also suggest juicing. There are recipe for pretty much everything like for depression, fatigue, anxiety etc.

[Minneloa]

Yes, I actually mentioned medication to my therapist, and to my surprise, he actually suggested that I try an herbal supplement before medication. He knows me well and knows that I really hate the thought of being on medication (again), so he suggested I try that first and then try medication. He also recommended specific meds that he'd like for me to try, if the supplement doesn't help. I've got the supplement, I just haven't started it yet. I'm planning on starting it this weekend.

 

Well done--I hope you experience some relief soon!

 

As a fellow anxious person and (especially) dater, I relate to your story. Not to proselytize, but have you ever practiced yoga? It has made a huge difference with my general anxiety, to the point that those around me have commented on the change. I feel more centered and in my body, and I am less easily rattled by external events (though a new dating situation would still surely be a challenge!).

 

At any rate, sending good thoughts your way!

 

M.

[Cookiesandough]

I can highly vouch for juicing. Juicing and exercise have changed my life!

[Lovelorn00]

Well done--I hope you experience some relief soon!

 

As a fellow anxious person and (especially) dater, I relate to your story. Not to proselytize, but have you ever practiced yoga? It has made a huge difference with my general anxiety, to the point that those around me have commented on the change. I feel more centered and in my body, and I am less easily rattled by external events (though a new dating situation would still surely be a challenge!).

 

At any rate, sending good thoughts your way!

 

M.

 

I have! I was enrolled in hot yoga classes for a while, but I stopped, because membership was way too expensive. I remember feeling relief shortly after the class was over, but it wouldn't be long until the anxiety returned. That's why I've never really tried to pick it back up.

 

Thank you for the kind words!

[Lovelorn00]

I can highly vouch for juicing. Juicing and exercise have changed my life!

 

I'll give it a shot! I've tried juicing before, but I wasn't consistent enough with it for it to actually make a difference. It's worth trying again, though!

[Lovelorn00]

What exactly do you mean by "cool girl"

 

The “cool girl” is a phrase I heard a few years ago in a book/movie called Gone Girl. The “cool girl” is everyman’s ideal woman. The passage in the book goes:

 

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, ***** on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl.”

 

Yes, this passage exaggerates it a little, but it’s true… men want the girl who is hot and understanding. She’s immune to emotions and she’s “cool” with everything. I feel like I’m supposed to just “be cool” with the difference in communication styles. I’m supposed to just “be cool” with not being exclusive right now. I’m supposed to “be cool” and never bring up anything that’s bothering me about him. The problem is that there are some things I’m not exactly cool with, and it’s driving me crazy.

 

You’re correct – our situation is a bit different in that you and your guy have explicitly stated that you’re exclusive. I’m still in this weird limbo state that I seem to find myself in with all of the guys that I date where he acts very much like a boyfriend, but never puts a title on it. My married girlfriends tell me that I just need to have the convo with him, but I have no idea how to do that without scaring him away. I have a few girlfriends who said they practically had to force their guy to commit to them by giving them ultimatums. Both of my closest girlfriends said they had to do that with their husbands. That just sounds awful to me, though. I shouldn’t have to force someone into committing me, and I’m actually shocked that that’s worked for so many couples. The other option is to just be okay with the fact that he may very well be seeing other people.

 

My guy is “allergic” to talks too. Lol Very much so. It’s not that he won’t have them, but he freezes up and gets really, really quiet. I think he also associates it with drama, but you’re right – these are the things adults need to be able to have conversations about, and it doesn’t necessarily always mean drama.

 

I actually do hear from my guy every day, but there are days when the contact is very brief after an extended period of time, and it makes me very anxious. I immediately assume that he’s lost interest and found someone else. That’s mostly where the anxiety comes from. I’m also like you in that I almost always have time to chat or text with my guy, but we’re just different.

 

Let's analyze your situation. Besides not knowing for sure if you are exclusive, what else is causing you stress and anxiety. I know not seeing him is also making it worse. What's the quality of your phone conversation? What type of person is he? Does he party a lot? Do you know his routine? I know him being active on social media drives you nuts. But look at me for example, I'm always showing active because I play candy crush and I hardly chat with anybody. I only go there to watch videos.

 

Not knowing our relationship status is definitely a HUGE part of where my anxiety comes from. His texting habits (or lack thereof) cause me a lot of stress, because I jump to conclusions. He’s in a profession that puts him in the public eye quite a bit, so he has a LOT of female fans on social media, though I’ve never seen him interact with any of them. That also makes me super anxious. When we talk on the phone or video chat, the conversation is great. We can talk for 4-5 hours at a time and not even notice. It’s like that when we’re together, too. He is a very laid-back, even-keeled person. A self-described introvert who doesn’t like large crowds or going out to bars and clubs. He also values honesty, integrity, and has no time for people who lie or who lack character (I’ve seen examples of this behavior). No, he doesn’t party at all, really. I don’t know his routine, because he doesn’t really have a set one. His schedule is all over the place, due to his profession. If I did know his routine, I’m sure that would help a bit with the anxiety, but that’s just not possible in this case.

 

So far we are doing great. But we haven't talked about label yet which is my anxiety right now that I'm really doing my best to ignore. He keeps referring to himself as "boyfriend" but I'm not sure if he's serious. With my humiliating experience with him in the beginning, I will not assume.

 

I’m sort of confused by this. If you are both exclusive, isn’t it kind of implied that you’re boyfriend/girlfriend? What else would you be?

 

So my dear you need to gather all your strength and have the courage to discuss your situation with your guy. He is definitely not wrong. You're just different. You have to compare your wants to his capabilities and if it doesn't match, find a meeting point. Once you analyze yourself, let us know and I'm sure we can advise you how to approach him.

 

I’m struggling with this as well. Some people will say to wait it out. Let him bring up exclusivity, etc., otherwise, he’ll sense neediness and run. Others say I need to flat-out ask him. I honestly don’t know what to do.

[LovelyRose]

Hmmmm. I'm speechless. If that's their definition of cool...ugh, they can count me out from the cool chic department.

 

No you DON'T have to be cool about your differences but you HAVE to be understanding and respectful of it while making sure you are not pretending to be someone you're not like being ok with non exclusive.

 

I want a guy to define me as a cool girl who is always honest and direct. Fun to be with despite our differences. I don't know, I'm extremely stubborn. I honestly don't follow any rule. I follow my own rule as long as I know I'm reasonable and respectful and not offending or hurting anybody.

 

If you're too afraid he might run away if you have the exclusivity talk, then start dropping hints. I tell my guy whenever other guys hit on me. He enjoys listening to it, he said it's flattering, lol. After my story he will tease me that I have a boyfriend on the side. I know he is definitely joking but I would still respond something like, "oh no baby I am all yours." Does he tease you about something like that?

 

You said he values honesty. Right now you're not being honest by not telling him how you really feel. Remember it's a two way street. You could also lose interest as much as he could lose interest. You talk for 4-5 hours!!?? Girl, I am even lucky if we talk for more than an hour a day. Half of the time we talk for 15-30 minutes. The other half is more or less an hour. Very rarely we talk for a couple of hours. For someone who claims to hate talking, 4-5 hours that's a LOT. If you wish for him to text you a lot on top of that, he might get burnt out.

 

You said you understand he is extremely busy. So please respect he is not a texter. Do you trust him? I know the nature of his job gives you anxiety. Sounds like you are your own enemy here. LDR+ guy is exposed to women + not knowing if you're exclusive = anxiety and panic attacks. He may be truly an amazing guy, but how long can you handle his situation?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sort of confused by this. If you are both exclusive, isn’t it kind of implied that you’re boyfriend/girlfriend? What else would you be?

 

- Lovelorn, Haha Haha. EXACTLY RIGHT! But for him being officially bf/gf means a hundred times serious. We are still exploring each other to see where this goes and taking baby steps. I usually process too fast that I always crash and burn. So I totally have no problem with our setup. Of course maybe 2 years from now if we are still "exploring" then yeah I would really have to think things through.

 

 

Bringing up exclusivity doesn't mean neediness. It is called preference. I don't like multi dating, I don't like sharing the guy I'm totally crazy about. He can either take it or leave it. Do the talk now, but be respectful and calm. Ask him if he is talking to other girls besides you because at the moment he is the only guy you are talking to.

[basil67]

Hmmmm. I'm speechless. If that's their definition of cool...ugh, they can count me out from the cool chic department.

 

*spoiler alert*

 

The character who used this description was a psychopath.

[LovelyRose]

*spoiler alert*

 

The character who used this description was a psychopath.

 

 

Ahhh, whew ok! Hahaha, thank you! I've always wanted to watch that movie but never got the chance to get around it.

[Seriousperson]

LDR are very hard work, especially for people like me who suffer from anxiety. If I were you, I would lay everything out on the table, find where you stand. If he gets scared and runs off, he isn't worth your time. After being in a long distance, I would never do that again, I found someone local. That relationship was a bad idea on my part, on top of that I found a lazy guy who barely made any effort to keep the relationship alive. See how much effort vs talk he does and just be cautious.

[preraph]

I think what you mean by "cool" is "doormat." And yes, some guys really like that because then they can do or not do whatever they want and you're "cool" with it.

[LovelyRose]

Lovelorn,

 

I hope you are doing alright. Any update?

[Lovelorn00]

If you're too afraid he might run away if you have the exclusivity talk, then start dropping hints. I tell my guy whenever other guys hit on me. He enjoys listening to it, he said it's flattering, lol. After my story he will tease me that I have a boyfriend on the side. I know he is definitely joking but I would still respond something like, "oh no baby I am all yours." Does he tease you about something like that?

 

I've done this a couple of times in the past, but I don't think I've done it enough. I haven't mentioned all the times other guys have hit on me or asked me out, but the few times I have, he expresses jealousy and says things like, "If I had been there, I would've told him to back off." I'm not really sure how to take that, though. He could just be saying it just to say it.

 

You said he values honesty. Right now you're not being honest by not telling him how you really feel. Remember it's a two way street. You could also lose interest as much as he could lose interest. You talk for 4-5 hours!!?? Girl, I am even lucky if we talk for more than an hour a day. Half of the time we talk for 15-30 minutes. The other half is more or less an hour. Very rarely we talk for a couple of hours. For someone who claims to hate talking, 4-5 hours that's a LOT. If you wish for him to text you a lot on top of that, he might get burnt out.

 

I see your point, LovelyRose. Sometimes, withholding information from someone can be just as dishonest as flat-out lying. I seriously doubt I'd lose interest, but I guess it's a (slim) possibility. I've been asked out on dates that I've turned down, because I just really don't have any interest in seeing anyone but him. I really have no interest in dating at all. In fact, I was on a dating hiatus when I met him. I only went out with him because I was bored on a Saturday night and had nothing better to do. Lol

 

As far as talking 4-5 hours, that's not every day. Lol Gosh, no. That would be insane. That's only happened a couple of times. Whenever we talk on the phone, it's usually for a couple of hours, and it's not every day... maybe a few times a week.

 

You said you understand he is extremely busy. So please respect he is not a texter. Do you trust him? I know the nature of his job gives you anxiety. Sounds like you are your own enemy here. LDR+ guy is exposed to women + not knowing if you're exclusive = anxiety and panic attacks. He may be truly an amazing guy, but how long can you handle his situation?

 

I'm trying so hard, but it's difficult for me, because I AM a texter. I've always had trouble understanding how someone could be bad at texting when most of us are glued to our phones 24/7... including him. I also have a job in an office with plenty of breaks throughout the day, so I have no problem responding to texts. His job isn't like that. He's always on the move. I do trust him... but not fully. My problem is that my trust is based on an assumption. The assumption is that he's being loyal to me and that the words he spoke about "being serious" about me were true.

 

Bringing up exclusivity doesn't mean neediness. It is called preference. I don't like multi dating, I don't like sharing the guy I'm totally crazy about. He can either take it or leave it. Do the talk now, but be respectful and calm. Ask him if he is talking to other girls besides you because at the moment he is the only guy you are talking to.

 

So, how should I approach that conversation? A guy asked me out last week, but I had absolutely zero interest in going out with him. Should I use that as a way to bring up exclusivity? Or should I just mention it and let him bring it up on his own? I have no idea how to bring this up without it sounding calculating or manipulative. Plus, the whole "he can take it or leave it" thing is what causes me to freeze up, because if he chooses to "leave it," I've just lost a guy that I'm crazy about.

[Lovelorn00]

I think what you mean by "cool" is "doormat." And yes, some guys really like that because then they can do or not do whatever they want and you're "cool" with it.

 

Ah, yes. Good point. But if you're not "cool" you're "clingy" or "needy" or "nagging."

 

Ugh. I'm really starting to resent men.

[LovelyRose]

Ah, yes. Good point. But if you're not "cool" you're "clingy" or "needy" or "nagging."

 

Ugh. I'm really starting to resent men.

 

 

Oh dear no no no. Totally not true. Decent MEN, would appreciate a strong independent women but would also find it cute if they get crazy (not dangerously crazy though). It's all about how you carry yourself and you communicate with them.

 

Ugh, sucks I don't have PM. Don't want to flood this thread.

[LovelyRose]

I've done this a couple of times in the past, but I don't think I've done it enough. I haven't mentioned all the times other guys have hit on me or asked me out, but the few times I have, he expresses jealousy and says things like, "If I had been there, I would've told him to back off." I'm not really sure how to take that, though. He could just be saying it just to say it.

 

 

That was just an example. It's good he sounded jealous I guess. But yeah you're right, it doesn't say much.

 

 

I see your point, LovelyRose. Sometimes, withholding information from someone can be just as dishonest as flat-out lying. I seriously doubt I'd lose interest, but I guess it's a (slim) possibility. I've been asked out on dates that I've turned down, because I just really don't have any interest in seeing anyone but him. I really have no interest in dating at all. In fact, I was on a dating hiatus when I met him. I only went out with him because I was bored on a Saturday night and had nothing better to do. Lol

 

 

 

There you go. Tell him you got asked out but you declined because you're only interested in him. See how he reacts and go from there.

 

 

 

 

As far as talking 4-5 hours, that's not every day. Lol Gosh, no. That would be insane. That's only happened a couple of times. Whenever we talk on the phone, it's usually for a couple of hours, and it's not every day... maybe a few times a week.

 

 

Oh, hahaha..sorry for the confusion. That's still good amount.

 

 

I'm trying so hard, but it's difficult for me, because I AM a texter. I've always had trouble understanding how someone could be bad at texting when most of us are glued to our phones 24/7... including him. I also have a job in an office with plenty of breaks throughout the day, so I have no problem responding to texts. His job isn't like that. He's always on the move. I do trust him... but not fully. My problem is that my trust is based on an assumption. The assumption is that he's being loyal to me and that the words he spoke about "being serious" about me were true.

 

 

 

That's our problem. Remind yourself that he is not you. He may be "glued" to his phone but maybe it's all work. I know it's hard. I still get that way but I have improved a lot after several talks with my bf. Yup, I had a talk with him the other day and we are officially bf/gf. The only solution to your problem is to have a talk with him. No other way around it.

 

 

 

 

So, how should I approach that conversation? A guy asked me out last week, but I had absolutely zero interest in going out with him. Should I use that as a way to bring up exclusivity? Or should I just mention it and let him bring it up on his own? I have no idea how to bring this up without it sounding calculating or manipulative. Plus, the whole "he can take it or leave it" thing is what causes me to freeze up, because if he chooses to "leave it," I've just lost a guy that I'm crazy about.

 

 

 

You're just gonna have to tell him. I'm lucky that my bf can easily tell if something is up even through my texting pattern. So he usually asks me "what's wrong, are you ok, are you mad at me." That would be my cue. How about your guy?

 

I know you had a window of opportunity to tell him but you froze up. We can tell you what to do, but ONLY YOU could do it. If the thought of losing him is what's holding you down from talking, then you need to remind yourself that you are worth it. Know your worth and don't settle for less. If he leaves, it only means he's not the one for you. It will not automatically make him a bad person, just not the one for you. How can he be the right guy for you if he is not able to handle everything about you. Which right now we don't know until you try.

 

I used to be always scared too but I got so tired of it. Constantly talking to my bf no matter how frightening it is really helped me improve a lot. He always teases me I'm super crazy and I'm trouble. But you know what he said? "Tightening my seatbelt, i'm ready for this ride, bring it on."

 

I can really relate to you so I really want to help you. You read my threads. It will get better once you face your fears. Five more months before you close the distance. That's far too long for me to be going through serious anxieties because of so many uncertainties.

[Lovelorn00]

Oh dear no no no. Totally not true. Decent MEN, would appreciate a strong independent women but would also find it cute if they get crazy (not dangerously crazy though). It's all about how you carry yourself and you communicate with them.

 

Ugh, sucks I don't have PM. Don't want to flood this thread.

 

I KNOW! I wish I could PM you, too. I'm so glad to have found someone else who understands. My girlfriends don't get it. "He's just some dude," they say. Then again, they've all been married or in long-term relationships for years, so they've forgotten what it's like for us gals still in the dating world. I'm glad you get it.

[Lovelorn00]

You're just gonna have to tell him. I'm lucky that my bf can easily tell if something is up even through my texting pattern. So he usually asks me "what's wrong, are you ok, are you mad at me." That would be my cue. How about your guy?

 

My guy, not so much, but that's because I consider myself REALLY good at hiding it. I've admitted to him a couple of times that I was stressed, but I've never come clean as to what the stress was about (him).

 

I know you had a window of opportunity to tell him but you froze up. We can tell you what to do, but ONLY YOU could do it. If the thought of losing him is what's holding you down from talking, then you need to remind yourself that you are worth it.

 

Am I? I'm beginning to question that, especially today. It's been another day of absolutely no communication other than a question via text this morning, which I answered. It's driving me crazy. It feels as though I'm just waiting for the other "shoe to drop" as they say. This is typical behavior of a guy who's about to dump a woman. A "slow fade," if you will. I can't handle another one, for the hundredth time. I just can't. This is why I stopped dating earlier this year.

 

I can really relate to you so I really want to help you. You read my threads. It will get better once you face your fears. Five more months before you close the distance. That's far too long for me to be going through serious anxieties because of so many uncertainties.

 

Thank you, LovelyRose. I really appreciate your words. Your threads gave me hope, although it may be a false one. This has been a lifelong battle for me - facing my fears and standing up for myself. We're going on 4 months of this now, and it feels as though my body has taken a brutal beating, that's how painful the anxiety is. I can't imagine going through this hell for another 5 months.

[LovelyRose]

My guy, not so much, but that's because I consider myself REALLY good at hiding it. I've admitted to him a couple of times that I was stressed, but I've never come clean as to what the stress was about (him).

 

 

 

Am I? I'm beginning to question that, especially today. It's been another day of absolutely no communication other than a question via text this morning, which I answered. It's driving me crazy. It feels as though I'm just waiting for the other "shoe to drop" as they say. This is typical behavior of a guy who's about to dump a woman. A "slow fade," if you will. I can't handle another one, for the hundredth time. I just can't. This is why I stopped dating earlier this year.

 

 

 

Thank you, LovelyRose. I really appreciate your words. Your threads gave me hope, although it may be a false one. This has been a lifelong battle for me - facing my fears and standing up for myself. We're going on 4 months of this now, and it feels as though my body has taken a brutal beating, that's how painful the anxiety is. I can't imagine going through this hell for another 5 months.

 

 

 

Yayyy I have PM now. Although I'm not sure if you receive my message