Single for the rest of my life or settling for someone I'm not attracted to?

[thecrucible]

I just hate the feeling like I have to wait who knows how many more years to ever get a relationship. It's going to get ridiculous if I still never had a g/f at 35 years old. Every year that goes by makes me have less of a chance to get with someone. If I had even one relationship in the past, it wouldn't be a big deal, but alarm bells will go off in the vast majority of women's heads when they find out if I'm some guy in my mid-late 30s & never been with anyone. It's just human nature to feel that way when the normal time to have a first relationship on average is probably late teens/early 20s. Maybe people in here don't want to admit it either, but I'm guessing the vast majority of you wouldn't give the time of day to a guy in his 30s that's never had a relationship if you're being honest. It just makes me feel like a freak & like I'm not even normal.

 

I'd say not to draw attention to any lack of experience on a date. Even though you haven't been in a relationship before, I'd say just go with the first woman you find attractive enough and have a reasonable amount in common with and see how you get on. I remember the first bf I had at 18 was someone I had a few hobbies in common with and we both found each other attractive. We didn't know whether we would be ideal mates for life and it turned out we weren't. But you only know when you jump in. Where you get tripped up is when you try too hard to look for your ideal rather than date someone you find attractive and happen to get along with. I mean I am getting tripped up by this now. The older I get, the pickier I get without meaning to. It's because you think more about the long-term and not wasting what limited time you have.

 

You're not a freak. I know it's difficult not to compare yourself to other people but you'll have to try and avoid doing that enough that you are able to focus on doing things for yourself. Just remember that people get affected by this comparison in other ways. There are people your age who may have found relationships more easily than they have found making a career or getting other aspects of their lives in order. There are people who found partners young but end up divorced in their early thirties and feel like they have to start from scratch again.

[NJ123]

I'd say not to draw attention to any lack of experience on a date. Even though you haven't been in a relationship before, I'd say just go with the first woman you find attractive enough and have a reasonable amount in common with and see how you get on. I remember the first bf I had at 18 was someone I had a few hobbies in common with and we both found each other attractive. We didn't know whether we would be ideal mates for life and it turned out we weren't. But you only know when you jump in. Where you get tripped up is when you try too hard to look for your ideal rather than date someone you find attractive and happen to get along with. I mean I am getting tripped up by this now. The older I get, the pickier I get without meaning to. It's because you think more about the long-term and not wasting what limited time you have.

 

You're not a freak. I know it's difficult not to compare yourself to other people but you'll have to try and avoid doing that enough that you are able to focus on doing things for yourself. Just remember that people get affected by this comparison in other ways. There are people your age who may have found relationships more easily than they have found making a career or getting other aspects of their lives in order. There are people who found partners young but end up divorced in their early thirties and feel like they have to start from scratch again.

 

I don't know if that would be a good idea though. It's like yeah, I find them attractive enough but would it be worth it if I know with 100% certainty it won't even work out? I don't want to force myself to be with someone I don't even like.

 

True, I'm just going to have to try my hardest to not let this get to me. I just dislike the feeling of never knowing when it's going to happen for me though. Like it's this complete unknown where it could very well not happen until I'm in my 40s or something.

[clia]

You will find yourself with a lot more options once you move out of your parents' house and get a better job. It's great to be polite and a good listener, but most women your age are looking for guys who are more independent and financially secure than you are now. (As I think you've been finding out.). Even being enrolled full time in school will greatly help your situation, because then you are at least working toward a goal with a definitive endpoint.

[NJ123]

You will find yourself with a lot more options once you move out of your parents' house and get a better job. It's great to be polite and a good listener, but most women your age are looking for guys who are more independent and financially secure than you are now. (As I think you've been finding out.). Even being enrolled full time in school will greatly help your situation, because then you are at least working toward a goal with a definitive endpoint.

 

I'm not saying that's wrong at all, since I'm seeing that myself. But it just bothers me that my job itself would define my options. It's no excuse to not get a better job or anything at all, I just maybe would feel a bit turned off if I went back on OLD & all of a sudden had way more options only because I make more money than I do now. But it seems whenever I state what I do now to women I never hear from them again the vast majority of the time. But if I said I did something else, those same women would have still been talking to me afterwards most likely. I guess I just hate the feeling like a woman would be with me for my job first & foremost before anything else.

Edited October 20, 2016 by NJ123

[PaperCrane]

I'm not saying that's wrong at all, since I'm seeing that myself. But it just bothers me that my job itself would define my options. It's no excuse to not get a better job or anything at all, I just maybe would feel a bit turned off if I went back on OLD & all of a sudden had way more options only because I make more money than I do now. But it seems whenever I state what I do now to women I never hear from them again the vast majority of the time. But if I said I did something else, those same women would have still been talking to me afterwards most likely. I guess I just hate the feeling like a woman would be with me for my job first & foremost before anything else.

 

At the risk of vitriol, I'll be clear with you.

 

Not all, but most women look for a man with with either excellent features and body, someone with resources and independence, or both.

 

When people are younger and not as serious, looks and physique are most important. As we get older and we aren't walking hornbots, more serious things become important; such as job, income, motivation, etc.

 

In short, women always have options, always. Even if they don't, you need to think they do because mating up is competition. If they have an option of someone just as 'nice' as you but with someone with more money or ambition or better looking, they'll take the other option.

 

Even if you're working a retail job, if you have your OWN PLACE it makes it so much easier. Even if you're poor, learn to cook. You can do dates with food you make yourself.

 

You sound nice, but that's all there is, 'nice'. You also seem decently smart, unfortunately there are billions of other smart and nice guys out there. Probably thousands right near you.

 

The problem you face, is that the women that would date you are probably already taken because your playing field is so small.

 

The sad, sad fact of the world is that indeed your financial affairs influence your relationships heavily. Finances more than anything cause divorces, breakups of LTR's, and influence how you date. Ranging from clothes to venue, to frequency. Everything.

 

Get a better job, move out, be your own man. You won't even have to do anything before you start getting offers.

[clia]

I'm not saying that's wrong at all, since I'm seeing that myself. But it just bothers me that my job itself would define my options. It's no excuse to not get a better job or anything at all, I just maybe would feel a bit turned off if I went back on OLD & all of a sudden had way more options only because I make more money than I do now. But it seems whenever I state what I do now to women I never hear from them again the vast majority of the time. But if I said I did something else, those same women would have still been talking to me afterwards most likely. I guess I just hate the feeling like a woman would be with me for my job first & foremost before anything else.

 

Your job is an extension of who you are. It says a lot about your ambition, intelligence, drive, interests, personality, etc. All of this contributes to the entire package that you present to women. So, it's not just the job. If you were a full time student studying engineering with the job you had now, you would still be better off. And having your own place is probably even more important than the job at your age.

 

Do you pursue women who are your age, living with their parents, and working retail or equivalent job? Women who are in the same position as you might be more sympathetic to your plight.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Your job is an extension of who you are. It says a lot about your ambition, intelligence, drive, interests, personality, etc. All of this contributes to the entire package that you present to women. So, it's not just the job. If you were a full time student studying engineering with the job you had now, you would still be better off. And having your own place is probably even more important than the job at your age.

 

Do you pursue women who are your age, living with their parents, and working retail or equivalent job? Women who are in the same position as you might be more sympathetic to your plight.

 

Have you taken his country's socio-economic situation into account? In my country we have a chronic lack of housing which means the rental market is becoming increasingly more popular and due to the rising house price due to demand outstripping demand many couples cannot afford to get on the housing market and are stuck in a very expensive rental market. Maybe the OP faces a similar scenario to me. Have you thought about that?

 

You need to understand the socio-economic situation the OP faces in his country before you offer him the kind of advice you are offering. Sure he could do with a better job which will give him more money, more options and more confidence but it's easier said than done for a lot of people.

[NJ123]

At the risk of vitriol, I'll be clear with you.

 

Not all, but most women look for a man with with either excellent features and body, someone with resources and independence, or both.

 

When people are younger and not as serious, looks and physique are most important. As we get older and we aren't walking hornbots, more serious things become important; such as job, income, motivation, etc.

 

In short, women always have options, always. Even if they don't, you need to think they do because mating up is competition. If they have an option of someone just as 'nice' as you but with someone with more money or ambition or better looking, they'll take the other option.

 

Even if you're working a retail job, if you have your OWN PLACE it makes it so much easier. Even if you're poor, learn to cook. You can do dates with food you make yourself.

 

You sound nice, but that's all there is, 'nice'. You also seem decently smart, unfortunately there are billions of other smart and nice guys out there. Probably thousands right near you.

 

The problem you face, is that the women that would date you are probably already taken because your playing field is so small.

 

The sad, sad fact of the world is that indeed your financial affairs influence your relationships heavily. Finances more than anything cause divorces, breakups of LTR's, and influence how you date. Ranging from clothes to venue, to frequency. Everything.

 

Get a better job, move out, be your own man. You won't even have to do anything before you start getting offers.

 

But that doesn't feel like a true connection to me if their job is first & foremost the main thing that's made them be with them before anything else. How would it sound if a woman said "I wouldn't be with you if you weren't doing the job you do." What if that guy loses his job & struggles to find another job making anywhere near the same amount? What if the guy went to school for something that isn't in a high earning field? Or he couldn't find a job in that field he went to school for but got a job in something else that doesn't pay really well, but he really likes doing what he does.

 

And I agree the average woman will have options, but in what order do they do they're screening process usually? Like what's usually most important, second most important, etc.? Or is it more of an individual person type of thing for the most part?

[PaperCrane]

But that doesn't feel like a true connection to me if their job is first & foremost the main thing that's made them be with them before anything else. How would it sound if a woman said "I wouldn't be with you if you weren't doing the job you do." What if that guy loses his job & struggles to find another job making anywhere near the same amount? What if the guy went to school for something that isn't in a high earning field? Or he couldn't find a job in that field he went to school for but got a job in something else that doesn't pay really well, but he really likes doing what he does.

 

And I agree the average woman will have options, but in what order do they do they're screening process usually? Like what's usually most important, second most important, etc.? Or is it more of an individual person type of thing for the most part?

 

This is where social etiquette and a modicum of decorum come into play.

 

I for one, know I wouldn't get be in relationships if it weren't for the fact I was able to provide. If my partner straight up and out of the blue said they wouldn't be with me if it weren't for my job, that tells me they're straight up rude. Rude people are inconsiderate and I find that unappealing. It also raises questions as to why they need to announce that all of a sudden. Like they had some epiphany that money grants access to some fun stuff, pays the bills and puts food on the table.

 

"What if..." Well, what if you never get off your arse and make something of yourself? This world is a tough place. Tough places need tough people to survive. Being in a relationship is deeply tied to our reproductive instincts and if you cannot show you have the nails for it, women see that. It isn't just about the bottom line. It can be linked to tenacity, the will to succeed, ambition and drive.

 

You're approaching this like a "Hit this box and I'm done, where's my woman?"

 

It doesn't work like that. Each person is like their own little computer with their own brain with a custom made OS stuck in there. The typical rules are primarily there, but sometimes in different orders. Life events alter perceptions of body language. Book choices can alter perceptions of romance. Etc etc.

 

You worry too much about ticking boxes and what ifs, you're not worrying about living.

 

One of the greatest things to behold is a man fully alive. Women are naturally drawn to that.

 

Stop waiting to be alive and just goddamn do it. My gosh I feel like I'm talking to a highschooler here, and honestly I wonder if women feel the same.

Edited October 20, 2016 by PaperCrane

[Fishfingersareyummy]

NJ needs to live for himself and never mind about women. I don't care about attracting women, dating, having a relationship or marriage and I live for me. I am studying a degree for me. I dress good for me, I style my hair for me. I do everything for me. Women don't factor into my decisions and I feel so much freer and happier. NJ, you need to live for you, you don't need a woman to be happy, take it from someone who inexperienced and is in a similar position top you.

[AMJ]

This is where social etiquette and a modicum of decorum come into play.

 

I for one, know I wouldn't get be in relationships if it weren't for the fact I was able to provide. If my partner straight up and out of the blue said they wouldn't be with me if it weren't for my job, that tells me they're straight up rude. Rude people are inconsiderate and I find that unappealing. It also raises questions as to why they need to announce that all of a sudden. Like they had some epiphany that money grants access to some fun stuff, pays the bills and puts food on the table.

 

"What if..." Well, what if you never get off your arse and make something of yourself? This world is a tough place. Tough places need tough people to survive. Being in a relationship is deeply tied to our reproductive instincts and if you cannot show you have the nails for it, women see that. It isn't just about the bottom line. It can be linked to tenacity, the will to succeed, ambition and drive.

 

You're approaching this like a "Hit this box and I'm done, where's my woman?"

 

It doesn't work like that. Each person is like their own little computer with their own brain with a custom made OS stuck in there. The typical rules are primarily there, but sometimes in different orders. Life events alter perceptions of body language. Book choices can alter perceptions of romance. Etc etc.

 

You worry too much about ticking boxes and what ifs, you're not worrying about living.

 

One of the greatest things to behold is a man fully alive. Women are naturally drawn to that.

 

Stop waiting to be alive and just goddamn do it. My gosh I feel like I'm talking to a highschooler here, and honestly I wonder if women feel the same.

 

NJ, kiddo..you have around 20 posts all about the same exact issue. I don't know what advice or answers you want, you don't want to hear anything people say.

 

After high school and all during my 20s I threw every ounce of energy, passion, ambition I had into making myself a productive member of society and making a life for myself. I worked extremely hard at getting an education, building a career, learning how to support myself. That was all part of learning to be an adult, and it's what most people do during that time in their lives. It takes some of us longer to mature than others, but you seem to want to skip steps A and B and just get to C. And you're trying to date people who did those things, and see those things as valuable parts of human development. When I am looking for a person who is going to complement my life, I want someone who is on the same page, who's at the same level of maturity and development as I am, so we can be a team. I want someone who can help me raise children. That's what most women your age want. Are you ready to be a father? A husband? Buy a house?

 

Remember that equation I made for you? You cannot skip any of these steps in life. Not if you want to get to your goal.

 

All you're doing here is wasting time and energy.

Edited October 20, 2016 by AMJ

[NJ123]

NJ, kiddo..you have around 20 posts all about the same exact issue. I don't know what advice or answers you want, you don't want to hear anything people say.

 

After high school and all during my 20s I threw every ounce of energy, passion, ambition I had into making myself a productive member of society and making a life for myself. I worked extremely hard at getting an education, building a career, learning how to support myself. That was all part of learning to be an adult, and it's what most people do during that time in their lives. It takes some of us longer to mature than others, but you seem to want to skip steps A and B and just get to C. And you're trying to date people who did those things, and see those things as valuable parts of human development. When I am looking for a person who is going to complement my life, I want someone who is on the same page, who's at the same level of maturity and development as I am, so we can be a team. I want someone who can help me raise children. That's what most women your age want. Are you ready to be a father? A husband? Buy a house?

 

Remember that equation I made for you? You cannot skip any of these steps in life. Not if you want to get to your goal.

 

All you're doing here is wasting time and energy.

 

I just feel I'm going to feel bitter both ways though. It's like right now I'm not good enough because I don't have the ideal job. But if I got a better job making decent money I'd start to feel like that's one of the only reasons she's with me. It's like would she still have went out with me if I had a job that pays 2x less?

 

And I honestly don't even care about marriage or having kids. Marriage I'd definitely highly consider one day if I knew for sure she was the right person, but having kids isn't likely something I'd want if I had to answer right now. I just don't feel having kids is for me. I'd rather be able to go out doing things & traveling with someone & having the freedom instead of being stuck with kid responsibilities & not having much time to do things. I'm going to want to do a lot of things later on if I possibly can with the woman I'm with. So that's another whole thing I have to think about as well. Will I find someone that is undecided or for sure doesn't want kids is another whole area of concern.

[AMJ]

I just feel I'm going to feel bitter both ways though. It's like right now I'm not good enough because I don't have the ideal job. But if I got a better job making decent money I'd start to feel like that's one of the only reasons she's with me. It's like would she still have went out with me if I had a job that pays 2x less?

 

And I honestly don't even care about marriage or having kids. Marriage I'd definitely highly consider one day if I knew for sure she was the right person, but having kids isn't likely something I'd want if I had to answer right now. I just don't feel having kids is for me. I'd rather be able to go out doing things & traveling with someone & having the freedom instead of being stuck with kid responsibilities & not having much time to do things. I'm going to want to do a lot of things later on if I possibly can with the woman I'm with. So that's another whole thing I have to think about as well. Will I find someone that is undecided or for sure doesn't want kids is another whole area of concern.

 

Um, yeah that will be your biggest issue. Is finding a woman your age who does not want to have children. Of all my friends, most of them are already moms, of the few who are not mothers, only one or two have said they are okay with never having children. This type of woman is a very, very independent and successful woman. They also don't care if they ever find a relationship or get married. Good luck trying to date them, lol.

 

You really, really, really just do not get any of this. How many times do people have to tell you that just because you need to make more money to get a partner, it does not mean that partner will only like you because of your money?

 

You are taking that so personally like it's just about you- no, it's not. We ALL need to make enough money to support ourselves. That's part of life. We all need to take care of ourselves and not rely on someone else to take care of us.

[NJ123]

Um, yeah that will be your biggest issue. Is finding a woman your age who does not want to have children. Of all my friends, most of them are already moms, of the few who are not mothers, only one or two have said they are okay with never having children. This type of woman is a very, very independent and successful woman. They also don't care if they ever find a relationship or get married. Good luck trying to date them, lol.

 

You really, really, really just do not get any of this. How many times do people have to tell you that just because you need to make more money to get a partner, it does not mean that partner will only like you because of your money?

 

You are taking that so personally like it's just about you- no, it's not. We ALL need to make enough money to support ourselves. That's part of life. We all need to take care of ourselves and not rely on someone else to take care of us.

 

Well, then I guess it's game over for me before I even start lol. I just don't know if I'd ever want kids. As I said, if I had to answer right now the answer would be no. But I guess I could always feel different about it later on.

 

Well, then if they exclusively want a partner that makes good money, they should all make good money themselves. I guess I can't fault a woman that's making good money, to ask for a guy to make good money himself. But if she's making 30 grand a year & still wants a man that makes 80k+ a year, that's where it's really ridiculous.

 

And I just would like the person to like me for me first & foremost before anything else.

[Buddhist]

Bottom line NJ - If you are looking for a 20-30yr old women who is sexually inexperienced, doesn't date very much, attractive to you, doesn't want kids, maybe wants to get married but not right now, wants to travel and be free, and is on OLD and just happens to prefer men under 6ft, you aren't going to find her. Ever.

 

But I think you know this and deep down I think that is the relieving thought for you because being in a relationship is going to require something of you, something that right now you're not prepared to give.

 

Sorry to say it but your posts display the mentality of a guy in his early 20's at best. On a 30yr old, that's a real concern. Do you really think an attractive woman with her stuff together is interested in dating someone with the brain of a 20yr old? Let me fill this in for you, no she is not. Do you know why? Because, yes I'm making a generalisation here, but 20yr old guys are [on average] idiots when it comes to understanding relationships. Their lives are all about them and feeding their ego's, that's not a good basis for relationship. Every woman over the age of 25 has been there, done that and gotten tired of it.

 

What separates you from every other 30yr old out there is an essential growing up process that you have somehow missed. What you really need to do is go out there and get it all out of your system so you can start thinking and acting like a 30yr old.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

 

And I just would like the person to like me for me first & foremost before anything else.

 

You'll find her man, you just have to be positive and carry hope within your heart.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

What separates you from every other 30yr old out there is an essential growing up process that you have somehow missed. What you really need to do is go out there and get it all out of your system so you can start thinking and acting like a 30yr old.

 

Instead of putting him down why don't you tell him how a thirty year old man should act and think?

[BlueIris]

I'm not saying that's wrong at all, since I'm seeing that myself. But it just bothers me that my job itself would define my options. It's no excuse to not get a better job or anything at all, I just maybe would feel a bit turned off if I went back on OLD & all of a sudden had way more options only because I make more money than I do now. But it seems whenever I state what I do now to women I never hear from them again the vast majority of the time. But if I said I did something else, those same women would have still been talking to me afterwards most likely. I guess I just hate the feeling like a woman would be with me for my job first & foremost before anything else.

 

Everything about us defines our options. Everything. Make peace with that truth.

[SoulCat]

I just feel I'm going to feel bitter both ways though. It's like right now I'm not good enough because I don't have the ideal job. But if I got a better job making decent money I'd start to feel like that's one of the only reasons she's with me. It's like would she still have went out with me if I had a job that pays 2x less?

 

Once more, in the hope that you actually get it: It's not about the prestige, the income, the job title.

It's about how your job defines your character.

Low to mid level retail does not shout 'go-getter', it doesn't shout 'man with a plan'. Not at your age.

 

Women don't want you for your job or earning potential per se, they want to know that you can support yourself, have a solid independent life and take care of business. Not live with your folks never having experienced independent living, making a home, running a household however small.

 

The life you live is okay for a teenager, maybe early 20's. Not for someone your age.

 

Change your life, change your potential.

It's really up to you.

[Buddhist]

Instead of putting him down why don't you tell him how a thirty year old man should act and think?

 

There are four threads between 5 and 20 odd pages long all giving him that information and every single time he responds with....'yes, but'. The OP is free to go back and re-read those replies anytime he chooses.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Buddhist

[SammySammy]

There are four threads between 5 and 20 odd pages long all giving him that information and every single time he responds with....'yes, but'. The OP is free to go back and re-read those replies anytime he chooses.

 

True.

 

What is worse is he's not the first and he won't be the last. Since I've been on this site, there have always been several guys that enjoy hamstering. Spinning their wheel rather than making real changes in their lives.

 

And the ladies here go out of their way to help them. Bend over backwards being kind, compassionate, and giving great advice. To no avail.

 

You ladies deserve an award or something for what y'all have done trying to help people on this site.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I had this same question 20+ years ago. I hated the bar scene and my friends hit the bars/clubs every weekend hooking up all the time, I never had the sex life most 20-somethings had, I was coming off a very low point in my life and I really wanted to settle down and find my wife.

 

 

I finally met a girl that was into me and she was fun to hang out with. I was never 100% into her like my college gf but it was a mostly comfortable relationship. I never felt that head over heals infatuation love. It progressed and progressed and I felt I had too much invested to end it or didn't have the balls to.

 

 

We got married & have 2 kids. Been married 16 years. She is a good wife and has helped me grow as a person. That being said I still have doubts I made the right decision. I see attractive 20/30 something-aged girls and I think to myself that I should have waited to find someone like them instead of settling. I missed out on that immense sexual attraction to my spouse during my prime.

[DarrenB]

Be single.

 

Prevent myself from hurting and prevent the other person from hurting too. What's the point of engaging in something with no potential and basically, obsolete?

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Be single.

 

Prevent myself from hurting and prevent the other person from hurting too. What's the point of engaging in something with no potential and basically, obsolete?

 

I couldn't agree more and what's interesting in the UK (from what I've read) more and more men and women are choosing to remain single and live on their own. Marriage and relationships are on the decline. A lot can be said for the single life.

[sooshi]

I just feel I'm going to feel bitter both ways though.

 

You're already bitter. Every. Single. Miserable. Day.

 

It's like right now I'm not good enough because I don't have the ideal job.

 

You're only not good enough because you keep telling yourself that. It's not because of your job.

 

But if I got a better job making decent money I'd start to feel like that's one of the only reasons she's with me. It's like would she still have went out with me if I had a job that pays 2x less?

 

There's nothing wrong with a woman who wants to feel financially safe. There's nothing wrong with a man who wants to feel financially safe. Saves them from having a lot of stress and anxiety about having to pay for food, bills, etc. Wouldn't you want to be able to pay for things without fearing that you'll have no money to starve?

 

I'd rather be able to go out doing things & traveling with someone & having the freedom instead of being stuck with kid responsibilities & not having much time to do things. I'm going to want to do a lot of things later on if I possibly can with the woman I'm with. So that's another whole thing I have to think about as well. Will I find someone that is undecided or for sure doesn't want kids is another whole area of concern.

 

No, you wouldn't rather go out and do things. You'd rather stay at home and be bitter about who you are and your current life situation. You're too short, you're too inexperienced, you're not enough, you don't have the ideal job, and it goes on and on and on. Instead of GOING OUT and doing something about it, you sit at home, scroll through profiles online, and find ways to be mad at women and at yourself. For over a month or so now, we've suggested that you GO OUTSIDE and get some supplement at a health food store. As of last night, you hadn't. We've advised you to GO OUTSIDE and meet women through organic avenues, and you haven't. I understand that you're introverted, and that's okay. There are groups specifically intended for introverted individuals.

 

You want to be bitter. I'm sure you don't think that, but you show it. All the time. You want to stay the way you've been feeling. It's comfortable. You're used to it. You've trained your body to feel all this stress, anxiety, and pain. Your thoughts have become habits. Everything is about you, you, and you. I agree with Buddhist and some of the others who have said you don't behave like you're 30. To be honest, if I hadn't known your age, I also would've thought you were much younger.

 

I'm a 32 year old single woman, and I don't care about your current job, your lack of dating experience, your living situation, or your height. Your attitude is among the poopiest I've seen in my life, of anyone. Your attitude--the way you treat yourself and others, and your views about life--is the biggest thing for me. And I've been around terminally/chronically ill people who have been bedridden, wheelchair-bound, and quadriplegic. People who could no longer speak. People who could no longer recognize themselves or their loved ones. People who could no longer swallow. People who could no longer see. While some of them did have poopy attitudes, and understandably so, many of them who could express themselves truly cherished what capacities they did have, and were deeply humbled about their life experiences, and were focused on what's really important in life, such as being as good to themselves as they could, and to others--because they knew what hardships felt like, and they had endured them. They didn't compare their hardships with others. They recognized a shared connection in others as a result of their experiences.

 

Go out and do things FOR YOU. Go out and travel FOR YOU. You don't need to wait for some woman to come and long and live life.

 

Right now, you're miserable. If you were to get into a relationship any time soon, it'd also be with someone miserable, or with someone who thinks they can serve you.

 

You take so much for granted. You continually focus on comparing yourself and your situation to others (never had a good idea) and you focus on what you don't have that you think you should in order to be successful.

 

Have you actually looked at your responses? They are very predictable.

"Yeah, but..."

"True. It's just that..."

"True. I just don't think/can't..."

"I guess I should force myself to..."

"I might..."

"Yeah, I guess ____ , but..."

 

No buts, mights, ifs, can'ts or dont's. Just go out and do it. You've decided to be miserable.

 

But starting today, you can decide that you're going to pull yourself up. And then take actions to reflect your new decision that is in support of your body, mind, spirit, and soul.

Edited October 21, 2016 by sooshi