Author BluesPower Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 Just to be clear... I have never slapped a women, unless she asked for that during play time. (LOL). But really, she would withdraw sometimes to take some time with whatever and then she would want to see me some more. That is kind of weird come to think about it. Hindsight. And, ailed, my wife just wishes that she would go away. She is not threatened by her, or any of them. She knows that I dumped all of them for her. I have not heard anything from her since he last "heartbreak songs" email. This may be her last may have been her last ditch effort or something. Just one more reason to not have affairs... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) BP, Can I ask you why this bothers you? I know I'm projecting my own thoughts, but if I was as honest and forthright about my intentions and never gave any mixed signals as you said you did, I wouldn't feel any responsibility for her inability to move on. I could understand if she was waiting for you on your front porch or pestering your family, but it was an email which is a very passive form of solicitation. Click delete, out-of-sight, out-of-mind. Do you maybe feel you did wrong by her? Or do you think her contact makes you feel guilty about your wife? Not trying to be disrespectful or poke around, I'm just trying to understand the situation better. Don't answer if you don't want to. Edited October 20, 2016 by OneLov Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 Well, I am not a complete jerk... And we did have some good times. I guess that I feel guilty for letting it go on so long and not ending it for her. I can remember a point in my mind where it did feel like she was falling way too hard. I think I kind of ignored it for selfish reasons like all MM seem to do. And, in the beginning of the break up she totally freaked out. I was scared for her. But you know, I wonder if I would feel the same with a regular relationship if I was single. Back then if I was not feeling it with a woman, you just broke up. Come to think of it, that is kind of strange... Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Like I said, if she emails again I think it'd be good to just reply with something like "it's over, move on". I genuinely think she's waiting for you to start up again. I've been there. It is soul destroying. All I wanted was for him to say it's over and at the time it hurt even more to think that he thought me unworthy of a 2 second email/text. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I don't think you're a jerk at all. You sound like a good a father and family man. I pass no judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 Thanks for that, but lets be real. For that time period I was a jerk for sure. I did a lot of damage to a lot of women, and it was wrong for so many reasons. But I am better now though... Link to post Share on other sites
jjackie Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 BluesPower, are you in touch with her? I mean, do you reply for her messages? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 I could if I wanted to, but I am NC. I am hoping that she gets the picture soon... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I could if I wanted to, but I am NC. I am hoping that she gets the picture soon... It's not about getting the picture. It's about being in love with someone who doesn't want you. I am sure she is well aware of your feelings. She just had a weak moment, like we all do, and broke NC. We have all done it. You just can't understand because you have never been in love with someone who didn't want you back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 BP, I suggest two options: 1. No response, EVER. 2. Clinical, succinct " It's over, don't ever contact me, and move on." Anything else, leaves an open door, nights and days of "what ifs" mental gymnastics on her part and so on...you know the drill. If you want to shut it down forever, I think those are the only two options you have. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 This thread has put so much perspective into how I am feeling. Makes me realize I have to completely let go of my xMM. I think if she does try to contact again, be truthful in that for you it never meant anything and that you are sorry for hurting her in anyway but that she needs to move forward as you have found happiness with your wife and being faithful to your wife is what you want. It isn't just females that hold onto feelings. I know a guy that has been pining after his ex for over five years. His ex is married and he still randomly sends her links to songs, and asks how she is, etc. Sometimes it just takes a very long time for feelings to fade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 22, 2016 Author Share Posted October 22, 2016 This is a little off topic. But, oh well. I need to vent about this... I own all the stuff that I have done in my life, I really do. It was wrong, I was a selfish jerk, I get that. But today I am at Wal-Mart with my wife, and two different women were flirting with me. Just walked by, gave me the look, not once, not twice, but three times just so I would notice. Why? I am standing beside my wife for Christ sake. A few months back, I would have given the hottest one my number and screwed her next week sometime. But that is not me anymore. But at some point, don't the females of the species have to take some type of responsibility for getting hurt when they do this type of stuff. I just don't understand... Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 Not if they are single. If they are single they can do whatever they want to do. You may have misunderstood the eye contact 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 22, 2016 Author Share Posted October 22, 2016 No offense... But please. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 Not if they are single. If they are single they can do whatever they want to do. You may have misunderstood the eye contact the question was: But at some point, don't the females of the species have to take some type of responsibility for getting hurt when they do this type of stuff. so you're saying single people can make whatever questionable or bad decisions they want and they are not accountable or responsible for the consequences of their decisions because they are single? Interesting perspective. I think every adult person needs to take responsibility for themselves and their decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 This is a little off topic. But, oh well. I need to vent about this... I own all the stuff that I have done in my life, I really do. It was wrong, I was a selfish jerk, I get that. But today I am at Wal-Mart with my wife, and two different women were flirting with me. Just walked by, gave me the look, not once, not twice, but three times just so I would notice. Why? I am standing beside my wife for Christ sake. A few months back, I would have given the hottest one my number and screwed her next week sometime. But that is not me anymore. But at some point, don't the females of the species have to take some type of responsibility for getting hurt when they do this type of stuff. I just don't understand... Well it was Walmart, not Bloomingdales. Walmart has a reputation for a reason. Take it as a compliment, you still got it. I get looks all the time. It means nothing and you are not expected to act on it. It's like construction guys hollering at a pretty woman. When the looks stop, you will be sorry. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 This is a little off topic. But, oh well. I need to vent about this... I own all the stuff that I have done in my life, I really do. It was wrong, I was a selfish jerk, I get that. But today I am at Wal-Mart with my wife, and two different women were flirting with me. Just walked by, gave me the look, not once, not twice, but three times just so I would notice. Why? I am standing beside my wife for Christ sake. A few months back, I would have given the hottest one my number and screwed her next week sometime. But that is not me anymore. But at some point, don't the females of the species have to take some type of responsibility for getting hurt when they do this type of stuff. I just don't understand... But you are primed to notice, and no doubt are giving out all the right signals too, because all that cheating you did, has made you super vigilant to any signs of attraction. Whilst other couples are looking at the washing powder, the baked beans and the chicken pies in Walmart, you are seriously checking out the women, like a single man. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 I thought this too elaine. When I was really in the fog with mm I didn't even notice other men because I was so wrapped up in HIM. All I wanted was HiM. Now that I'm a fully single woman now I notice men A LOT more and I'm actually pretty sad at all the opportunities I could've missed 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 22, 2016 Author Share Posted October 22, 2016 Maybe you are right... I pretty much into my wife these days though. Actual love in much more fun. I just thought it was a little over the top. Maybe I will learn not to notice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 Well it was Walmart, not Bloomingdales. Walmart has a reputation for a reason. Wait - does Wamart srsly have a rep as some type of hookup destination or sth? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sophinla Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 So OP,. you tell all these women that you love your wife, and are only using them for sex, and will never have a future with. them, and they all dropped their pants for you? Wow, talk about a modern day Don Juan. I mean you do understand that when these women agree to sex like this, they are in a worst position than prostitutes right? And, if men and women are so equal when it comes to sex, why we have so many more of our male species willing to pay for sex than female throughout human history? I'm just curious, since there are a lot of OWs here, how many of you ever agree to have sex with a MM that laid the cold truth out for you like that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 So OP,. you tell all these women that you love your wife, and are only using them for sex, and will never have a future with. them, and they all dropped their pants for you? Wow, talk about a modern day Don Juan. I mean you do understand that when these women agree to sex like this, they are in a worst position than prostitutes right? And, if men and women are so equal when it comes to sex, why we have so many more of our male species willing to pay for sex than female throughout human history? I'm just curious, since there are a lot of OWs here, how many of you ever agree to have sex with a MM that laid the cold truth out for you like that? I don't think any OWs would agree to that arrangement. I know I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 Mm telling me he'll "always be married" is what ended it for me. MOW may feel different but as a single ow what's the point if it isn't going anywhere? I think this maybe where the actions over words thing comes in. He's saying he loves his wife yet is having sex with multiple ow, hardly the actions we'd look for in a loving husband. This is why I don't always believe the actions vs words theory it's not always that black and white 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted October 23, 2016 Author Share Posted October 23, 2016 IA, Yes it is just like that. You guys have to understand that my wife was just not there when she was still addicted. It felt like she was in a coma but she could walk around and talk, sometimes. It was like, I know there is a person in there, I just don't know where. And maybe I should have left her a long time ago, but she was really not capable of taking care of herself. What was I supposed to do, let her be homeless? I just could not do it, because I loved her. On the other hand, I am a healthy male with a high sex drive, and I could not go without having sex. And let's face it, masturbation is not the same. Further, I have mixed emotions about prostitution, I don't judge a woman or man if they choose that, but I think that it does a lot of damage to woman. I personally choose not to participate in that for a lot of reasons. And, I don't really see why I would pay for sex when it is feely available. I know that I have made some bad decisions, but I am not really sure what I was supposed to do during those years? When my wife got sober, it was no problem to be true to her. All those girls new that I loved her and that this was a possibility. I regret that some of them got hurt most especially the one that is having such a hard time, but yes, they new the score. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 I'm just curious, since there are a lot of OWs here, how many of you ever agree to have sex with a MM that laid the cold truth out for you like that? I get hit on a lot and the guys are honest that its just sex, so it is very easy for me to have zero interest. With xmm, he was all about being in love with me which fogged my brain. When he eventually was honest that he would not leave her and that he wanted exactly what we had, a long term affair, I ended it and I do not have any regrets. I still have feelings and attraction and it stings but I am no man's cupcake on the side. I'm better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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