basil67 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I have no doubt that this happens. Time and time again, I've seen peers planning an expensive education for their newborn babies with a view to giving them a good path to University and lay the foundations of connections required for getting an top job. There was never a consideration that the child may not want this type of career. If this is background a person comes from, it stands to reason that they would look down upon those who choose a trade. I'd say it's not just women too. I remember when my then 9yo daughter wanted to be a hairdresser. A male friend of my husband was horrified, stating that she was too smart for that. And I will never forget a perennially single woman on a message board from years ago. She was a 30yo Christian waiting for marriage to have sex. She'd never been able to secure a boyfriend....and she wouldn't "settle" for a guy who didn't have a university education. She refused point blank to date a guy who had an honest trade because she felt entitled to a guy with her level of education. I bet she's still single now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Sometimes l get a bit embarrassed for my hands, They're strong hands, well tanned , good looking hands really, but they often have cuts and nicks from slip ups at work or from renovating my house. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Next time someone asks, tell them you are a professional artisan craftsman. If they say ooooh, what is that, just say, well, its pretty complicated, I dont want to bore you. Its all about perception. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Good Morning everyone, So I would like to ask you all this question. What is the first thing you think of when your talking to a man you're just getting to know, and you ask him what he does for a living? He replies, " I work in construction, as a carpenter." Is your first thought a negative one, or positive? My experience the last two months using online dating with sites like, Match, Tinder and Bumble have been overwhelmingly disappointing. I'll just say that my profile is well thought and organized, my pictures are clear, varied and often complimented. I am a good-looking guy, cause my mom said so! Just kidding, but looks are not my issue here. I can be somewhat shallow myself in that Zi do tend to choose who to "swipe right" with based primarily on physical attraction, the rest is generally secondary but still somewhat important. I can be very selective as well. My more common and typical interaction on the online dating sites go something like this, we match,they have already seen several picturesof me, we start exchanging messages getting to know each other, things are going pretty well, we move into talking on the phone, still things are great, and then I get the question we all hear at some point..."what do you for work?" I reply through text, " I am a Carpenter" or "I work in construction, as a carpenter." Either way I word it, the result is the same. They vanish after that conversation and I never hear from them again. In the first few days on Bumble I matched with 4 women who all ended conversations after I told them what I do for work. I think ya get the point.. What is it exactly that turns you off from a decent enough guy based on what he does for a living? I couldn't care less what a girl I am interested in does for a living as long as she's happy with it herself. Thoughts? Honest thoughts? Just had two more girls vanish this morning after I mentioned what I did for a living. I hate to say but this is one of the minor reasons I decided to go back to college and get my degree. I am a guy and I would think that your job or work was not and is not regular or very volatile. Here in the USA, such creative trades often do not accompany health insurance and regular pay unless you are working for a company. Are you independent? Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Haha! After my divorce the first person I dated had very small feminine hands (which he even poked fun of himself). Despite how much I despise my ex-husband, I have to say during that time I did kinda miss his strong rough hands! Regarding the comment made about intelligence gaps just a bit ago, I have to disagree (but recognize perhaps I'm not AS educated/intelligent as the woman who posted it ). The last man I dated, for 10 months, owns his own contracting business. He did not go to college and he would say that I am way smarter than he is. But, I'm not. I know things he doesn't, specifically about technology, current events, and pop culture, but he is way smarter than I am about history and politics. He's not wealthy by any means, but he's GOOD with money, and to me that was more important than the size of his bank account. (Our relationship ended but it had nothing to do with his profession ) My ex w was a fairly simple girl , she was a nurse . But my 6 sisters are all educated to the hilt with degrees and bachelor lists as long as your arm. But my ex had more intelligence , soul and common sense in her little finger than all of them put together. Smarts and intelligence comes in all shapes and forms. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I am a guy and I would think that your job or work was not and is not regular or very volatile. Here in the USA, such creative trades often do not accompany health insurance and regular pay unless you are working for a company. Are you independent? It's still possible to make a decent living without health insurance and with irregular pay. I do it as an independent contractor . Just gotta be motivated and have a strong work ethic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 It's still possible to make a decent living without health insurance and with irregular pay. I do it as an independent contractor . Just gotta be motivated and have a strong work ethic. Oh, I agree. I'm not arguing against that. I just believe that ladies, when they first hear that he is a carpenter, may not feel the same. Also, many ladies are certainly hoping for white-collar over blue-collar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Admittedly ,my work can be on offish too but it makes up for it when it's running hot and you know you'll make a killing. So l enjoy the time off when it's a bit slow. You get to know the cycles and start to relax about that stuff after awhile Really though, l get to live how most people 9 to 5 spend their life waiting to retire to live and l often notice "them", watching me and thinking wtf, how does he get to live the way he does. Cracks me up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I am in my early 40's and around 36 I Decided to go back to school. I wanted to get my degree, for myself.. Seven years later, after 30 some classes my GPA is around 3.8( still have to retake a couple of those F's to replace them) I never recieved anything lower than an A in any class, or paper or test. It's a wonder what time does to us and our ambitions. I absolutely love school now and will continue to learn for the rest of my life. I am an internship away from my degree in Historic Preservation, a couple courses away from a degree in History as well, and I was also working on finishing up my Pre-reqs for Nursing school. I can imagine that if I came across your profile that said you are a carpenter, and mentioned some of these other interests you are pursuing, you would immediately leap into the "highly appealing" category for me. Looks aside (I trust your mother's judgement), I would see a lot of common interests and perspectives on life that could potentially make us compatible. Needless to say, in that type of situation, I would want to know more. My point in telling you this is to show how subjective it is. What I like may not be what the next woman likes, for any number of reasons. What I can be sure about is that there will absolutely be women out there that will be interested. Perhaps, just not as many online as you would like. My only advice would be to mention your job and interests on your profile so you don't waste time on the wrong women. Also, don't restrict yourself to just online dating. There are plenty of available women out there who you won't find on one of these dating sites. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 This is true for men and women. btw.... If you learn anything in this life, its that you need to judge people on their own merits...When you first meet them,. you have no clue what their life experiences have been...If you just judge someone by what they do for a living or what framed rag they have on their wall, you are missing the boat entirely... People gain intelligence from life....Not always the university or their career.....Some people are dullards, no matter how much education that they have..>I have a client that is a very specialized software expert....he's also an anxiety ridden idiot, that couldn't tell you if it was dark or light... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 If you updated your profile with some of the things you've described here, I'd be interested if I were online and came across your profile. I have a postgrad education and am a white collar professional woman, but your mix of skills, interests and way of expressing yourself would go over well with me. I'm financially independent so how much a guy makes means nothing to me. Who he is as a person, whether he is highly intelligent and interesting - that is what matters. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Sometimes l get a bit embarrassed for my hands, They're strong hands, well tanned , good looking hands really, but they often have cuts and nicks from slip ups at work or from renovating my house. some women find strong hands that are well worn sexy... seeing a guys with less callouses than yours and manicured fingernails....isnt a turn on for some women..chicks dig scars..conversation starters.....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) Your question, "What's your problem with, 'I am a Carpenter?" Here's mine: For whatever reason I find I don't have chemistry with men who are quiet. I am attracted to dynamic men who are driven, spontaneous and high energy. I don't care whether they wear a suit or blue jeans to work. I want to be with someone who is on the go and involved in very challenging pursuits that include a lot of people. So, if you told me you were a carpenter you would be misjudging me if you thought I wasn't interested in you because of your income or the clothing you wear to work. Edited July 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 one of my mates used to lie about his job said he was a cleaner lmao his actually a electrician he just said to me it shows if the girls are only after him or the money he now has a girlfriend who didnt care about his job 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 some women find strong hands that are well worn sexy... seeing a guys with less callouses than yours and manicured fingernails....isnt a turn on for some women..chicks dig scars..conversation starters.....deb Ahh , thanks deb sweetheart ,l feel a bit better now. Even today there's 4 or 5 little nicks and cuts from last wk at the office haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I have no problems with a carpenter. I like some blue collar worker and some I don't like, just like I like some white collar worker and some I don't like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 OP To all ladies out there.. what's your problem with," I am a Carpenter." Nothing. When can you come round and fix my fencing?! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
don't talk to me Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Are you serious? I always thought carpenter is such a lovely occupation because it's physical and manly and at the same time requires great taste and an eye for beauty. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Being a carpenter will be a turn off for some that is true and that will be due to stereotypes and generalisations about "trades people", there is no getting over that. The fact that you are 40+, are still working for someone else and do not have your own business or an upward career path, will be a turn off too for some women. The fact that you are now "messing about" with education will not save you either. The eternal student may be levelled against you. BUT saying that, there will be women out there who will admire your resolve and who will not be turned off in any way by your job. A good honest living. I see you say you are also very selective, what kind of women are you in fact pitching at? People tend to pair off like with like. YOU perhaps fall between two stools. Too educated for some, not educated enough for others... Also you are 40+ what baggage do you carry? YOU may blame your job for turning off women, but it is maybe not just your job that is actually turning them off. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Maybe there are other guys on that site who say they're carpenters but actually turned out to be lazy drifters who couldn't hold down a job... and that might have scared these women off with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 one of my mates used to lie about his job said he was a cleaner lmao his actually a electrician he just said to me it shows if the girls are only after him or the money he now has a girlfriend who didnt care about his job Funny that.l know a guy owns a company that's on the exchange, built it himself, he's still only 33. Got divorced , Has a big garage full of all kinds of cars, gorgeous big expensive place,dunno what he's worth but it's a lot. But he also still has he's first car ever, still in the garage, he bought at 25 when he was still broke. And guess what, that's the car he picks up his dates in.Just wares everyday clothes and tells them nothing about his company, never takes them back to his main place, He keeps this up until he see's who and what they are , usually a few wks because apparently he has a major problem with gold diggers otherwise. Last time we talked he was in love with a Russian now , yikes . Dunno how that came about. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Funny that.l know a guy owns a company that's on the exchange, built it himself, he's still only 33. Got divorced , Has a big garage full of all kinds of cars, gorgeous big expensive place,dunno what he's worth but it's a lot. But he also still has he's first car ever, still in the garage, he bought at 25 when he was still broke. And guess what, that's the car he picks up his dates in.Just wares everyday clothes and tells them nothing about his company, never takes them back to his main place, He keeps this up until he see's who and what they are , usually a few wks because apparently he has a major problem with gold diggers otherwise. Last time we talked he was in love with a Russian now , yikes . Dunno how that came about. OK, but he does sound a bit weird, no? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 OP, are you in a large city or metro area? That could explain a lot of the wallet/lifestyle shopping. Location and the prevailing cultural and political sentiments can make a difference. I'm a very successful tenured college professor but in my neck of the woods - a small city in the middle of the country - I'd be considered far lower on the desirability scale than the typical tradesman. We have hundreds of women with graduate degrees here and most of them are married to contractors, other tradesmen, farmers, entrepreneurs, artistic/creative types, etc. There's a certain ruggedness or "alphaness" that many blue-collar guys have that guys like me could never even hope to match. If being a carpenter is what you love, keep at it and constantly have an eye out for upward mobility opportunities. The problem is not what you do - you just need some drive and passion to put your best foot forward. One thing I learned in graduate school - just having potential doesn't get you anywhere with women. Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Just a thought but maybe your being a carpenter is not the reason women stop the conversation, and you are just being a bit self conscious about your profession. Most initial OLDing conversations don't go anywhere, these women are also responding to numerous men and you have not grabbed their attention enough to put you at the top of the list. OLD is hard and full of rejection for what ever reason. The carpenter status I doubt is the main reason you feel like you are getting left out. The reality it most likely has nothing to do with you, just simply bad timing or any list of a dozen other things. As a fellow carpenter I am speaking from experience. I don't personally find that my profession has that much effect on my dating life. Though I never did finish college, and hats off to you for following through with it, I managed to create a decent life by using my hands. Through out my dating life I have dated doctors, lawyers, college professors, and a number of women who I consider far more successful and intelligent. One in particular held a Harvard law degree that she got with a full ride scholarship due to her perfect GPA, she now works for Nike traveling the world and making loads of money. Though it didn't work out between us and I always felt a bit beneath her, my "carpenter" status had nothing to do with it. She was actually turned on by the fact that I could fix anything and my ruff hands were a symbol of hard work and dedication, and not like the "soft" men she was surrounded by in her profession. My advice to you is that if you are feeling like being a carpenter is the reason you are not being successful in dating is to spruce up your title, sugar coat it so to say. If you just say "I am a carpenter" it does sound kind of boring. I tell women that I own a small construction business, which is true, but I don't say I am just a carpenter, which is also true. Link to post Share on other sites
ethical slope Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Interesting , I experience it .I admit almost on purpose in my case . I always just say I am a blacksmith , slightly misleading but not untrue , I do a bit more than that .Like many of us who wear boots not shoes and jeans not a suit I earn well above what even managment in an office earn I have even earned more than some of my employers , they owned the company but my charge rate as an employee to them was higher than their pay .I know this because I would have to listen to the bellyaching from them about it. Also no watch and no flash anything ,park the car a bit away and walk to meeting as close to a bare human in respectable society can be , personality and looks alone ...take it or leave it . If you as a person are not what they want and trappings , titles and status that can dissappear in a flash of the unlucky or unfortunate moment of life is what they find important ...then do you really want that kind of person for anything meaningful anyway ? Link to post Share on other sites
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