MountainGirl111 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Well, from what you've posted he felt inferior to you and it could just be that he doesn't feel inferior with her. That, and the fact she lives closer. Long distance relationships hardly ever work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 She lives 5 min from him. That's what it is. He can get sex from her whenever he wants til he gets bored of it, hope back online and moves along to the next. Seriously, forget this dude. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Can someone explain to me what this guy did wrong? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 He didn't do anything wrong per se. He was honest and upfront about his intentions. He just lacks emotional depth and tact. There are bad and good ways to end it with someone.. And the fact that he would rub in the face of a woman he had slept with that he thinks another woman is the "one" because they have better sex isn't exactly the best way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Why has it become so "foreign" to just be a decent person? Use a little etiquette, tact, And courtesy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Can someone explain to me what this guy did wrong? Nothing. He had 2 dates with OP, decided she wasn't for him, and had the decency to tell her rather than to ghost. Somehow that has led to 6 pages of churn in which he's been mostly vilified. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 Introverted this is not true because during this time we were in constant communication in which he TOLD me he was interested in me even when I doubted it.... he told me he couldnt wait to see me again.... until one day I got this random message. I guess he did not do anything wrong.. he sure doesnt think so its just too bad that him and I BOTH said what a good time we had and he even said hed never want to sabatoge it. That is what he did wrong... he either lied or changed his mind. Saying I met the one and I am on cloud nine around her and we have great sex.... that is NOT necessary info. Itd be easy enough to say I met someone else sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 I would have RATHER he ghosted. I wouldve rather not known. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 Like I said hes not retarded he said it to hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 Well, from what you've posted he felt inferior to you and it could just be that he doesn't feel inferior with her. That, and the fact she lives closer. Long distance relationships hardly ever work out. This could be true he most likely met someone that had more things in common with him and was from the same type of background. We didnt make sense...maybe she does. I guess I should be happy for him that he found someone being a dad of two....one thats not even his I just can't as it feels at my expense. If he was a grown up though he couldve said something like I met someone that is a better match for me I think.... Not shes more compatible sexually with me or that....shes the one and I am in cloud 9 around her. Id only tell a guy that a to hurt him or b to get him to stop talking to me if he was harsssing me. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Introverted this is not true because during this time we were in constant communication in which he TOLD me he was interested in me even when I doubted it.... he told me he couldnt wait to see me again.... until one day I got this random message. I guess he did not do anything wrong.. he sure doesnt think so its just too bad that him and I BOTH said what a good time we had and he even said hed never want to sabatoge it. That is what he did wrong... he either lied or changed his mind. Saying I met the one and I am on cloud nine around her and we have great sex.... that is NOT necessary info. Itd be easy enough to say I met someone else sorry. Yes, he could have been more tactful. But you seem to have lost sight of the fact that it was TWO DATES! That's not enough time for either of you to have become invested in the other. Maybe, instead of fixating on his lack of tact, it would benefit you to take a look inward and figure out why two dates with a man is leading to this much angst. If your assessment is correct -- that he just wanted to hurt you (and, personally, I think he was just clumsy, not intentionally hurtful) -- then why not just say "good riddance" and move on? We can't change others, we can only change how we respond to them. Dating is for the purpose of determining compatibility. Rather than quickly jumping into a mindset of attachment, the first several dates should be about determining whether someone is worthy of your time, attention, and affection. By remaining slightly detached, you protect yourself in the event the other person decides that you are not a good fit for him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 I mean that is true ... I got too into it. Maybe he was clumsy.... your right. Either way I will never speak to this person again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I think after two dates it is way too soon for you to have this reaction. Yes he could have been more tactful, but he was honest with you and respected you enough to tell you. I don't think he was rubbing it in your face. If he is off the sites and with her, then maybe she is someone he is taking seriously. That is not a bad thing and he let you go to go find your happiness instead of stringing you along. You slept together and I understand you feel he owes you something because of that, but he really doesn't and that is not how men think. Instead of ghosting, he told you so you have no more doubts and don't need to wonder. That is all he really owed you and most of us don't even get that consideration. She may be special to him because she lives closer. It could be as simple as that and nothing more. But it is how he feels and you need to let him go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I guess I should be happy for him that he found someone being a dad of two....one thats not even his I just can't as it feels at my expense. It isn't at your expense, it was only two dates in. For all you know she could have been around before you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 So recently I met a man on online dating. I know it can be risky he lives in a town one hour away. Hes 35 and I am 32. Any ways we had an awesome time if you ask me. He is very sexual. We stayed up all night talking and then the next time we hungout we slept together. We connected so well I must say it was amazing. I thought for both of us. I really felt a connection. He said so too and we continued talking . Then... about 3 days ago when I was at work I got a text from him saying your a great woman but I wanted to send you this text to say goodbye. I met a girl that lives 5 min from my house that also has kid and her and I are more sexually compatible. That hes on cloud 9 around her and thinks shes the one. Well I was shocked couldnt even do my work... floored hurt stunned. I actually was in shock. Then on the weekend I cried and... dealt with it but I still feel like pond scum. I feel aweful and I never ever saw this coming from him. Can anyone without being judgemental offer words of help? Will he be back when he realizes this woman isnt "the one". And why would he be so cruel and use words like that knowing it would hurt. To me it seemed super hasty to be ending things so quickly..when he really has no guaruntee of things working out with this person anyways Question to you, why would you want him to come back?! After dumping you for someone else and being a total a-hole to you! He isn't worth your tears. Please get yourself tested just in case. Seems you really didn't know this guy too well and he's a player. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 Which way up your so right why on earth would I want to.hear from him again. I appreciate all your comments and ya I know the guys a player anyways. Hes not right and I gotta hope there will be someone right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Why has it become so "foreign" to just be a decent person? Use a little etiquette, tact, And courtesy. Right???? I do think he broke up with her in this way on purpose to hurt her. I think she unknowingly hurt him, and he wanted to hurt her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Right???? I do think he broke up with her in this way on purpose to hurt her. I think she unknowingly hurt him, and he wanted to hurt her back. Yeah, I really can't imagine why someone would go into that much detail, otherwise. Typically, you can't beg for the "reasons" out of a person when they break it off. They try to be gentle and vague as possible, because breaking it off with someone always sucks. Unless you enjoy hurting someone. This was intentional to wound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Yeah, I really can't imagine why someone would go into that much detail, otherwise. Typically, you can't beg for the "reasons" out of a person when they break it off. They try to be gentle and vague as possible, because breaking it off with someone always sucks. Unless you enjoy hurting someone. This was intentional to wound. Right. Or, they just ghost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 I know in my heart of hearts he did. I made some comment about him roofin said hows roofin the night or teo before he broke things off. I could see that he was fading out and may be expected me to text him the next morning but I didnt as...I was just having a busy day. Then at 1140 am the dreaded message came. I may be stupid with dating but...I do have a strong intuition and this is meant to hurt me is the first thing I thought seeing that message. If we had no connection and didn't feel much I wouldnt have cared at all.. we talked more and had better conversation than I have had with long term boyfriends. We told eachother everything. Thats what hurt. But if he wanted to end it thats on him. Not sure how you could forgive someone like that ever .. if They even asked. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I'm so sorry you are hurting Krista. Yeah, I think with a lot of people, especially women, there is the emotional attachment that is hard to deal with. Over the time I was together with my ex BF, we shared a tremendous amount. I found out yesterday my now ex BF has been bad-mouthing me to mutual people we know. Some of the stuff he has been talking to others about behind my back are things I shared with him in confidence. I trusted him and shared so much with him. And he broke that trust. I feel so betrayed and I don't know what to do about it. I know there can be healing. It takes time. Hang in there, Krista. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Thanks mountain girl like I said hes gone and he aint comin back. I even would have wanted to maintain a frienship because we connected so much but he didnt even entertain that thought. Thats horrible you were bad mouthed by that guy. Horrible when you trusted him. Your best bet is to take the high road.... Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) Yes, take the high road. It's human nature to want revenge for when/if we feel we've been done wrong. You seem to want revenge on this guy. But you only went out on two dates and it's long distance. The chances of long distance relationships really working out are pretty slim. In my experience wanting to even the score and be vindicated are a waste of energy. Don't stoop to his level. You can get through this and you will find healing and blessings galore. You really will. And, you'll find someone who is a lot better. You deserve the absolute best. Never settle for less. Yes, it hurts me a LOT to be bad mouthed by someone who I thought loved me. But, what can I do about that. What's been said and done has been said and done. I cannot control what he says about me or who he says it to. So, I just have to try and live with this and not think about it I guess. But, it does hurt. Edited May 14, 2017 by MountainGirl111 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yes mountain girl I would agree. I wouldn't say an hour is long distance its the next big town and everyone goes there for shopping etc... ive dated someone even futher away and it worked but anyways thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Ill never get revenge anyways... this guy will most likely end up alone but I wont. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts