Broken heart hurts so bad

[LitTunnel]

LitTunel,

Thank you so much for helping me get through this.

 

I really can't see him grasping the idea that any of this was his fault.

 

His 3 favorite things to say when I tried to talk to him (after he cut me off and shut me down were:

 

1) you just took it wrong

2) you hear what you want to hear

3) why can't you just be happy

 

You took it wrong = you're the one with problems, not me

You hear what you want to hear = pretty much same as above

Why can't you just be happy = why can't you just be there for me at my convenience, cook for me, have sex with me but otherwise not bother me.

 

I'm dealing with a really selfish person and by his own admission "pig headed" and he really is!!!

 

I think I would have more luck getting through to a sponge.

 

The thought of ever being dissapointed by him and shut out again is scarier than the thought of just moving on.

 

I suppose I'd be open to it but I feel it's highly unlikely. Truthfully you seem much more in touch with your basic human side than he does.

 

He's a great guy, I just think he's way to self absorbed to ever grasp such a concept.

 

For now, I'll just push forward and try to grow from this. If anything he's definitely made me appreciate a man that genuinely wants to understand, instead of saying screw it, it's your problem, not mine.

 

I suppose time will tell but I think I'd see Jesus before I saw him change. Either way, I'll look at is as a win - win for me.

 

I really hope to find a man that wants to understand my pain than to just prove me "wrong"

Like you said, life's too short!!

 

Thank you again! It really helps talking with you.

Happy Friday btw. 'CHEERS!'

 

Well, this is good then. Seems like you're ready to move on. I wish you nothing but the best. Come back here any time you want to vent. We're here for you. God bless and good luck!!!

[Crystal1111]

I definitely will. I'm ready to push forward but unfortunately, I'm not healed. I hope it's not a long road. I think I did a lot of my grieving during the end of the relationship.

I still have my sad moments but they're turning into anger and I hate that stage of healing just as much.

 

Thanks again to you and everyone else for letting me vent and mostly for taking the time to reply.

 

It helps so much!!

[Crystal1111]

Hey Jenny987,

If you're reading this, just wondering how you're coping. Since our stories are so similar, I can't help but feel your pain. Hope you're feeling some relief.(Although I'm guessing it still hurts pretty bad) same here.

 

I met up with some friends tonight. Felt really good to see some friendly, familiar faces. Then a girlfriend and I took off to a bar.

It felt so depressing for some reason.

 

Glad I went out though. I was reminded of how much I'm cared for by a couple people that I can really call my friends.

 

I'm hoping the best for anyone reading this.

[Blue1988]

I had the same last Christmas. I felt brain dead, foods were tasteless. Just blank all over. I initiated NC. Blocked her in all. Pray a lot. Now, I'm well. After almost 2 months, I'm OK. Don't force yourself to be fine. You need to go through it all then gradually, if you keep NC, after some time, you can say, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, LIAR!!! GO!!! I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU!!!"

[jenny987]

Hey Jenny987,

If you're reading this, just wondering how you're coping. Since our stories are so similar, I can't help but feel your pain. Hope you're feeling some relief.(Although I'm guessing it still hurts pretty bad) same here.

 

Hey there- thanks for checking in. I'm drinking coffee and catching up on your thread. Can you believe my ex said almost the exact same thing about dogs? I also have 2 dogs, and he really liked them- loved taking them on big walks with me, down to the lake, etc. I asked him once why he never had a dog, since he seemed to like them so much. His eyes got startled and he told me "I could never have that responsibility!" Looking back- that, combined with his relationship history and life style, should have told me everything I needed to know. To him, nothing is worth having your freedom limited. Nothing. Of course dogs are a responsibility, but I think it's worth it because of the love, devotion, and pure joy they bring to you! Just huge difference in priorities.

 

I am still struggling- just trying to concentrate at work and spending time with friends.

 

Do NOT do what I did- which was get up in the wee hours yesterday and write an emotional email. Really wish I hadn't sent it. I got a response about 18 hours later. Very short. Saying this was hard for him too, but we are different pages about why the break up occurred. He blames me for being too demanding and that I picked fights about "nothing." Said he's tired of thinking about things.

 

One of my good friends told me her opinion last night. She said 'look, as hard as it is to accept, you are suffering, and he is probably feeling relief. He doesn't have the "burden" of your expectations anymore, and to him, that is worth the trade-off of your love and the relationship. I'm sure he'll have moments of sadness, but not like what you are going through.'

 

I think she hit the nail on the head, and that's why he isn't contacting me, or fighting for this relationship. It really sucks, but I have to press on. I have lots of plans today, so that's good.

 

Hang in there Crystal, I know how hard this is. Only way out is through it. I'm just feeling all the emotions as they come crashing in, and letting them wash over me. It sucks that you are going through the same thing, but in a weird way it makes me feel less crazy about stuff to know I am not the only person that this has happened to! (hugs)

[Crystal1111]

Thanks Blue,

 

Jenny987,

I'm sorry you feel bad about sending an email but try not to beat yourself up. At least you won't ever look back and say you didn't fight with your whole heart. That's how I look at it. I sent an emotional letter too but it was shortly after the break up.

 

At least the doofus twins know better than to get dogs. I personally think they are missing out though. I can't imagine life without a dog (or two ) but whatever.

 

I also felt that he may be thinking or feeling like I'm holding him back but in reality I think they are the ones holding us back.

 

That's how I'm feeling today anyway. I feel free. Hope this feeling lasts.

Got me thinking life with him would be so incredibly boring and void. Not to mention lonely.

I want so much more than what he can offer.

 

We deserve something so much deeper and meaningful than such a shallow existence. That may be enough for some people (I guess it is for them) but I want so much more. I have so much to offer somebody, it would be a waste to spend my energy loving someone that doesn't appreciate it.

 

I don't know if it was the full moon last night or what but I'm feeling alot better today. Almost that feeling of "that was a close call" I really hope it lasts.

 

I've got a busy day too which helps.

Meeting up with a couple girlfriends for lunch, getting nails done and some running around doing errands. Not sure about tonight but I'm sure something will come up. I joined a dating site. Not sure what will come of it. I usually don't date at all after a breakup. It's way too hard (for me anyway) but for some reason it made me feel better.

 

Hope you're day goes well and keep in touch. The people on this site are awesome. LitTunel is a pretty cool guy! Helped alot. Hang in there ♡

[Crystal1111]

Jenny 987,

After reading your reply a little more closely, I noticed he said you were too 'demanding' and picked fights over 'nothing' Anyway, I call total BS on that one! He knows damn well that's not true. Only my opinion but, come on, he knows it's not unreasonable for you to want a meaningful relationship. Most people 'grow up' long before there 50s.

 

In my case, my ex probably does think that but, my ex is especially clueless and insensitive.

 

Don't let him make you feel bad about knowing you're worth more. ((Hugs))

 

Also wanted to ask if you're in NC, have you blocked him and all that ? Just curious.

I'm not at all telling what you should do or anything like that. Everyone heals differently. For me, it was the only way to go.

Edited February 11, 2017 by Crystal1111

[jenny987]

Jenny 987,

After reading your reply a little more closely, I noticed he said you were too 'demanding' and picked fights over 'nothing' Anyway, I call total BS on that one! He knows damn well that's not true. Only my opinion but, come on, he knows it's not unreasonable for you to want a meaningful relationship. Most people 'grow up' long before there 50s.

 

In my case, my ex probably does think that but, my ex is especially clueless and insensitive.

 

Don't let him make you feel bad about knowing you're worth more. ((Hugs))

 

Also wanted to ask if you're in NC, have you blocked him and all that ? Just curious.

I'm not at all telling what you should do or anything like that. Everyone heals differently. For me, it was the only way to go.

 

Thanks for your kind words. When my ex says that stuff about me being too demanding or picking fights, I know in my heart it's not true. But of course my mind goes to all the times I made mistakes. Of course no one is perfect. But I know I was good to him, and probably put up with a lot more than most women would.

 

As far as blocking him...well, early on I deleted his contact info from my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to text or call. Since we are in the era of smart phones, I have no idea what his number is! So I guess he's not really blocked from contacting me. For email, I did delete his email from my contact list, but it's harder because I do know his email because it's just his name at gmail. Can you block email? I don't really know how that works. Any advice would be great.

 

I had a busy day- a late brunch with some old friends, dash home to meet an appliance repair person, and then meeting some different friends at a new wine bar. I have to be very careful with drinking these days. It's all fun when we are getting tipsy and chatting, but I know from experience that if I have too much to drink I get weepy, and then the next day I am a wreck. So just two glasses of wine for me, and now I am home!

 

I hope you had a good day- you sound like you are really in a good place and leaving it all behind you. I hope I get there soon!

[Crystal1111]

I'm pretty sure there's a way to block emails. I've never had to block an email so I'm not sure.

Maybe someone reading this would know? ?

 

I think I did most of my grieving at the end of the relationship while I was still in it because I was really sad, cried all the time, then I was really angry at the end.

 

I guess I'm lucky that I wasn't completely blindsided like some people here. I've had that happen before and that kind of pain is horrible. In my case I guess I was "getting ready" for it.

 

The whole situation just drained me so much, I'm almost bored and tired of the pain now. Still have my moments though.

 

Maybe it's also because I know he really did love me and wanted to be with me. He just really can't see past his own selfishness. Who knows? Grief is so all consuming and exhausting.

It just sucks all around for anyone going through a breakup.

 

My heart hurts for everyone going through this.

[bluefeather]

You can mark any email as spam. Or make a new email account.

[Goodguy05]

I 2nd pumping iron a few mths in 5 mths in almost officially broke up 2 and half mths ago it gets a lil easier if it helps mine has a strange twist we work work together ye man its awkward and hard. She left her kids stays up here interstate the whole thing makes little sense he re estate a big hug im so glad I found this site on my darkest loneliest days I find comfort and camaraderie on this site it's better than counseling no joke. I'm a pro on broken hearts this is my 5th one i dont think my heart cld take another one but we heal and I guess heal enough to love again one day take ur time don't rebound feel the feelings don't dwell in them too long I mean as in don't let it affect health and work choose a time and place to really process those emotions till the charge is diminished and u no longer feel it but rather feel at peace. A break up is a storm going thru the body. Let it fully pass heal learn grow choose wiser next time round. There's so many things I learnt and wat to be aware of and wat to avoid in the next person little things clues ie; in my case I'm a male lol so I'll be checking if there moving on from a dead relationship to me straight away real warning sign there just carrying old wounds and patterns wth em that haven't been processed or healed these partners just aren't capable of being on there own for a week lol funny as that sounds but that's been one of tg he rec curing themes choosing these type of partners only for it to come back and bite me. Good luck sweetie big hug and let the healing begin prayers for u praying always works

[Goodguy05]

Ok i read a lil more now and get the full picture so u dumped him fair enough. Although I have to sa u even tho I can see wat led to the break down his obsession wth golfing I think a lot of woman put too much pressure and expectation on men. Just from my experience if ur needs aren't being met ur gone and that could be anything from the man not making enough money not spending enough time wth u not doing this not doing that etc it's really not a level playing field im sorry but I'm gonna be harsh because it's the truth u woman expect way too much from us men in relationships we hav a lot of pressure usually ur just there siting pretty doing ur nails or bored thinking how unhappy u r. It kinda makes me mad because I been on that recieving end sory crystal I kno in this case maybe he was a lil self obsessed but u knew right from the start wen u questioned him if he'd hav any time ur fault too not just his.

[Crystal1111]

Goodguy05,

Thank you for your replies and best of luck in your healing.

 

I think in some cases that is definitely true (men and women both can be far too demanding.

 

Long story short, the day after Christmas my car broke down at his house. Obviously, I was stressed because I planned to go home that day (I live about 40 minutes away ) I needed to get home because I had work the next day. I had stayed at his place with my dogs christmas eve.

 

Anyway, AFTER his golf game he said I could use his truck for work the next day. He left me stranded at his house the day after Christmas to golf.

 

I only had my dress clothes with me because I planned on coming home before that. I have my own house cleaning business so I usually wear sweats and a t shirt. I happened to have something that would work but only had dress boots.

 

He showed me a pair of shoes of his I could wear. (Way too big and i looked like a clown, but whatever, i just kicked them off when i got to my houses)

I accidentally took the wrong pair and he had a fit.

 

I NEEDED to get to work and had my thoughts were pretty consumed with my car issues at that point. I certainly didn't mean to take his precious golf shoes (I'm guessing that's why he was so upset)

 

Anyway, I justthink I deserve a man that is more willing to be a little more forgiving in a crisis. Life is full of them and all he could think about were his shoes. Spoiled brat!!!!

 

I needed to get to work to ultimately help provide for our life together (he's too selfish to see the big picture, I guess )

 

I need a man, not a spoiled child. I am definitely guilty of listening to his empty words though. I definitely should have walked sooner.

 

I'm not asking for the world, just a man that will put aside golf for a day to help me get to work.

 

I would have gone out of my way to help him if the roles were reversed. I definitely wouldn't have left him stranded at my house the day after Christmas.

 

I'm sorry you're suffering too. Best of luck

[Crystal1111]

Btw, I was grateful and appreciative he let me borrow his truck, I just didn't think his anger and attitude about the shoes was nessesary. I did the best I could to be able to get to work.

 

I don't have any piece of clothing or shoes that I love more than him. I just wouldn't have been thinking like that. I would have been too concerned about helping him with a one of those "stuff happens " problems. That's life.

 

I actually would have driven home to get things he needed while he was stranded. I didn't find out until the last few hours of the evening he was going to let me borrow his truck in the first place.

 

Felt stressed and alone and a big part of my love died that day.

 

I would never have left him to worry like that.

Edited February 13, 2017 by Crystal1111

[Crystal1111]

So, I had been up for a while and getting ready for work before I realized, it's valentine's day.

He never brought me flowers or anything like that while we were dating so thankfully, it doesn't feel any different than any other day. He just wasn't like that.

 

I'm starting to feel like he was all talk. He would say how he loves me so much and wants me to move in and be together forever, etc. All talk!!

 

At the time it hurt but I suppose now I should be grateful.

 

Thanks again LS for letting me vent. NC is really helping also.

 

Hang in there today peeps.

[jenny987]

So, I had been up for a while and getting ready for work before I realized, it's valentine's day.

He never brought me flowers or anything like that while we were dating so thankfully, it doesn't feel any different than any other day. He just wasn't like that.

 

I'm starting to feel like he was all talk. He would say how he loves me so much and wants me to move in and be together forever, etc. All talk!!

 

At the time it hurt but I suppose now I should be grateful.

 

Thanks again LS for letting me vent. NC is really helping also.

 

Hang in there today peeps.

 

Hi Crystal-

 

Sounds like you are being very level-headed and calm and realistic about things- and that's a good place to be.

 

My ex was amazing about special occasions- we had a very romantic Valentines day last year, so this day does bring some pangs.

 

On the other hand, he never, ever brought up the future (more than a few weekends away), and it was actually a conversation about a real future, including moving in together down the road, that I brought up, that was the beginning of the end for us.

 

I met a co-worker last night for dinner, she had met my ex several times and was a good person to vent to. I mentioned how this future talk really was the thing that started us down the break up path. She was very firm that it was a good thing that we had that talk, and that's better to know now than years down the road when I'm still wondering why we aren't living together or married.

 

She said- there are just guys like that, who will date you for years and years. As long as you don't make any big demands, or ask for any big changes in their life, they will happily drift along with you forever.

 

I think she's right! It sucks, but it's better to know.

 

I will feel better once this day is over. I am determined to be NC forever now, and it's given me a sense of calmness I didn't have before.

 

Hang in there! (hugs)

[Crystal1111]

Hi Jenny,

Glad you updated your progress (it always makes me feel better to "see" you )

 

I'm sorry today is tough for you. (And anyone else reading this )

 

Today got me thinking about how much my relationship with my ex lacked romance. Not the traditional Hollywood type romance but, that real intimate "I cant wait to have you" connection.

 

Got me sad thinking about it.

 

For example, my idea of romance has a lot to do with sex and passion. Don't get me wrong, I loved having sex with him) but I guess it just lacked the passion that I crave when I'm in love with a man.

 

The night of the 'hockey incident' ( still makes me cringe ) I was thinking, why in the hell would you want a hockey game in the background??? How are we going to be able to hear each other's bodies and noises?

 

To me, sex is so much more than 'getting off'. When I'm in love with a man, I want to know everything that gets him excited and turn him on like crazy!! That's MY idea of romance.

 

Obviously, his idea of romance is far different. I don't think he really cares about that earth shattering, "I have to have you now" feeling. Whereas, I think the build up and teasing is half the fun. I also think it deepens a friendship with a partner which is also a big deal to me. (Probably why I'm not into one night stands)

 

Even cooking a meal for a man is romantic and exciting to me. Not only am I making something that will satisfy his hunger but, in a way I feel like I'm feeding his soul. To me there's nothing more erotic than watching a man devour my cooking and then want to devour me.

It just feels like I'm giving him something no one else can, if that makes sense.

 

With him, I started to feel he would be content if I opened a can of chili and set him in front of the tv like a small child, (for hockey) give him mediocre sex and otherwise stay out of his way. (That makes me so sad just typing that)

 

It also got me thinking that it wasn't really the quantity of our time but quality (I know, so cliche)

 

I understand we can't always make love in every room of the house or in the bed of his truck (but if we can, why the hell not?)

 

He's just not spontaneous like that and I shouldn't fault him for that.

 

I would have to kill that playful, passionate side of me by checking hockey schedules or fitting myself in between his golf games and that's not fair to either one of us.

 

He was really good at the 'talk' but inside, I'm sure he just said what he thought I wanted to hear.

 

I'm mad at both of us today. I knew he lacked depth and chose to believe his 'talk'

 

He knew I'm a free spirit and tried to cage me.

 

I'm starting to understand that 'mediocre' is actually ok with some people. It's safe, I suppose. Can't get hurt that way. I guess I'm just the type that would rather be single than be in an ok relationship.

 

To me, romance and passion is free! Why not indulge? We could be dead tomorrow. Let's play! (As long as we work hard and not hurt anyone )

 

To him, I guess he wants to play it safe. Doesn't want to feel too much, loses himself in golf or Facebook.

 

Just makes me sad. I don't want him to miss me, I don't want him to contact me, I just want to be OVER THIS!

[jenny987]

Hi Crystal-

 

How are you feeling today? I hope you are forging ahead in your healing!

 

Although our situations aren't exactly the same, I continue to be amazed at the similarities.

 

I also wasn't that thrilled with the sex life with my ex. No passion, just as you said. I mean, we had lots of sex, and most of it was good, but there wasn't any urgency or passion or exploration. It very rarely happened outside of the bedroom, at night. I remember about 3-4 months into the relationship I had to go back and stay with my parents to help my mom recovery from ankle surgery. I was gone for 10 days, and I missed him SO much. He was very sweet about texting and calling, but I remember being a little concerned because he just didn't seem to miss me that much. When I got back he picked me up at the airport with flowers and I was so happy! I thought we would rush back home and fall into bed-and he wanted to stop and get nachos and a beer at this Mexican restaurant his buddy owned. LOL.

 

Not as crushing as your 'hockey night' experience, but along the same lines, I think. Just weird, right?

 

An old friend of mine (male) lives across the country and we mostly keep in touch by text. He has a very good memory, and told me the other night that I should go back and read some of the texts I sent him when my ex and I were first dating. It was very eye-opening. I had a LOT of doubts. Doubts about his relationship history (at his age) doubts about his living situation, complaints about his lack of drive to make set plans with me....it was all there.

 

But of course, I swallowed all those doubts, and fell in love.

 

I am finding what helps me a lot is just venting, which includes writing here! Reading about other bad breakups, and how people are recovering (including you) is also helping me. (hugs)

[Pumpingiron34]

I 2nd pumping iron a few mths in 5 mths in almost officially broke up 2 and half mths ago it gets a lil easier if it helps mine has a strange twist we work work together ye man its awkward and hard. She left her kids stays up here interstate the whole thing makes little sense he re estate a big hug im so glad I found this site on my darkest loneliest days I find comfort and camaraderie on this site it's better than counseling no joke. I'm a pro on broken hearts this is my 5th one i dont think my heart cld take another one but we heal and I guess heal enough to love again one day take ur time don't rebound feel the feelings don't dwell in them too long I mean as in don't let it affect health and work choose a time and place to really process those emotions till the charge is diminished and u no longer feel it but rather feel at peace. A break up is a storm going thru the body. Let it fully pass heal learn grow choose wiser next time round. There's so many things I learnt and wat to be aware of and wat to avoid in the next person little things clues ie; in my case I'm a male lol so I'll be checking if there moving on from a dead relationship to me straight away real warning sign there just carrying old wounds and patterns wth em that haven't been processed or healed these partners just aren't capable of being on there own for a week lol funny as that sounds but that's been one of tg he rec curing themes choosing these type of partners only for it to come back and bite me. Good luck sweetie big hug and let the healing begin prayers for u praying always works

Sounds like you chose my ex. She started dateing a dude like a month later. How she prosessed our relationship that quick would be close to a miricle. The poor guy is rideing a train of doom

[Crystal1111]

Hi Crystal-

 

How are you feeling today? I hope you are forging ahead in your healing!

 

Although our situations aren't exactly the same, I continue to be amazed at the similarities.

 

I also wasn't that thrilled with the sex life with my ex. No passion, just as you said. I mean, we had lots of sex, and most of it was good, but there wasn't any urgency or passion or exploration. It very rarely happened outside of the bedroom, at night. I remember about 3-4 months into the relationship I had to go back and stay with my parents to help my mom recovery from ankle surgery. I was gone for 10 days, and I missed him SO much. He was very sweet about texting and calling, but I remember being a little concerned because he just didn't seem to miss me that much. When I got back he picked me up at the airport with flowers and I was so happy! I thought we would rush back home and fall into bed-and he wanted to stop and get nachos and a beer at this Mexican restaurant his buddy owned. LOL.

 

Not as crushing as your 'hockey night' experience, but along the same lines, I think. Just weird, right?

 

An old friend of mine (male) lives across the country and we mostly keep in touch by text. He has a very good memory, and told me the other night that I should go back and read some of the texts I sent him when my ex and I were first dating. It was very eye-opening. I had a LOT of doubts. Doubts about his relationship history (at his age) doubts about his living situation, complaints about his lack of drive to make set plans with me....it was all there.

 

But of course, I swallowed all those doubts, and fell in love.

 

I am finding what helps me a lot is just venting, which includes writing here! Reading about other bad breakups, and how people are recovering (including you) is also helping me. (hugs)

 

Hi Jenny,

I'm having a day like I had in the beginning. Just really sad today. Hope it's just a hiccup.

 

Glad you're finding some peace and are getting clarity. Even if it's only a little bit.

 

I know it's no use to wish things could have been different but, I wish we could have met somehow as just friends. I miss his friendship so much today.

 

I suppose just a bad day. I really thought I was through with the sadness but my heart feels so raw today. Almost feels like someone died.

 

Thanks for your words and I'm glad we can be there for each other. ((Hugs))

[Crystal1111]

Btw, Jenny,

Thank you for sharing your airport story. Made me laugh a little (not at your pain, of course ) but my ex seemed tobe buddies with every bar owner in the city. Lol. Wonder why. **sarcasm**

 

He would tell me his golf buddies would give him crap for wanting to spend the evening with me once in a while. I guess most of his friends are single party guys. I never even thought about that until just now.

 

He never really mentioned friends with families. Except his brother.

[jenny987]

Hi Jenny,

I'm having a day like I had in the beginning. Just really sad today. Hope it's just a hiccup.

 

Glad you're finding some peace and are getting clarity. Even if it's only a little bit.

 

I know it's no use to wish things could have been different but, I wish we could have met somehow as just friends. I miss his friendship so much today.

 

I suppose just a bad day. I really thought I was through with the sadness but my heart feels so raw today. Almost feels like someone died.

 

Thanks for your words and I'm glad we can be there for each other. ((Hugs))

 

So sorry to hear are having a rough day! I think it's going to be 2 steps forward, one step back for a while.

 

I remember years and years ago when I was going through my divorce, it was the middle of winter and so cold and dark. This is back when I smoked, and I would go out on the back deck to smoke and feel so completely desolate. I remember telling myself- in a few months it will be warm and sunny and I will be standing out here feeling better. And you know what- I did! Not completely over things, but SO much better. There really is no cure like time.

 

I'm trying to tell myself that now. I was cleaning out the hall closet and came across a pair of flip flops, and I told myself- by the time I am wearing these again, I will be feeling better. I have to trust that will be true. I think it will for you, too.

 

I was reading this article that breakups really screw with your brain chemistry. They did a study and imaged the brains of people who were going through a breakup. They then showed them a neutral photo of a stranger, and then a photo of their ex. When they were shown the photo of their ex, all the areas of the brain that deal with addiction and craving lit up. So what we are experiencing is normal, and in a way, unavoidable. Just gotta let our brains get back to normal. Hang in there!!!

[Crystal1111]

That made me feel much better reading that. Thank you!

 

I think I'm going to pull out some of my summer stuff. Even leave some sunscreen on the bathroom counter so that when I see I'll this stuff, I'll be reminded that by the time I'm using these things, my heart will be healed. (I hope!)

 

I hope a happy, healthy and misery free summer for us both! (And everyone else reading this)

[LitTunnel]

That made me feel much better reading that. Thank you!

 

I think I'm going to pull out some of my summer stuff. Even leave some sunscreen on the bathroom counter so that when I see I'll this stuff, I'll be reminded that by the time I'm using these things, my heart will be healed. (I hope!)

 

I hope a happy, healthy and misery free summer for us both! (And everyone else reading this)

 

Hi Crystal. Ya, you'll definitely be going through waves of sadness and depression. It's so expected. I have periods throughout the day where I'm still in disbelief we're not together. It's like I am not letting her go for some reason and every part of me wants to contact her, literally like a druggie needing a fix. Wow! Her memory is literally glued to my synapses. I wish I can delete them but obviously not. Anyway, we're all in it together:) keep posting.

[Crystal1111]

Thank you LitTunel,

My brain definitely knows life with him would be a miserable and void existence.

 

Every year right before the holidays I have an anniversary of the passing of my twin girls. Lost them at 5 months. (another man and another lifetime)

 

I grieved the loss, got to kiss them goodbye, I got closer, and so on.

 

The anniversary still stings a little but I go on throughout the day and I'm able to work or whatever else I need to do.

 

A few of my friends chipped in and got me flowers and another friend said she'd be in the area if I wanted to have lunch or something. You know, just normal stuff you do for people you care about. You want to let them know they're loved and thought about. (Those little things REALLY help)

 

My ex was too busy posting on Facebook about celebrities birthdays and where he at tacos that day. I heard from him that evening and he said I sounded a little down. I told him why and he said he knew that but didn't message me because he didn't want to make me more upset. Total lie of course. He just didn't care I guess.

 

My brain knows he's NOT THE ONE FOR ME!

I just wish my heart would sit this one out and shut up!

 

I mean, I've learned to accept I have to live without my beautiful baby girls, I can certainly live without such a selfish phony!

 

I keep telling myself time will do wonderful things.

I can't wait until he's just a distant memory.

 

Thanks again for your support.