DKT3 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I was watching a dating show and the host said people here are bad at relationships or bad at picking who they get in a relationship with. I'm going with two here. You barely know this guy, yet you speak about his wants desire and intentions with so much confidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Reading what you've written in this thread, I don't think you'll be happy dropping #2 without fulling exploring things with him (even if there's a risk you're indeed his rebound), because you'll always wonder what if. I think the right thing to do is to also let #1 know that you're dating another guy concurrently, because it sounds like he's kept in the dark. Yes, I know. I know. I think I gotta go for it. All my friends tell me so, as well. And they know me well. Everyone actually says we make a super cute couple. But I have to admit, the fact that I may be a rebound kinda starts to creep in on me and it scares me a lot. I was watching a dating show and the host said people here are bad at relationships or bad at picking who they get in a relationship with. I'm going with two here. You barely know this guy, yet you speak about his wants desire and intentions with so much confidence. I know, I am just retelling what he told me. I know nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Yes, I know. I know. I think I gotta go for it. All my friends tell me so, as well. And they know me well. Everyone actually says we make a super cute couple. But I have to admit, the fact that I may be a rebound kinda starts to creep in on me and it scares me a lot. I know, I am just retelling what he told me. I know nothing. I think this is simple. Tell them both you are and plan to continue dating other men. I think you are struggling because you intend to do so without being forthcoming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Yes, I know. I know. I think I gotta go for it. All my friends tell me so, as well. And they know me well. Everyone actually says we make a super cute couple. But I have to admit, the fact that I may be a rebound kinda starts to creep in on me and it scares me a lot. You know, the thing I don't get is how you were able to have sex with #1 if you are as attracted to #2 as you said. Anyway, you're only 30 and can still afford to explore a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 You know, the thing I don't get is how you were able to have sex with #1 if you are as attracted to #2 as you said. Anyway, you're only 30 and can still afford to explore a bit... Not looking to explore anymore, explored enough in my life, thanks. If I could, I wouldn't have to have anymore sex with new men at all. Just ready to be with the right person longterm. I was able to sleep with #1, because I also have feelings for him, even though the feelings for #2 are stronger. Sex with #1 was really good before I slept with #2. Since becoming intimate with #2, sex with #1 has become dull. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 Wow, when on the phone earlier with #2, I actually felt really good about us. And was looking forward to him visiting tomorrow. But now I just feel like crap. I don't want to be a rebound... Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 This is probably not the advice you're looking for but if I were either of these two guys, and knew a woman I was dating is currently bedding another man, I'd just cut it off and say, "If you're ready to date me without sleeping with other guys, let me know. Otherwise, nice knowing you." I sure wouldn't put up that, no matter how hot the woman might be. A guy willing to stay in that situation is either someone not serious about his girl, is doing the same thing, is needy, or is weak willed, or all of it. None are traits I'd look for in a partner, but that's just me. If you're both okay with the whole non-monogamy thing now, you might both be faithful throughout and not look back, but more likely, don't be surprised if it surfaces again in the relationship, maybe even way later down the line when you're past the honeymoon stage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 This is probably not the advice you're looking for but if I were either of these two guys, and knew a woman I was dating is currently bedding another man, I'd just cut it off and say, "If you're ready to date me without sleeping with other guys, let me know. Otherwise, nice knowing you." I sure wouldn't put up that, no matter how hot the woman might be. A guy willing to stay in that situation is either someone not serious about his girl, is doing the same thing, is needy, or is weak willed, or all of it. None are traits I'd look for in a partner, but that's just me. If you're both okay with the whole non-monogamy thing now, you might both be faithful throughout and not look back, but more likely, don't be surprised if it surfaces again in the relationship, maybe even way later down the line when you're past the honeymoon stage. I know. I have finally broke it off with #1 and am going for #2. Am very much in love. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I know. I have finally broke it off with #1 and am going for #2. Am very much in love. This will end horribly...I wish you the best, but too many red flags from both you and #2.... whatever you do, don't back track to #1, he deserves better 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 This will end horribly...I wish you the best, but too many red flags from both you and #2.... whatever you do, don't back track to #1, he deserves better Really????? WHY? Why would you think it will end horribly? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 This will end horribly...I wish you the best, but too many red flags from both you and #2.... whatever you do, don't back track to #1, he deserves better I think it's okay as long as she has the mindset to just enjoy while it lasts. There is nothing wrong for both parties to enjoy an intensely passionate, albeit short romance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Really????? WHY? Why would you think it will end horribly? I don't get it. You yourself seemed to "get it" on the very first page of this thread. You don't find it is odd that he just exited a 15year long relationship? I am just worried about him being too fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 I think it's okay as long as she has the mindset to just enjoy while it lasts. There is nothing wrong for both parties to enjoy an intensely passionate, albeit short romance. I still don't understand why everyone thinks that this cannot last. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 You yourself seemed to "get it" on the very first page of this thread. Well, that is true, but others have also mentioned that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Friends that I talked to didn't find this to be a deal breaker. And, of course, I am hoping that his words are true. We're taking it slow. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Really????? WHY? Why would you think it will end horribly? I don't get it. Well, #2 was ok with you dating number 1. Which only means one of two things..he is a player, or he isn't serious or both. Secondly, you are so in love with a guy you actually know nothing about. Those are two major red flags...I know women find this type of high school stuff romantic, but really it's pretty foolish, naive and honestly creepy.. Other red flags have been touched on.. recently divorced... This is his transitional relationships...this is were men quickly look for a woman to fill his long term wife or girlfriends shoes...it's most often a woman he isn't all that attracted too. But he needs her to fill a role. This is on you part a purely sexual attraction, it's very obvious...but it seems you are more than hand willing to fill the gaps and ignore those red flags. Problem with women doing this? Women are not visual and sexual attraction fade if the connection is not genuine. In short you are jumping the gun you seem to be desperate to be in a relationship.i mean really? You don't know anything about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 You're not in love. You've bagged yourself a hottie who's on the rebound and he'll be off as soon as someone better looking comes along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 We're taking it slow. you've already slept with him and now you love him, how is that taking it slow? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Well, #2 was ok with you dating number 1. Which only means one of two things..he is a player, or he isn't serious or both. Secondly, you are so in love with a guy you actually know nothing about. Those are two major red flags...I know women find this type of high school stuff romantic, but really it's pretty foolish, naive and honestly creepy.. Other red flags have been touched on.. recently divorced... This is his transitional relationships...this is were men quickly look for a woman to fill his long term wife or girlfriends shoes...it's most often a woman he isn't all that attracted too. But he needs her to fill a role. This is on you part a purely sexual attraction, it's very obvious...but it seems you are more than hand willing to fill the gaps and ignore those red flags. Problem with women doing this? Women are not visual and sexual attraction fade if the connection is not genuine. In short you are jumping the gun you seem to be desperate to be in a relationship.i mean really? You don't know anything about this guy. He wasn't ok with me dating #1. He has proclaimed that it bothers him and when he said that he doesn't want to see anyone else and wouldn't want me to see others, either, I decided to stop seeing #1. He was relieved to hear that. I am falling in love. I only know him for a month, but I don't find it alarming that I am developing feelings after this amount of time. The attraction was instant - and I am not talking about physical/sexual attraction, but emotional attraction and energy. I don't find it creepy. ALL my long term relationships, I knew VERY early on that I would be falling in love very quickly, and then I did. It's just a feeling, an intuitive feeling. He was not married, but yes, he was with his ex for 15 years, and after I heard the full story, I don't feel worried about this aspect at all. They were in relationship therapy for several years, it was over already almost 2 years ago, but he was taking care of her because she was going through a rough time. They have no contact, and he is very happy that they broke up. He felt like he had lost himself over the past 5 years, and has been happy to be single for the past half year, as he has been starting to commit to himself again, as he put it. He said that when he first started talking to me, he immediately was surprised how great the chemistry is, as he hadn't felt this with anyone ever (also not with his ex). Yes, of course the sex is amazing, but I believe it is because we just fit very well as people. It's our minds that fit, as well. Of course he tells me I am beautiful, I am the most beautiful woman he's ever been with, and that I am worth it to commit. He constantly tells me about the things he loves about me. My mind, my little idiosyncrasies, my dimple, my eyes, the way I laugh, he says I have 'the best smile'... He told all his friends about me, and told me also that he has told his mother of me, and showed her a picture. I am not only sexually attracted to him. I like so many things about him. Little things, even his flaws. And I love talking to him, we never run out of stuff to talk about. We're very comfortable with each other, it's just a very great mutual connection. I don't know, I don't think I am too naive with these things anymore, I like to think he/this is genuine, and may have potential to last, if we both play our cards right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 you've already slept with him and now you love him, how is that taking it slow? We're trying to see each other twice a week, text a bit here and there, call every second day... but not go crazy about seeing each other every single day, even though we both want to. That's our definition of taking things slow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 We're trying to see each other twice a week, text a bit here and there, call every second day... but not go crazy about seeing each other every single day, even though we both want to. That's our definition of taking things slow. i have a question. how long were you dating these guys for? and did they both meet your friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 i have a question. how long were you dating these guys for? and did they both meet your friends? I dated #2 for a month and the other one for three weeks. Both met a few friends. But #2 met a few more. At some point, i always tend to take people I date to my local bar where my close friend is a bartender. He has always had a good intuition on the guys I date and likes to do small talk with them and give me an evaluation later. All my friends tell me how amazing #2 and me look/seem together, that it looks like a perfect match. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 We're trying to see each other twice a week, text a bit here and there, call every second day... but not go crazy about seeing each other every single day, even though we both want to. That's our definition of taking things slow. Ok, but he is in fact the very "busy" guy so who's idea was it to take things slow? Did you suggest cooling things off first, or did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 Ok, but he is in fact the very "busy" guy so who's idea was it to take things slow? Did you suggest cooling things off first, or did he? I did first, but that was a week ago. We now seem to be on the same page. He says he has the desire to see me every day. So it's not really about cooling things off, but about making sure we don't lose ourselves in a bubble. That's what I said, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Many people here who have been in ltr's know that the beginning of any relationship is the honeymoon phase. That's the advice they're trying to give you. The stuff you find cute could one day be annoying. And the fact that while he protested, he still followed you while you were sleeping with another guy does say something about him. Another guy would be like, "Call me when you're done with other guys. I'm not going to play Elimidate." That takes a lot of strength and confidence in himself for a man to be able do that. While I don't agree with "dating guru" Corey Wayne on everything, that is one of the things I very much agree with him on. Hope it goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 You honestly sound like a 17 year old school girl with all of the my friend say stuff.... I wish you the best of luck, it's your train to crash. Link to post Share on other sites
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