Meeting Ex soon... how to proceed?

[salparadise]

Oops, your last post rendered mine irrelevant. Sorry it's not working out.

[ML Hammer95]

Oops, your last post rendered mine irrelevant. Sorry it's not working out.

 

Now the heat of the moment has passed, I don't think the past contact was irrelevant and didn't mean anything. If, like was said in this thread, she was attempting to break the ice and felt hurt, then it makes sense she don't wanna rush into deep conversations now. Granted i'm probably being naïve or optimistic but considering the amount of deep conversations we've had in the past I doubt we would have had our last if we do continue to talk.

 

And I do think she wants to talk, she was complaining how boring her life is (particularly as she spent her time talking to me before perhaps and not so much recently). But i'm wary of making any conclusions.

 

EDIT: Now the threads have been combined, I realise how ridiculous I have been and sound. I know what I've got to do. Just been weak today and it's something I will be talking to my counsellor about. feel like I've gone against what my head was telling me and she just wanted to talk normally for now.

Edited April 30, 2017 by ML Hammer95

[ML Hammer95]

As you'd expect, it's been a bit harder last couple of days. She messaged me Monday asking how my day went and telling me all about her first time at the gym (I'm a regular and often encouraged her to go). She ended up bringing up cuddles and sent a video of her blowing out a candle saying 'only one more thing would make this perfect...'. I am writing it on here to avoid it going over and over in my head. It is also worth noting that in the past any song or movie she would recommend to me were about love or love that went unsaid.

 

Would be possible to read into this and say it's obvious she misses you and that. Especially since a previous poster noted the 'break up-make up' cycle that I stepped out of before. But reading this forum, and my wish to avoid being hurt and try and move forward without denying how I feel, has hardened me a bit. To think it means nothing and anything apart from 'I want you back' should be ignored.

 

I think the hardest thing will be receiving a message and not replying to it. I've noted before it is easy for me not to reach out myself but ignoring her is another matter. Partly because i'm worried that'll be it. Although if someone wants you that badly i'm sure they'd try again and if not I can move on.

 

But the amount of times she has reached out recently certainly hasn't helped me get over her.

Edited May 3, 2017 by ML Hammer95

[Altair0770]

You aren't doing proper NC if she's sending you breadcrumbs and you view them. Don't even watch the video.

[dumbass2]

only 1 of 2 things you can do at this point. #1 Call her up and ask to meet up to talk and if she agrees (if not go straight to #2) then find out if she wants to truly try again (not take it slow and be non committal) or #2 go complete NC (tell her you can't be her friend and wish no further contact) and block her and eliminate her totally so you're not getting texts, videos and other crap like that. You need to take charge of this right now. You can't just keep going and letting her throw stuff at you and wondering what's going on. Take control.

 

I finally did that with my ex about 2 years ago. Said I can't just be your friend and she still didn't want more, so I told her wish to no longer be in contact. It worked wonders for me.

[Sweetfish]

As you'd expect, it's been a bit harder last couple of days. She messaged me Monday asking how my day went and telling me all about her first time at the gym (I'm a regular and often encouraged her to go). She ended up bringing up cuddles and sent a video of her blowing out a candle saying 'only one more thing would make this perfect...'. I am writing it on here to avoid it going over and over in my head. It is also worth noting that in the past any song or movie she would recommend to me were about love or love that went unsaid.

 

Would be possible to read into this and say it's obvious she misses you and that. Especially since a previous poster noted the 'break up-make up' cycle that I stepped out of before. But reading this forum, and my wish to avoid being hurt and try and move forward without denying how I feel, has hardened me a bit. To think it means nothing and anything apart from 'I want you back' should be ignored.

 

I think the hardest thing will be receiving a message and not replying to it. I've noted before it is easy for me not to reach out myself but ignoring her is another matter. Partly because i'm worried that'll be it. Although if someone wants you that badly i'm sure they'd try again and if not I can move on.

 

But the amount of times she has reached out recently certainly hasn't helped me get over her.

 

 

 

If she is going to the gym... more than likely she has accepted the breakup and looking to look even more better looking to attracted men. Her talking to you is to probably to ease her guilt and keep you as a fluffer for the next guy.

 

You should stay away and keep clear of msgs.

 

She needs to feel what it is to be without you.

[ML Hammer95]

That is true - while I've disappeared from her life for weeks at a time I haven't gone full NC. I haven't sat there staring at social media as that's blocked, but I do tend to reply whenever I get a message. Because, like I said, I feel like if I don't then that's it. This was how she acted within the relationship too by the way - always coming back after arguments.

 

So feel what it's like to be without me... She's had a taste certainly. On two occasions she got frustrated and upset that I wasn't contacting her anymore which lead to her admitting her feelings. I'm not convinced, in real life, that someone will just text 'I want to get back together' straight off... everyone I know is a little more nuanced that that. Offering olive branches as opposed to just saying that.

 

Also there wasn't really a dumper or dumpee in this case. In fact, somebody noted I'm probably more the dumper in this situation for not chasing after the last argument.

Edited May 4, 2017 by ML Hammer95

[jamili]

I am confused by some of the advice given in this thread, so i reread your original post OP.

 

I dont agree that you are the dumper here. I dont see it that way at all. It's not on you to interpret what she meant by "dont contact me anymore", and assume that maybe she wasnt sincere. That's bull****. She should own what she says and mean it if she's going to say it. Simple as that. She didnt mean it?? Then its on HER to communicate it - CLEARLY!

 

This icebreaker stuff i also dont agree with. Asking you abritary, neutral questions and prying back into your life does NOT mean she wants to reconcile. Breadcrumbs dont mean anything. It could be guilt, friendzoning, ego boost, or simply using you to move on from you. Ignoring was the right move - but you did not ignore - you gave neutral/indifferent responses which wont get her to rethink losing you. You need TOTAL NC and to be completely gone from her life. That means answering zero of her questions. Ignore all of it unless you read "i want to work things out between us"

 

It is not your responsibility to reach out to her. It is not your responsibility to be the one to clear up the ambiguity. She shouldnt be "testing the waters " or "breaking the ice". If she is an adult she should act like one and communicate CLEARLY what she wants. If she didnt really mean it when she said not to contact her, it is 100% on her to say "when i said dont contact me anymore, i didnt mean it, im sorry". Until that comes out of her mouth, ASSUME she meant it.

 

Read my thread if you want to see a similar story. Mine broke up with me, told me not to contact her anymore - which i agreed to and didnt contact her. For weeks and weeks she texted me photos, gave me updated on her life, asked me questions, asked if we could cook dinner together, asked to see my new place that i was moving to, asked to watch TV together, etc. Constant, constant texting. If i, however, responded with or told her i wanted to work things out between us, she would pull back hard and immediately say "NO!!! Its over!!! Stop trying to change that and accept my decision!"... and then i would go back to ignoring her and the barrage of bizarre, hypocritical texts and calls would continue.

 

After 4 weeks of that, i moved out of our place, and she was being very nice to i responded to her. She asked again to come over and see my place, and i agreed to it. 4 hours later she cancels and texts me "i think we should not see each other or communicate with each other unless we absolutely have to". And, again, i agreed to it.

 

Of course the next days and weeks she continued to consistently contact me - these i mostly ignored or responded indiferrently. Then they died down. And i started to get texts only once or twice per month. Even wnails loaded with photos. It was infrequent, but still happening. I, again, ignored but responded logisitics questions with polite indifference.

 

After about 4 months of that, one day, when she started asking me questions about my life and my job, i replied to her very firmly and demanded that if there is some meaning behind her communication to let me know, otherwise to cease contact because i wasnt interested in chit chat, and i asked her to respect that from now on.

 

She didnt respond.

 

2.5 months passed and i got some random logistics question about a bill, which i responded to civilly and politely.

 

So... as you can see, sometimes their breadcrumbs mean nothing. Each time i tried to get clarity or asked to reconcile, she pulled back and told me "its over!!!", when i demanded she tell me why she was contacting me, she went ghost. I learned i was wayyy better off staying NC, because all i managed to do it likely push her further away, and help her move on - i really dont know - but nothing came of it except me getting my hopes up and getting set back.

 

Mine now knows she cant contact me for small talk because i wont have it. I dont want ice breakers, i dont want "feelers", non of it - if she wants me back someday, she will have to be direct, or im ignoring completely. I suggest you do the same.

 

Feel free to, like me, demand to know the meaning behind her contact, and set up a boundary explaining that you dont want chitchat or BS. You will find out one way or another. But just realize i still kick myself today for sending this, because staying NC and ignoring her completely probably yielded a much higher chance of her coming back, than responding with ANYTHING did.

[Sweetfish]

That is true - while I've disappeared from her life for weeks at a time I haven't gone full NC. I haven't sat there staring at social media as that's blocked, but I do tend to reply whenever I get a message. Because, like I said, I feel like if I don't then that's it. This was how she acted within the relationship too by the way - always coming back after arguments.

 

So feel what it's like to be without me... She's had a taste certainly. On two occasions she got frustrated and upset that I wasn't contacting her anymore which lead to her admitting her feelings. I'm not convinced, in real life, that someone will just text 'I want to get back together' straight off... everyone I know is a little more nuanced that that. Offering olive branches as opposed to just saying that.

 

Also there wasn't really a dumper or dumpee in this case. In fact, somebody noted I'm probably more the dumper in this situation for not chasing after the last argument.

 

 

I'm having a clarity issue.

 

How long have you know this girl?

 

You have other threads. are you dating multiple people?

 

You said you have codependent issues.. have you resolved theses?

 

How old are the both of you?

[ML Hammer95]

I'm having a clarity issue.

 

How long have you know this girl?

 

You have other threads. are you dating multiple people?

 

You said you have codependent issues.. have you resolved theses?

 

How old are the both of you?

 

I have known this girl for a year and a half now. I did start seeing someone about a month ago but ended it very briefly - probably because I didn't feel ready to date again. The codependency issues were more self-diagnosed, I asked the counsellor and she said you don't show any signs of it.

 

I am 21 (soon to be 22) and she is 20.

[ML Hammer95]

I am confused by some of the advice given in this thread, so i reread your original post OP.

 

I dont agree that you are the dumper here. I dont see it that way at all. It's not on you to interpret what she meant by "dont contact me anymore", and assume that maybe she wasnt sincere. That's bull****. She should own what she says and mean it if she's going to say it. Simple as that. She didnt mean it?? Then its on HER to communicate it - CLEARLY!

 

This icebreaker stuff i also dont agree with. Asking you abritary, neutral questions and prying back into your life does NOT mean she wants to reconcile. Breadcrumbs dont mean anything. It could be guilt, friendzoning, ego boost, or simply using you to move on from you. Ignoring was the right move - but you did not ignore - you gave neutral/indifferent responses which wont get her to rethink losing you. You need TOTAL NC and to be completely gone from her life. That means answering zero of her questions. Ignore all of it unless you read "i want to work things out between us"

 

It is not your responsibility to reach out to her. It is not your responsibility to be the one to clear up the ambiguity. She shouldnt be "testing the waters " or "breaking the ice". If she is an adult she should act like one and communicate CLEARLY what she wants. If she didnt really mean it when she said not to contact her, it is 100% on her to say "when i said dont contact me anymore, i didnt mean it, im sorry". Until that comes out of her mouth, ASSUME she meant it.

 

Read my thread if you want to see a similar story. Mine broke up with me, told me not to contact her anymore - which i agreed to and didnt contact her. For weeks and weeks she texted me photos, gave me updated on her life, asked me questions, asked if we could cook dinner together, asked to see my new place that i was moving to, asked to watch TV together, etc. Constant, constant texting. If i, however, responded with or told her i wanted to work things out between us, she would pull back hard and immediately say "NO!!! Its over!!! Stop trying to change that and accept my decision!"... and then i would go back to ignoring her and the barrage of bizarre, hypocritical texts and calls would continue.

 

After 4 weeks of that, i moved out of our place, and she was being very nice to i responded to her. She asked again to come over and see my place, and i agreed to it. 4 hours later she cancels and texts me "i think we should not see each other or communicate with each other unless we absolutely have to". And, again, i agreed to it.

 

Of course the next days and weeks she continued to consistently contact me - these i mostly ignored or responded indiferrently. Then they died down. And i started to get texts only once or twice per month. Even wnails loaded with photos. It was infrequent, but still happening. I, again, ignored but responded logisitics questions with polite indifference.

 

After about 4 months of that, one day, when she started asking me questions about my life and my job, i replied to her very firmly and demanded that if there is some meaning behind her communication to let me know, otherwise to cease contact because i wasnt interested in chit chat, and i asked her to respect that from now on.

 

She didnt respond.

 

2.5 months passed and i got some random logistics question about a bill, which i responded to civilly and politely.

 

So... as you can see, sometimes their breadcrumbs mean nothing. Each time i tried to get clarity or asked to reconcile, she pulled back and told me "its over!!!", when i demanded she tell me why she was contacting me, she went ghost. I learned i was wayyy better off staying NC, because all i managed to do it likely push her further away, and help her move on - i really dont know - but nothing came of it except me getting my hopes up and getting set back.

 

Mine now knows she cant contact me for small talk because i wont have it. I dont want ice breakers, i dont want "feelers", non of it - if she wants me back someday, she will have to be direct, or im ignoring completely. I suggest you do the same.

 

Feel free to, like me, demand to know the meaning behind her contact, and set up a boundary explaining that you dont want chitchat or BS. You will find out one way or another. But just realize i still kick myself today for sending this, because staying NC and ignoring her completely probably yielded a much higher chance of her coming back, than responding with ANYTHING did.

 

Very interesting read, has made me think a lot.

 

My big mental block at the moment is what will happen when she sends me a message and I do not reply at all? I realise I am probably doing the worst of both worlds right now but in my head I picture not replying and then that being it.

 

I mentioned (I think) that on two separate occasions she tried to engage me and I responded obviously indifferently and that set her off... saying I was hurting her, didn't care, had made her upset etc. Actually yielded a meet up too the next day. Those occasions have left me a bit confused on how to handle the situation.

 

Also I don't think most people, after missing someone or potentially wanting them back, would send a message just saying 'I want you back'. I don't think I've heard of any instances where this has happened whereas it is much more common to put out ice-breakers and that. The forum is probably right in that contact is meaningless but part of me doesn't see it as practical.

 

I re-iterate that I have not been the one reaching out (maybe twice compared to ten occasions from her) and this behaviour occurred during the relationship too. I learnt that after arguments it was best to leave her alone until she reached out and go from there, which she eventually always would. All over Instagram I see memes where the girl says 'good bye' or 'don't contact me again' or 'i'm going to bed'... thing is they are normally attention seeking comments and reactions to the heat of the moment rather than what they actually want. You are right in saying that it isn't my job to work that out and I have had more success taking those statements at face value and letting the girl come back to me. My point being sometimes that girls don't say what they actually mean.

 

Again, I'm not sure what will happen when I ignore contact from her. Knowing this girl, my guess is that she'd feel hurt and lash out before not speaking until (maybe) she cracked a few weeks after. And being indifferent has already triggered reactions. But I'm not sure.

 

Thanks again, very interesting post.

[jamili]

Very interesting read, has made me think a lot.

 

My big mental block at the moment is what will happen when she sends me a message and I do not reply at all? I realise I am probably doing the worst of both worlds right now but in my head I picture not replying and then that being it.

 

I mentioned (I think) that on two separate occasions she tried to engage me and I responded obviously indifferently and that set her off... saying I was hurting her, didn't care, had made her upset etc. Actually yielded a meet up too the next day. Those occasions have left me a bit confused on how to handle the situation.

 

Also I don't think most people, after missing someone or potentially wanting them back, would send a message just saying 'I want you back'. I don't think I've heard of any instances where this has happened whereas it is much more common to put out ice-breakers and that. The forum is probably right in that contact is meaningless but part of me doesn't see it as practical.

 

I re-iterate that I have not been the one reaching out (maybe twice compared to ten occasions from her) and this behaviour occurred during the relationship too. I learnt that after arguments it was best to leave her alone until she reached out and go from there, which she eventually always would. All over Instagram I see memes where the girl says 'good bye' or 'don't contact me again' or 'i'm going to bed'... thing is they are normally attention seeking comments and reactions to the heat of the moment rather than what they actually want. You are right in saying that it isn't my job to work that out and I have had more success taking those statements at face value and letting the girl come back to me. My point being sometimes that girls don't say what they actually mean.

 

Again, I'm not sure what will happen when I ignore contact from her. Knowing this girl, my guess is that she'd feel hurt and lash out before not speaking until (maybe) she cracked a few weeks after. And being indifferent has already triggered reactions. But I'm not sure.

 

Thanks again, very interesting post.

 

Here's the thing man, what you are doing right now .. this casual indifference thing... what is it getting you? What is getting accomplished? Nothing. Except for, maybe, you are becoming more and more her "friend" and she's losing more and more attraction to you because you arent acting very confident in yourself.

 

She is the "dumper" here, i dont care how we manipulate the facts to try to make it seem neutral or that you were somehow the "dumper"... im not seeing that. If you were truly the dumper, you wouldn't be on this site asking us for advice, caring about what shes saying or trying to "win" her back with various tactics. Be honest woth yourself - if it was up to you, you both would be together right now. The only reason you arent is because of her. This is HER choice. She has just as much power to tell you she's interested , and she doesn't, because i dont think she is interested in that.

 

Personally, i think shes keeping you on a string while she moves on. I think eventually, when she's ready or finds the right person, she will cut that string herself. I dont think she wants you back right now as anything more than a "friend".

 

I know it feels scary to ignore her texts... ive been there... i AM there. I've been going through the same thing. But what have you got to lose? Ambiguous, random, meaningless communication with an ex girlfriend?? This isnt healthy man. If you do meet someone else, they are going to be freaked put about your weird, unhealthy relationship with your ex. Someone has to grow up and cut the string and move on... and it probably is going to have to be you.

 

Casual indifference worked to get a "reaction" from mine too.. it got her to respond and keep engaging me.. but that's the extent of it. For months and months she had the opportunity to go further than that, but didnt. Not that different from yours.

 

Cutting the cord and ignoring her hardcore forces her to make a decision, and really thinj about this. Right now she knows she can have you back, she knows she's got you... idc how indifferent or "cool" you think you seem... you are still responding to her, and giving her attention, and it gives her power and security to not pursue you.

 

Give her the gift of silence, its what she wanted. Let her live with HER decision to "never contact again". Dont be her puppy or her doormat. Answering her texts makes you look weak, like a thristy puppy. She doesnt find this attractive. A confident man walks away and closes that door. She will find this more attractive, no matter how "mad" she gets. Its simply the HEALTHY thing to do. Keeping this contact is very unhealthy. You need to do this for yourself. If she truly wants you, and has ANY intention of coming back to you, she will AFTER you cut the cord and walk away, going hard NC. It doesnt seem like you have gone NC at all, despite all the advice everyone has given you.

 

Responding to her is breaking NC!!!! NC doesnt mean you just dont initiate contact with her lol. That's nothing. Mine initiated contact with me 100 times, and i stupidly responded to a lot of them... and i hadnt had true NC... look where I am, 7 months later.

 

Dont be afraid to walk away. That fear of losing her is whats preventing her from ever coming back. A woman doesmt let Mr. Right just walk away forever if she truly wants him... and i dont mean keeping him around via breadcrumb texts...i mean being with him.

 

Dont settle for less. Have more confidence. Show her you are a strong , attractive person and cut the cord and go real NC. Resist responding to her. She will either stop, or come back. One or the other. Then, you will know.

 

But you will never know from this. Casual indifference Bs until she fully moves on from you.... have some self respect man. She gets all of you or none of you - that's it! If she doesnt want it, then find a woman who wouldn't dream of ever being apart from you or being in a "broken up" phase until she doesnt find someone better.

 

It feels counterintuitive to ignore her, but in reality its what you need to do to move on and be healthy. Keeping this up is shooting yourseld in the foot in many ways, and i see zero evidence to support that the casual indifference approach is making her your girlfriend again.

[ML Hammer95]

Mate, if i could like that post a million times I would....

 

You are right. 100%. At times I have acted with inner strength, moving on and feeling better. Other times, now particularly, I have been weak and lost track on what I need to do for MYSELF. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain - not even about her but the rest of my life.

 

Whenever I have ignored she has come back. But you are right in saying that is irrelevant.

 

Thank you so much. For the tough love I needed to hear. For reminding me of what I need to do right now. You have my total respect.

[ML Hammer95]

Its been a year since we admitted that we loved each other and had each others hearts. I don't get the impression that has changed deep down.

 

Been crying a fair bit recently, which feels pathetic. Missing her.

[ML Hammer95]

Well we had that 'deep' conversation last night, started by her. And I think things are looking better.

 

We had been texting for a day, for the first time since mid-March. She had kept my number and our old conversations and expressed surprise I still had the her number. She joked saying 'lucky me' that we were talking again and both admitted we had been thinking about each other. She is busy with work and I have been busy with exams and said we didn't have time to text all the time right now. But still felt like there were things going unsaid.

 

She then asked 'what are we?' and 'why have you messaged again'. I decided to be honest and said I missed her. She asked me to try and explain how I felt and I sent a short text saying I missed her as a person and said some things I liked, appreciated about her that were personal and came from the heart and said despite the arguments things weren't all bad. Her reply was 'I'm really thankful for that, I didn't know you recognised these things. Feel like we dwell on the bad too much'. Appreciated the honesty. Said part of her always waits for things to 'blow up' between us but she wants to try.

 

We agreed to taking things slowly. I used the words 'babysteps' as that's how I feel and think that is best. And be honest and open with each other too. Both of us feel cautious but I do feel like this is a step in the right direction.

 

Said we'll see what happens but I think this does show the feelings deep down are there between us. And being honest and truthful with feelings paid off. Tentative steps forward, but feels better than before. I'm sure other posters will see the flaws in what happened but it's a start!

[frigginlost]

Well we had that 'deep' conversation last night, started by her. And I think things are looking better.

 

We had been texting for a day, for the first time since mid-March. She had kept my number and our old conversations and expressed surprise I still had the her number. She joked saying 'lucky me' that we were talking again and both admitted we had been thinking about each other. She is busy with work and I have been busy with exams and said we didn't have time to text all the time right now. But still felt like there were things going unsaid.

 

She then asked 'what are we?' and 'why have you messaged again'. I decided to be honest and said I missed her. She asked me to try and explain how I felt and I sent a short text saying I missed her as a person and said some things I liked, appreciated about her that were personal and came from the heart and said despite the arguments things weren't all bad. Her reply was 'I'm really thankful for that, I didn't know you recognised these things. Feel like we dwell on the bad too much'. Appreciated the honesty. Said part of her always waits for things to 'blow up' between us but she wants to try.

 

We agreed to taking things slowly. I used the words 'babysteps' as that's how I feel and think that is best. And be honest and open with each other too. Both of us feel cautious but I do feel like this is a step in the right direction.

 

Said we'll see what happens but I think this does show the feelings deep down are there between us. And being honest and truthful with feelings paid off. Tentative steps forward, but feels better than before. I'm sure other posters will see the flaws in what happened but it's a start!

 

No offense man, but you just handed her the crown jewels. She knows exactly where you stand now, and the amount of "power" she has over you tripled. That's not to say that there is not something there, but I would not put the cart before the horse. Her asking you about where you stood but not telling you were she stood is a huge red flag that you're going to carry into the friendzone (unless of course I missed something).

 

Hope it works out for you though!

[dumbass2]

So you put yourself out there with your feelings and what you can do better. How about her? Does she recognize her part on why things failed? What are you BOTH going to do to make things work this time? This needs to be a two way street and not you trying to win her back.

[ML Hammer95]

No offense man, but you just handed her the crown jewels. She knows exactly where you stand now, and the amount of "power" she has over you tripled. That's not to say that there is not something there, but I would not put the cart before the horse. Her asking you about where you stood but not telling you were she stood is a huge red flag that you're going to carry into the friendzone (unless of course I missed something).

 

Hope it works out for you though!

 

Oh, I thought she did say. She said she missed me, really liked my honesty, says she always half expects things to 'blow up' between us but wants to make the effort and reconcile. Taking it slowly (both agreed).

 

And it's common where I am for girls to ask 'what are we' when they have feelings but don't know where the other stands. And I know this girl - the talks about feelings are a good sign of interest.

 

I was feeling cautiously optimistic last night but now it's the opposite. Too blinded by optimism.

[ML Hammer95]

So you put yourself out there with your feelings and what you can do better. How about her? Does she recognize her part on why things failed? What are you BOTH going to do to make things work this time? This needs to be a two way street and not you trying to win her back.

 

We agreed the constant texting when we were apart, although nice, could get a bit boring. So she said she'd give us space and have more quality over quantity conversations when we are apart. In the past if I was busy at uni or something she'd send a text in the evening getting annoyed which was mad and I said that wasn't fair on me. Knowing that both of us are busy at the moment and we want things to say to each other and not the same conversations. Especially until I go home.

 

She did put her feelings out there. Obviously insecurity and thinking the worst with the whole 'waiting for it to blow up' comment but I think actions will speak louder than words with that one.

 

And the thing she appreciates more than anything is honesty. Sometimes, trying to avoid conflict, I would not be honest and that could cause frustrations. So by being honest yesterday hopefully that will change.

 

I can't really do much except see how things go to be honest.

[jamili]

Well we had that 'deep' conversation last night, started by her. And I think things are looking better.

 

We had been texting for a day, for the first time since mid-March. She had kept my number and our old conversations and expressed surprise I still had the her number. She joked saying 'lucky me' that we were talking again and both admitted we had been thinking about each other. She is busy with work and I have been busy with exams and said we didn't have time to text all the time right now. But still felt like there were things going unsaid.

 

She then asked 'what are we?' and 'why have you messaged again'. I decided to be honest and said I missed her. She asked me to try and explain how I felt and I sent a short text saying I missed her as a person and said some things I liked, appreciated about her that were personal and came from the heart and said despite the arguments things weren't all bad. Her reply was 'I'm really thankful for that, I didn't know you recognised these things. Feel like we dwell on the bad too much'. Appreciated the honesty. Said part of her always waits for things to 'blow up' between us but she wants to try.

 

We agreed to taking things slowly. I used the words 'babysteps' as that's how I feel and think that is best. And be honest and open with each other too. Both of us feel cautious but I do feel like this is a step in the right direction.

 

Said we'll see what happens but I think this does show the feelings deep down are there between us. And being honest and truthful with feelings paid off. Tentative steps forward, but feels better than before. I'm sure other posters will see the flaws in what happened but it's a start!

 

Damn man, what happened??? You ignored all advice on here . In order to have this "deep conversation", you must have responded to her...

 

Why did you give in and respond? ONLY respond to her actually wanting you back, what she said is NOT that. You broke the hell of out NC man! And now you have shown weakness and lost all power.

 

I 100% agree with Frigginlost and dumbass2. You are literally throwing yourself into the friendzone. She doesnt sound like she wants to reconcile, ill be frank. Of course i hope this works out, but you have butchered NC pretty badly at this point . We told you man, if you want her back, you have to ignore. That means forever, unless she wants you back. Each time you respond, you kill your chances more and more.

 

Im sorry to be so harsh man, but people here are not trying to mislead you. If you cant help the urge... consider blocking her completely.

Edited May 10, 2017 by jamili