Can I turn her into a housewife?

[elaine567]

... guys we get our weed from...

 

Maybe you just need to lay off the weed.

Is she truly a cheating risk here, (she doesn't sound one actually), or are you just paranoid?

 

Cannabis really can trigger paranoia

[SoleMate]

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned one of the big issues here - you requesting/demanding (?) info on partners. If every time you meet a new person your thoughts turn to whether your GF has had sex with him (her?), and you ask out loud, and she answers, that is a huge amount of focus on the past. Standard wisdom is that's there's minimal value and clear danger on those inquiries. Up to you whether you want to go seeking problems and unnecessary info to fuel your speculations about possible cheating. Just be clear about what you're doing. Maybe consider what benefit you gain from being suspicious of your GF.

[Haydn]

Maybe you just need to lay off the weed.

Is she truly a cheating risk here, (she doesn't sound one actually), or are you just paranoid?

 

Cannabis really can trigger paranoia

 

 

Who said that.....?

 

Op, if you truly love her then you would have no doubts.

 

Good luck. (Now where are my green Rizlas.....

[BaileyB]

Can I just say, your choice of language is insulting. To call your girlfriend a "hoe" and change the title such that you are asking if you can "turn her into a housewife."

 

What you want is a healthy relationship with a woman and what you are concerned about is the risk that she will cheat. Her past is her past - it tells you someone about her character but that said, people can change and there is nothing inherently wrong with a woman having as many partners as she chooses.

 

It's your decision - does she demonstrate the behaviors and character that you want in a relationship partner? There are no guarantees in life - you need to trust her not to cheat and/or decide that if it happens, you will be able to deal with that.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

 

What you want is a healthy relationship with a woman and what you are concerned about is the risk that she will cheat. Her past is her past - it tells you someone about her character but that said, people can change and there is nothing inherently wrong with a woman having as many partners as she chooses.

 

It's not inherently wrong for a man to not a want a relationship with a woman who has been promiscuous in the past.

[stillafool]

If you love her and her kids give her a chance. One thing is for sure she already knows what's out there and has no desire to go back to that life. She is in love with you and so are her kids. To be honest, I bet she'll make you a great wife.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

If you love her and her kids give her a chance. One thing is for sure she already knows what's out there and has no desire to go back to that life. She is in love with you and so are her kids. To be honest, I bet she'll make you a great wife.

 

That's considered "settling" in some quarters and a lot of men I know want to feel wanted and valued and settling down with someone because of fatigue of an old life style isn't the best way of making someone feel wanted and valued.

[BaileyB]

Certainly not, it's your choice. This is why we date - we get to chose a partner that brings things to the relationship that are most important to each of us.

 

I'm simply saying that she may have changed - maybe varied sexual experiences are not as important as finding a stable long term relationship now.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Certainly not, it's your choice. This is why we date - we get to chose a partner that brings things to the relationship that are most important to each of us.

 

I'm simply saying that she may have changed - maybe varied sexual experiences are not as important as finding a stable long term relationship now.

 

She probably has changed. People have the capacity to change and if I look at the person I was a decade ago, it's like I am looking at a different person entirely.

 

The OP needs to decide if he can look past her past and build a relationship for the future and he needs to have a long hard think before it becomes harder to initiate a break up should he come to realization that perhaps she is not what he wants.

[xxoo]

Being madly in love is never settling.

 

OP, since you have a past of your own, why would you even seek a woman with a conservative past? Do you think that a woman like that would as readily accept your past?

 

You and your woman were even each other's hookup in the past. It seems that you are splendidly well matched and you'd think there would be little judgment here. Maybe you are looking for reasons to bail. Have you had any long term relationships before?

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Being madly in love is never settling.

 

That's a bold statement isn't it? Do you happen to know the woman in question? I find with humans (myself included) that ulterior motives usually drives us forward. Of course I am not for one moment suggesting that the OP's girlfriend doesn't love him and doesn't want to build a future with him.

[NuevoYorko]

Women with daddy issues are not long term material and will never be. She's in love now but she won't remain so.

 

So very false. Many people overcome worse issues than "daddy" ones in their lifetimes.

 

Being comfortable with casual sex doesn't have anything to do with a propensity to cheat.

 

OP - I don't believe that anyone can change another person, and I don't believe in wishing and hoping that another person can change because we want them to so badly. From your OP, though, I get the impression that she has already changed. Age and parenthood can have that effect on someone.

 

If you feel her enough to hang around, only time will tell.

Edited October 22, 2016 by NuevoYorko

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Being comfortable with casual sex doesn't have anything to do with a propensity to cheat.

 

I've read studies which contradict your statement. You have to take each person as they come. She may cheat, she may not cheat. She may go on to become a great long-term girlfriend and possibly a wife. Only time will tell.

[xxoo]

That's a bold statement isn't it? Do you happen to know the woman in question? I find with humans (myself included) that ulterior motives usually drives us forward. Of course I am not for one moment suggesting that the OP's girlfriend doesn't love him and doesn't want to build a future with him.

 

The OP said that they are very in love. I can only go on what he says. That's pretty much the opposite of settling.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

The OP said that they are very in love. I can only go on what he says. That's pretty much the opposite of settling.

 

Then I cannot understand why he has started this topic. If he has any concerns his best bet is to speak to his girlfriend and they can work together to get over any bumps in the road.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Women with daddy issues are not long term material and will never be. She's in love now but she won't remain so.

 

That excludes 3/4 of the female population then. please!

 

It all depends on her level of introspection, what she wants from life and what she has done to work out her issues. THAT determines a lot more.

 

The fact that she had a lot of sex partners doesn't make her an instant cheater.

 

I used to think people with low self-esteem are the ones who cheat but now I am realizing it is the opposite who cheat, it is the narcissistic entitled ones who do. They actually have elevated self-esteems instead.

 

Look for narcissistic traits in her not how many guys she had sex with.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

 

Look for narcissistic traits in her not how many guys she had sex with.

 

People should look at the whole picture and not just little snippets of the overall picture.

[LargoLagg]

I'm 37, my gf of 6 months now is 31. I've known her since she was 14, but not as well as I know her now obviously. She's always had a crush on me. She was my best friends cousin, and my best friend died of an overdose in March. His cousin was there for me after his death, & we fell in love.

 

I already knew she had certain tendencies. We'd hung out a few years back...she came over, we had sex, she left & we remained acquaintances until this year. She hasn't hid anything from me about her past. She is absolutely gorgeous so of course every guy she gave a chance to took it. I'm pretty sure she has used sex as a form of validation, possibly due to some daddy issues she had.

 

She has plenty of red flags.. 2 kids w/ 2 men, 1 previous abortion. She had a previous relationship with our roommate, tho he's living with us because he got hurt bad at work & has had ALL the back surgeries and can barely function now. They're clearly past any romantic stuff b/c he was living there before I started dating her. He's God father to her son, & her son loves him.

 

I was no saint, but my pull-out game is serious. 37 & no kids for me. I have a great job, but I've had my own struggles & she's been a huge help.

 

She clearly loves me, she did have 2.5 years of being single before we dated so she seemed to slow down. She's a great mother.

 

Her past hasn't bothered me until recently. It seems every guy she knows, guys we get our weed from or whatever, she's slept with.

 

I really don't think she'd cheat anytime soon, but my concern is more for down the road when maybe the passion dissolves a bit. She's a self-admitted horny chick, nothing wrong with that as long as she takes that out on me.

 

Anyways, we've had our foot on the gas since we started dating. She really wants to get engaged, married, possibly have another kid. She was engaged briefly to baby daddy #2, but never married. We don't drink, she doesn't ever go out partying, so that's not a concern. I'm just growing weary of marriage and possibly a kid with a girl that has a past like this. I pretty much live there with her, the kids & roommate, but still have my place because of my doubts.

 

I do love her & we get along great. I love her kids & they love me. I know that nobody here can really predict the future for us, but I had to talk about it, hopefully get some feedback to bounce my thoughts off of.

 

I'm fairly progressive so I don't look down at girls that sleep around, but she's clearly been irresponsible with sex in the past. We've talked about cheating and she knows there won't be any second chances if she does. Same goes with me, but I don't cheat.

 

My only worry is that it'll happen once we're married & possibly have a kid...at which point I become just baby daddy #3 providing another check for child support...

Six months is way too early, tell her 2 years with you and if on that day, you're still together, then marriage is the next step. You do need time for the illusionary love to go away, and see if real, sustainable love can blossom. The scientists say that takes a year. I say it sometimes takes a little longer for people to be objective. She's got kids, so her biological clock isn't sounding an alarm. Apparently, you're in no hurry either. Two years is long enough to live a little bit of a real life with each other. Six months isn't.

[Aniela]

I've read studies which contradict your statement. You have to take each person as they come. She may cheat, she may not cheat. She may go on to become a great long-term girlfriend and possibly a wife. Only time will tell.

 

I have a friend who has only had exclusive, long-term relationships, and she was ready to cheat, a couple of years ago.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I have a friend who has only had exclusive, long-term relationships, and she was ready to cheat, a couple of years ago.

 

Anybody is capable of infidelity and temptation is something we humans must fight. I believe all of us can succumb to weakness. It can happen to anyone. However you cannot down play studies which have stated there is a correlation between promiscuity and infidelity.

[Sunkissedpatio]

People should look at the whole picture and not just little snippets of the overall picture.

 

People should be honest with themselves before they go ahead and look at anyone else's "overall picture"

 

I'm fairly progressive so I don't look down at girls that sleep around, but she's clearly been irresponsible with sex in the past.

 

If you are fairly progressive and don't look down on women who sleep around why start doing it with the woman you love? There should be no issue here or apprehension if that statement were true.

 

One of the two statements don't make sense so be honest with which statement rings truer to you. You can't have it both ways.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

People should be honest with themselves before they go ahead and look at anyone else's "overall picture".

 

Yes, honesty with yourself is very important but so is looking at the overall picture.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I believe we all come with baggage and a past, the only reality we have though is the reality that is in front of us. It's far more beneficial to look at someone's current actions and tendencies than to just judge someone on past experiences they have 0 control over (rape, a bad dad, a bad mom, given up for adoption by a drug-abusing parent, etc...)

 

He's been with her for 6 months, has she displayed narcissistic traits? Is she a good liar? Small or big lies. Is she reliable? Does she say what she means? Does she walk the talk? To me those would be far more important telltales than how many guys she slept with in the past or her "daddy issues".

 

This of course provided the OP accepts her promiscuous past. I believe this is less about her propensity to cheat in future and more about the fact he simply doesn't accept her promiscuity.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I believe we all come with baggage and a past, the only reality we have though is the reality that is in front of us. It's far more beneficial to look at someone's current actions and tendencies than to just judge someone on past experiences they have 0 control over (rape, a bad dad, a bad mom, given up for adoption by a drug-abusing parent, etc...)

 

He's been with her for 6 months, has she displayed narcissistic traits? Is she a good liar? Small or big lies. Is she reliable? Does she say what she means? Does she walk the talk? To me those would be far more important telltales than how many guys she slept with in the past or her "daddy issues".

 

This of course provided the OP accepts her promiscuous past. I believe this is less about her propensity to cheat in future and more about the fact he simply doesn't accept her promiscuity.

 

We all come with baggage, you're right, but we have to decide whether or not a person's baggage is worth dealing with. Personally, there's a lot of baggage that I will never accept and it doesn't matter how great the woman is today. There's no way I'm accepting her baggage because there's no reason for me to accept her baggage. The OP must choose if he's willing to accept his girlfriend's baggage which seems cumbersome but is manageable, if he chooses to deal with the baggage.

[Alamo657]

So very false. Many people overcome worse issues than "daddy" ones in their lifetimes.

 

Being comfortable with casual sex doesn't have anything to do with a propensity to cheat.

 

OP - I don't believe that anyone can change another person, and I don't believe in wishing and hoping that another person can change because we want them to so badly. From your OP, though, I get the impression that she has already changed. Age and parenthood can have that effect on someone.

 

If you feel her enough to hang around, only time will tell.

so very wrong. Propensity for casual sex is one of the sure way to know if a person has a tendency toward insatisfaction / infidelity. Casual sex is to love what attention disorder is to learning. Stay away from people who engage in casual sex if you're looking for stability.