Author freebird31 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 He's got me confused too, so you're not alone there. I don't think it would hurt to approach him and ask what happened, even if just to clear the air because you have to work together. For all you know he could be feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable too. He may have misinterpreted your behaviour when he said he would be free in a few weeks, maybe thought you weren't interested. I don't think I can muster up the courage to do that. Maybe because my gut is telling me that he is not interested in me anymore. I don't want to risk feeling humiliated. I thought me telling him "good luck on your test :)" showed I was pretty interested still. I just feel super embarrassed now when I see him, and rejected. Yeah that's true when he said "I'll be finished with school and I'm free!" I really didn't know how to react to that after he said it a second time so I just said ..."lucky you". but that was the same day he had sung me a song. Also was the same day I text him wishing him good luck. So who knows. I keep reading posts on here about how you won't ever doubt if a guy is really interested in you. Maybe 10% of the time the mixed signals are truly misunderstandings I'm not too sure to be honest. Maybe he changed his mind and decided he doesn't want to date someone he works with. if he ever brings it up again and asks me why I'm acting different now towards him, then I will tell him. But I am not playing games anymore :/ or risk embarrassing myself any further 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 My honest opinion.....never date anyone you work with......just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 ...does anyone else agree that a guy who is truly interested won't let you doubt it...or send you mixed signals ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 My honest opinion.....never date anyone you work with......just saying. Yeah, right. I can see why now. But I am not planning to stay there for no longer than another year. So it is not that big of a deal to me. Plus this is more of a second job so I rarely see him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I also think that in the beginning, I would reply right away to his messages. Also there were a few times when I walked over to his department to "drop something off" but really it was to see him. I also was the one that was direct to him and told him it felt like he was not interested in me. Maybe all of those things scared him off. I guess I was just confused and replied right away because I didn't know dating was such a game. The last guy I dated would rely right away to me too and was always available..then again..sometimes it came across as unattractive. Maybe that has something to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 Really needed to vent this. This has been heavy on my mind. Lately I've been a little bothered by the last guy I was dating who I met at work, who gave me mixed signals. I eventually came to the conclusion he isn't interested. I've been wondering why I have let it bother me so much. And it is because I feel like his loss of interest is a direct reflection of me, of who I am and how I carried myself around him. I guess I am just so hard on myself and so critical it makes me question what exactly I did or how I acted that could have made him lose interest. Sure it could have been something as simple as he just wasn't into me. But I keep thinking about how things were great in the beginning. Then when school started everything changed with the the flip of a switch. He no longer had time. I had thought once school ended, we might pick up where we left off. But he never asked me out again. I'm so embarrassed and a little frustrated with myself. Because I continuously keep thinking about the times we had worked together. How I was so nervous around him. I really didn't feel like I was acting like myself. It also affected my performance at work. Most of the time I am confident in myself and never ever nervous or anxious. But when he was around I could not control myself and it was as if I was a completely different person. I'm so upset that I let this guy affect me. But at the time I couldn't help it because he gave me butterflies and I had all of these physiological side effects as a result. I guess what I'm saying is that if I could go back in time I would try to get a bigger grip on myself. And just be myself. Maybe my nerves and shyness made him lose his interest in me. If I ever see him again, I will be myself. I'll just be the person I was when we first met: confident and not timid. I will try to act as polite as I can, even though to be quite honest I feel embarrassed and bitter. I guess his loss of interest in me really bruised my ego. And it makes me keep questioning what the hell went wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 You're putting all the blame on yourself and forgetting that there are two people involved here. No matter how you acted or were around him, he still made a decision to let you go. Maybe your first thought was correct, that he simply wasn't that interested. It does happen. Two people can seem great together, but only to a certain point. It's nothing to take personal, just sometimes we don't click with others. Like you say, if you see him again, maybe test the water, but don't beat yourself up over the past. It happened, let it go. If you want to try again with him, then fair enough, but it's a big world out there. Often when we focus too much on someone who doesn't want us, we miss out on those that do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Did you have sex with him? Link to post Share on other sites
michaelm700 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 This tune has been in the top ten since the first caveman picked a bouquet of wild flowers. You are not alone here. There are two things to consider: 1) Love ain't logical or practical. For the first years in a relationship it's mostly based on pheromones, DNA programming and other stuff beyond our control. Many talk about love at first site. Can't control that and it's not one's fault. I once knew a great guy - graduating med student, multilingual, highly intelligent, caring, compassionate, handsome and a great partier. Everyone loved this guy. He was all set to marry his sweetheart, when she dumped him out of the blue for a grunge, dropout handyman. Was he a worthy person? Was the handyman better? Even at our best, some just aren't attracted but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us. Someone else will have an entirely different opinion. 2) Never lose yourself over another or a relationship. As you said, 'next time you will be yourself.' I too have gotten so beguiled by someone, I was afraid to be myself, lost them and then kicked myself for losing them without giving them to chance to know the real me. It felt like I lost them to some moron that possessed my body. It's weird and I think it is caused by some degree of low self esteem. We should always have the strength and self confidence to project ourselves easily and honestly to everyone kindergartners to supreme court justices. I would look at this guy as a life lesson, nothing more. Definitely not someone to use as a measuring post every time you see him. If you do see him again, don't think of the past, start from scratch with a strong, clear attitude. If something develops then great. If not, no big deal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kmack513 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Freebird, He has a full time job. Also going to school full time. This all you really need to know. "Time". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 This tune has been in the top ten since the first caveman picked a bouquet of wild flowers. You are not alone here. There are two things to consider: 1) Love ain't logical or practical. For the first years in a relationship it's mostly based on pheromones, DNA programming and other stuff beyond our control. Many talk about love at first site. Can't control that and it's not one's fault. I once knew a great guy - graduating med student, multilingual, highly intelligent, caring, compassionate, handsome and a great partier. Everyone loved this guy. He was all set to marry his sweetheart, when she dumped him out of the blue for a grunge, dropout handyman. Was he a worthy person? Was the handyman better? Even at our best, some just aren't attracted but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us. Someone else will have an entirely different opinion. 2) Never lose yourself over another or a relationship. As you said, 'next time you will be yourself.' I too have gotten so beguiled by someone, I was afraid to be myself, lost them and then kicked myself for losing them without giving them to chance to know the real me. It felt like I lost them to some moron that possessed my body. It's weird and I think it is caused by some degree of low self esteem. We should always have the strength and self confidence to project ourselves easily and honestly to everyone kindergartners to supreme court justices. I would look at this guy as a life lesson, nothing more. Definitely not someone to use as a measuring post every time you see him. If you do see him again, don't think of the past, start from scratch with a strong, clear attitude. If something develops then great. If not, no big deal. Alright. If I ever do see him again, I will try to get a grip on myself. And just be me. I won't take it so personally and act immaturely or bitter, even though a part of me feels rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 Did you have sex with him? No I did not. We did not even go as far as a kiss. The first date we went for ice cream and after he took me to this cliff where you can see the ocean and we talked for two hours. It was innocent. It was way too comfortable. During the car ride to and from the date, we just showed each other different songs we liked. It was crazy how comfortable it was. After that, he had told me he wanted to go on many more dates with me. Second date school had started so he got busy and he didn't have time anymore. So we just did homework together. There was never a third date as he was too busy with work full time and school full time. When school ended, I never heard back from him. But did see him at work and he never mentioned anything. So my assumption is he is no longer interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 Sorry. Quick vent again. I guess I am also a bit bothered because this guy went of his way to pursue me. I have worked with him before but never made anything of it and quite frankly I never noticed him in THAt way. He was just another person I worked with at the time. Until one day he went out of his way to find me in my department just to ask if I can keep watch on his area. I also remember catching him looking at me once. Again, never made anything of these things I just thought of him as someone I work with. Then, the same day he found me to ask me to keep watch on his area, he began to ask me questions about myself. If I went to school, where I went to school. What kind of places I like to eat at. Also joking and teasing with me. I don't know why or how, but I somehow saw this guy in an entirely new light. And he awoken my interest in him. I guess things happen. But now I'm the one left here like, okay what the hell happened ? And then we had that nearly perfect first date. Can you imagine why I might feel like my ego is completely bruised here ? He showed he was interested and showed me a great time. And we had plans for future dates until his schedule got busy and he had no social life anymore, according to him. Now I'm left here and i still have to see this guy from time to time at work. I guess I just have to find a way to let it go. I just feel so rejected and the word is - stupid. I feel pretty stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 Saw him today. He was walking out the exit near my department. We both smiled at each other as he approached my area and he said to me "you're in this department today?" And I, as cool as a cumcumber, said "yeah I am in this department today" not the slightest bit nervous either. And gave him a little side smile as I walked away to help someone. I feel way better now. im back in the game and back to my old self Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Unless you have left something out, your entire interaction with this guy has been some banter at work, a few texts/snaps, an evening where you ate ice cream and had zero physical contact, not even a kiss, and an afternoon studying at a bookstore. Based on this, I don't think he's doing anything wrong. He's never indicated that you are anything more than a casual friend, even after your text that was intended to draw him into saying that he wants to see you on a more regular basis. I don't see any mixed messages here, just a guy who is either too busy to date or not interested in you romantically. Either way, it's a non-starter for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Are you sure the first date was actually even a date? Maybe he just wants to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Honestly it doesn't seem like you two are anything but casual work acquaintances. There was never anything going on to get your ego bruised. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 Unless you have left something out, your entire interaction with this guy has been some banter at work, a few texts/snaps, an evening where you ate ice cream and had zero physical contact, not even a kiss, and an afternoon studying at a bookstore. Based on this, I don't think he's doing anything wrong. He's never indicated that you are anything more than a casual friend, even after your text that was intended to draw him into saying that he wants to see you on a more regular basis. I don't see any mixed messages here, just a guy who is either too busy to date or not interested in you romantically. Either way, it's a non-starter for you. I don't know. I didn't ever think of it that way. But on the first hang out, we were talking getting to know one another. He told me he liked me. Said he liked that I shared the same values as him. Maybe he could have meant he liked me as a friend I don't know now. He was the one that actually told me that we were going to have many more dates and that I could plan the next one and the next he would plan and so on. This was before his schedule got hectic. Also he was the one that told me when he saw me his heart raced and he is really nervous around me. Told me he liked my smile. So I don't think these are things u would say to a casual friend. but I guess we never made things clear. maybe I played everything up in my head I don't know now. Maybe I am just upset because I liked him and he doesn't seem interested in taking it further. Maybe it doesn't have to do with my ego. I think I just liked him and I was a little crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
carmelita Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 There's no way of knowing if he just said those things or changed his mind. However, there really was only one date/hangout....you will literally drive yourself insane if you keep obsessing over him. OR recognize it as a crush and let it go at that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 There's no way of knowing if he just said those things or changed his mind. However, there really was only one date/hangout....you will literally drive yourself insane if you keep obsessing over him. OR recognize it as a crush and let it go at that? I know you all think I'm probably crazy. Bc of how weird it seems to obsess over something as silly as this. It just bothers me when I have to seem him at work now. How are you supposed to let it go when u see the person from time to time and he continuously is smiling at you and friendly flirting with you with no intention there ? I feel like I am in high school all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Share Posted November 23, 2016 (edited) long story short. Guy I work with continued to send me mixed signals. Was not sure if he was too shy to ask me out. Or just being friendly. Or being flirty and leading me on. It had been going on for months. So I decided to confront him. Would you confront someone who was sending you mixed signals ? Edited November 23, 2016 by freebird31 Link to post Share on other sites
DK_Casus Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Hmm, I'm a guy and I suck at picking up signals that aren't PAINFULLY clear - so I'd probably not do anything unless I was really interested myself. I'd more or less need to be obsessed to directly confront her about it, though. I tend to let the girls initiate, simply because it's easier and less costly as rejection doesn't happen that way. Weak-ass approach, I know. But it has worked before. That said, once it HAS been initiated - I don't mind taking control So, if I was confronted - it would likely be a very pleasant experience for both. Link to post Share on other sites
Grey40 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 As a guy, if I was interested and had a feeling they might be, yeah I would. I wouldn't ask them I would just try to escalate the situation and see how they react. For girls it's generally different. Most girls feel it's not their job to initiate--they can be shy, scared of rejection or just believe a man should be a man and make a move. Everyone is different though. Girls these days definitely seem much more aggressive. How did you confront him? Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 First, thank you for not posting a ernomous page of "The Story so far", Jesus, I hate reading those. Second, I would ask him to be more clearer. I really don't want to offend a girl because I assumed she was on my wavelength. Sadly, it happened just like that to me, with an office women. We were emailing mixed signals, and I emailed one that eventually went too far. The poop hit the fan, and it went to the Managing director (It was his private secretary). Went into a meeting with him, and talked it out. Luckily for me, I know him enough for him to understand me and my sometimes "Over the top" comments. I apologised to the secretary, and stoped ALL emails and contact with her. I didn't have to, but was better to. Hope this helps. Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Share Posted November 23, 2016 As a guy, if I was interested and had a feeling they might be, yeah I would. I wouldn't ask them I would just try to escalate the situation and see how they react. For girls it's generally different. Most girls feel it's not their job to initiate--they can be shy, scared of rejection or just believe a man should be a man and make a move. Everyone is different though. Girls these days definitely seem much more aggressive. How did you confront him? I told him that I thought he was cute and had fun when we hung out (on our date a few months back). But I wasn't sure if he was just being friendly or leading me on. And I said I didn't want it to be weird between us after all of this since we work together. And he never responded to me. Maybe I came off as too aggressive idk. Or it makes me think he really wasn't interested and he was just being flirty just for fun. And doesn't know how to admit that to me. Guess I will never know since he ignored the situation. And now I'll have to try to act normal around him. I'm not upset like I'll still be myself. I am just confused. But it's fine. I don't want to date someone who can't communicate anyway Link to post Share on other sites
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