Dumped My Girlfriend, Now Struggling With My Decision!

[soulforge]

You are acting as a codependent and as long as your dependent on her she will walk all over you. This is your chance to grow and build self esteem

 

 

 

I must point out... when she called me a DIK HEAD, it was because she thought I was ignoring her.. we had a little alteration while talking on whatsapp..

 

 

I had to leave the conversation with her, to take an emergency phone call..

 

 

in the mean time she became impatient.. she thought I was ignoring her..

 

 

so she left a message - charge up your tablet dik head haha

 

 

 

 

when I came to the conversation, I found this message and I did not like..

 

 

just because I had to take a call is no reason to resort to swearing.. even if she does disguise her a bad behaviour a s a joke.

 

 

when I challenged her on this.. she claimed it was banter or a joke.. once again

[soulforge]

I am not defending her behaviour.. it was nearly 2 weeks of her behaving in a immature way, and it felt like she was sabotaging the relationship.

 

 

when I felt I need to tell her, that she needs to reconsider what is funny and what is not funny... she simply could not take the criticism, and became the victim.

[Sweetfish]

I am not defending her behaviour.. it was nearly 2 weeks of her behaving in a immature way, and it felt like she was sabotaging the relationship.

 

 

when I felt I need to tell her, that she needs to reconsider what is funny and what is not funny... she simply could not take the criticism, and became the victim.

 

Thats why women in general like assertive men or even bad boys. She will continue with this behavior. You will have to play daddy and she will be immature.

 

You can either play this dynamic or find someone else. She will not change. This is who she is..

[soulforge]

Thats why women in general like assertive men or even bad boys. She will continue with this behavior. You will have to play daddy and she will be immature.

 

You can either play this dynamic or find someone else. She will not change. This is who she is..

 

 

 

I can tell you very clearly.. I have always been assertive, when dealing with bad behaviour.. I rarely let it slip

 

 

but the thing is.. she does not take criticism we at all.. she lacks that part, where she can look inwards and realise where she is going wrong.

 

 

it's easier for her to feel like a victim... there is something of a Narcissist about her..

 

 

so I guess you are right.. THIS IS WHO SHE IS

[soulforge]

another day gone by.. struggling.. doing everything I can do, to get past this..

 

 

I am still going to the gym 4 days a week.. trying to eat the best I can..

 

 

I am keeping away from dating, as I will end up comparing other woman to my ex.. and this will end in me missing her more..

 

 

some days I feel good about decision.. I feel glad I stuck up for myself and manned up..

 

 

I feel good that I let her know, I accept this no longer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I swing all the back to missing her.. questioning my decision.. and thinking maybe something could be worked out?

 

 

feel so lost and confused today!!!

[soulforge]

Almost at breaking point today..

 

 

been reading stories about couples breaking up multiple times.. but the getting together again.. sometimes even getting married

 

 

really wanting to reach out, but having conflicted feelings about this

[marky00]

My recent Ex dumped me back in 2015 but I actually dumped her back in 2008 due to similar reasons you have mentioned here.

 

 

It was and LDR and we definitely loved each other but after 3 years of trying pretty hard, I just started feeling like my ego was getting bruised more and more. She would cut holidays short, put work ahead of me sometimes and still being relatively young, I didn't really understand why she would do that stuff after I just flown half way across the world to see her.

 

 

3 days after I broke it off by email, I contacted her to tell her I had made a mistake and regretted my decision. She went quiet on me for about 6 weeks and then we started to talk again and about 6 months after the BU, she agreed to meet for holiday and we finally got back together.

 

 

The thing is but, when she broke it off with me many years later, she confessed to me that for her, things were never the same. Things, were good but not perfect like they were before in her eyes.

 

 

So you might want to consider all of this before contacting your Ex.

 

 

On the other hand, I do think both you and I did break it off for some valid reasons otherwise we wouldn't have done it. Sadly, we both still loved them which is the real tough bit.

 

 

In 2016 my Ex was dumped by the next guy she went on to. And from what I gathered, for months she was tyring to get him back and finally succeeded.

 

 

That was very different to what she did with me. In my case, she used the BU against me. Whereas for this new guy, she blamed the BU on herself or something.

 

 

So, that does tell me that on some level, that although she did love me, she probably just did not love me enough to get through the invariable mistakes that happen during a relationship.

 

 

Regarding my ex's new guy but. He will have his day at some point. If he was to dump her again or take her for granted, eventually she will turn on him and he won't know what hit him. And I will have a little laugh when that happens.

 

 

But yeah, take into consideration one of your biggest points in you favour was when your Ex saw you as the Good Guy. You kind of dropped that tag when you broke it off so it will be hard to approach her in a way that is advantageous for you, since she clearly wasn't head over heels in love with you.

Edited March 10, 2017 by marky00

[soulforge]

My recent Ex dumped me back in 2015 but I actually dumped her back in 2008 due to similar reasons you have mentioned here.

 

 

It was and LDR and we definitely loved each other but after 3 years of trying pretty hard, I just started feeling like my ego was getting bruised more and more. She would cut holidays short, put work ahead of me sometimes and still being relatively young, I didn't really understand why she would do that stuff after I just flown half way across the world to see her.

 

 

3 days after I broke it off by email, I contacted her to tell her I had made a mistake and regretted my decision. She went quiet on me for about 6 weeks and then we started to talk again and about 6 months after the BU, she agreed to meet for holiday and we finally got back together.

 

 

The thing is but, when she broke it off with me many years later, she confessed to me that for her, things were never the same. Things, were good but not perfect like they were before in her eyes.

 

 

So you might want to consider all of this before contacting your Ex.

 

 

On the other hand, I do think both you and I did break it off for some valid reasons otherwise we wouldn't have done it. Sadly, we both still loved them which is the real tough bit.

 

 

In 2016 my Ex was dumped by the next guy she went on to. And from what I gathered, for months she was tyring to get him back and finally succeeded.

 

 

That was very different to what she did with me. In my case, she used the BU against me. Whereas for this new guy, she blamed the BU on herself or something.

 

 

So, that does tell me that on some level, that although she did love me, she probably just did not love me enough to get through the invariable mistakes that happen during a relationship.

 

 

Regarding my ex's new guy but. He will have his day at some point. If he was to dump her again or take her for granted, eventually she will turn on him and he won't know what hit him. And I will have a little laugh when that happens.

 

 

But yeah, take into consideration one of your biggest points in you favour was when your Ex saw you as the Good Guy. You kind of dropped that tag when you broke it off so it will be hard to approach her in a way that is advantageous for you, since she clearly wasn't head over heels in love with you.

 

 

here is the thing...

 

 

when I sent her the text to break it off.. I explained in the text that I was not happy with her behaviour & expect better..

 

 

she texted back & agreed with the break up & claimed it was ME treating her badly!

 

 

so is this not is some ways a MUTUAL break up? even tho I sent the initial text message..

 

 

but that was only, after I had not heard from her in 4 days!

 

 

 

 

so where do we stand in this type of situation??

[soulforge]

Right now I have my dignity intact.. no begging.. no pleading.. no chasing

 

 

yes I initiated the break up.. and she agreed.. I had no choice! her behaviour was getting too much, plus she walked out previously so I felt this RS was too risky to carry on in...

 

 

Miss her like mad... but I am in a better situation now, than I would be if I contact her and get completely rejected

[soulforge]

I think the real question is.. is this woman likely to stay with me, through the good and bad times in life..

 

Can she battle through the difficult times.. is she worth investing my whole future in?

 

I am 42 years old now.. don't want to be down in the dumps and single again in years to come..

 

 

So what options do I have???

[marky00]

when I sent her the text to break it off.. I explained in the text that I was not happy with her behaviour & expect better..

 

You made the same mistake I did.

 

 

You do not breakup with people to make a point or to possibly leverage something in return.

 

 

You breakup with them because you totally mean it and accept the fact you will never speak again.

 

 

It's fine to give them a bit of laundry list for the simple fact it gives them something to chew on to assist them with moving on.

 

 

But like me, when you broke it off, you were not totally done. It may have felt mutual because she didn't get all emotional and clingy but it was still you who broke it off and girls like her will hold that against you, especially if she was with you on the premise of you being a good guy. Sure, its possible she was gas lighting and had a foot out the door but the final chapter reads that you were the one that ended it.

 

 

In future the way to handle this situation, is have a very serious talk about the fact your not happy with the treatment your receiving. Give it another 2 or 3 months and if nothing changes, walk for good and never look back unless she came back begging and showed real change.

 

 

Never use a breakup as a some type of lesson or to prove a point. Do it because you mean it and stick to it because most of the time the other person will call your bluff and you will end up being treated far worse over time.

 

 

You were in a tough spot with several unattractive choices. However, you do need to accept the fact you did ultimately decide on one of those choices.

Edited March 10, 2017 by marky00

[soulforge]

You made the same mistake I did.

 

 

You do not breakup with people to make a point or to possibly leverage something in return.

 

 

You breakup with them because you totally mean it and accept the fact you will never speak again.

 

 

It's fine to give them a bit of laundry list for the simple fact it gives them something to chew on to assist them with moving on.

 

 

But like me, when you broke it off, you were not totally done. It may have felt mutual because she didn't get all emotional and clingy but it was still you who broke it off and girls like her will hold that against you, especially if she was with you on the premise of you being a good guy. Sure, its possible she was gas lighting and had a foot out the door but the final chapter reads that you were the one that ended it.

 

 

In future the way to handle this situation, is have a very serious talk about the fact your not happy with the treatment your receiving. Give it another 2 or 3 months and if nothing changes, walk for good and never look back unless she came back begging and showed real change.

 

 

Never use a breakup as a some type of lesson or to prove a point. Do it because you mean it and stick to it because most of the time the other person will call your bluff and you will end up being treated far worse over time.

 

 

You were in a tough spot with several unattractive choices. However, you do need to accept the fact you did ultimately decide on one of those choices.

 

 

 

Hi mate

 

To be honest i did not break it off with her in the hope she might realise her mistakes..

 

I broke it of because I had no choices left...

 

 

It was the end of the road... i had already told her on several occasions thats her behaviour was not good..

 

Cutting me off the phone.. then not contacting me for 4 days was the last straw.

 

Its a lose lose situation...

 

She behaves incorrectly.. I point out to her this is not good.. she becomes defensive, does not respond well, and resorts to becoming the victim!

 

This puts me in a situation where i would have to remain silent, even when i am being treated poorly...

 

 

Another reason why i had no choice but to end it..

 

We lived together for 4 months.. and as soon as times got a little tough, she walked out..

 

How could i possibly go back and invest in a long term relationship with her, knowing it could end so suddenly..

 

Also going from living together.. to back to long distance seems such a stupid thing to do..

 

I really felt the whole relationship was now toxic... and i had to get out for my own sanity!!

[soulforge]

Keep in mind i had to dump this girl only 3 months into our relationship for completely disrespecting me in public...

 

Then the Christmas incident... how many more chances should i have given her???

[soulforge]

Another reason for me to end it..

 

 

She was building her life away from me.. no plans of marriage.. she moved out, so no plans of living together again..

 

How long can you keep going seeing each other once a week?

 

We had already done that for 2 years nearly... i want a woman i can settle down with!

[dumbass2]

So it sounds like you made the right decision on breaking up. You tried and it didn't work. No regrets as you tried. She's not the right one for you, so what's the problem? You mentioned how bad it was. You're still young enough to find someone that's a much better fit. As mentioned, once there is a break up, it is very rarely ever the same, only worse and in your case it wasn't much of a relationship anyways so continuing to pursue this is a lose lose and waste of valuable time.

[soulforge]

So it sounds like you made the right decision on breaking up. You tried and it didn't work. No regrets as you tried. She's not the right one for you, so what's the problem? You mentioned how bad it was. You're still young enough to find someone that's a much better fit. As mentioned, once there is a break up, it is very rarely ever the same, only worse and in your case it wasn't much of a relationship anyways so continuing to pursue this is a lose lose and waste of valuable time.

 

The problem i suppose is letting go... this is a difficult break up, as there where many good times in the relationship too.. plus i was very much into her.. i really really wanted it to workout.

 

Also i have that temptation, maybe if she realised her mistakes then we could try again.. this is highly unlikely tho.. my gut tells me it won't happen

 

 

Plus this would mean exposing my self for rejection.. or even worse!

[marky00]

What's probably irritating you is the way things went down.

 

 

It probably would have been easier for you had she broken it off, called you nasty names and told you to get F****D.

 

 

It sucks because when the least invested person doesn't burn the bridge (and the most invested rarely wants to burn the bridge), you end up with a breakup but it kind of doesn't feel like one.

 

 

The small upside to this is she didn't really get the ending she wanted either. Had you made a big scene, cried, begged or w/e, that definitely would have helped her.

 

 

Neither of you dropped your guard and you both kept playing the game so you both have to move forwards without the bridge totally blown up which makes things a little more tricky.

[soulforge]

What's probably irritating you is the way things went down.

 

 

It probably would have been easier for you had she broken it off, called you nasty names and told you to get F****D.

 

 

It sucks because when the least invested person doesn't burn the bridge (and the most invested rarely wants to burn the bridge), you end up with a breakup but it kind of doesn't feel like one.

 

 

The small upside to this is she didn't really get the ending she wanted either. Had you made a big scene, cried, begged or w/e, that definitely would have helped her.

 

 

Neither of you dropped your guard and you both kept playing the game so you both have to move forwards without the bridge totally blown up which makes things a little more tricky.

 

 

I simply saw it as this... you cut me off the phone, ***ed me off even tho we had a date.. then you don't even contact me in 4 days..

 

At some point a man has to stand up for himself and say that's it.. No More Of This

 

 

I intend to remain no contact.. work on myself.. keep moving forward.. getting back to my life before i met her.

 

If in the future.. she realises her mistakes and reaches out to me.. then i will take it from there.

 

For now NC is the only way

[dumbass2]

The problem i suppose is letting go... this is a difficult break up, as there where many good times in the relationship too.. plus i was very much into her.. i really really wanted it to workout.

 

Also i have that temptation, maybe if she realised her mistakes then we could try again.. this is highly unlikely tho.. my gut tells me it won't happen

 

 

Plus this would mean exposing my self for rejection.. or even worse!

 

If felt that same way about my ex. It took a while for me to let go as well. Reading some books on the subject also helped. Look, the only way she is going to change is if, while not in contact with you, she starts to feel a loss and can self reflect and see what she did wrong. If she can realize that and truly feels a loss, then she will be back down the road. The other scenario is she contacts you down the road because she is just lonely or just broken up and looking for a quick fix with you. Not what you want. You want someone to come back after they have been away from a relationship and not seeing someone else and realizing their mistakes. Few people have the self awareness to be able to do that. I wouldn't count on that happening with your ex. Letting go is when you finally accept that it's over and there is no future with that person. You decide, that not her.

[soulforge]

Just wanted to vent and update a little..

 

 

Irs been now 5 weeks maybe a liitle longer since I blocked and walked away from my ex..

 

And the last few days or so, have been getting real bad.

 

Second thoughts, feeling lonely.. been on a couple of dates, keep comparing to my ex.

 

 

Getting the urge to break no contact

[Goodguy05]

I think the real question is.. is this woman likely to stay with me, through the good and bad times in life..

 

Can she battle through the difficult times.. is she worth investing my whole future in?

 

I am 42 years old now.. don't want to be down in the dumps and single again in years to come..

 

 

So what options do I have???

 

It's going to be a risk and one that I couldn't answer all i can tell u is about my own experience. My ex of 6 yrs did everything she cld to win me back i was walking out the door and she knew it and after I gave it another shot btw we were together 6 yrs and it was up n down to say the least she dumped me and now aftrr a cpl mths is seeing someone where we work. Yes we work together she moved 1000 miles to be here wth me and this is the outcome now all I wanna do is get out of there after uprooting myself to move here. It's always a risk woman a renowned for being dampers and wen they dump they'll usually dump for good not always but if they've tried and tried be careful because it lull u into a false sense of security thinking they're really into u wen in reality they r slowly detaching losing there feelings for u and wen they lose there feelings they lose the attraction and it's very hard to repair at that point good luck btw watever u decide

Edited March 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote formatting ~6

[soulforge]

I think the real question is.. is this woman likely to stay with me, through the good and bad times in life..

 

Can she battle through the difficult times.. is she worth investing my whole future in?

 

I am 42 years old now.. don't want to be down in the dumps and single again in years to come..

 

 

So what options do I have???

 

It's going to be a risk and one that I couldn't answer all i can tell u is about my own experience. My ex of 6 yrs did everything she cld to win me back i was walking out the door and she knew it and after I gave it another shot btw we were together 6 yrs and it was up n down to say the least she dumped me and now aftrr a cpl mths is seeing someone where we work. Yes we work together she moved 1000 miles to be here wth me and this is the outcome now all I wanna do is get out of there after uprooting myself to move here. It's always a risk woman a renowned for being dampers and wen they dump they'll usually dump for good not always but if they've tried and tried be careful because it lull u into a false sense of security thinking they're really into u wen in reality they r slowly detaching losing there feelings for u and wen they lose there feelings they lose the attraction and it's very hard to repair at that point good luck btw watever u decide

 

 

This is how i feel.. i miss her really really bad.. I have her blocked her on everything so she cannot contact me..

 

It has now been 5-6 weeks.. i changed my mobile number, but kept my sim card..

 

There is a chance she may have contacted me, and I can check by inserting the sim card back in.

 

 

But.. I could be exposing myself to more hurt???

 

 

She may be seeing someone else.. or she may still be single.. she may not have contacted me at all..

 

I am 42 years age.. she is 52 years old...

 

 

I dumped her out of no choice.. mostly drama and unreasonable behaviour

Edited March 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote formatting ~6

[soulforge]

How risky is it to break No Contact now?

[whatdeww18]

How risky is it to break No Contact now?

 

Hi Soulforge,

 

Hope you've been treating yourself well in these past 5-6 weeks of No Contact. Truly do.

 

It's not a question of how risky it is. Rather, what would you do once you find out whatever it is by breaking No Contact? You will most likely be hurt either way:

 

1. She has a new boyfriend = heartache

2. She hasn't contacted you = constant thoughts of whether she's thinking of you or not = prolonging the grieving process

3. She contacted you = whirlwind of emotions which will probably end up in pain.

 

At the end of it, breaking No Contact will probably ruin this beautiful day for you. Instead, why not go out, even if for now, for a walk or coffee? It'll help take your mind off things and possibly get you out of a Sunday rut.

 

Take care of yourself!

Best of healing,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[Sweetfish]

 

This is how i feel.. i miss her really really bad.. I have her blocked her on everything so she cannot contact me..

 

It has now been 5-6 weeks.. i changed my mobile number, but kept my sim card..

 

There is a chance she may have contacted me, and I can check by inserting the sim card back in.

 

 

But.. I could be exposing myself to more hurt???

 

 

She may be seeing someone else.. or she may still be single.. she may not have contacted me at all..

 

I am 42 years age.. she is 52 years old...

 

 

I dumped her out of no choice.. mostly drama and unreasonable behaviour

 

Wait... wait!? She is 52 and going on with this nonsense. You need to cut the cord man... Your way too old to be putting up with this kind of behavior..

Edited March 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote formatting ~6