She doesn't want exclusivity?

[Crosswords]

That's exactly what I thought. As a matter of fact, I'm kinda convinced now that all she wanted was the no-strings-attached sex.

 

I don't think so.

 

She identifies herself as a Demisexual. And if she just wanted NSA sex we would have had sex a lot sooner and she wouldn't be going on dates. She would just want to hangout at my place.

[Life lessons]

What do you mean by feeling me out?

 

And she does make time for me. I don't think she's not interested. She wouldn't have had sex with me if she wasn't.

 

Feeling you out in regards to sending you the apartment link...meaning she wanted to see what your response/reaction would be. But again, I find this behavior, on her part, a little out there, after just a short time. I could see asking/joking about something like that if you had been exclusively dating for over 6 months....but not after one month and no exclusiveness involved.

 

Trust me, women do have sex with men that they don't want a relationship with! Yeah, women have to at least like the guy they're having sex with...well the majority of women. Lol. But sometimes it's nothing more. Like I said earlier....to many, men and women, sex is sex....nothing more!

 

Im not proud of this, but if you look at my posts, you'll see this anyways....but I'm married and had an A...I posted about it on here and I knew I would never be with this particular man long term....it was just sex! I do think you're looking into the sex too much. Just because a woman has sex with a man doesn't mean they're looking for a commitment. Maybe she's into NSA sex and that could be why she's looking for friendships. ? Who knows'! There are some women that only want NSA sex, like many men like.

[Life lessons]

I don't think so.

 

She identifies herself as a Demisexual. And if she just wanted NSA sex we would have had sex a lot sooner and she wouldn't be going on dates. She would just want to hangout at my place.

 

A lot of women identify themselves as demisexual and in most cases it's true, a lot of females have to have that emotional connection....but not necessarily every time!

 

I think there's Obviously some type of a connection.... of some sort... but just how much of a connection can you two have in such a short amount of time. How many dates did you go on before sex? I think I recall you mentioning but I don't remember.

 

I guess my point is she mentioned she was/is a demisexual...but you haven't known each other long enough to have that deep emotional bond. Well again, that's my opinion.

[Crosswords]

A lot of women identify themselves as demisexual and in most cases it's true, a lot of females have to have that emotional connection....but not necessarily every time!

 

I think there's Obviously some type of a connection.... of some sort... but just how much of a connection can you two have in such a short amount of time. How many dates did you go on before sex? I think I recall you mentioning but I don't remember.

 

I guess my point is she mentioned she was/is a demisexual...but you haven't known each other long enough to have that deep emotional bond. Well again, that's my opinion.

 

6 dates before we had sex. And during the exclusivity talk I told her she had my loyalty that I won't be intimate with anyone else. And she said she wouldn't either.

[Crosswords]

To rewind a bit more..

 

So after Dropping her off at home and having the exclusivity talk, I drove home. About 20 minutes later she send this...

 

"I really appreciate you as a person and I also want to see you more I really enjoy our time together. I hope you can be patient with me in regards to developing the same pages as you. I want to experience life and adventures and traveling with you. I want to love you, and live with you one day. I want to plan a family with you, and be your old woman."

 

And then a couple hours later she sent the apartment listing link.

[coolheadal]

Hey everyone,

 

So about 4 weeks ago I started seeing a great girl. We get along really well and have a ton in common. We've had 7 dates. Our first kiss was on our third date, and we had sex twice on our 6th date - although she didn't want to stay the night.

I haven't dated anyone since our first date, but she's been on 3 other dates - no intimacy in any.

 

Throughout our time together she has sent me very sweet texts saying she misses me after 1 day apart, calls me, and has said she can see me as her husband and having children with me. When she looks ten years down the road she still envisions me in her life. All great stuff. And she even invited me to her sisters wedding in August already!

 

On our seventh date we went for a walk and at the end of it I brought up exclusivity saying "I'm not interested in dating other people, nor have I been, and I would like to be exclusive with you". To which she responded saying she doesn't want to dive head first in to a relationship, and she would like to get to know me better before calling me her boyfriend and solidifying things. She said she's not interested in being intimate with anyone else, but would still like to meet people in a platonic way. However, she still remains to be active on OKCupid.

 

I'm really confused. Because I have super strong feelings towards her. She essentially rejected my advance to be exclusive makes me want to pull back a little.

 

I guess my questions are.. Why would she not want exclusivity when she already invited me to a wedding, we're intimate emotionally and physically, and she's not interested in dating or being intimate with anyone else?

I want to still send her sweet texts and be flirty, but I don't want to make her feel pressured at all. Should I pull back a little and let her do the pursuing now?

 

Or is she just keeping me around, until something better may come along?

 

Thanks for the help!!

 

You got to love that OKC women they have such a way with words. This one playing in the water. You made a friend with her she's your women friend with some plus features and that's about it with her. You'll never get that close to her as you want. I have such a women myself which I've seen today But your more intimacy with yours than I would allow myself to get that deep with non-girlfriend woman. You have a woman that plays in the water and sees other men as well as you. You told her you wanted to go exclusive with her. Then you got your answer which was played out in another excuse. I am not sharing anyone or be with a person like you have there is no end to her ways. OKC is her playground for fun, flirting and testing. You are one of those type of guys she's hangs out with and more!

 

Welcome to the OKC OLD Club!

Now you have to ask yourself what the heck are you involved with a player. Sure she as invited you to the family events but it doesn't mean squat to her if you go or not. Just friends with her nothing else but you have some extra plus features with her. You seem happy with that with her and she got you hooked, line and sinker! Enjoy the fun, but she's not ready to be tied down to any one guy, well not yet and maybe never!

 

My advise either place to one side until you can find a true love of your life which is really tough today so much women out there lie, cheat, keep you confused, you never know where your at with them? Even if you get so close to them you'll never seen anything more than just friends with extra plus features. That's about it today. Why settle with her unless you have fallen in love with her already, and now you ask for help. Help is that your stuck on her and she's able to have you and have other men. I don't care what she has told you it's always the same old story. She is doing whatever she pleases and if you don't like it you can stay or go. But never give into her wants and needs. For you it's too late because now you don't know what to expect from her. More of the same my friend.

 

You can keep her or loose her? If you keep her you'll be number #? How many more men are you going to allow to be between your love of your life, in this case her. I say put to the side and move on, or just move on and forget her. She can tell you a story and you'll believe her. She'll keep the OKC app on the phone because that's her escape, her playground of casual short-term sex.

[TunaInTheBrine]

Hey everyone,

 

So about 4 weeks ago I started seeing a great girl. We get along really well and have a ton in common. We've had 7 dates. Our first kiss was on our third date, and we had sex twice on our 6th date - although she didn't want to stay the night.

I haven't dated anyone since our first date, but she's been on 3 other dates - no intimacy in any.

 

Throughout our time together she has sent me very sweet texts saying she misses me after 1 day apart, calls me, and has said she can see me as her husband and having children with me. When she looks ten years down the road she still envisions me in her life. All great stuff. And she even invited me to her sisters wedding in August already!

 

On our seventh date we went for a walk and at the end of it I brought up exclusivity saying "I'm not interested in dating other people, nor have I been, and I would like to be exclusive with you". To which she responded saying she doesn't want to dive head first in to a relationship, and she would like to get to know me better before calling me her boyfriend and solidifying things. She said she's not interested in being intimate with anyone else, but would still like to meet people in a platonic way. However, she still remains to be active on OKCupid.

 

I'm really confused. Because I have super strong feelings towards her. She essentially rejected my advance to be exclusive makes me want to pull back a little.

 

I guess my questions are.. Why would she not want exclusivity when she already invited me to a wedding, we're intimate emotionally and physically, and she's not interested in dating or being intimate with anyone else?

I want to still send her sweet texts and be flirty, but I don't want to make her feel pressured at all. Should I pull back a little and let her do the pursuing now?

 

Or is she just keeping me around, until something better may come along?

 

Thanks for the help!!

 

My advice is simple: Keep doing everything you have been doing with this girl and allow her feelings to marinate. If you're consistent and don't push for a relationship, give her space to miss you, etc... she will bring up exclusivity with you within the next month. I think you should still be meeting up with other women too "in a platonic way" Don't ask her about other guys, but if she ever brings them up, say something like "well, someone has to keep you busy when I'm not around"

 

Keep it real simple. A lot of people here overcomplicate and overthink things too much. Her behavior toward you suggests that she's into you, but yes, she is waiting to see how she feels about you over time and not settling on you until she knows for sure. Don't ruin it.

Edited April 5, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine

[Crosswords]

You got to love that OKC women they have such a way with words. This one playing in the water. You made a friend with her she's your women friend with some plus features and that's about it with her. You'll never get that close to her as you want. I have such a women myself which I've seen today But your more intimacy with yours than I would allow myself to get that deep with non-girlfriend woman. You have a woman that plays in the water and sees other men as well as you. You told her you wanted to go exclusive with her. Then you got your answer which was played out in another excuse. I am not sharing anyone or be with a person like you have there is no end to her ways. OKC is her playground for fun, flirting and testing. You are one of those type of guys she's hangs out with and more!

 

Welcome to the OKC OLD Club!

Now you have to ask yourself what the heck are you involved with a player. Sure she as invited you to the family events but it doesn't mean squat to her if you go or not. Just friends with her nothing else but you have some extra plus features with her. You seem happy with that with her and she got you hooked, line and sinker! Enjoy the fun, but she's not ready to be tied down to any one guy, well not yet and maybe never!

 

My advise either place to one side until you can find a true love of your life which is really tough today so much women out there lie, cheat, keep you confused, you never know where your at with them? Even if you get so close to them you'll never seen anything more than just friends with extra plus features. That's about it today. Why settle with her unless you have fallen in love with her already, and now you ask for help. Help is that your stuck on her and she's able to have you and have other men. I don't care what she has told you it's always the same old story. She is doing whatever she pleases and if you don't like it you can stay or go. But never give into her wants and needs. For you it's too late because now you don't know what to expect from her. More of the same my friend.

 

You can keep her or loose her? If you keep her you'll be number #? How many more men are you going to allow to be between your love of your life, in this case her. I say put to the side and move on, or just move on and forget her. She can tell you a story and you'll believe her. She'll keep the OKC app on the phone because that's her escape, her playground of casual short-term sex.

 

This all sounds very jaded.

[coolheadal]

This all sounds very jaded.

 

How so, your dealing with a woman from OKC. I've been on there off and on that OKC for 7 years now. I've seen it all. You can listen or you don't. Your not happy so you come here. If your okay with what she's doing then fine. I do not share if you want to make them your official GF. This one is not ready for that. Can't you see it? She told you already why are you in such denial. Well your going to see what happen next. More of the same. If she wanted to be with you 100%, she would have got rid of the OKC app/account. You would have done the same. OKC you find the one person you want and you get off of it. There is no excuse to be on that site after you find a person you could have long-term relationship with. She doesn't want nor does she want to be tied down with you only. That's what she told you. Listen to her words, and not what you want. What she wants is in motion... Sometimes the truth hurts but never show her weakness.

[TunaInTheBrine]

How so, your dealing with a woman from OKC. I've been on there off and on that OKC for 7 years now. I've seen it all. You can listen or you don't. Your not happy so you come here. If your okay with what she's doing then fine. I do not share if you want to make them your official GF. This one is not ready for that. Can't you see it? She told you already why are you in such denial. Well your going to see what happen next. More of the same. If she wanted to be with you 100%, she would have got rid of the OKC app/account. You would have done the same. OKC you find the one person you want and you get off of it. There is no excuse to be on that site after you find a person you could have long-term relationship with. She doesn't want nor does she want to be tied down with you only. That's what she told you. Listen to her words, and not what you want. What she wants is in motion... Sometimes the truth hurts but never show her weakness.

 

We can't know the woman's motivations for sure, but I do feel extremely confident in saying that women in general take longer than men on average to know if they want to be exclusive...usually around a couple of months but sometimes a little longer. Guys seem to always screw things up by wanting to jump into things sooner than a woman feels safe enough in her emotions to do so. I always think a woman's actions say more than her words. From what I can read, this girl seems into him and is looking for more than a hookup. I agree she is keeping her options open. She needs more time to see if he's going to be consistent and if she can feel safe/relax into the relationship. I believe she is more likely to choose him if he stays consistent with what he has been doing all along, and that he is a lot more likely to lose her if he is inconsistent, sloppy, and starts getting all butt-hurt because she doesn't want to be in a relationship as soon as he does. He sounds like he's not only doing good so far, but also has a positive mindset. If it doesn't work out, I think he'll have success with one of the next few girls. Sounds like he knows what's up.

[lionlover1973]

Quite frankly, it is not fair to make such promising 'declarations' of commitment when she has already stated her position on exclusivity. That would confuse anyone.

[Crosswords]

How so, your dealing with a woman from OKC. I've been on there off and on that OKC for 7 years now. I've seen it all. You can listen or you don't. Your not happy so you come here. If your okay with what she's doing then fine. I do not share if you want to make them your official GF. This one is not ready for that. Can't you see it? She told you already why are you in such denial. Well your going to see what happen next. More of the same. If she wanted to be with you 100%, she would have got rid of the OKC app/account. You would have done the same. OKC you find the one person you want and you get off of it. There is no excuse to be on that site after you find a person you could have long-term relationship with. She doesn't want nor does she want to be tied down with you only. That's what she told you. Listen to her words, and not what you want. What she wants is in motion... Sometimes the truth hurts but never show her weakness.

 

Well I believe her when she says she's just using it to meet people platonically. And she gave me her word in person that it's not intimate. And she's completely free to have gone on dates with others before. As we had not yet had the exclusivity talk.

 

I can agree with you on some points that you said. But mostly not so much. Yes, if she 100% pro me, she would get off there. But she's probably 80% pro me. Maybe she's not used to a lot of which I have been giving her and how I've been treating her, so she thinks it's all too good to be true. I don't think she's a big liar like you make her out to be. And yes most things she said are words; but words still count for something, I believe.

[coolheadal]

We can't know the woman's motivations for sure, but I do feel extremely confident in saying that women in general take longer than men on average to know if they want to be exclusive...usually around a couple of months but sometimes a little longer. Guys seem to always screw things up by wanting to jump into things sooner than a woman feels safe enough in her emotions to do so. I always think a woman's actions say more than her words. From what I can read, this girl seems into him and is looking for more than a hookup. I agree she is keeping her options open. She needs more time to see if he's going to be consistent and if she can feel safe/relax into the relationship. I believe she is more likely to choose him if he stays consistent with what he has been doing all along, and that he is a lot more likely to lose her if he is inconsistent, sloppy, and starts getting all butt-hurt because she doesn't want to be in a relationship as soon as he does. He sounds like he's not only doing good so far, but also has a positive mindset. If it doesn't work out, I think he'll have success with one of the next few girls. Sounds like he knows what's up.

 

She's running the game on him. No matter what she tells him he will never get what he wants from her. If she wanted to be more than what they have she wouldn't be seeing other men, no need to keep the OKC app/account active. I think he has goal but she dreams and wonders what life would be like with him. You can't deal with a dream. Sure most men want everything now instead of later down the road. She's testing the waters and seeing other men along side him. He will never figure her out only person can is her. Most women like her always for for the easy route. We all here have our own experiences and advise, but again how many listen to the words we give and how many listen to their own inner thoughts and hope things happen the way they also dream of it to be.

[Crosswords]

We can't know the woman's motivations for sure, but I do feel extremely confident in saying that women in general take longer than men on average to know if they want to be exclusive...usually around a couple of months but sometimes a little longer. Guys seem to always screw things up by wanting to jump into things sooner than a woman feels safe enough in her emotions to do so. I always think a woman's actions say more than her words. From what I can read, this girl seems into him and is looking for more than a hookup. I agree she is keeping her options open. She needs more time to see if he's going to be consistent and if she can feel safe/relax into the relationship. I believe she is more likely to choose him if he stays consistent with what he has been doing all along, and that he is a lot more likely to lose her if he is inconsistent, sloppy, and starts getting all butt-hurt because she doesn't want to be in a relationship as soon as he does. He sounds like he's not only doing good so far, but also has a positive mindset. If it doesn't work out, I think he'll have success with one of the next few girls. Sounds like he knows what's up.

 

I think you nailed it. She wants to see if I'm going to be consistent and keep being a gentleman. On one of our dates I said "I think we can have a dream life, I think you have awesome potential" And she responded with "oh! I've heard that before". It Made me think. Especially even more-so after she said she wasn't ready to dive head first in to a relationship.

This girl is extremely pretty (used to model) and kind, and sweet. She's probably been roped in to everything, and believed the empty words many men have said to her in the past.

[Crosswords]

She's running the game on him. No matter what she tells him he will never get what he wants from her. If she wanted to be more than what they have she wouldn't be seeing other men, no need to keep the OKC app/account active. I think he has goal but she dreams and wonders what life would be like with him. You can't deal with a dream. Sure most men want everything now instead of later down the road. She's testing the waters and seeing other men along side him. He will never figure her out only person can is her. Most women like her always for for the easy route. We all here have our own experiences and advise, but again how many listen to the words we give and how many listen to their own inner thoughts and hope things happen the way they also dream of it to be.

 

If she were running game on me, she wouldn't be opening up to the extent she has mentally, I don't think.

 

She will go for the easy route. What do you mean?

[TunaInTheBrine]

Well I believe her when she says she's just using it to meet people platonically. And she gave me her word in person that it's not intimate.

 

This is the one part that I do question though. OKC is marketed as "the world's #1 dating website." It's not a place to meet friends, especially "guy friends." I would just assume she is meeting up with other guys and putting herself in situations where things could become romantic if she feels there's a match, even if she's not "acting on anything" right now. It's probably good that she's doing this though if she does ultimately wind up with you, because you'll know she didn't just settle on you...she chose you and it happened naturally, not because you forced it. In addition to what I wrote before about continuing to do with her what you've already been doing (i.e. be non-needy, have good sex, give her space to miss you, have fun when together), I would consider opening yourself up to other women. Even if you just grab a coffee and go for a friendly walk with a few cuties, I think it will be really good for you.

[TunaInTheBrine]

On one of our dates I said "I think we can have a dream life, I think you have awesome potential".

 

That sounds sweet, but if it were me, I would be careful not to get too excited and reveal my cards so soon. The ideal scenario is to leave the girl wondering if you like her as much as she likes you, give her space to think about you and pursue you, be confident and fun when you're with her, and eventually she'll bring up the relationship talk if you do everything right.

[Crosswords]

This is the one part that I do question though. OKC is marketed as "the world's #1 dating website." It's not a place to meet friends, especially "guy friends." I would just assume she is meeting up with other guys and putting herself in situations where things could become romantic if she feels there's a match, even if she's not "acting on anything" right now. It's probably good that she's doing this though if she does ultimately wind up with you, because you'll know she didn't just settle on you...she chose you and it happened naturally, not because you forced it. In addition to what I wrote before about continuing to do with her what you've already been doing (i.e. be non-needy, have good sex, give her space to miss you, have fun when together), I would consider opening yourself up to other women. Even if you just grab a coffee and go for a friendly walk with a few cuties, I think it will be really good for you.

 

She does have her settings only set for 'friends' and she is a single to women's profiles too. Not just men.

But yes, her being on OKC definitely messes with my head

 

And I do agree about being open to other women, "platonically" too.. I actually have a platonic meet this Friday with someone new..

[Crosswords]

That sounds sweet, but if it were me, I would be careful not to get too excited and reveal my cards so soon. The ideal scenario is to leave the girl wondering if you like her as much as she likes you, give her space to think about you and pursue you, be confident and fun when you're with her, and eventually she'll bring up the relationship talk if you do everything right.

 

Right. But I'm only saying extremely sweet stuff like this because she first brought up her seeing a life with me, and seeing me as a good father, seeing me ten years down the road in her life. So I opened myself to the same extent. So in context of everything that is said, it's not out of her and my ordinary.

 

We have a very sweet, dreamy, hypnotic type connection. Her not agreeing to exclusivity REALLY surprised me. I only asked because ALL the signs were present. On our 6th date before sex, heading to get ice cream, she even brought up a conversation about how her roommate and her were talking and he was like 'so is he your boyfriend or what?' And she was all giddy telling me this. And I just heard the story and smiled, Didn't acknowledge it, but recognized this as a great sign.

[TunaInTheBrine]

Right. But I'm only saying extremely sweet stuff like this because she first brought up her seeing a life with me, and seeing me as a good father, seeing me ten years down the road in her life. So I opened myself to the same extent. So in context of everything that is said, it's not out of her and my ordinary.

 

We have a very sweet, dreamy, hypnotic type connection. Her not agreeing to exclusivity REALLY surprised me. I only asked because ALL the signs were present. On our 6th date before sex, heading to get ice cream, she even brought up a conversation about how her roommate and her were talking and he was like 'so is he your boyfriend or what?' And she was all giddy telling me this. And I just heard the story and smiled, Didn't acknowledge it, but recognized this as a great sign.

 

Ah, gotcha. That sounds reassuring. Well, keep up the good work, and do me a favor. Will you PM me a little down the road to tell me how this all worked out for you? I'd be happy to hear the outcome either way.

[Crosswords]

Ah, gotcha. That sounds reassuring. Well, keep up the good work, and do me a favor. Will you PM me a little down the road to tell me how this all worked out for you? I'd be happy to hear the outcome either way.

 

Sure. Should know what's what in a month

[Crosswords]

But that's also what's so crazy. Is that she brought up that conversation she had with her roommate.. talking about boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. But then denied exclusivity! Like what.. whaaat!?

[Mkn1010]

Does anyone but me think it's a bit NUTS to be telling a guy you've been on 7 dates with that you want to live with him and be his 'old woman' one day??

 

 

And, sorry, but who says "I miss you" to someone they barely know? Miss what exactly?

 

 

Maybe the reason I'm single is because I don't tell men such BS! Dunno, but I would see all that as laying it on thick and how can one truly feel flattered by it if the two have known each other for ONE MONTH!

[Crosswords]

Does anyone but me think it's a bit NUTS to be telling a guy you've been on 7 dates with that you want to live with him and be his 'old woman' one day??

 

 

And, sorry, but who says "I miss you" to someone they barely know? Miss what exactly?

 

 

Maybe the reason I'm single is because I don't tell men such BS! Dunno, but I would see all that as laying it on thick and how can one truly feel flattered by it if the two have known each other for ONE MONTH!

 

Yes I can actually agree with you. It's much much too soon to want to move in with someone at that stage. I wouldn't seriously consider moving in with someone until I knew then for minimum 6 months. Living together changes everything. Saying to be my 'old woman' isn't weird, sounds like she just envisions being in my elderly future.

 

We can often miss people when just getting to know them. There's plenty to miss. A persons energy, their face, their touch, their words, just being around a new interest is very stimulating. So Therein lays how you could miss something.

 

It is definitely laying it on thick! But when both people are doing it and have a great energy together I don't think it's wrong. people express and like different things.

 

I know both her and my love languages are spoken words. So to me, the more sweet nothings being put in my ear the better!

[Mkn1010]

Ok each to their own. "Nothings" is the right word for it, if you ask me!

 

 

In my experience, people who say all this fluff don't truly believe that others will like them without it.

 

 

I'm definitely keen to know what brand of crazy comes out of this one!