Can I turn her into a housewife?

[dreamingoftigers]

Women with daddy issues are not long term material and will never be. She's in love now but she won't remain so.

 

I have terrible issues with my father.

 

I went to therapy.

 

I've been married ten years and don't screw around etc.

 

My husband can't claim the same though.

[basil67]

It's not inherently wrong for a man to not a want a relationship with a woman who has been promiscuous in the past.

 

As long as it's because he's seeking a woman who has similar morals and values to himself.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

As long as it's because he's seeking a woman who has similar morals and values to himself.

 

I couldn't agree more, you've just summed me up there.

[stillafool]

That's considered "settling" in some quarters and a lot of men I know want to feel wanted and valued and settling down with someone because of fatigue of an old life style isn't the best way of making someone feel wanted and valued.

 

How is this settling when he is in love with her and she's in love with him? She does value and want him. What are you talking about?

[Fishfingersareyummy]

How is this settling when he is in love with her and she's in love with him? She does value and want him. What are you talking about?

 

How does anyone really know how the other person feels? Words are easily said, the proof is in the pudding and that's in the actions.

 

She probably does love him, respect him and value him and he probably feels the same way which is why I am rooting for them to make a success of things which I am sure they will.

[Sunkissedpatio]

That's considered "settling" in some quarters and a lot of men I know want to feel wanted and valued and settling down with someone because of fatigue of an old life style isn't the best way of making someone feel wanted and valued.

 

if the OP is feeling this for this woman out of "fatigue" then he would have said so. He already said he loves her and her children, not sure why you feel the need to derail what he's already stated he feels?

 

I didn't see anything the OP has posted that would suggest he is "settling." Having concerns is not settling.

[bachdude]

People have lots of casual sex because they enjoy it.

 

 

To give it up for a committed relationship can feel like a sacrifice for some.

 

 

In the beginning it may not feel like a sacrifice but over time they may miss the excitement and attention.

 

 

My first wife told me when we were dating she sometimes had the urge to go pick up guys. I chose to ignore that comment. Big mistake.

[Ruby Slippers]

Based on the circumstances you described, I couldn't get serious with her. But you admit you're not going to be able to put on the brakes even if there's good reason to. I'd give it plenty of time to get to know her character before making any lifelong commitments, like reproduction and marriage.

[basil67]

Then I cannot understand why he has started this topic. If he has any concerns his best bet is to speak to his girlfriend and they can work together to get over any bumps in the road.

 

This probably sums up about 3/4 of the posts on this site. If it was not for people wanting second opinions, we prolific posters would probably have more of a life outside of suggesting ways for posters to live their lives

[Fishfingersareyummy]

if the OP is feeling this for this woman out of "fatigue" then he would have said so. He already said he loves her and her children, not sure why you feel the need to derail what he's already stated he feels?

 

I didn't see anything the OP has posted that would suggest he is "settling." Having concerns is not settling.

 

I wasn't referring to the OP. Therefore it's best that ask questions instead of getting the wrong end of the stick.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I wasn't referring to the OP. Therefore it's best that ask questions instead of getting the wrong end of the stick.

 

I am asking questions because nowhere in this thread was there any inference from the OP that either don't love each other.

 

I think I'll take the OPs word and go with "they are madly in love" over any speculative comments made by strangers stating the opposite. Whether anyone is settling here doesn't appear to be the issue, the issue is that the OP has lied to himself about being totally fine with a woman's sexual past. Clearly he is not.

 

It's funny, a lot of men in my experience claim the exact same thing: they have no issue with a woman's freedom to explore their sexuality but when push comes to shove anything more than one past sex partner is an issue.

Heck even if you're not promiscuous the mere fact you even had other partners in the past becomes an issue when a man falls hard.

 

My ex used to accuse me of wanting to go with other men and I don't even have a promiscuous past or had ever done anything to give him reason to think that yet he turned out to be the rotten cheater. There's irony for ya!

[elaine567]

My ex used to accuse me of wanting to go with other men and I don't even have a promiscuous past or had ever done anything to give him reason to think that yet he turned out to be the rotten cheater. There's irony for ya!

 

That's actually called "projection" and very common.

[Sunkissedpatio]

That's actually called "projection" and very common.

 

Yes and I never believed in it until it happened to me.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I think I'll take the OPs word and go with "they are madly in love" over any speculative comments made by strangers stating the opposite. Whether anyone is settling here doesn't appear to be the issue, the issue is that the OP has lied to himself about being totally fine with a woman's sexual past. Clearly he is not.

 

I never stated they weren't in love. I addressed a post where what was described could be seen by some men as a woman settling for them.

 

He needs to make a decision. he either accepts her past or he doesn't. This is why people need to be honest with themselves because holding a woman's past against her when the decision has been made to enter a relationship with the woman seems silly to me. This is something which should have been assessed before entering the relationship.

[elaine567]

YOU have a huge issue with this and you are vainly trying to downplay it.

Why are you asking old guys about their sons, and drug dealers and no doubt anyone else for info about who your gf has or has not slept with?

 

In your mind, she is just not good enough for you, and she is not the type of woman you ever imagined as your wife. There are names for women who sleep around, who have kids by different men, who are viewed badly by society and men in general, and you do not want to be "associated" with that, do you?

YOU were "no saint", but you feel you are "entitled" to a "decent" woman and that is gnawing at you.

That IS the bottom line, here

 

Atm though you love her and are infatuated with her and no doubt the sex is great too, but my advice is to walk away.

 

Before you know it, you will be taking out that inherent "disgust" and the cognitive dissonance you no doubt feel, out on her and her kids and that is not fair on her or on her kids.

She and they do not deserve that, they deserve a man who is behind them 100%.

 

Go find another woman, one you do see as real "marriage material".

[ASG]

so very wrong. Propensity for casual sex is one of the sure way to know if a person has a tendency toward insatisfaction / infidelity. Casual sex is to love what attention disorder is to learning. Stay away from people who engage in casual sex if you're looking for stability.

 

To quote a certain presidential candidate - WRONG.

 

I've had plenty of casual sex. I have cheated a grand total of ZERO times. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

To quote a certain presidential candidate - WRONG.

 

I've had plenty of casual sex. I have cheated a grand total of ZERO times. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

 

Statistically the two concepts are interlinked (if what I have read is accurate) with each other but that doesn't mean that every person who has casual sex will cheat but at the same time potentially accurate statistical information should not be dismissed and ignored.

[Cookiesandough]

lol it is already clear you don't respect her from your title...end well ,this will not

[Fishfingersareyummy]

lol it is already clear you don't respect her from your title...end well ,this will not

 

I disagree, it can end well. He states he loves her and she loves him, so if that's how he feels about her then he shouldn't let her past get in the way. I think he should give this a relationship a shot and I think he should sit down and get this off his chest to her. It's important that they are able to communicate effectively with each other and if they can then they get through this.

[joseb]

Statistically the two concepts are interlinked (if what I have read is accurate) with each other but that doesn't mean that every person who has casual sex will cheat but at the same time potentially accurate statistical information should not be dismissed and ignored.

 

Maybe you are right, but I've never seen the correlation.

the only girl that cheated on me had a sum total of 2 partners. Perhaps she felt she had missed out on exploring.

 

I've definitely come closer to cheating years ago when I had only had a couple of partners, now I'm more experienced no way I'd bother sneaking around. If I was unhappy I'd split up.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Maybe you are right, but I've never seen the correlation.

the only girl that cheated on me had a sum total of 2 partners. Perhaps she felt she had missed out on exploring.

 

I've definitely come closer to cheating years ago when I had only had a couple of partners, now I'm more experienced no way I'd bother sneaking around. If I was unhappy I'd split up.

 

I'm only going by statistical information but my own experience is that promiscuous people do cheat. I knew one woman who would go out and score with a random dude every time she went out. She cheated on her boyfriend more than once. An old friend of mine who used to sleep about, got into a relationship and he cheated. He didn't just cheat once. He was constantly cheating, I felt so guilty sitting there watching him with his girlfriend knowing that a weekend earlier he was necking some random woman in a club. He would also go out of town to meet his side pieces on weekends and his girlfriend was oblivious to all of this.

 

My best friend has never cheated but he has played the field, he would go out and score women. He won't even set foot in a bar, a club or anywhere social because he doesn't trust himself not to cheat on his girlfriend of nearly five years.

 

Now my experiences are very limited and the OP should pay no heed but statistics exist for a reason, they may not tell the whole picture but they reveal a snap shot and that's why I take them seriously.

 

The OP doesn't seem to have any reason not to trust his girlfriend, so he should carry on being with her in my opinion.

[Toodaloo]

Through 6 months it's probably been the best relationship I've had. I totally plan on moving forward with her, I just had to bounce my thoughts off some others besides her.

 

We talked before we made it official about me never dating a gal with kids, avoiding anything serious with a gal that puts out on the first night...it's just a turn-off for me, can't help that. But you're right, the past is the past and that's what I told her. If she's faithful, we shouldn't have any issues.

 

6 months is WAY too soon. She is still on best behaviour.

 

Its OK to think about this stuff but you need to be dating at least a year then living together at least another year...

 

The only way to tell if this is a good idea is for you to give her TIME to show you.

[smackie9]

Well it depends how close her past is. Was she always like this up until you started seeing each other? Then the chances with behavior will continue are high. Some people grow out of it, but that is proved over time, not 6 months ago.

 

If you are enjoying the relationship fine....just don't lose yourself in the infatuation stage where everything looks wonderful. Talk of marriage and kids is just that TALK, and shouldn't be taken as promises. It's all an illusion at this point....so wear a condom, DO NOT get this girl pregnant PLEASE.

 

I'd like to point out that she really has never been able to keep a stable relationship. She tried to by thinking having a kid will seal the deal, and that right there is a huge red flag......don't fall into that trap. Don't let her good looks fool you.

[stillafool]

 

He needs to make a decision. he either accepts her past or he doesn't. This is why people need to be honest with themselves because holding a woman's past against her when the decision has been made to enter a relationship with the woman seems silly to me. This is something which should have been assessed before entering the relationship.

 

I wish more men on LS would read this. Time and time again they fall for a woman (without discussing her past) and when they discover her sexual history they freak out and blame her for their insecurity. Even if the mans sexual past is worst than hers she still gets the blame for having one.

[joseb]

Well it depends how close her past is. Was she always like this up until you started seeing each other? Then the chances with behavior will continue are high. Some people grow out of it, but that is proved over time, not 6 months ago.

 

If you are enjoying the relationship fine....just don't lose yourself in the infatuation stage where everything looks wonderful. Talk of marriage and kids is just that TALK, and shouldn't be taken as promises. It's all an illusion at this point....so wear a condom, DO NOT get this girl pregnant PLEASE.

 

I'd like to point out that she really has never been able to keep a stable relationship. She tried to by thinking having a kid will seal the deal, and that right there is a huge red flag......don't fall into that trap. Don't let her good looks fool you.

 

Personally, how many guys she has slept with wouldn't bother me.

How many guys she has gotten pregnant with would.

Anyone can have an accident I guess, but three times....

Yeah I'm guessing at least some of that was deliberate.

 

So yes, make sure you don't get ahead of yourself, and wear a condom - what did you mean that your "pull out game" is great - hopefully that's not your only method of birth control?