FWB that loves me but keeps saying we can't be together

[Satu]

Unreasonable in my opinion.

[JewelD]

Meh. Men have done more for sex with women. It's not that unreasonable if she knows you're going to do it.

 

and she's got some leverage. Most men would not even consider this for an FWB, but you are considering it, so the sex must be pretty good.

[jen1447]

The reasons and motivations and righteousness/or not don't matter w a FWB (actually F buddy by the sound). Only thing that matters is the practical - is the puss worth it?

[Skippy1988]

Meh. Men have done more for sex with women. It's not that unreasonable if she knows you're going to do it.

 

and she's got some leverage. Most men would not even consider this for an FWB, but you are considering it, so the sex must be pretty good.

 

But you said before that she should at least be chipping in....but yes the sex is really good:D good for her too tho. She's 44 lets face it, she's found a young in shape guy she likes and is comfortable with, why would she act so strict hmm

[Skippy1988]

Meh. Men have done more for sex with women. It's not that unreasonable if she knows you're going to do it.

 

and she's got some leverage. Most men would not even consider this for an FWB, but you are considering it, so the sex must be pretty good.

 

also, we don't use condoms bc the trust and her inability to get pregnant:D

So that makes it much much better

[JewelD]

But you said before that she should at least be chipping in....but yes the sex is really good:D good for her too tho. She's 44 lets face it, she's found a young in shape guy she likes and is comfortable with, why would she act so strict hmm

 

She should if this was a normal FWB situation, but some people will take a man for all he's willing to give. Maybe you think it's good for her, but it seems to be better for you. If it was that good in her mind, she would fk you in a dumpster.

 

If you think a man would take you to a four star restaurant, you're not going to ask to go to Applebee's. Something is going on in this friendship where you have made it appear to her that you're the type of guy who would pay to sleep with her at the Drake.

 

She's 'strict' because she's probably aware she has the golden coochie and that you'll go to great lengths for it.

 

It's not necessarily wrong because you don't have to do it. and you're not in a relationship either, so you don't have to compromise. The whole point of FWB is that you get to walk away if you're no longer happy with the set-up.

[SammySammy]

Demands?

 

[Skippy1988]

She should if this was a normal FWB situation, but some people will take a man for all he's willing to give. Maybe you think it's good for her, but it seems to be better for you. If it was that good in her mind, she would fk you in a dumpster.

 

If you think a man would take you to a four star restaurant, you're not going to ask to go to Applebee's. Something is going on in this friendship where you have made it appear to her that you're the type of guy who would pay to sleep with her at the Drake.

 

She's 'strict' because she's probably aware she has the golden coochie and that you'll go to great lengths for it.

 

It's not necessarily wrong because you don't have to do it. and you're not in a relationship either, so you don't have to compromise. The whole point of FWB is that you get to walk away if you're no longer happy with the set-up.

 

 

I get all that buy, we have loved each other and she always wants me to be in her life in some capacity, she doesn't need to act like this

[JewelD]

I get all that buy, we have loved each other and she always wants me to be in her life in some capacity, she doesn't need to act like this

 

Then this is not a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what it'd be called, but I imagine if she truly loved you, she wouldn't have a problem with you being at her place to have sex once a week.

 

Might be helpful to sit down and talk about what you're both expecting out of this and what you're both willing to accept/not accept.

[Skippy1988]

Then this is not a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what it'd be called, but I imagine if she truly loved you, she wouldn't have a problem with you being at her place to have sex once a week.

 

Might be helpful to sit down and talk about what you're both expecting out of this and what you're both willing to accept/not accept.

 

 

 

yeah, recently she has pulled away I think bc we were both getting too attached and now that she chnaged jobs she has more time to date (before she had like no time). But we rarely text now or anything, makes me a little sad

[Skippy1988]

Then this is not a friends with benefits situation. I'm not sure what it'd be called, but I imagine if she truly loved you, she wouldn't have a problem with you being at her place to have sex once a week.

 

Might be helpful to sit down and talk about what you're both expecting out of this and what you're both willing to accept/not accept.

 

haven't seen each other in a month bc she thought some space between us was good;(

[basil67]

haven't seen each other in a month bc she thought some space between us was good;(

 

Time to make that space permanent. Go and find yourself a proper girlfriend.

[Gloria25]

Does she live in a pig sty?

 

I mean, I don't have to clean up before/after someone I'm seeing comes over and I have two smelly doggies and a mum who has pretty much left the cleaning up to me (now/then she'll mop the kitchen floor).

 

Now, I will light some candles and set the mood , but mostly I need like a 30 min to put on something sexy, smelling nice, and a light bit of make-up. But usually, I'm rushing to do so many things that by the time he shows up I have wet hair...or, if I'm going to meet up with him, 30 minutes turns into 45, then 1 hr....

 

I think your FWB is being unreasonable. I'm wondering if there's something else going on here, like where she's putting demands on you because she's training you to be more than just her FWB...like, she's testing you to see how bad you wanna be with her (like if you'll spend money on her). Cuz, I have yet to see why she feels you're not pulling your weight in this if she's always hosting and you drive to her, you're spending your gas and wear/tear on your car. Geesh... If she had to drive to you, then it would be the same thing - but roles reversed.

 

My 26 yr old dude? I had no issue with hosting most of the time cuz he lives with dudes and he was freakin' going to school. I even made my way to meet up at his place cuz while he didn't mention it, I figured driving up/down to me with him needing time to study and having to pay for gas, it wouldn't be fair for me to put that expectation on him.

 

I think your FWB is being unreasonable.

[Skippy1988]

Does she live in a pig sty?

 

I mean, I don't have to clean up before/after someone I'm seeing comes over and I have two smelly doggies and a mum who has pretty much left the cleaning up to me (now/then she'll mop the kitchen floor).

 

Now, I will light some candles and set the mood , but mostly I need like a 30 min to put on something sexy, smelling nice, and a light bit of make-up. But usually, I'm rushing to do so many things that by the time he shows up I have wet hair...or, if I'm going to meet up with him, 30 minutes turns into 45, then 1 hr....

 

I think your FWB is being unreasonable. I'm wondering if there's something else going on here, like where she's putting demands on you because she's training you to be more than just her FWB...like, she's testing you to see how bad you wanna be with her (like if you'll spend money on her). Cuz, I have yet to see why she feels you're not pulling your weight in this if she's always hosting and you drive to her, you're spending your gas and wear/tear on your car. Geesh... If she had to drive to you, then it would be the same thing - but roles reversed.

 

My 26 yr old dude? I had no issue with hosting most of the time cuz he lives with dudes and he was freakin' going to school. I even made my way to meet up at his place cuz while he didn't mention it, I figured driving up/down to me with him needing time to study and having to pay for gas, it wouldn't be fair for me to put that expectation on him.

 

I think your FWB is being unreasonable.

 

She has always told me shes always cleaning (even way before when I was always coming over). She has 2 kids, maybe shes a neat freak or she just wants the place to be perfect for when I come over for some reason?

 

The thing about your 3rd paragraph, I'm not her boyfriend, so why would I act like one? too be honest I've done so much for her, I used to always bring her wine, I always asked if she needed anything on my way over. I treat her as good as any other FWB gets treated by a guy.

 

But i agree with you. I've always drove to her and she like doesn't even care.

 

 

Let me know what you think about this, I've thought about telling her this

 

"I know you have said you would like to do a hotel for a while and we can everytime, It's just that I can't afford that 4/5 times a month so I guess we'll just hangout less tahn before."

 

bascially respecting her wishes but also saying "if yuo want to see me more you'll have me over at your place"...Thoughts?

[Gloria25]

She has always told me shes always cleaning (even way before when I was always coming over). She has 2 kids, maybe shes a neat freak or she just wants the place to be perfect for when I come over for some reason?

 

The thing about your 3rd paragraph, I'm not her boyfriend, so why would I act like one? too be honest I've done so much for her, I used to always bring her wine, I always asked if she needed anything on my way over. I treat her as good as any other FWB gets treated by a guy.

 

But i agree with you. I've always drove to her and she like doesn't even care.

 

 

Let me know what you think about this, I've thought about telling her this

 

"I know you have said you would like to do a hotel for a while and we can everytime, It's just that I can't afford that 4/5 times a month so I guess we'll just hangout less tahn before."

 

bascially respecting her wishes but also saying "if yuo want to see me more you'll have me over at your place"...Thoughts?

 

I like what you're thinking about telling her. But I wouldn't offer it at all...I'd be like, "I would like to reserve going to a hotel for a special occasion, so if you only want to meet in a hotel, then I guess we won't be able to see each other unless it's a special occasion or when you're willing to host."

 

So, put it back on her. If she really wants to see you, she'll adjust.

 

I get that kids can make a place messy, but come on, any reasonable parent knows that with kids you're not gonna have a spotless place. If you were married to her, she wouldn't have to clean up before/after having sex with a husband...

 

Look, I've been to people's home where even SAHW/SAHM has the place looking like a pig sty and they don't even care what people think. Shoot, I've even been given tours of their nasty homes...so I don't get why your FWB believes she needs to polish the china every time before/after your visit.

[ChatroomHero]

I look at it like this, at some point if you were hitting up call girls and they were amazingly hot and you were paying saying $300 a pop and ok with it, and they came back and said now they want you to pay $500, it just comes down to is it worth it? Maybe occasionally but probably no very often, eventually not at all.

 

 

By the sounds of your posting, saving money for your own place is (and probably should be) more important than a piece of ass. When things first start with a FWB it might be awesome and you might be willing to go the extra mile, but after a while if there are added factors like demands from her and the need to drop a good amount of cash to be with her, over time the value of ass-to-other-things relationship declines. It sounds like you are at a tipping point between money and ass.

 

 

Either way I have a feeling her "calculations" will backfire on her sooner or later, as at some point you will be thinking you saw her 10 times, $150+ a pop for the hotel, you could have saved $1500 (or 1/2 of a decent FHA loan down payment for a house) and the ass value won't equal having you're own house or place.

 

 

If I were you I might consider a hotel with her once or twice for the fun of it but after that I'd just 'nope' her until she started giving you sex for free again, which would probably eventually happen. If not, oh well, find someone else.

[Miss Peach]

I would be suspicious if I never saw a guy's place. But if it were an hour drive I probably wouldn't want to do it; especially for a FWB or at night like Shining said.

[Skippy1988]

I look at it like this, at some point if you were hitting up call girls and they were amazingly hot and you were paying saying $300 a pop and ok with it, and they came back and said now they want you to pay $500, it just comes down to is it worth it? Maybe occasionally but probably no very often, eventually not at all.

 

 

By the sounds of your posting, saving money for your own place is (and probably should be) more important than a piece of ass. When things first start with a FWB it might be awesome and you might be willing to go the extra mile, but after a while if there are added factors like demands from her and the need to drop a good amount of cash to be with her, over time the value of ass-to-other-things relationship declines. It sounds like you are at a tipping point between money and ass.

 

 

Either way I have a feeling her "calculations" will backfire on her sooner or later, as at some point you will be thinking you saw her 10 times, $150+ a pop for the hotel, you could have saved $1500 (or 1/2 of a decent FHA loan down payment for a house) and the ass value won't equal having you're own house or place.

 

 

If I were you I might consider a hotel with her once or twice for the fun of it but after that I'd just 'nope' her until she started giving you sex for free again, which would probably eventually happen. If not, oh well, find someone else.

 

 

 

Yeah I feel like he has leverage over me. I dunno why, I should change that. Is there anything to say to make her shut up about the hotel thing?

 

Also, I think she's a material girl she told me how when she was 16 she'd buy $200 sunglasses and always spent money on quality items. She claimed she isn't materialistic but just that "she appreciate quality not the brand ". I think this is why. And before it kinda did seem like a relationship but it wasn't! Is there any logic to her getting mad at me for not spending on her even tho we're not officially dating or anybnh? Does that change anything? I mean I don't think so

 

This whole situation just angers me. I'm remaining calm with her but I havmet heard from her since last Thursday when I suggested we just got to her place (it was late, I miss her dog), I gave many reasons. She responded by saying how we should just do next week and how she hasn't had any time to clean. She went onto say "next week is better anyways I have a lot to do". Do you think she was upset? Or just being honest here?

[Skippy1988]

Yeah I feel like he has leverage over me. I dunno why, I should change that. Is there anything to say to make her shut up about the hotel thing?

 

Also, I think she's a material girl she told me how when she was 16 she'd buy $200 sunglasses and always spent money on quality items. She claimed she isn't materialistic but just that "she appreciate quality not the brand ". I think this is why. And before it kinda did seem like a relationship but it wasn't! Is there any logic to her getting mad at me for not spending on her even tho we're not officially dating or anybnh? Does that change anything? I mean I don't think so

 

This whole situation just angers me. I'm remaining calm with her but I havmet heard from her since last Thursday when I suggested we just got to her place (it was late, I miss her dog), I gave many reasons. She responded by saying how we should just do next week and how she hasn't had any time to clean. She went onto say "next week is better anyways I have a lot to do". Do you think she was upset? Or just being honest here?

 

 

 

Also, I have always spent money on her. I used to bring her wine every time we hungout anong other things. I would get her thoughtful things that didn't cost the most but i wanted to show her I cared! She even said once, "I do appreciate all the small things you've brought me" I was thinking stop being sarcastic

[Skippy1988]

I would be suspicious if I never saw a guy's place. But if it were an hour drive I probably wouldn't want to do it; especially for a FWB or at night like Shining said.

 

 

 

 

Yeah when I brought that up (how I always drive out to her and how I have saved her money on a pet sitter) and she took offense to that like "thanks for throwing that back in my face" I was like what?

[Gloria25]

Yeah when I brought that up (how I always drive out to her and how I have saved her money on a pet sitter) and she took offense to that like "thanks for throwing that back in my face" I was like what?

 

Sorry, but seems like your FWB wants everything convenient for her.

 

Look, tell her that she doesn't have to clean up before/after you come there...that you're saving a hotel for a special occasion...and, that you driving like an hour, etc. and all the things you do for her means you both break even with her hosting.

 

If she doesn't agree...next.

 

Again, if this is just for sex, there are so many others to choose from.

[Skippy1988]

Sorry, but seems like your FWB wants everything convenient for her.

 

Look, tell her that she doesn't have to clean up before/after you come there...that you're saving a hotel for a special occasion...and, that you driving like an hour, etc. and all the things you do for her means you both break even with her hosting.

 

If she doesn't agree...next.

 

Again, if this is just for sex, there are so many others to choose from.

 

I feel like she has completely changed, I don't even know if I like her anymore through her demands and month off of seeing her/barely texting. Now it seems like we're **** buddies (downgraded from FWB)

[Popsicle]

It's weird, we live in a time where it's perfectly socially acceptable for two guys to bang each other up the ass because they don't have parts that even fit together, or for Bruce Jenner to put on a dress and a wig and everyone has to just pretend he's really a woman, but if a woman happens to fall in love with a man who's just younger than her it's often treated with immense derision, both subtlety and directly. It can be incredibly hard for a woman to accept being in love with a younger guy these days.

 

If this is the girl you love and you want to make it work skippy you kind of have to stop taking her rejection personally and become the bedrock of the relationship. Be persistent but patient. Tell her what you feel, what you want and don't take no for an answer. Make her feel safe with you despite all the nonsense she's gonna hear about the age gap. And by all means, don't leave her again for some other girl you don't even want because you feel spited. It's not personal man.

 

I met a very special girl a while back with about the same age difference and I feel lucky every day to have her in my life. She's the love of my life. And it pains me to think of what I might have missed if I listened to some of the nonsense people have to say or insinuate about this kind of stuff. So good luck to you skippy.

 

You are a smart man, gaius.

[Gloria25]

I feel like she has completely changed, I don't even know if I like her anymore through her demands and month off of seeing her/barely texting. Now it seems like we're **** buddies (downgraded from FWB)

 

I feel ya, her unreasonableness is such a turn off.

[Skippy1988]

I feel ya, her unreasonableness is such a turn off.

 

 

Definitely. she texted me today (first time in 5 days) and asked me how my day was then quickly asked "Are you off today or working" then conversation ended. Only FB now:(....I think less of her now, like I see her as more slutty now how she only contacts me when she wants to get pounded