Dumped My Girlfriend, Now Struggling With My Decision!

[soulforge]

When she cut me off the phone, and did not contact me.. I truly believe she felt that it is infact her who is the victim.. and she was expecting me to come grovelling!

 

Her baiting me about some girl that I don't even give a crap about.. all this was driven by her own insecurities.. even calling me a dik head, was because she felt ignored by me..

 

This was a insecure person, with a pretty nasty, unsympathetic side to her..

 

 

Sometimes i wonder if she is seeing or will start seeing somebody else.. so i have decided to keep her blocked in every place possible, and have nothing to do with her again.

 

I need to avoid any kind of exposure to her

[soulforge]

Very strange..

 

Today is the first day i woke up and felt quite good for ending it with her..

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry, OP. I've been here. Regret SUCKS. You gotta stick that decision in your pipe and smoke it. Learn and heal.

[Cookiesandough]

Very strange..

 

Today is the first day i woke up and felt quite good for ending it with her..

 

Glad to hear it. There will be easy moment/days and hard does. But there's a better match out there for you. Keep moving forward x

[soulforge]

Glad to hear it. There will be easy moment/days and hard does. But there's a better match out there for you. Keep moving forward x

 

 

 

This is what I aim to do.. what really gets to me is, if she starts to see other guys.. which I am sure she eventually will.. but hey nothing I can do about that..

 

 

I can only look out for myself, and protect myself

[Redhead14]

being single is better then being with someone who brings so much drama and negativity to my life..

 

I want you to write this statement out and put it on your refrigerator and leave it there for a few months . . . repeat this to yourself every time you think of her.

[Steffi]

being single is better then being with someone who brings so much drama and negativity to my life..

 

Redhead's post was the one that made more sense to me than any of the other posts.

 

Now give yourself some healthy attention instead of the attention you have been giving to your ex girlfriend.

[soulforge]

Hey guys some advice needed here..

 

As you well know from my previous threads, i recently dumped a woman who i had serious feelings for.. SERIOUSLY ASHAMED OF MYSELF!

 

This girl moved in with me for around 3 months, then things just fell apart.. she definitely falls into the cluster b catiogary..

 

Rude, desrespectful.. lack of empathy.. she was also a big time wine bar girl before she met me..

 

anyhow i recently dumped her.. changed my mobile number and went complete 100% no contact on her.. this woman was very disrespectful and rude to me and made my life misery.

 

Nearly 2 months of no contact.. and now she has contacted one of my previous exes through Facebook..

 

She messaged my previous ex, and said this....

 

"HI THIS IS SHARON.. I RECENTLY ENDED A RELATIONSHIP WITH ............ I NEVER MET HIS FAMILY AFTER 2 YEARS OF DATING.. I'M NOT SURE IF I REALLY KNEW HIM AT ALL

 

I DON'T INTEND TO CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN.. BUT CAN YOU TELL ME IF HE WAS A MAN OF INTEGRITY?

 

My previous ex is infact a good friend of mine, and she called me immediately about this matter! I told her to block this abusive scum bag immediately... so now she has been blocked.

 

Looks like she at some point went through my mobile phone.. and took down details of my ex..

 

Now she is trying to get dirt / information off my ex from many years ago..

 

I want this scum bag woman out of my life forever.. she is a narcissistic abusive woman.. i was trying my best to heal with 100% no contact.. AND NOW THIS!

 

should i carry on with strict no contact?? Or message my ex and tell her that she is behaving like a stalker, and she needs to *** off out of my life... and i have moved on.

 

I am furious about her intruding into my private life, fishing for information.. this situation has really distressed my previous ex!

 

 

How should i proceed? My previous ex has blocked her on Facebook..

 

 

Should i also remain no contact? And not feed her ego.. she obviously has questions that need answering.. is it best to starve her of the answers???

 

Damn i hate this woman.. i regret getting involved with this nasty piece of work..

 

Why the hell bother contacting my ex from years ago.. when we are clearly over!!

[Sweetfish]

Hey guys some advice needed here..

 

As you well know from my previous threads, i recently dumped a woman who i had serious feelings for.. SERIOUSLY ASHAMED OF MYSELF!

 

This girl moved in with me for around 3 months, then things just fell apart.. she definitely falls into the cluster b catiogary..

 

Rude, desrespectful.. lack of empathy.. she was also a big time wine bar girl before she met me..

 

anyhow i recently dumped her.. changed my mobile number and went complete 100% no contact on her.. this woman was very disrespectful and rude to me and made my life misery.

 

Nearly 2 months of no contact.. and now she has contacted one of my previous exes through Facebook..

 

She messaged my previous ex, and said this....

 

"HI THIS IS SHARON.. I RECENTLY ENDED A RELATIONSHIP WITH ............ I NEVER MET HIS FAMILY AFTER 2 YEARS OF DATING.. I'M NOT SURE IF I REALLY KNEW HIM AT ALL

 

I DON'T INTEND TO CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN.. BUT CAN YOU TELL ME IF HE WAS A MAN OF INTEGRITY?

 

My previous ex is infact a good friend of mine, and she called me immediately about this matter! I told her to block this abusive scum bag immediately... so now she has been blocked.

 

Looks like she at some point went through my mobile phone.. and took down details of my ex..

 

Now she is trying to get dirt / information off my ex from many years ago..

 

I want this scum bag woman out of my life forever.. she is a narcissistic abusive woman.. i was trying my best to heal with 100% no contact.. AND NOW THIS!

 

should i carry on with strict no contact?? Or message my ex and tell her that she is behaving like a stalker, and she needs to *** off out of my life... and i have moved on.

 

I am furious about her intruding into my private life, fishing for information.. this situation has really distressed my previous ex!

 

 

How should i proceed? My previous ex has blocked her on Facebook..

 

 

Should i also remain no contact? And not feed her ego.. she obviously has questions that need answering.. is it best to starve her of the answers???

 

Damn i hate this woman.. i regret getting involved with this nasty piece of work..

 

Why the hell bother contacting my ex from years ago.. when we are clearly over!!

 

 

 

Absolute No contact

[soulforge]

This is such a desperate move by her, i am so angry

[Purepony]

No contact

Move on move on fast and far

[soulforge]

No contact

Move on move on fast and far

 

 

 

It's mad... but in her eyes.. it's me who is the BAD GUY???

 

I feel like breaking no contact and giving her my thoughts about her..

 

 

But that would only be giving her attention!!!

 

 

Is pure radio silence the best way forward?? Feel like i have gone a step back in my healing process now!

Edited March 31, 2017 by soulforge

[soulforge]

Ok now that I feel a little calmer..

 

I have decided to continue and maintain NC

 

 

The only thing i do not understand about this woman is... why does she always see me as the bad guy?

 

Why is there never any self reflection on her part? It has been like this pretty much through out the relationship.

 

She finds a way to justify everything she does..

[breadbin]

Soulforge, I've only just seen this thread and I have so much sympathy and empathy for you. You do not contact her! Move on. Do things to take your mind off her and love yourself.

 

I share your pain, your confusion. I can see the red flags in your scenario as clear as crystal. I know you can't see them because your eyes are covered with the rose coloured glasses. If I told you my story you would tell me to walk away and not look back. Same as me to you. I couldn't see the damage she was doing to me because I wanted it so bad.

 

I put up with that s8*t for ages too. She is baiting you to see how much of a man you are. You have been given very good advice from people replying to this thread. Take it or deal with the consequences.

 

I understand how hard it is. You have poor self esteem and I do too. My ex was a cracker. Absolutely beautiful and everything about her was perfect and I think I had her too high on a pedestal to be honest. I put up with so much to keep her on side. We had amazing times together but at the end of the day I let her walk all over me. She lost respect. As much as it hurts me to admit it but I think I needed her too much to make me feel 'whole'.

 

I'm working on my self esteem now, i suggest you do it too. I'm the same age as you so there is hope for us yet!

 

Just a quick question. Did you ever meet the father of your exes kids? If I had to guess i'd say he was pure alpha. Assertive, dominant, confident, strong, proud. I guarantee your exes behaviour was a result of her desperation to make you into this person. I'm no psychologist but I can bet she felt happiest when she was with him and has been trying to replicate it ever since. He obviously had his shortcomings too or else they would be still together. He was missing certain traits. You have some of the traits he hadn't and so she is lost now trying to make her perfect man with all the bits and pieces of traits that she finds endearing. Sad.

 

If you want to be with this woman then you need to change, I don't think that is wise. I don't think that is healthy. It is a psychological thing that she needs help with. Professional help.

 

It's so easy for people to just say walk away and meet new girls but when you suffer with low self esteem it is not easy. Your esteem is already at rock bottom and then the break up pulls it down lower. You don't need to go out dating, you need to look after yourself. Build your self esteem. Figure out why it is low and do something about it.

 

I feel like I let my ex walk all over me. I feel like if a friend told me their partners treated them like mine did, I'd tell them to run a mile. Your ex was testing you. I'm not sorry to say you failed because it is for the better of you that you are not with this woman. Not now anyway. I failed many a test too but I'm laughing now because I'm on a good day. I see how wrong it was. Some days aren't as clear cut as today:)

[soulforge]

Soulforge, I've only just seen this thread and I have so much sympathy and empathy for you. You do not contact her! Move on. Do things to take your mind off her and love yourself.

 

I share your pain, your confusion. I can see the red flags in your scenario as clear as crystal. I know you can't see them because your eyes are covered with the rose coloured glasses. If I told you my story you would tell me to walk away and not look back. Same as me to you. I couldn't see the damage she was doing to me because I wanted it so bad.

 

I put up with that s8*t for ages too. She is baiting you to see how much of a man you are. You have been given very good advice from people replying to this thread. Take it or deal with the consequences.

 

I understand how hard it is. You have poor self esteem and I do too. My ex was a cracker. Absolutely beautiful and everything about her was perfect and I think I had her too high on a pedestal to be honest. I put up with so much to keep her on side. We had amazing times together but at the end of the day I let her walk all over me. She lost respect. As much as it hurts me to admit it but I think I needed her too much to make me feel 'whole'.

 

I'm working on my self esteem now, i suggest you do it too. I'm the same age as you so there is hope for us yet!

 

Just a quick question. Did you ever meet the father of your exes kids? If I had to guess i'd say he was pure alpha. Assertive, dominant, confident, strong, proud. I guarantee your exes behaviour was a result of her desperation to make you into this person. I'm no psychologist but I can bet she felt happiest when she was with him and has been trying to replicate it ever since. He obviously had his shortcomings too or else they would be still together. He was missing certain traits. You have some of the traits he hadn't and so she is lost now trying to make her perfect man with all the bits and pieces of traits that she finds endearing. Sad.

 

If you want to be with this woman then you need to change, I don't think that is wise. I don't think that is healthy. It is a psychological thing that she needs help with. Professional help.

 

It's so easy for people to just say walk away and meet new girls but when you suffer with low self esteem it is not easy. Your esteem is already at rock bottom and then the break up pulls it down lower. You don't need to go out dating, you need to look after yourself. Build your self esteem. Figure out why it is low and do something about it.

 

I feel like I let my ex walk all over me. I feel like if a friend told me their partners treated them like mine did, I'd tell them to run a mile. Your ex was testing you. I'm not sorry to say you failed because it is for the better of you that you are not with this woman. Not now anyway. I failed many a test too but I'm laughing now because I'm on a good day. I see how wrong it was. Some days aren't as clear cut as today:)

 

 

Hey man sorry to hear about your situation..

 

I just wanted to point out, in my case it wasn't months of bad behaviour.. probably in the two years, there where 2 major incidents..

 

The biggest problems that has occurred was just recently in the space of around 2 weeks..

 

So it's not like continues months of it.. as for her ex, i don't know a great deal about him..

 

Other than what she told me about him.. apparently he was very opinionated and usually got his own way, plus cheated on her twice.

 

As for her getting away with things?

 

Pretty much EVERY single time an issue came up or she stepped out of line.. i would always call her out on it, or make it be known its not acceptable.

 

The problem is... this woman does not take criticism well. She is rebellious, and always feels victimised..

 

Yes right now my self esteem is low.. but now that some time has passed, i am seeing things alot more clearly..

 

The truth is i should have dropped her, after the first few signs of her chitty behaviour..i should have walked away..

 

I also did put her on a pedestal to some degree.. instead of seeing her for what she was.

 

She is Passive Agressive.. her baiting me about this girl, was all about her feeling insecure and threatened..this is how she communicates in a crude manner!

 

Instead of bringing it up with me, with clear communication.. she behaved like a ***ing child...

 

Even at the time when she was baiting me, she sent me a text.. stating she is just looking out for herself.

 

I did not let this go... i called her on this.. i told her the next day, that i do not appreciate this type of behaviour and it will not be tolerated anymore..

 

I was dealing with someone overly touchy, full of drama.. too sensative and immature!

 

This is not someone you can be in a healthy relationship.. unless you detach feelings, emotions and keep her at arms length.

 

Seriously man, the red flags where all there from the early days...this should have ended a long time ago

Edited March 31, 2017 by soulforge

[breadbin]

It's not just the major incidents though, it's the little things she does or says, day to day, that don't feel good. You probably don't even realise she was doing it. I was out with friends a couple of weeks ago and 2 of them are a couple and we went for dinner. The fella was ordering a huge dinner for himself, pizza, fries, side orders of stuff and I was waiting for his partner to say something derogatory to him about it. My mind was blown when she praised him for his appetite! I couldn't get over it. When I look back at my own relationship I used to dread ordering food out because I felt I was under pressure to get something healthy. If I didn't God help me. This probably says alot about me though in fairness.

 

It's never too late to recover your self respect. After a month or 2 of begging and crying then a couple of months of her breadcrumbs I finally ignored them. I broke no contact only to tell her that i was doing something I should have done months ago i.e. no contact. So keep up the no contact. If you now could go back in time to Christmas Eve, what advice would you give yourself? I know if me now could go back in time to the break up, I would tell myself to walk away and don't look back.

[Sweetfish]

Hey man sorry to hear about your situation..

 

I just wanted to point out, in my case it wasn't months of bad behavior.. probably in the two years, there where 2 major incidents..

 

What your expressing is exactly what I expressed in another posters thread.

 

Covert narcissism....

 

and almost every poster (with the exception of a few) rejected covert narcissism because they were not knowledgeable and could not compute what a covert narcissist is...it took 24 pages and weeks later for the OP to connect the DOTs and see the traits are unique to only narcissist... it was easy to default the issue to a relationship that simply just ran its course. Covert narcissist true colors can show up YEARS later from the point you are involved with them.. similar to a BPD where they are only triggered in DEEP intimate relationship and friends and co-workers will never sneak a peak of the "dark side" of that person...the same is true for a Narcissist as they are VERY high functioning and will not know they have a personality disorder unless both parties are present in the therapy as a covert narcissist (disorder) only appear when they are triggered and will always get a clean bill of emotional IQ (think VW emission test scandal)

 

You were probably being mirrored for years not even knowing it and something broke that mirror and now your seeing the TRUE PERSON...

 

And hence why no one should get married unless 3 years down into a relationship...because let me ask you this..

 

Would you get into a legal bonded contract with this person now you know what they are capable of doing?

 

This person you only had 2 fights with in the last X amount of years...do you want them to have your kids now if she could?

[soulforge]

What your expressing is exactly what I expressed in another posters thread.

 

Covert narcissism....

 

and almost every poster (with the exception of a few) rejected covert narcissism because they were not knowledgeable and could not compute what a covert narcissist is...it took 24 pages and weeks later for the OP to connect the DOTs and see the traits are unique to only narcissist... it was easy to default the issue to a relationship that simply just ran its course. Covert narcissist true colors can show up YEARS later from the point you are involved with them.. similar to a BPD where they are only triggered in DEEP intimate relationship and friends and co-workers will never sneak a peak of the "dark side" of that person...the same is true for a Narcissist as they are VERY high functioning and will not know they have a personality disorder unless both parties are present in the therapy as a covert narcissist (disorder) only appear when they are triggered and will always get a clean bill of emotional IQ (think VW emission test scandal)

 

You were probably being mirrored for years not even knowing it and something broke that mirror and now your seeing the TRUE PERSON...

 

And hence why no one should get married unless 3 years down into a relationship...because let me ask you this..

 

Would you get into a legal bonded contract with this person now you know what they are capable of doing?

 

This person you only had 2 fights with in the last X amount of years...do you want them to have your kids now if she could?

 

It wasn't 2 fights.. it was two incidents of serious disrespect.. followed by at least 3 smaller incidents..

 

And now this situation over the 2 weeks i broke it of..

 

 

Again i don't believe she is a full blown narcissist.. but without a doubt some traits there, that started to creep in pretty early in the relationship.

 

 

Denial of wrong doing, always playing the victim.. saying hurtful things, lack of empathy and remorse..

 

Either way a toxic person, is not someone you can plan a future with..

 

So good riddance here.. saved myself from immense pain later down the road, if i had not dropped her.

 

Just really angry that she had the nerve too look up one of my exes, then try extracting information off her..

 

How rude.. still i will not break NC

[breadbin]

After my breakup my ex texted me too how she had just 'bumped' into another ex of mine. A girl she never knew. She never met her before. Somehow this day, she met her and got the idea we were getting back together! I hadn't seen this old ex in years!

[soulforge]

This is why I believe my ex is trying to contact an old ex of mine..

 

 

She feels abandoned.. i have blocked her on every level and vanished..

 

She is thinking, did this guy really love me?

 

 

Who was this guy?

 

 

Did I really know him?

 

 

She messaged my previous ex and asked her, if I was a person of Integrity?

 

 

Why the hell does she need to know that now.. i was with her 2 years and always treated her with kindness... so she should already know me..

 

My guess is, either she cannot stand the silence from me..

 

Or she is trying to get a reaction from me...

 

 

Luckily my previous ex is a good friend of mine.. and she already knows about my troubles with this woman, and how she has been behaving.

 

This woman is so rude, that she feels she has the right to approach people from my past..

 

I will give her utter silence!!!!!

[soulforge]

Have had some moments of clarity yesterday..

 

Truth is this woman was displaying chitty behaviour right from the beginning of the relationship..

 

Nothing too serious but the odd remark here and there...

 

I should have walked away for good, the first time i dumped her when she did something serious.. and that was 3 months in to the RS

 

I thought she could change... That is the person is she is.. passive agressive.. low empath..

 

Everything would be going great between us.. we would be happy, loving.. then all of a sudden she would drop something into the relationship that would *** things up again..

 

But these kind of people just overlook what they did, and don't even bother to fix the issue..

 

 

I firmly believe now, hard is it is..Dumping her was without a doubt the best thing!

 

 

And to some degree I am glad i didn't stick around for her to later dump me..

 

Whats worse than being treated badly, then being dumped too...

 

 

She was a bad apple right from day one.. good riddance!

[soulforge]

It's not just the major incidents though, it's the little things she does or says, day to day, that don't feel good. You probably don't even realise she was doing it. I was out with friends a couple of weeks ago and 2 of them are a couple and we went for dinner. The fella was ordering a huge dinner for himself, pizza, fries, side orders of stuff and I was waiting for his partner to say something derogatory to him about it. My mind was blown when she praised him for his appetite! I couldn't get over it. When I look back at my own relationship I used to dread ordering food out because I felt I was under pressure to get something healthy. If I didn't God help me. This probably says alot about me though in fairness.

 

It's never too late to recover your self respect. After a month or 2 of begging and crying then a couple of months of her breadcrumbs I finally ignored them. I broke no contact only to tell her that i was doing something I should have done months ago i.e. no contact. So keep up the no contact. If you now could go back in time to Christmas Eve, what advice would you give yourself? I know if me now could go back in time to the break up, I would tell myself to walk away and don't look back.

 

 

To be fair bread bin, seems to me you tolerated a whole more BS than i did..

 

Generally i did what i wanted in my relationship.. wasn't scared to voice my opinion..

 

Your case seems quite severe..

 

There are other issues that also convinced me to end it..

 

 

01. We lived together for 3 months, she moved out as soon as times got a little tough.

 

02. We then went back to seeing each other long distance.. who in there right mind goes backwards again in there relationship..

We had already done nearly 2 years LDR.. and it was hard only seeing each other once a week.. sometimes once a fortnight.

 

I want to move forward in my life, not backwards..

 

03. Trust issues.. i no longer trusted her, as a person to build a safe future with.

 

 

04. Then obviously the rudness, chitty behaviour, drama

 

 

There was nothing worth holding onto for me here..

Edited April 1, 2017 by soulforge

[Cookies101]

"HI THIS IS SHARON.. I RECENTLY ENDED A RELATIONSHIP WITH ............ I NEVER MET HIS FAMILY AFTER 2 YEARS OF DATING.. I'M NOT SURE IF I REALLY KNEW HIM AT ALL

 

I DON'T INTEND TO CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN.. BUT CAN YOU TELL ME IF HE WAS A MAN OF INTEGRITY

 

Whilst i don't condone game-playing, with all due respect, why did she not meet your family, or some members of it after two years in RS with her (if it is indeed true)?

 

I'd be a bit miffed if somebody i was in RS with did not introduce me to the other side of their life, esp after two years!

 

Maybe she didn't feel that she really knew you, and this is still troubling her?

Edited April 1, 2017 by Cookies101

[Goodguy05]

after what you've just been through? Absolutely ignore her. You need to give yourself time and space away from that toxic crap. Stay strong because staying out of contact a while will do both of you some good. You need time to let emotions die down so you can think logically and not with your heart.

 

That's not a huge thing to break up over. Me n my ex were similar we lasted 6 yrs lol but a word of advice this kind of behaviour cab stick around no matter how many times u cool down and start again it can repeat over and over again like me and my ex. There's usually more to it then just a money thing. Dig a lil deeper ull usually find ur answer. It's to do wth a build up of resentment over time that's the real issue that then becomes a struggle for power in the relationship who's right and who's wrong at the expense of the relationship. Remember ur on the same team. Unfortunately it is very hard to just work it out together I would go couple counseling find a good councillor and try and work together thru the issues that are causing u to hav a power play in the relationship. Unfortunately I know this type of behaviour too well it's been quiet proficient in my past relationships. Remember key thing here :underlying resentment" build up over time and a "struggle for power" in th3 relationship. It's actually quiet common the power struggle in a lot of relationships and can last for years before the couple mature and if they don't it usually causes the relationship to breakup. Too much fighting puts too much pressure on u both and there's more chance or u breaking up

[soulforge]

That's not a huge thing to break up over. Me n my ex were similar we lasted 6 yrs lol but a word of advice this kind of behaviour cab stick around no matter how many times u cool down and start again it can repeat over and over again like me and my ex. There's usually more to it then just a money thing. Dig a lil deeper ull usually find ur answer. It's to do wth a build up of resentment over time that's the real issue that then becomes a struggle for power in the relationship who's right and who's wrong at the expense of the relationship. Remember ur on the same team. Unfortunately it is very hard to just work it out together I would go couple counseling find a good councillor and try and work together thru the issues that are causing u to hav a power play in the relationship. Unfortunately I know this type of behaviour too well it's been quiet proficient in my past relationships. Remember key thing here :underlying resentment" build up over time and a "struggle for power" in th3 relationship. It's actually quiet common the power struggle in a lot of relationships and can last for years before the couple mature and if they don't it usually causes the relationship to breakup. Too much fighting puts too much pressure on u both and there's more chance or u breaking up

 

 

You are very right about this matter...

 

It is indeed a build up of resentment..

 

There where occasions where she really upset me or embarrassed me... but it was dismissed..

 

No apology? Not even a acceptence that it was wrong.. if i raised the matter, it usually got dismissed as my fault and not hers...

 

So i end up with this tension and resentment, that then at some point boils over..

 

I got angry with her once or twice... but then got accused of being an angry person.

 

 

I am not claiming to be perfect, i tried always to pull back and correct anything that i was doing wrong..

 

Infact i would spend days and nights trying to anylize what i can do better... but she would not meet me in the middle.