Confronted the guy who sent me mixed signals [UPDATE saw guy who rejected/ignored me]

[Sara1989]

He owes you NOTHING. You only been on ONE DATE, yes you saw each other again to do homework but that was not a second date.

 

It is actually quite normal to be ghosted after the first few dates!

 

I find it strange months down the line your still thinking about this guy and being giddy around him...I wonder if he senses your desperation.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think under the circumstances you should probably avoid any further conversations with him. The less you interact with him the better. No good will come of it.

 

I also think you are right that you will start feeling differently when you meet another guy.

 

Have you thought about dating? I think it will help take your mind off these thoughts about this guy which are just going around in circles but not getting you anywhere.

[freebird31]

He owes you NOTHING. You only been on ONE DATE, yes you saw each other again to do homework but that was not a second date.

 

It is actually quite normal to be ghosted after the first few dates!

 

I find it strange months down the line your still thinking about this guy and being giddy around him...I wonder if he senses your desperation.

 

You find it strange ? Well how do you think I feel. I don't want to feel this way. You're making it sound like this is not normal. Desperation? Hey I can admit I have a crush. But desperate for him ? No. I can live without ever seeing this guy again. But I don't have a choice

[freebird31]

I think under the circumstances you should probably avoid any further conversations with him. The less you interact with him the better. No good will come of it.

 

I also think you are right that you will start feeling differently when you meet another guy.

 

Have you thought about dating? I think it will help take your mind off these thoughts about this guy which are just going around in circles but not getting you anywhere.

 

Thanks Scarlett. These past few months I have been avoiding him. We sometimes pass by each other and we just say a quick "hey". last time he passed by me and asked me where I was working today to which I give short replies. This was the first time in months that we actually had a conversation. And I don't think about this guy at all ever. It's only when we bump into one another that I'll be reminded about it and then quickly get over it. This time was different. Because I felt myself get really nervous and giddy around him again. And I think this is sort of a problem for me which is why I'm posting on here. I shouldn't feel this way and maybe it is strange that I do still have this crush. I will continue to try to avoid him. Next time I will try with every fiber of my being to just act indifferently with him if we see each other. I don't date around at all often or even get crushes. This is the first time, I mean in years that I have had a crush this big on someone. To be honest, I guess I just have not gotten completely comfortable around acting composed around men I am attracted to. I guess maybe my "game" is weak which is embarrassing to admit. I'm just really conservative. I don't have the time to date anyone right now I have too many things going on in between school and work. I just don't like the way seeing him makes me feel. Not because of what happened between us. But because I felt like an idiot with no control over myself.

[freebird31]

I feel embarrassed. i think he might sense that I'm a fool or some dumb girl because I lost control over myself and was smiling like a chump when I saw him. Or maybe he senses "desperation" as the poster mentioned above. I shouldn't care what he thinks. I've always thought I had great composure and thought more highly of myself. Until this happened. My confidence in myself feels kind of shook up right now. Not to mention I'm just in a rocky/stressful place right now in life and I don't have any time to date and little time for a social life which is part of the reason I feel my esteem lower than usual. I don't really feel like a good version of myself at this phase in my life. And this whole thing wth him just brought my esteem to my attention and made me more aware of it. At any rate, I'll really go out of my way to avoid him in future situations

[stillafool]

You find it strange ? Well how do you think I feel. I don't want to feel this way. You're making it sound like this is not normal. Desperation? Hey I can admit I have a crush. But desperate for him ? No. I can live without ever seeing this guy again. But I don't have a choice

 

You need to block him from texting and contacting you. He is just being friendly and flirty but his feelings for you do not match yours for him. He owes you nothing which you are getting. You cannot trick yourself into being friends with him because you know you are hoping for more.

[freebird31]

You need to block him from texting and contacting you. He is just being friendly and flirty but his feelings for you do not match yours for him. He owes you nothing which you are getting. You cannot trick yourself into being friends with him because you know you are hoping for more.

 

Hello,

 

I did block him. And we don't talk via text any more. All of these encounters that we have are when we see each other at work. Yeah true. I don't want to be friends with him. I guess what I meant was I want us to act normal and polite with each other like I do with any other coworker, since we do have to work together still.

[stillafool]

You will just have to set boundaries with him. Be polite but keep it moving and not have lingering conversations with him. He will soon get the message.

[Ieris]

I guess he dented your ego as he didn't pursue you further and seeing him reminds you of that. That doesn't mean you're unattractive and low value because sometimes people just aren't a good match on a romantic level so try not to take that personally.

 

I know you're trying to stay calm and collected when you are around him but sometimes when you overthink and overdo it, it just looks very obvious. Try to treat him like everybody else.. he doesn't treat you special so you don't need to either.

[freebird31]

I guess he dented your ego as he didn't pursue you further and seeing him reminds you of that. That doesn't mean you're unattractive and low value because sometimes people just aren't a good match on a romantic level so try not to take that personally.

 

I know you're trying to stay calm and collected when you are around him but sometimes when you overthink and overdo it, it just looks very obvious. Try to treat him like everybody else.. he doesn't treat you special so you don't need to either.

 

Yeah I guess you can say it did dent my ego. Not to mention I'm turning 25 this guy is only 21. I feel like as a 25 year old, I should be holding myself up to higher standards. I guess I feel embarrassed because someone who was younger than I am didn't feel the same way that I did for him. I will continue to just do my thing. And brush this off. And if I bump into him again I'll make it short and polite nothing more, nothing less. I will treat him like how I treat everyone else.

 

And you're right. I shouldn't take it so personally. I'll try not to. Just brush it off and keep moving forward.

[PinkPampies]

I did read through some of your other threads. It seems you have a really hard time coping and letting go.

 

Have you ever tried therapy? It might be worth giving it a shot!

 

You are so young. It would be a shame wasting months and years on not getting over someone.

 

Find something you really truly love doing or even work an extra job or two that makes you so busy, you won't have time to hold on and obsess over things like this.

 

My last breakup I had my heart broken. I threw myself into work, and as of a few months ago, I am a restaurant owner! No time to mope around. If someone comes along, great. But I am too busy to think about failed connections and feel sorry for myself.

 

Hope this helps

[Pill]

Seems like you were non engaging when you initially dated and he lost interest as a result. Now the rejection has bruised your ego and now you're obsessed with seeking validation.

 

I don't understand the passive aggressive attitude though. What exactly do you want out of this entire situation? Do you want him to chase? Then give him motivation to. Want closure? Then talk to him in person about what happened so he can put the nail in the coffin. Want to sit around daydreaming about a younger student who's likely out sexing coeds? Continue to do nothing. But I advise for your own sanity you take some initiative

[freebird31]

Seems like you were non engaging when you initially dated and he lost interest as a result. Now the rejection has bruised your ego and now you're obsessed with seeking validation.

 

I don't understand the passive aggressive attitude though. What exactly do you want out of this entire situation? Do you want him to chase? Then give him motivation to. Want closure? Then talk to him in person about what happened so he can put the nail in the coffin. Want to sit around daydreaming about a younger student who's likely out sexing coeds? Continue to do nothing. But I advise for your own sanity you take some initiative

 

No I definitely do not want closure. I don't need closure. I refuse to talk to him again about this situation. It will just make me feel even more embarrassed and give him a bigger ego boost knowing I'm botnered by any way. It will make me look like a bigger idiot and I do care how I am looked at. I don't need closure from him screw that. If I see him I am not even going to be friendly. I will just avoid him every way possible. If he tries to speak with me, I will give him hints to give me my space and leave me alone. i refuse to let him have any more power over me. If I see him and I get the butterflies I really will try to get it together. I hate that stupid smirk he has on his face when he sees me smile. It's almost like he knows I'm crushing on him and gets off on it, so he gives me that sky smirk. End of this. I refuse to even think about this anymore. This is such a waste of my time. It's even a waste that I'm posting and venting over this still. Okay I'm done now. Have to get that off my chest. Won't think about this anymore. Talk about it anymore. If I see him I won't let the situation control me. Ugh.

[freebird31]

I can't Believe I'm still on this. For the past few months we have not seen each other. And if we did I keep it short and polite and still friendly. I'm not rude or anything. Today he sees me and says "did you get new glasses? I really like them." Then later during the day he comes by my area and tried to joke around with me and says " I'm going to leave this work for you to do". I don't egg him on or anything I just said "you better not" with a pretty straight face so that he gets the hint to leave me alone. Idk why I even care. I don't get why he is still trying to compliment me and joke around with me? It actually really makes me upset because i got the message loud and clear when he didn't want to date me. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to lose my cool again. And I really do think the next time he says something to me or flirts at all I am going to just blow up.

[freebird31]

Ugh this is really killing my mood now. I don't want to have to really get a new job just to avoid someone. I learned my lesson with dating at work. I don't know how to set boundaries with him. It infuriates me that he thinks he can just act however he wants with me. Ignore my message from months ago. And then flirt with me whenever he pleases. Who does he think he is ? And who does he think I am ? :/

[Cookiesandough]

Why don't you tell him to leave you alone?

[TheTraveler]

And said since school started it had been really crazy and he had no time even to see his friends.

 

Whenever someone gives you the line my life is crazy or my life is so busy...you walk and never look back.

[freebird31]

I think I'm more upset because he ignored my message when I confronted him. Which is fine if we never had to see each other again. But we have to see each other at work so I don't think it's ok. And I don't want to pretend anymore that I'm cool with it. I don't want to joke around back with someone who completely ignored what I had to say. That's so rude! So I'm thinking next time he does start this flirting again or whatever it is, I'm going to confront him in person. And tell I'm in not okay with it. Whatever. All I'm going to say is I'm not okay with being friends with someone who has ignored me in the past. And tbh I do think he owes me an apology, if he wants to be friends. If we never had to see each other an apology isn't necessary but since we still do either 1) never talk to me at work unless for work related reasons or 2) at least say your sorry and we can be friends. But he can't have his cake and eat it too. That's what I'm goig with. It's what my gut is telling me.

[freebird31]

What I meant by friends is Not necessarily "friends" but just friendly acquaintances.

[freebird31]

Ok. Have thought about it. And when I see him and we engage in small all again, I won't say anything. I'll just be polite. But if he starts to joke around again I'll jokingly say something like "oh I don't think I can help someone out that ignored my message ;)" just so I don't come off as too crazy.

[CaliforniaGirl]

He likes you. He thinks you are a great person but he isn't all that into you.

 

But how do go about him texting me and reaching out to me? If he is not that into me I would prefer to be left alone than strung along. Should I just not respond to his messages ?

 

I just don't want to text anymore if he's going to take 12 hours to reply

 

You just answered your own question.

 

Don’t waste your time.

 

Simple:)

 

I agree. Answering, and then agonizing, counting the hours (or days) without a response, then getting a lukewarm one, will stab you right through the heart, OP. Why do it?

 

Let this one fade away, and look out for that guy who really digs you...he'll show up.

[Empyrea]

Ok. Have thought about it. And when I see him and we engage in small all again, I won't say anything. I'll just be polite. But if he starts to joke around again I'll jokingly say something like "oh I don't think I can help someone out that ignored my message ;)" just so I don't come off as too crazy.

 

Nono no no. NO. Now that WOULD come off as crazy. Please, please don't do that. You want him to know that you still remember and still care after ALL THIS TIME? And after you only had one date?? No one deserves that kind of flattery..

 

Whether this still bothers you or not, that's your business, you handle that in your own way, on your own time, whatever. But don't burden him with that. Fact: he owes you nothing! No apology, no nothing. You didn't have a relationship, friendship, nothing! Maybe if he had wanted to stay friends with you, he would have at least tried to write a reply or say something, but he didn't! The kind of message you sent him is a lot to handle for a guy: you have to take in the other person's feelings and try to put yourself in their shoes, and be empathetic or polite.. it's a hassle. He didn't care enough to even try to think of a decent reply okay, you have to understand. If he had cared, he would have said something. Heck, if he cared now, he would be ignoring with you with more effort! He's just being himself (frankly, he sounds terribly annoying). Just don't give him the time of day! Polite at best! This includes that if he should ever decide to throw you a bone and casually ask you to hang out, you should definitely say no. It's like after all this time, at this point, you would literally be his last option - why would you want to be that?

[freebird31]

Nono no no. NO. Now that WOULD come off as crazy. Please, please don't do that. You want him to know that you still remember and still care after ALL THIS TIME? And after you only had one date?? No one deserves that kind of flattery..

 

Whether this still bothers you or not, that's your business, you handle that in your own way, on your own time, whatever. But don't burden him with that. Fact: he owes you nothing! No apology, no nothing. You didn't have a relationship, friendship, nothing! Maybe if he had wanted to stay friends with you, he would have at least tried to write a reply or say something, but he didn't! The kind of message you sent him is a lot to handle for a guy: you have to take in the other person's feelings and try to put yourself in their shoes, and be empathetic or polite.. it's a hassle. He didn't care enough to even try to think of a decent reply okay, you have to understand. If he had cared, he would have said something. Heck, if he cared now, he would be ignoring with you with more effort! He's just being himself (frankly, he sounds terribly annoying). Just don't give him the time of day! Polite at best! This includes that if he should ever decide to throw you a bone and casually ask you to hang out, you should definitely say no. It's like after all this time, at this point, you would literally be his last option - why would you want to be that?

 

Empyrea, I feel really dumb. I had liked this guy when we went on the date. And I still get so nervous around him. And he gives me butterflies. I hate that I feel that way around him. I haven't dated in a long time and don't do it often. And I haven't felt these kind of butterflies or crushed on someone this hard in years. I feel so low right now. And every time I see him it makes me so angry. I'm supposed to be acting like a young woman. But I feel like a little girl right now because to be honest this whole thing hurt my feelings. And whenever I see him it brings back the emotion of feeling rejected. And it makes me want to cry. Just being real. But I'll take your advice and not give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me. I'll put my big girl pants on and act mature about it. As mature as I can.

[Cookiesandough]

Empyrea, I feel really dumb. I had liked this guy when we went on the date. And I still get so nervous around him. And he gives me butterflies. I hate that I feel that way around him. I haven't dated in a long time and don't do it often. And I haven't felt these kind of butterflies or crushed on someone this hard in years. I feel so low right now. And every time I see him it makes me so angry. I'm supposed to be acting like a young woman. But I feel like a little girl right now because to be honest this whole thing hurt my feelings. And whenever I see him it brings back the emotion of feeling rejected. And it makes me want to cry. Just being real. But I'll take your advice and not give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me. I'll put my big girl pants on and act mature about it. As mature as I can.

 

Girl, this whole thing *is* crazy. How attached you are to this man is top tier levels of unhealthy. It makes me feel sane, and that's saying a lot. It's not that I don't get how you feel, because I do. I used to crush very easily. It does have a lot to do with maturity and experience. You are infatuated and need to figure out why. Is it something about him or the fact that it bruised your ego?? I'm thinking it's more the ego thing. People don't connect for whatever reason. It doesn't mean you are not good enough or there is anything wrong with you. It can be for reasons completely unrelated to you, too. This guy could be an asexual aromantic gray or whatever...maybe he is struggling with his own problems for all you know. He may have a fetish in which he can only feel turned on if he bathes himself in ranch dressing and oinks like a pig and feels self conscious about it.

 

 

There are all sorts of reasons people don't connect or wish to go further, but your lack of self esteem and desire to feel validated by this one particular man is driving you nuts. I'm sure it's not helping that you have to be in contact with him every day, but I think if you could accept that him not wanting to see doesn't mean you're not a beautiful, desirable woman with a lot to offer men and start dating more you would laugh at this whole circumstance. You would look back at this thread and wonder why you were sweating this guy...

 

Self esteem issues need to be addressed. Find out what's so special about this guy. I guarantee you that there isn't another guy like him or better you can date. Also, please no passive aggressive comments! X

Edited March 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Empyrea]

Empyrea, I feel really dumb. I had liked this guy when we went on the date. And I still get so nervous around him. And he gives me butterflies. I hate that I feel that way around him. I haven't dated in a long time and don't do it often. And I haven't felt these kind of butterflies or crushed on someone this hard in years. I feel so low right now. And every time I see him it makes me so angry. I'm supposed to be acting like a young woman. But I feel like a little girl right now because to be honest this whole thing hurt my feelings. And whenever I see him it brings back the emotion of feeling rejected. And it makes me want to cry. Just being real. But I'll take your advice and not give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me. I'll put my big girl pants on and act mature about it. As mature as I can.

 

Those are butterflies of anxiety! I know realistically it will take you falling for another guy to really stop caring what this one thinks, but yeah, I suggest just powering through until that happens. Act confident and like he's the dirt beneath your shoe, until you start to believe it yourself. He's a child, you can do better!