Will this be the road to estrangement... [Update Nov 2018]

[whichwayisup]

Sadly, I do think you need to detach for your own sanity. She isn't the daughter you once knew. At least for now and the near future.

 

Her addiction to pot and booze is more important to her. Something physically bad (health scare or something along those lines) has to happen for her to want to change and get her life back on track. You can't sit and wait for it to happen, it may not ... So do please go to al-anon and get help so you can cope with this in a healthy way and not let her ruin your life.

[amaysngrace]

When she went to rehab she was still in HS. Suspended as she got caught smoking on the grounds and faced possible expulsion. Showing the school district that she was trying to be clean was the only way from her not having to go to an alternative HS.

 

It was weekly meetings with other people in her age group.

 

When she went a few weeks ago. I am guessing she needed someone to police her usage. I don't believe she ever wanted to stop. She knew smoking pot was the deal breaker on having the car full time. Pot is illegal here in NY so I was not going to let her drive especially when I have seen her behavior while she is high.

 

Drinking is legal and unfortunately if I suspected my daughter was a drunk she wouldn't get the car keys either. Why would I want to risk other peoples lives? So keeping a car away from someone who can hurt someone is not pointless to me. My daughter has gotten into an accident in May in my car. I believe she was high at the time. Did not want police involved and did not tell me or contact my insurance while I was away.

 

I got a phone call from an older woman saying my daughter agreed to a set amount of money to pay her for her damages yet she had no money and never said a word to me. I came back to see she hurt the front of my car. If she was a clear thinking person maybe that wouldn't have happened.

 

My daughter has real issues. I hope one day down the road she realizes what is good for her. Because right now the friends she keeps aren't doing anything but stopping her from growing or being responsible. Someone out there is still paying for her. I wanted her to finish school so she could pay for herself. But she has a problem with my rules. Too many restrictions according to her.

 

Do you expect perfection from your children or something? Kids are going to make mistakes. Honestly if this is the worse you have to deal with from her then you should maybe be counting your blessings!

 

As a parent I think we should recognize that while we gave them life it's actually theirs to live. Sure, restrict her driving privileges if you'd like until she pays for repairs but to throw her out of your home while you expect her to do well in school as a full-time student seems counterproductive to me.

 

It's going to be very difficult for her to manage that now so I hope that you realize you're making it harder for her to accomplish the goals you've mapped out for her life.

 

What's her major and is she passionate about it? Has she always been a good student and have you encouraged and assisted her in being the best student she can be?

 

Because unfortunately right now all that hard work and devotion you've given to ensure that she has a bright future as an educated person is going down the drain.

 

And that's a shame.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I have to disagree with this poster. No one is perfect but as a parent, you have to set boundaries and expectations. Expecting your kid to not drink/smoke while driving is reasonable. Expecting you kid to go to go to school is reasonable. Expecting your kid to not sell drugs is reasonable. No one has a right to drive or a right to own a car. You earn it and have to be responsible using it.

 

If the kid moved out because she didn't want to live by reasonable rules then that's her choice. She wanted to make adult choices so she has to live with adult consequences which means struggling to pay rent, buy a car....

 

I think you're doing the right thing, OP, as difficult as it is. You're not enabling her and you're not rewarding her for bad behavior. She says she has money. She can buy her own car and find her own way since she chose that life. You ARE NOT the one who made it "harder for her to accomplish the goals you've mapped out for her life." That was your daughter's choice and no amount of begging, encouraging, discussing will make a person with their own strong will and agenda to change their mind. She may or may not look back at this someday and regret her choices.

 

If she comes back and wants to live with you, go to school, etc, then welcome her back with open arms. I wouldn't settle for anything less. If she's making an honest living and making it on her own (school or not) congratulate her and encourage her.

 

Your daughter has every right to live her life the way she wants..but you absolutely do not have to enable or support an illegal life style. Don't feel guilty for that.

 

 

Do you expect perfection from your children or something? Kids are going to make mistakes. Honestly if this is the worse you have to deal with from her then you should maybe be counting your blessings!

 

As a parent I think we should recognize that while we gave them life it's actually theirs to live. Sure, restrict her driving privileges if you'd like until she pays for repairs but to throw her out of your home while you expect her to do well in school as a full-time student seems counterproductive to me.

 

It's going to be very difficult for her to manage that now so I hope that you realize you're making it harder for her to accomplish the goals you've mapped out for her life.

 

What's her major and is she passionate about it? Has she always been a good student and have you encouraged and assisted her in being the best student she can be?

 

Because unfortunately right now all that hard work and devotion you've given to ensure that she has a bright future as an educated person is going down the drain.

 

And that's a shame.

[jnel921]

I have to disagree with this poster. No one is perfect but as a parent, you have to set boundaries and expectations. Expecting your kid to not drink/smoke while driving is reasonable. Expecting you kid to go to go to school is reasonable. Expecting your kid to not sell drugs is reasonable. No one has a right to drive or a right to own a car. You earn it and have to be responsible using it.

 

If the kid moved out because she didn't want to live by reasonable rules then that's her choice. She wanted to make adult choices so she has to live with adult consequences which means struggling to pay rent, buy a car....

 

I think you're doing the right thing, OP, as difficult as it is. You're not enabling her and you're not rewarding her for bad behavior. She says she has money. She can buy her own car and find her own way since she chose that life. You ARE NOT the one who made it "harder for her to accomplish the goals you've mapped out for her life." That was your daughter's choice and no amount of begging, encouraging, discussing will make a person with their own strong will and agenda to change their mind. She may or may not look back at this someday and regret her choices.

 

If she comes back and wants to live with you, go to school, etc, then welcome her back with open arms. I wouldn't settle for anything less. If she's making an honest living and making it on her own (school or not) congratulate her and encourage her.

 

Your daughter has every right to live her life the way she wants..but you absolutely do not have to enable or support an illegal life style. Don't feel guilty for that.

 

Thanks. Since she has left which was 3 weeks ago I am trying to come to terms with it all.

 

It was her choice. She had options. Great ones if you ask me, but she did not want to follow any rules. She got kicked out of her friends house last week and is living with 2 girls in their apt. It is suspect how their rent is being paid or even what they do. My daughter has since spent all her time with these girls including Christmas will again on New Years eve, So right now I don't mean anything to her.

 

We haven't spoken and if she does reach out it would probably be if she needed something.

 

Its a shame that this is what we are to her. I don't need that right now in my life. When she realizes how much she has ruined her own life and how she hurt us in the processes I just hope I am still living to hear the apology. I honestly don't know about giving her another chance at breaking us emotionally and financially. Right now someone is giving her a free ride. That wont last long.

 

She really needs to earn a lot to get my trust and respect back.

[jnel921]

Do you expect perfection from your children or something? Kids are going to make mistakes. Honestly if this is the worse you have to deal with from her then you should maybe be counting your blessings!

 

As a parent I think we should recognize that while we gave them life it's actually theirs to live. Sure, restrict her driving privileges if you'd like until she pays for repairs but to throw her out of your home while you expect her to do well in school as a full-time student seems counterproductive to me.

 

It's going to be very difficult for her to manage that now so I hope that you realize you're making it harder for her to accomplish the goals you've mapped out for her life.

 

What's her major and is she passionate about it? Has she always been a good student and have you encouraged and assisted her in being the best student she can be?

 

Because unfortunately right now all that hard work and devotion you've given to ensure that she has a bright future as an educated person is going down the drain.

 

And that's a shame.

 

I expect my kids to love, honor and respect me as it says in the good book.

 

I expect my kids to follow and respect the rules of my home. The home i provide for by working long hours.

 

I expect them to do what they have to do for themselves to be respected contributors to society. I am not trying to raise the next criminal. Which is the path my daughter is on.

 

She left, I didn't throw her out. She abandoned her future. The one I provided. Not my fault.

[amaysngrace]

Meh...it sounds to me like you want to control her.

 

If anybody set a boundary I'd say it was her when she left home. You could probably benefit from some counseling.

[MuddyFootprints]

Sometimes we raise kids who don't reflect who we think we are, kids who choose a different or rebellious path, kids who think and act differently from what we think they should.

 

Your provisions come with conditions which as a parent, is your prerogative.

 

Sometimes a little leniency, flexibility, and understanding go a long way to help our children grow into the people they are supposed to be.

 

You don't know who your daughter is. Is that your fault? Maybe.

[jnel921]

Sometimes we raise kids who don't reflect who we think we are, kids who choose a different or rebellious path, kids who think and act differently from what we think they should.

 

Your provisions come with conditions which as a parent, is your prerogative.

 

Sometimes a little leniency, flexibility, and understanding go a long way to help our children grow into the people they are supposed to be.

 

You don't know who your daughter is. Is that your fault? Maybe.

 

My only issue with my daughter was her pot use and behavior. I believe she may be using stronger drugs.

 

I did the right things as a parent. My son had the same rules and privileges and he respects me and has proven to be responsible.

 

My daughter never wanted me to know her friends, where she was, what she was doing since she was younger. That's not normal, especially when you want to know your kids are safe. I spent many years arguing with her about this. After she turned 18 at least let me know where you are and be home within the agreed times we discussed.

 

Paying for school and car is a privilege that should be earned. If she wants that now she can take out loans. I wont help her again.

 

Not everyone can hold their drugs. I believe some people on here who indulge have a problem with me and all that I have to say about it. But drugs are a problem. The people who do them and abuse them do not think rationally.

 

Someone I knew who was only 25 was walking their dog when a drug addict stabbed and strangled her on 12/20 because they needed money for drugs. She was on life support and died last night.

 

I am not trying to encourage my daughter to do drugs because I know how this has changed her mentally. She could turn into someone who eventually turns around and hurts people. She already admitted to stealing last week.

 

It's not about controlling my daughter. Its about following rules in my home and respecting us as parents which she failed to do. I guess I should be lenient when she is screaming in my face and telling me no after I ask her to do something no matter what it is. But I should work like a slave to support her while she abuses us?

 

If my daughter wants to grow then she needs to change. If she doesn't change she will never grow. If she cant grow then she isn't really living is she.

 

She will find out the hard way and I hope life is teaching her what she needs to know.

[jnel921]

My daughter came over Christmas day. I cant say the day went without incident. She did not want me asking or talking about her. She didn't like that my H didn't look happy. But how are we supposed to feel about her actions?

 

When she left she said she'd be by New Years eve. I didn't hear from her all week. I called her Saturday to ask her what time she'd be by. She told me she was traveling with her friend. Was in a hotel in GA and would be driving to FL today. Needless to say I was upset. I asked her when was she going to tell me this. Her answer was ughhh... today. Bit it was after 4pm. So it didn't make sense.

 

I started going in on her. I wish I hadn't. But I am so upset with her, I asked her how long was this going to go on. How long before she gets serious about a job and life. Then she claimed that she'd be starting a job at the same Bakery she said she was working at before but was lying about on 1/13.

 

I told her that I was tired of her lies and when she was ready to have any real conversations with me she knows my number and where I live. She said she'd call me later and I told her i wouldn't hold my breath.

 

At 12pm she did call me and wished me a happy new year. Asked where i was and mentioned that she was about to go to a waffle house. I didn't say anything and she said she'd see me soon. I said ok but without any real faith that she was being honest.

 

I haven't called her to check on her. I don't believe I should. She is out there avoiding life and the real responsibilities. Her friend is dragging her along for the ride. But I am sure it will be a short one.

 

This whole experience has been hurtful and embarrassing. I was lying about her each time family asked about her. I just don't want to get into the details of the pain. I go back to work tomorrow. I am hoping that keeping busy will help me. Being alone is hard as I am alone with my thoughts. Not easy.

 

I am coming to terms with all of this. I just need to find more resources to help me cope. I am afraid that if we don't communicate it will be the beginnings of both of us growing apart. If and when we do speak, its hard not to be upset.

[jnel921]

Yesterday I was sent disturbing pictures of my daughter with men who were brandishing stacks of cash. Pics of her drinking alcohol and smoking pot. I sent these to her and told her if she didn't change her life to leave me out of it. I don't know what else to say. But I can't have a relationship with her and have her think this is ok.

[mikeylo]

She has clearly fallen into the wrong path and you need to take drastic steps to save her rather than leave on her own. She basically needs you the most at this point.

[nittygritty]

Yesterday I was sent disturbing pictures of my daughter with men who were brandishing stacks of cash. Pics of her drinking alcohol and smoking pot. I sent these to her and told her if she didn't change her life to leave me out of it. I don't know what else to say. But I can't have a relationship with her and have her think this is ok.

 

Parental Abandonment isn't going to help your teenage daughter. She has substance abuse and other mental health issues. Some of which your parenting style, her childhood traumas and home life, growing up likely contributed to. Now is not the time to throw her to the wolves and see if she makes it because she might not live through it.

 

If you love your daughter unconditionally, you should at least be calling to check on her wellbeing and telling her that you love her. Is her father in the picture? Or grandparents or other relatives that care about her? If so get them involved and possibly professionals. Your daughter's life is in danger. What you are doing isn't working. She needs help in order to save her life.

[jnel921]

Parental Abandonment isn't going to help your teenage daughter. She has substance abuse and other mental health issues. Some of which your parenting style, her childhood traumas and home life, growing up likely contributed to. Now is not the time to throw her to the wolves and see if she makes it because she might not live through it.

 

If you love your daughter unconditionally, you should at least be calling to check on her wellbeing and telling her that you love her. Is her father in the picture? Or grandparents or other relatives that care about her? If so get them involved and possibly professionals. Your daughter's life is in danger. What you are doing isn't working. She needs help in order to save her life.

 

I didn't contribute to her substance/alcohol or mental issues. We have tried to help her over the years. Once she turned 18 I guess she thought she was an adult who can go out and do her thing.

 

What she is doing is unacceptable. I do love my daughter but I can't imagine having conversations that would only end up in her telling me to shut up. No matter what I say she doesn't want to listen. She shuts down.

 

She has to learn on her own. I have done enough. Her father is a rolling stone. He recently inquired on her and when I told him she left his only response was now he doesn't have to pay me child support. He is not a constant in her life. My H and I have been there for her and have endured too many things we didn't deserve.

 

I need some distance right now.

[foxgener]

I didn't contribute to her substance/alcohol or mental issues. We have tried to help her over the years. Once she turned 18 I guess she thought she was an adult who can go out and do her thing.

 

What she is doing is unacceptable. I do love my daughter but I can't imagine having conversations that would only end up in her telling me to shut up. No matter what I say she doesn't want to listen. She shuts down.

 

She has to learn on her own. I have done enough. Her father is a rolling stone. He recently inquired on her and when I told him she left his only response was now he doesn't have to pay me child support. He is not a constant in her life. My H and I have been there for her and have endured too many things we didn't deserve.

 

I need some distance right now.

 

 

Whether you contributed or not is irrelevant. She is still your daughter.

[jnel921]

My 19 yr old daughter left home 6 weeks ago. She clearly has nothing and her bills are piling up. She has asked me to pay her bills.

 

I said no. At one point last week she told her brother she wanted to come back but then changed her mind because doing whatever she is right now (pot & alcohol) wont be part of the deal at home.

 

when I said no, her answer was that she wouldn't be speaking to me until she pays her bills. I am not sure how to feel about that. At the rate she is going they will never be paid.

 

Not sure how I feel about all of this. Why should would think I should still support her when she left my home.

[Whodatdog]

She wont be speaking to you? Maybe you shouldnt speak to her until she pulls herself together. Blackmail works both ways.

[jnel921]

She wont be speaking to you? Maybe you shouldnt speak to her until she pulls herself together. Blackmail works both ways.

 

Unfortunately that is what I have to do. When she was home and used to get her phone taken away she would raise holy hell. She hasn't had a phone since the year has started and she is fine. I am guessing because she is with who she prefers to be with and we are nothing to her anymore.

 

It hurts that it has come to this. No matter what I say she does the opposite. I have to let go and it's hard to do.

[jnel921]

I was away and on my way back home. I got a call from my daughter. she was in tears. The guy she living with had a physical altercation with her and she claimed he broke her glasses. She also said he threw all her legal documents out on the side of the road. She called me and said she wanted to come home. I was upset to hear all of these stories. She said he was controlling and she wanted her freedom. I told her that my son could go pick her up when she was ready.

 

She called me later and said she was ready and then I let my son know. As he was headed over there and she called him and told him to forget it. She claimed that she went off earlier and that things were fine But later I still went over there to tell her how I don't appreciate her disrupting my time and life to cry wolf and say she wanted to come home only to change her mind.

 

I told her how disappointed i was that she was staying. Taking any abuse is crazy. Meanwhile the guy broke her phone She had it less than a week. So here we go again with no way to contact her.

 

This hasn't been easy. Not sure what its going to take to make her see what's happening here. The guy is totally controlling her. She wasn't allowed to see her dad this weekend. The guy threatened not to let her come back. She has come to my home once since last year. Not sure what to do.

 

I can't do this.

[turnera]

Then don't. Stop taking her phone calls. People don't change overnight. People can't change overnight. Given her history, it is going to take her at least 2 or 3 years of living in hell to come to the realization that you were right and she was wrong. Not any time soon. Let her wallow. SHE NEEDS IT.

 

When she finally comes back and tells how SHE has screwed everything up, SHE had it all wrong, SHE is so sorry how much she's hurt everyone...maybe THEN you can say 'let's get a cup of coffee.'

 

You should never have said she could come home. It was all she was fishing for - to hear that you'd take her back. That emboldened her to thumb her nose at you again.

 

Wait it out.

[jnel921]

Thanks Turnera...

 

It's been so hard dealing with this. She moved and I don't even know where and I want to believe that she wants to talk to me, but I think you are right she just likes living in this hell and wants to know I am her safety net.

 

My son leaves to the army in 2 weeks. We are supposed to have a party for him on Sunday. I am not sure if she will come. My son doubts it and says he doesn't care about her anymore.

 

Hurts to hear him say that. I remember when they were little I would always have them tell each other that they loved one another even after big arguments.

 

I have no choice but to wait. It's the meantime that's difficult to handle.

[Globug]

I am so very sorry. I know how much this hurts. My child started smoking pot in his Senior year too. We did the same thing. Took away vehicle, grounded, drug test but after he graduated I knew while I wanted better from him I had to let him go & could not try & control him in anyway shape or form. He was an adult & he had to make his decisions & live with the consequences.

 

 

He moved out shortly after he graduated & the next year was so rough to watch. I did not see him much because he was always partying with his friends & when I did see him he had changed from this buff football player to almost a skeleton. It was heartbreaking but I never said anything.

 

 

I would call him & randomly take him out to dinner. Once in a blue moon I would meet him at a grocery store and load him up on groceries but me & my DH would not give him money. We were not mean about it just honest. When we would ask what he wanted for Christmas or birthday & he would say money we would just say: "Sorry baby we cannot give you that because you might spend it on drugs & we cannot support that." He would kinda laugh & say he understood & that was it.

 

 

We had to back away from being parents & just be acquaintances that had dinner & exchanged text sometimes. If he ever had $$ problems or couldn't pay bills & would tell us our reply would be: "Aww that stinks! Well I know you will get it figured out. Did you watch the new X-man movie yet?"

 

 

If you want to have a relationship with your daughter you need to step away & stop being her mom. Just let her know one clear time with no anger: "I love you but I cannot support your lifestyle. If you want to visit, chat, I am here for you but financially or any other way I cannot baby. I know you were raised right & you will figure this out."

 

 

Then let her go. When you miss & want to see her invite her to lunch or dinner NOT AT YOUR HOUSE. Ask her superficial questions. Nothing about when/where how she will get a job or how he is doing or what she is doing. When she calls you calling or begging about bills say: "I am sorry sweetie but I know you will get a job soon & will catch up."

 

 

If she threatens you about not seeing her if you don't do what she wants do not give her a reaction. Say: "Ok, well that is your choice. I love you & will miss you. Call me when you change your mind. Your my baby & I will always love you." THEN HANG UP! Don't let her argue back or try & give you a guilt trip.

 

 

If you starts texting you horrid crud then respond with: "Wow you sound angry. Hope you get to having a better day." Then block her for a day or two so you can protect yourself from the abuse and stop yourself from reacting.

 

 

If she tries & plays the my BF is beating me card tell her immediately: "Ok baby where are you?" As soon as she tells you call the police. Sure she will get mad at you if she is lying but that will stop her from crying wolf. And if she wasn't calling wolf the police need to be involved to protect her.

 

 

If you want to know where my baby is in his life now??? Not 100% but so much better. He has a full time job, pays his bills, never ask for money. He is no longer doing drugs. Got his buff muscle body back & working out. Are there still things I want better for him? Yes. He still has not gone to college, he still drinks WAY to much. His job really has no direction at the moment career wise but that's ok. I know we raised him right and he will slowly be the amazing adult I know he can be. And in the meantime he is still pretty amazing & I love him to the moon and back. We still don't give him $$. We buy him clothes here and there when we see something we think he would like & just because we want to. We take him out to eat here and there, just because we want to. He comes and hangs out at our house just because he wants to & I will accept that, love that, and be so thankful for that.

 

 

Your daughter is going down a dark path. That does not make you a bad mom. She will always need you but drop the rope. Stop fighting & trying to get her to see the light. Stop offering ANYTHING even if she does turn around. Just show her love with a text here, a call there, and a dinner here or there and let her fall. I KNOW how hard this is.. I really do but she will eventually grow up & wake up and in the meantime we will pray the Lord to protect her.

[jnel921]

I am so very sorry. I know how much this hurts. My child started smoking pot in his Senior year too. We did the same thing. Took away vehicle, grounded, drug test but after he graduated I knew while I wanted better from him I had to let him go & could not try & control him in anyway shape or form. He was an adult & he had to make his decisions & live with the consequences.

 

 

He moved out shortly after he graduated & the next year was so rough to watch. I did not see him much because he was always partying with his friends & when I did see him he had changed from this buff football player to almost a skeleton. It was heartbreaking but I never said anything.

 

 

I would call him & randomly take him out to dinner. Once in a blue moon I would meet him at a grocery store and load him up on groceries but me & my DH would not give him money. We were not mean about it just honest. When we would ask what he wanted for Christmas or birthday & he would say money we would just say: "Sorry baby we cannot give you that because you might spend it on drugs & we cannot support that." He would kinda laugh & say he understood & that was it.

 

 

We had to back away from being parents & just be acquaintances that had dinner & exchanged text sometimes. If he ever had $$ problems or couldn't pay bills & would tell us our reply would be: "Aww that stinks! Well I know you will get it figured out. Did you watch the new X-man movie yet?"

 

 

If you want to have a relationship with your daughter you need to step away & stop being her mom. Just let her know one clear time with no anger: "I love you but I cannot support your lifestyle. If you want to visit, chat, I am here for you but financially or any other way I cannot baby. I know you were raised right & you will figure this out."

 

 

Then let her go. When you miss & want to see her invite her to lunch or dinner NOT AT YOUR HOUSE. Ask her superficial questions. Nothing about when/where how she will get a job or how he is doing or what she is doing. When she calls you calling or begging about bills say: "I am sorry sweetie but I know you will get a job soon & will catch up."

 

 

If she threatens you about not seeing her if you don't do what she wants do not give her a reaction. Say: "Ok, well that is your choice. I love you & will miss you. Call me when you change your mind. Your my baby & I will always love you." THEN HANG UP! Don't let her argue back or try & give you a guilt trip.

 

 

If you starts texting you horrid crud then respond with: "Wow you sound angry. Hope you get to having a better day." Then block her for a day or two so you can protect yourself from the abuse and stop yourself from reacting.

 

 

If she tries & plays the my BF is beating me card tell her immediately: "Ok baby where are you?" As soon as she tells you call the police. Sure she will get mad at you if she is lying but that will stop her from crying wolf. And if she wasn't calling wolf the police need to be involved to protect her.

 

 

If you want to know where my baby is in his life now??? Not 100% but so much better. He has a full time job, pays his bills, never ask for money. He is no longer doing drugs. Got his buff muscle body back & working out. Are there still things I want better for him? Yes. He still has not gone to college, he still drinks WAY to much. His job really has no direction at the moment career wise but that's ok. I know we raised him right and he will slowly be the amazing adult I know he can be. And in the meantime he is still pretty amazing & I love him to the moon and back. We still don't give him $$. We buy him clothes here and there when we see something we think he would like & just because we want to. We take him out to eat here and there, just because we want to. He comes and hangs out at our house just because he wants to & I will accept that, love that, and be so thankful for that.

 

 

Your daughter is going down a dark path. That does not make you a bad mom. She will always need you but drop the rope. Stop fighting & trying to get her to see the light. Stop offering ANYTHING even if she does turn around. Just show her love with a text here, a call there, and a dinner here or there and let her fall. I KNOW how hard this is.. I really do but she will eventually grow up & wake up and in the meantime we will pray the Lord to protect her.

 

Thanks Globug

 

I so needed to read that. I am praying for more more patience. It is tough not wanting to snatched her and take her home. But I know that at home it will be worse as she is not drug free so there will always be a fear.

 

She gave my son her address. Replied to my text that she'd see me.soon. I am not holding my breath. I am concerned as she is coming to my house. I have to lock away my waller and valuables.

 

I will do my best to implement your suggestions. They sound great.

[Whodatdog]

OP, print out Globug's post and keep it with it. It might be the best post Ive ever read on the subject. Dont forget, you are an adult, and your daughter is too. Let her be one, let her make her own decisions. Stop the enabling. Be there for her, but dont enable. Read Globug's post over and over and over. Read it and understand it. And live it.

[jnel921]

OP, print out Globug's post and keep it with it. It might be the best post Ive ever read on the subject. Dont forget, you are an adult, and your daughter is too. Let her be one, let her make her own decisions. Stop the enabling. Be there for her, but dont enable. Read Globug's post over and over and over. Read it and understand it. And live it.

 

So true, I will keep it close to remind myself that this too shall pass. I want to learn the important life lessons that I did. Even though I never felt the need to leave my parents home until I was ready. It was a different time. No social media and things were more personal.

 

I am not a fan of texting my daughter but I guess getting something means she is ok. I will try to let go and let god and keep that post with me as a reminder of how to handle her.

[jnel921]

Globug,

 

Can I ask you how long it took for your son to realize this lifestyle was ruining him and decided to do better? What was the breaking point? At any point did he ever want to come back home? How old is he now?

 

If and when my daughter hits rock bottom I feel she may want to run home. Of course I may feel cautious as I wouldn't believe her intentions are everything she may say they are. Only because in the past she has said she wanted to do things and never follows through. It's as if she doesn't know what she wants in life.

 

Right now for sure she just wants to be out of my house to be able to drink, smoke and party.