Confronted the guy who sent me mixed signals [UPDATE saw guy who rejected/ignored me]

September 6, 2016

So I met this guy at work. He is younger than I am he is 20 I am 24. We worked together before but I never really noticed him or saw him in that way. Until one day things just changed. We shared a laugh together. And from there it was history.

He asked me on a date. The date was amazing. The best and most perfect first date I have ever been on. He picked me up. We went for ice cream. And then afterwards he took me to this place where you can see the view of the city lights. We talked for two hours there. He was really respectful he didnt even try to make any physical moves not even a kiss. We also established that we had a lot in common. That night he also told me that he liked that I am really focused on school and put family first, as those are things that he values as well. He then told me that he liked me. It was the most comfortable date i have ever been on. It felt super relaxed and comfortable. We had this deal that if he impressed me then I would show him some places that I knew of. And then it would be his turn the next time and so on and so on.

The week after that, school started. He has a full time job. Also going to school full time.

I also began to realize then that he sucks at texting. He will take 12 hours to respond to just one question, and it drives me insane. Well, we had planned to hang out that week. And according to our plan it was my turn to show him a new place i told him about. Well, since school had started, he asked me if it was okay that we did homework together instead.

So he picked me up and we went to our local book store. and sat and did homework together. We didnt really talk much because we were actually doing homework. This was 2 weeks ago.

His text messages since then have become really sporadic. He is always the first person that reaches out. As i dont want to bother him since he is the more busy one. But again, the messages are hours apart. It frustrates me.

At one point i was wondering if he was really interested in me or if he was just texting me because he had nothing better to do. He also hadnt asked to hang out at all. This had been bothering me and building up. So i thought i would just be direct about it.

Yesterday I told him that I was not sure if he was interested me because i got the impression that he didnt want to speak with me. He told he me he was sorry he made me feel that way. And said since school started it had been really crazy and he had no time even to see his friends. I told him that I understood and i appreciated that he cleared it up with me. I told him that maybe in the future when we both have more time, we can hang out again. No response.

Then, i see him at work. he comes up to my line, waits, and asks me to scan something for him. Then briefly talks about his cat. And then says he has to go.

Still no response from that message.

I am beyond frustrated. I have no idea what to even think right now. I feel frustrated but i dont even know what i feel frustrated about. I was beginning to feel at peace. I would have felt a lot better if he had just responded and said something short like "sure." and we can part ways and maybe reconnect in the near future when classes end. But i feel ignored again. And I even feel fooled to. Because how could he be too busy to just respond to that message? He says he is sorry he made me feel that way, but I still feel that way. And i dont like feeling this way. I would either like to be completely left alone if he is not that interested in me. Or just simply dont ignore me.

I dont know what to do at this point. Again he is 20. So i dont know if that has anything to do with it. I dont know what to do at this point. I feel so frustrated.

September 6, 2016

So I met this guy at work. He is younger than I am he is 20 I am 24. We worked together before but I never really noticed him or saw him in that way. Until one day things just changed. We shared a laugh together. And from there it was history.

He asked me on a date. The date was amazing. The best and most perfect first date I have ever been on. He picked me up. We went for ice cream. And then afterwards he took me to this place where you can see the view of the city lights. We talked for two hours there. He was really respectful he didnt even try to make any physical moves not even a kiss. We also established that we had a lot in common. That night he also told me that he liked that I am really focused on school and put family first, as those are things that he values as well. He then told me that he liked me. It was the most comfortable date i have ever been on. It felt super relaxed and comfortable. We had this deal that if he impressed me then I would show him some places that I knew of. And then it would be his turn the next time and so on and so on.

The week after that, school started. He has a full time job. Also going to school full time.

I also began to realize then that he sucks at texting. He will take 12 hours to respond to just one question, and it drives me insane. Well, we had planned to hang out that week. And according to our plan it was my turn to show him a new place i told him about. Well, since school had started, he asked me if it was okay that we did homework together instead.

So he picked me up and we went to our local book store. and sat and did homework together. We didnt really talk much because we were actually doing homework. This was 2 weeks ago.

His text messages since then have become really sporadic. He is always the first person that reaches out. As i dont want to bother him since he is the more busy one. But again, the messages are hours apart. It frustrates me.

At one point i was wondering if he was really interested in me or if he was just texting me because he had nothing better to do. He also hadnt asked to hang out at all. This had been bothering me and building up. So i thought i would just be direct about it.

Yesterday I told him that I was not sure if he was interested me because i got the impression that he didnt want to speak with me. He told he me he was sorry he made me feel that way. And said since school started it had been really crazy and he had no time even to see his friends. I told him that I understood and i appreciated that he cleared it up with me. I told him that maybe in the future when we both have more time, we can hang out again. No response.

Then, i see him at work. he comes up to my line, waits, and asks me to scan something for him. Then briefly talks about his cat. And then says he has to go.

Still no response from that message.

I am beyond frustrated. I have no idea what to even think right now. I feel frustrated but i dont even know what i feel frustrated about. I was beginning to feel at peace. I would have felt a lot better if he had just responded and said something short like "sure." and we can part ways and maybe reconnect in the near future when classes end. But i feel ignored again. And I even feel fooled to. Because how could he be too busy to just respond to that message? He says he is sorry he made me feel that way, but I still feel that way. And i dont like feeling this way. I would either like to be completely left alone if he is not that interested in me. Or just simply dont ignore me.

I dont know what to do at this point. Again he is 20. So i dont know if that has anything to do with it. I dont know what to do at this point. I feel so frustrated.

This took me many years to learn this lesson, but there's no such thing as mixed signals. Mixed signals actually mean they are not that into you and to not waste your time! Back off of him and see what happens, either way, you'll have your answer.

September 6, 2016

He likes you. He thinks you are a great person but he isn't all that into you.

Its not mean or nasty he just doesn't want you.

Simple really.

Back off and leave him be.

September 6, 2016

This took me many years to learn this lesson, but there's no such thing as mixed signals. Mixed signals actually mean they are not that into you and to not waste your time!

This is so “Life common sense 101” Mixed signals for so many simply means false hope.

When a guy (hell anyone) is into you… TRULY into you, there is no doubt.

September 6, 2016

Okay I get it. Thanks. But how do go about him texting me and reaching out to me? If he is not that into me I would prefer to be left alone than strung along. Should I just not respond to his messages ? Or should I take 12 hours to respond to his message like he does with me so that he gets the point ? I don't want this to be a game. I just don't want to text anymore if he's going to take 12 hours to reply and if he's not even that interested. It makes me feel stupid. Especially because I was actually interested in him.

September 6, 2016

He likes you. He thinks you are a great person but he isn't all that into you.

But how do go about him texting me and reaching out to me? If he is not that into me I would prefer to be left alone than strung along. Should I just not respond to his messages ?

I just don't want to text anymore if he's going to take 12 hours to reply

You just answered your own question.

Don’t waste your time.

Simple:)

September 6, 2016

He likes you. He thinks you are a great person but he isn't all that into you.

But how do go about him texting me and reaching out to me? If he is not that into me I would prefer to be left alone than strung along. Should I just not respond to his messages ?

I just don't want to text anymore if he's going to take 12 hours to reply

You just answered your own question.

Don’t waste your time.

Simple:)

Thanks. Next time he reaches out again I will just ignore it. I want to put an end to this frustrating feeling.

September 6, 2016

Last night he ended up responding by the way. Completely changing the subject and venting about the 3 week old cat be found and has to take care of. Again, I responded last night. Only because I felt bad for the guy and gave him he benefit of the doubt. In that moment I thought poor guy works full time, goes to school full time and now has to mother an abandoned kitten. Well, then he never responded again. Figures. Whether he is too busy to make time to text me back or he is just simply not interested, I'm done with this. I can't stand this feeling. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt like I said because I tried to empathize with his situation. But it is bothering me at this point. And I would prefer to be left alone if he is too busy like he says he is. Maybe later in the future like I previously mentioned to him, we can try it out again. Or maybe not. As for now, I would prefer my space.

September 6, 2016

This was also before I read all of the advice and responses above. Had I read this advice sooner I would have given it a second thought before responding

September 7, 2016

I also want to add that in the beginning when we first met. It was easier as friends before we started doing the dates stuff. I felt more confident in myself when I didnt see him in that way. I also think there were times when my confidence intimidated him. Because I could see it when he stared at me and he got a big gulp down his throat. lol. But as soon as he began to woo me over, I think that I got slight anxiety and nervous as well. And that confidence in myself turned into huge nerves. It almost feels like there are times when I cannot be myself because I am just so nervous and shy to function. I like the version of myself that is relaxed and composed, not the version of myself that has big googly eyes and cant stop smiling in his presence. Ugh.

September 7, 2016

Last night he ended up responding by the way. Completely changing the subject and venting about the 3 week old cat be found and has to take care of. Again, I responded last night. Only because I felt bad for the guy and gave him he benefit of the doubt. In that moment I thought poor guy works full time, goes to school full time and now has to mother an abandoned kitten. Well, then he never responded again. Figures. Whether he is too busy to make time to text me back or he is just simply not interested, I'm done with this. I can't stand this feeling. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt like I said because I tried to empathize with his situation. But it is bothering me at this point. And I would prefer to be left alone if he is too busy like he says he is. Maybe later in the future like I previously mentioned to him, we can try it out again. Or maybe not. As for now, I would prefer my space.

Whatever you do, don't date a guy or message a guy back because you feel bad for him. You're not doing him or yourself any favors. If you want your space, then either ghost him, fade out or tell him you don't want to see him anymore. The third option is what I think is best.

September 7, 2016

Whatever you do, don't date a guy or message a guy back because you feel bad for him. You're not doing him or yourself any favors. If you want your space, then either ghost him, fade out or tell him you don't want to see him anymore. The third option is what I think is best.

Thank you. I feel empowered again. I just needed some encouragement from others. I posted a picture on snap chat. He then made a comment on the picture to which I ignored. I'm so frustrated. If he tries to text me again, I will also ignore that too. I want to keep things friendly because we work together.

September 7, 2016

Amicable was the word I was looking for. I want to keep things amicable between us. I don't want it be awkward at all

September 7, 2016

It is really annoying. He always reaches out and/or replies to my messages when it is convenient for him. And i don't appreciate being ignored. Not just once but quite a few times already. I think it is rude in my opinion. So at this point I really don't feel bad ignoring his messages anymore. I'm not interested in dating someone who completely disregards something I've said.

September 7, 2016

It is really annoying. He always reaches out and/or replies to my messages when it is convenient for him. And i don't appreciate being ignored. Not just once but quite a few times already. I think it is rude in my opinion. So at this point I really don't feel bad ignoring his messages anymore. I'm not interested in dating someone who completely disregards something I've said.

If he responds only when it's convenient for him, then you do the same, except now, it's never convenient for you. Get it?

September 7, 2016

It is really annoying. He always reaches out and/or replies to my messages when it is convenient for him. And i don't appreciate being ignored. Not just once but quite a few times already. I think it is rude in my opinion. So at this point I really don't feel bad ignoring his messages anymore. I'm not interested in dating someone who completely disregards something I've said.

Here we go again......like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If you want more texting, more intimacy, go look for someone else. Not everyone is some romantic that is going to sweep you off your feet. Some guys are just lazy daters. Don't waste energy on how you can fix this or make him a better BF, or ask why is he doing this. dump the chump. Been there done that!

September 7, 2016

Here we go again......like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If you want more texting, more intimacy, go look for someone else. Not everyone is some romantic that is going to sweep you off your feet. Some guys are just lazy daters. Don't waste energy on how you can fix this or make him a better BF, or ask why is he doing this. dump the chump. Been there done that!

Yes you're right. I'm pretty sure these bad habits would carry over into the relationship anyway. And I don't have the patience nor do I want to deal with it. If that's the case, I much rather would prefer to not be involved with him. We had a great date. And we have a lot in common. It's a shame. But he is also very young anyway. And I am not too sure we would have been on the same page in regards to commitment. So maybe it is for the best. But yes you hit it on the nail, "lazy dater." I think that is most definitely what he is. Also I had noticed these habits from the beginning but they just got progressively worst. He does the minimal to keep me around now. Ignores my message. Then starts an entirely new conversation. Gosh, I can't stand that. Not just with people I date but anyone in general. So annoying

September 8, 2016

Update. We haven't spoken for 2 days now. He posted a video of him with his kitten giving him a kiss and putting her tiny paw on his face. And then he looks at the camera. And smirks. Are you kidding me. Immediately got butterflies. And felt so attracted to him in that moment. Damn him. I will stick by what I said.and if he reaches out again I will not reply. Because no matter how attracted I am to him, it is still frustrating. Also this is the first person I've felt butterflies with in years (been a rough past few years). If he wants to talk to me or even date me then he can ask me out. even tho that video was so adorable I will not let myself get weak in the knees of be fooled. Just a note to self.

September 8, 2016

Damn him.

No, damn yourself for tolerating this.

this is the first person I've felt butterflies with in years

Butterflies are pretty but not reliable. And they eventually flitter away anyway... just like the man who gave them to you.

If he wants to talk to me or even date me then he can ask me out. even tho that video was so adorable I will not let myself get weak in the knees of be fooled. Just a note to self.

Why don't I believe you?

September 8, 2016

No, damn yourself for tolerating this.

Butterflies are pretty but not reliable. And they eventually flitter away anyway... just like the man who gave them to you.

Why don't I believe you?

I hate patronizing advice. i find it never helps. But what should you expect opening up anonymously on a forum. You don't have to believe me.

September 8, 2016

OP, I can see where you are coming from. What woman hasn't been in a situation where she is inexplicably attracted to a man despite him acting like the jerk? The attraction becomes such a pull...

There was a guy like this last year. I was pleased with myself for holding back to watch his moves. When I did do that, I decided I would trust my own instincts that he wasn't in it for the real deal. There were elements of his behaviour - like not texting enough to show interest (and I'm not really a big texter). Although I still felt very attracted to him, I was able to scale back and get some distance. I tried to look at his behaviour and ignore anything to do with attraction and I even realised that we really didn't have much in common personality-wise either. I could tell from the kind of conversations we had that he wasn't really interested in getting to know me. I don't regret getting rid of him because over a year later I've heard stories about him in my circles about the kind of guy that he is. I'm glad I didn't get any more involved than a few kisses now.

OP it's okay to take a step back and drop the guy. If he's legit, he'll prove his interest to you. If not he'll drop off your radar, you'll have your dignity intact and you might find out more about him you don't like anyway.

I think the key thing with this guy is that he's not making progress. He went on one date with you and the next time you spent time together as study buddies. So he clearly isn't trying to progress it but for some reason wants you around. If he wanted to progress it, he might up the ante with the dates. If a guy is really into you, he also won't want you to mistake him for a friend.

September 8, 2016

Update. We haven't spoken for 2 days now. He posted a video of him with his kitten giving him a kiss and putting her tiny paw on his face. And then he looks at the camera. And smirks. Are you kidding me. Immediately got butterflies. And felt so attracted to him in that moment. Damn him. I will stick by what I said.and if he reaches out again I will not reply. Because no matter how attracted I am to him, it is still frustrating. Also this is the first person I've felt butterflies with in years (been a rough past few years). If he wants to talk to me or even date me then he can ask me out. even tho that video was so adorable I will not let myself get weak in the knees of be fooled. Just a note to self.

You'll feel butterflies again.

Try and take a break from him on social media, at least hide his posts so you don't get the feeling of him being on your mind all the time.

September 8, 2016

I hate patronizing advice. i find it never helps. But what should you expect opening up anonymously on a forum. You don't have to believe me.

My intention was not to be patronizing.

I said I didn't believe you because I have BTDT, so I get it.

We always say "never again" but we always end up doing the same thing again.

As soon as we get that text or phone call, we fall right back in.

It takes awhile to break free emotionally.

Best of luck.

October 25, 2016

About 2 months ago I went on a date with a guy I work with. It was amazing, comfortable and we talked a lot and got to know one another. We made plans for a second date. And when I saw him at work i had asked him if we were going to hang out still. He said "YES. I want to still hang out !" And seemed very excited to do so. Well the day came when we were supposed to hang out. But this time school semester had started. And he had asked me if it was okay if we can do homework together because he had so much. (I previously suggested we could have a study date for a future date.) so we went to our local bookstore and did homework. We both had a good time. But anyway texts had become more and more sporadic. Eventually I had assumed he was not interested in me. Also I felt as if I got mixed signals. I didn't take it to heart but I just was confused. So I asked him directly about it. And he told me that he was sorry he has made me feel that way but the reason why he hadn't been as invested was because since the school semester started and while working full time, he did not have a social life. And I know this is true and was not an excuse. I said it was okay and I totally understand.

Anyway, a few more weeks go by and we work together in the same area again. It was friendly and very flirty. And he mentioned to me "I will be done with school in 4 weeks. And I'm free." I didn't know if he meant free to hang out with me or free in general. I didn't make much of it. Then 2 more weeks go by again. And we have another shift together. Again, the dynamic is very friendly and flirty and very obvious that there are sparks there. Again he mentions to me "I'm almost done with school and I'll be free." At this point I had gotten the idea maybe he was telling me he was free to hang out now. That same day we were flirting quite a bit and he then sang me a cute sweet love song while we working together. At that point, I realized I had developed some sort of feelings for him. I text him that day and told him good luck on his test. And that same day he sent me a video of his kitten telling me he hopes it make me feel better since I had told him I'm getting sick. And the next morning he texts me and says "goodmorning:)" I replied back. And then after never got a reply from him.

So it's been a few weeks from that last encounter. School has ended for him. And he never reached out to me to say hi. And hasn't asked me to hang out. To be quite honest, I felt crushed. I even felt a little bit embarrassed. Because I fell for his game a little bit. The sweet song. The time he has said he liked me on the date. Another encounter when he also had said seeing me made him really nervous and made his heart race.

I feel really confused and embarrassed because it was quite obvious I had let my guard come down a little bit and showed him I was interested in him as well.

About 3 days ago we saw one another again during a meeting at work. He did not directly say anything to me so I didn't say anything to him either. We just kind of talked amongst the group but never directly to each other. I felt embarrassed to say hi and put myself out there at this point. Because I feel a little bit rejected. Also I feel a little bit like he lead me on. We still have to work together ever so often when I work in his department. Which is once or twice a month.

I don't know what happened. Perhaps he doesn't want anything serious with someone right now for whatever reason. But we started off great and the attraction is surely there. I don't know what I did. I feel a little bit embarrassed. And I don't know how to act when I see him now.

I guess it could be a plethora of possible reasons: he doesn't want something serious, maybe unresolved feelings for an ex, maybe he's just immature (age20) and just wanted to feed his ego.

I'm not really sure. I feel bummed tho.

October 26, 2016

He's got me confused too, so you're not alone there. I don't think it would hurt to approach him and ask what happened, even if just to clear the air because you have to work together. For all you know he could be feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable too. He may have misinterpreted your behaviour when he said he would be free in a few weeks, maybe thought you weren't interested.

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Confronted the guy who sent me mixed signals [UPDATE saw guy who rejected/ignored me]

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