Wife of almost 23 years wants divorce [updated]

[Jeff1690]

When will the divorce become final?

 

30-45 days

[Jersey born raised]

Did his(?) cousin know about the adultery or was aware of her mindset but not the adultery?

[Marc878]

30-45 days

 

Who's filing it? If it's her I'd make sure or I'd file it myself.

[Humantk]

Hey Jeff, just read the whole saga! Crazy couple of months it seems you've been having! Glad to see the smoke is starting to clear. Your handling of this truly has been inspiring to me. I'm going through a break up, we were not married, LTR for 5 good (so I thought) years. Im in NC but our lives are almost destined to keep us bumping into one another (I met her at my cousins engagement party to her sister, they had a child who is my godson and her nephew. My Best Friend since 4th grade also just bought a house with her OTHER sister, he tells me he plans to pop the question soon.) I am only 26 so I wasn't sure how to handle it when NC inevitably has to get broken. Then I read Marc's post #202. Marc your advice to act like you're talking to the mailman or grocery clerk helped clear it up for me so much. I work retail, have for the past 8 years. I'm going to treat her like a customer! Really appreciate that bit of advice, for some reason it just made it all click! Thank you

 

And Jeff your story helped me so much, it bared similarities to the end of my relationship. I don't know if she was involved with someone. But she was acting the same way your wife had been acting during the last year of your marriage for the last 6 months of our relationship. Whether she was unfaithful or not doesn't matter now, we've been apart a month and a half and theres no real reason to talk.

 

I've taken her off FB and all other social media. Your story gave me strength and hope. Ive been hitting the gym myself as well and dropped 15 pounds. But to see that this hurt happens no matter how long or good the years were, it helps me understand that my ex was unhappy with her life and wanted out. I loved her everyday the best I could. Always thought of her more then myself, made sure she felt special and taken care of, and pushed her to take better steps in her career (she was working a temp job with a Masters in Psychology) One night she just said she wasn't happy and wanted the relationship to end. Since then she goes out to bars and parties. Does stuff she never said she wanted to do when we were together. Quarter life crisis maybe, she's a year and a half younger then me. 25 and a total knockout at 5'11. Maybe a case of GIGS, Im not sure.

 

Learning from you its better to 180. I had been a mess the last month and a half, I would have replied to anything she sent me. But I'm going to stick to NC and the occasions where we have to meet I will just treat her like she is the mailman. I feel good about it now, that this is going to become a kind of positive for me. That a new door really has opened. And after reading your story it was honestly the first time I had felt a little better since she left me. Thank you again for opening up and sharing! Theres tons of possibilities out there and tons more life to live! Good luck on your adventures!

Edited September 23, 2016 by Humantk

[Just a Guy]

Hi Jeff, I have been browsing through your thread( haven't really read all the posts but will do so in time)and since you have been requesting people who are in the shadows to come out in the open I thought I should do so. Firstly, let me say how sorry I am to read your sad story. To have a loving and dynamic relationship suddenly turn sour like this is, to my mind, a real blow below the belt. I am still trying hard to comprehend how a loyal and loving wife who, like you, is an ex marine and who was groomed in displaying qualities of leadership, and taught to live by a code of conduct that would carry her and her comrades through the thick of battle, could turn on her own dear husband and children and treat them like so much trash, in such a short period of time. It is as if she was a Dr. Jekyll and in the still of the night she turned into a Mr. Hyde.

 

Quite frankly I cannot speak to you from personal experience as I am not a BS and all I can offer you is my moral support and good wishes for an early and amicable resolution of your problem. However, if I may suggest that the next time your STBXW asks you why you are asking her awkward questions or trying to belittle her in the eyes of others, just say that "You know very well what you have done and knowing you and your penchant for being truthful and displaying integrity, why have you been dishing out a bunch of lies to me and treating me like so much trash"? After that whether she answers or just keeps quiet, let the matter rest. You can draw your own conclusions from the way she reacts or answers your query.

 

The other thing I wanted to suggest, if you think it is in good taste, is to get a miniature casket made like a baby coffin and a miniature head stone and get some close friend/s to accompany you and make a show of digging a pit and placing the casket in the ground and covering it up. You can then place the headstone at the head of the burial spot. the headstone should carry the lettering " Here lies the Marriage of (Wife's name) and ( Your name), Born( Year of Marriage) and died( Date of Divorce) dearly missed by (Your name and your two sons names)". You can add any further embellishments that you think of. You can either video tape the proceedings or just take photographs and post these on your FB page for all your friends to see. This may or may not help you get closure but it will certainly be a cause of embarrassment to your ex wife because she will definitely get to see it or will be referred to it by some friend or acquaintance of hers.This is just a suggestion since your wife has behaved so atrociously and not come up with the facts of her betrayal to help you get closure and heal. Please ignore this if you feel that it is not in good taste. Warm wishes.

[Wade Lamare]

So, smart new threads, kicking ride, and a sharpened up body.

 

Man, you are going to need a big stick to beat all the women off with when you're ready to date.

 

You may not realise this but you are going to be a prime chunk of beefcake on the dating scene.

[Formerfiveo]

Echoing everyone else, congratulations and well done! I am so impressed with how you handled things, and as painful as this whole ordeal was and still is, you maintained your self respect.

 

On another note, I've branched out my cabin search to include WV. My dream cabin is out there somewhere!

[LancasterAmos1966]

You can then place the headstone at the head of the burial spot. the headstone should carry the lettering " Here lies the Marriage of ......

 

 

JustaGuy, This is the first time I've ever heard it suggested to have a mock-funeral. Very unique idea.

 

Separation/divorce is really similar to death (death of dreams, companionship, etc.), so your suggestion just might help someone that is struggling to move forward.

[Jeff1690]

Hey Jeff, just read the whole saga! Crazy couple of months it seems you've been having! Glad to see the smoke is starting to clear. Your handling of this truly has been inspiring to me. I'm going through a break up, we were not married, LTR for 5 good (so I thought) years. Im in NC but our lives are almost destined to keep us bumping into one another (I met her at my cousins engagement party to her sister, they had a child who is my godson and her nephew. My Best Friend since 4th grade also just bought a house with her OTHER sister, he tells me he plans to pop the question soon.) I am only 26 so I wasn't sure how to handle it when NC inevitably has to get broken. Then I read Marc's post #202. Marc your advice to act like you're talking to the mailman or grocery clerk helped clear it up for me so much. I work retail, have for the past 8 years. I'm going to treat her like a customer! Really appreciate that bit of advice, for some reason it just made it all click! Thank you

 

And Jeff your story helped me so much, it bared similarities to the end of my relationship. I don't know if she was involved with someone. But she was acting the same way your wife had been acting during the last year of your marriage for the last 6 months of our relationship. Whether she was unfaithful or not doesn't matter now, we've been apart a month and a half and theres no real reason to talk.

 

I've taken her off FB and all other social media. Your story gave me strength and hope. Ive been hitting the gym myself as well and dropped 15 pounds. But to see that this hurt happens no matter how long or good the years were, it helps me understand that my ex was unhappy with her life and wanted out. I loved her everyday the best I could. Always thought of her more then myself, made sure she felt special and taken care of, and pushed her to take better steps in her career (she was working a temp job with a Masters in Psychology) One night she just said she wasn't happy and wanted the relationship to end. Since then she goes out to bars and parties. Does stuff she never said she wanted to do when we were together. Quarter life crisis maybe, she's a year and a half younger then me. 25 and a total knockout at 5'11. Maybe a case of GIGS, Im not sure.

 

Learning from you its better to 180. I had been a mess the last month and a half, I would have replied to anything she sent me. But I'm going to stick to NC and the occasions where we have to meet I will just treat her like she is the mailman. I feel good about it now, that this is going to become a kind of positive for me. That a new door really has opened. And after reading your story it was honestly the first time I had felt a little better since she left me. Thank you again for opening up and sharing! Theres tons of possibilities out there and tons more life to live! Good luck on your adventures!

Humantk-glad my story has helped you. It is one of the reasons that several times I have posted that I have mentioned more people should respond to posts and make their own. The reading here has helped like you would not believe. I hate your relationship tanked but just be glad you didn't marry her. Not saying five years with a woman doesn't equal to someone who is married, but once you have kids and are truly supposed to be one and they cheat and split is a real killer.

Keep it up at the gym. Every day now if I think about slacking I think about what she did to me and say to myself you are a better person now, and you are going to be a healthier person so you can live your life and enjoy the adventure. It also helped this week when I snuck off to the beach

[Jeff1690]

Hi Jeff, I have been browsing through your thread( haven't really read all the posts but will do so in time)and since you have been requesting people who are in the shadows to come out in the open I thought I should do so. Firstly, let me say how sorry I am to read your sad story. To have a loving and dynamic relationship suddenly turn sour like this is, to my mind, a real blow below the belt. I am still trying hard to comprehend how a loyal and loving wife who, like you, is an ex marine and who was groomed in displaying qualities of leadership, and taught to live by a code of conduct that would carry her and her comrades through the thick of battle, could turn on her own dear husband and children and treat them like so much trash, in such a short period of time. It is as if she was a Dr. Jekyll and in the still of the night she turned into a Mr. Hyde.

 

Quite frankly I cannot speak to you from personal experience as I am not a BS and all I can offer you is my moral support and good wishes for an early and amicable resolution of your problem. However, if I may suggest that the next time your STBXW asks you why you are asking her awkward questions or trying to belittle her in the eyes of others, just say that "You know very well what you have done and knowing you and your penchant for being truthful and displaying integrity, why have you been dishing out a bunch of lies to me and treating me like so much trash"? After that whether she answers or just keeps quiet, let the matter rest. You can draw your own conclusions from the way she reacts or answers your query.

 

The other thing I wanted to suggest, if you think it is in good taste, is to get a miniature casket made like a baby coffin and a miniature head stone and get some close friend/s to accompany you and make a show of digging a pit and placing the casket in the ground and covering it up. You can then place the headstone at the head of the burial spot. the headstone should carry the lettering " Here lies the Marriage of (Wife's name) and ( Your name), Born( Year of Marriage) and died( Date of Divorce) dearly missed by (Your name and your two sons names)". You can add any further embellishments that you think of. You can either video tape the proceedings or just take photographs and post these on your FB page for all your friends to see. This may or may not help you get closure but it will certainly be a cause of embarrassment to your ex wife because she will definitely get to see it or will be referred to it by some friend or acquaintance of hers.This is just a suggestion since your wife has behaved so atrociously and not come up with the facts of her betrayal to help you get closure and heal. Please ignore this if you feel that it is not in good taste. Warm wishes.

 

Hey Just a Guy. Hope the things in my story that I did right and wrong help you and others out with their troubles. Not sure I could make the video and keep it tasteful. I have a very dry sense of humor and it would wind up like a Monty Python movie lol.

[Jeff1690]

So, smart new threads, kicking ride, and a sharpened up body.

 

Man, you are going to need a big stick to beat all the women off with when you're ready to date.

 

You may not realise this but you are going to be a prime chunk of beefcake on the dating scene.

 

I can only hope lol

[Jeff1690]

Echoing everyone else, congratulations and well done! I am so impressed with how you handled things, and as painful as this whole ordeal was and still is, you maintained your self respect.

 

On another note, I've branched out my cabin search to include WV. My dream cabin is out there somewhere!

 

Thanks 5-0. West Virginian is very a very underated place. I have ridden my Harley through their and was captivated by it's beauty. Plus the land is cheap. I hope to continue to act with a dignity and make every time I meet my soon to be ex about the children or future grandchildren a time for her to reflect and feel regret and remorse because she destroyed the marriage and herself, but not me. Not gonna do it for her, but do it for me. But she just like everyone else will see me elevated to a new station in life.

[Jeff1690]

Hey folks, just to give a little update. Been off the board a few days. Got a little down one day and said to hell with it. Jumped on my Harley and road down to the Gulf Coast. I had a blast. No I wasn't getting hammered every night and partying, I am bit past that. Well I did get hammered one night lol.

 

Met a good looking women. She had an average face (cute I guess) but a body that was smoking hot and head every head on the beach turning. Even saw a few guys get the shoulder or gut punch from their wife or girlfriend for staring. Late 30's and an accountant. Hit it off at a cafe' and eventually wound up back at her place.

 

Nope don't go their folks it was PG-13. Her friends came to the rescue and then refused to leave LoL. All of them drunk and loud (but hey they were having a great time). She mentioned going to my condo but a friend over heard and said no way they were all staying put and partying together because it was a girls' beach trip. Oh well, I still had fun even with her drunk yankee friends.

 

If some of you will remember I got several hundred extra in my buyout because of reduced interest rate that the wife wanted put in the joint account. I gave her a smart ass answer about using it to go take a woman to the beach just like she ran off with the OM using our money at the beach.

 

Well this weekend she texted and called and called. Wanting to know why I was at the beach spending our money. No, I did not answer and remained no contact till I got home.

 

Once I was home I had probably one to many whiskies trying to loosen up from the motorcycle ride. I decided to respond to her majesty. I did what she has been doing. I didn't acknowledge her question. I did however thank her for calling me and asking about how my beach trip went. I told her I had a great time and really enjoyed myself. No response back as of 40 plus hours ago.

 

The trip and ride were worth it. Probably should have remained no contact (learn from my mistakes folks) But I have suffered no ills because of it. Of course I could have if she responded. But it did make a half drunk man smile to do it.

 

Cabin construction continues. Getting really excited. Have my new truck and feeling great.

I wonder why, LOL.

Edited October 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Just a Guy]

Hi Jeff, those are good sentiments. As long as you treat her kindly inspite of what she has done to you, you will rub in the fact that she lost a jewel which was hers for all time but which she did not value. Guess that will burn her up irrespective of where in life she is or how well she does. People rarely get good partners in the contemporary world and if one is lucky to be one of such people they should hold on to them for dear life. It seems, at the end your marriage turned into a one way street where you were doing all the loving and sacrificing and she never did reciprocate. Her loss and I am sure it will rankle her to the end of her days. In the mean time live your life well from here on. Cheers.

[Jeff1690]

Just one other update. If you will go back a couple of pages and remember what I posted on my FB page about my Happy Divorce Day present and what I said. Since that time I have received in excess of fifty instant messages via FB messenger from girls I went to HS with, former work colleagues, female family and friends.

Almost to a T they have basically said well played (even though I didn't know I was playing, I was venting lol). They all say I talked about the length of my marriage and how I thought I would be with her the rest of my life. I didn't stoop in the gutter and call her a liar or a cheater I just said she had different plans. I complimented her by telling her she was sexy despite what she did to me.

Almost everyone one of them said they let some of their girlfriends read the post and all said I was a good looking guy with class they would like to meet. I haven't stepped up to the plate yet to meet some of those women, not sure if I am quite ready for that yet.

However that being said, it raised my spirits that so many other women would find me attractive at my age (late 40's) and say I must have class for still showing my wife respect (and not kissing her ass) and looking at moving on with life in good spirits. Got to thank a lot of folks here for wonderful advice that has kept me on top of this thing and making the roller coaster rides very short.

Edited October 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Marc878]

Well this weekend she texted and called and called. Wanting to know why I was at the beach spending our money. No, I did not answer and remained no contact till I got home.

Once I was home I had probably one to many whiskies trying to loosen up from the motorcycle ride. I decided to respond to her majesty. I did what she has been doing. I didn't acknowledge her question. I did however thank her for calling me and asking about how my beach trip went. I told her I had a great time and really enjoyed myself. No response back as of 40 plus hours ago.

 

Your 180 is still intact. We'll allow a little poke

 

Don't be caught off guard and answer a call (old habits are hard to break) or any non necessary texts. You'll be surprised how much this will help. It also keeps you in control.

 

Nice job on getting away.

[Marc878]

The other thing is this was not in her plans at all. You were supposed to stay depressed and needy. It never occurred to her you'd be an attractive commodity.

 

Better make sure the D papers got filed.

 

Not to mention you finding out what she'd been up to.

[tinkerbell16]

Hey folks, just to give a little update. Been off the board a few days. Got a little down one day and said to hell with it. Jumped on my Harley and road down to the Gulf Coast. I had a blast. No I wasn't getting hammered every night and partying, I am bit past that. Well I did get hammered one night lol.

 

Met a good looking women. She had an average face (cute I guess) but a body that was smoking hot and head every head on the beach turning. Even saw a few guys get the shoulder or gut punch from their wife or girlfriend for staring. Late 30's and an accountant. Hit it off at a cafe' and eventually wound up back at her place.

 

Nope don't go their folks it was PG-13. Her friends came to the rescue and then refused to leave LoL. All of them drunk and loud (but hey they were having a great time). She mentioned going to my condo but a friend over heard and said no way they were all staying put and partying together because it was a girls' beach trip. Oh well, I still had fun even with her drunk yankee friends.

 

If some of you will remember I got several hundred extra in my buyout because of reduced interest rate that the wife wanted put in the joint account. I gave her a smart ass answer about using it to go take a woman to the beach just like she ran off with the OM using our money at the beach.

 

Well this weekend she texted and called and called. Wanting to know why I was at the beach spending our money. No, I did not answer and remained no contact till I got home.

 

Once I was home I had probably one to many whiskies trying to loosen up from the motorcycle ride. I decided to respond to her majesty. I did what she has been doing. I didn't acknowledge her question. I did however thank her for calling me and asking about how my beach trip went. I told her I had a great time and really enjoyed myself. No response back as of 40 plus hours ago.

 

The trip and ride were worth it. Probably should have remained no contact (learn from my mistakes folks) But I have suffered no ills because of it. Of course I could have if she responded. But it did make a half drunk man smile to do it.

 

Cabin construction continues. Getting really excited. Have my new truck and feeling great.

I wonder why, LOL.

 

Lol I was going to recommend staying age appropriate but nahhh....you deserve a go with a 30 year old if a similar sitiation arises again (pun intended).

 

I doubt there is a way to stay away from some casual rebound sex for a guy who's been wronged as badly as you have.

 

Have fun and BE SAFE (and if casual make sure she knows that is all it is).

 

Marc is right... didn't you know you are supposed to be miserable without her? She is not liking a taste of her own medicine. She is equal parts mad and turned on by your strength and resilience. Lol

 

Best revenge is leading a sweet and happy life... without her.

Edited October 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Jeff1690]

Well today I went out to the land. The well guys had hit water but it had to much iron content. So that was $700 down the toilet. They will begin again tomorrow.

I then head to the hardware store and picked up my antique pot belly stove for my cabin. When I got home I see the wife has returned. Once again for those of you who don't know she works out of town 3.5 days a week and Tuesday is when she goes back to work.

SHe has not really been to the house in weeks. Just like last week she came and signed the papers, ate with the boys and went back down south, 3 hour drive. Well here she was at 1200 in the afternoon and had not been in town all week again.

So I go inside. I can see from the reflection in a picture down the hall she is at her desk looking up. So I head straight downstairs. I grab some stuff and was going to leave again.

Well she was walking to her Jeep. I guess since I didn't walk in and talk to her she got pissed or something. She holds up some mail and says I just came back home for mail and am heading back down south. Found out later she did at least go eat with our sons.

It just seems so odd to me that she would once again drive 3 hours come to the house and do something or grab something go eat with the boys and leave again.

I broke 180 a little bit again. When she opened the door to her Jeep I said to her "Watch out for Big Sexy. Don't want you to chip her paint." (Yes I am calling her big sexy even though she is a mid-size truck. lol) Then she looked at me and said you mean your "Divorce Day Present."(What I said in my FB post) I just gave her a confused look and said "No her name is Big Sexy and is expensive." She just gave me the look got in her Jeep and left.

I was behind her for the most of way to town and could see she kept looking at me in her mirrors. Once again like I have done in similar position I put my phone to my ear and did the whole fake conversation thing with the fake laughing just to make her think I was having a grand old time.

Why in the hell does this girl keep doing this? Hell if she wanted to check on what I was doing why not just come home like she used to?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Jeff, you've known her for 25 years and I guess that is long enough to be able to decode her way of thinking and what is going on in her mind. I think if you gave it sufficient thought you would be able to decipher her line of thinking. Women are usually quite predictable in the way they think or act.

 

Apart from that I think it was a good thing that you were out when she turned up so she knows you are busy on your post divorce plans. This business of coming home to pick up mail is just to check up on you and to seek an opening to be able to start a conversation with you. She wants to keep the lines of communication open just in case she needs to come back running to you. Have you thought of the possibility that she might very well throw her self at your feet and beg your forgiveness and ask for a second chance, if and when she is desperate and her world is collapsing around her? In that scenario what would you do? You should at least give it some rational, cool thought and come up with some viable ideas on how to handle such a situation. Of course you have to decide if this relationship is now completely dead or if there is a remote scope for it's resurrection. If so what would be the conditions under which such a reconciliation would be possible? Just saying!

[Marc878]

Well today I went out to the land. The well guys had hit water but it had to much iron content. So that was $700 down the toilet. They will begin again tomorrow.

I then head to the hardware store and picked up my antique pot belly stove for my cabin. When I got home I see the wife has returned. Once again for those of you who don't know she works out of town 3.5 days a week and Tuesday is when she goes back to work.

SHe has not really been to the house in weeks. Just like last week she came and signed the papers, ate with the boys and went back down south, 3 hour drive. Well here she was at 1200 in the afternoon and had not been in town all week again.

So I go inside. I can see from the reflection in a picture down the hall she is at her desk looking up. So I head straight downstairs. I grab some stuff and was going to leave again.

Well she was walking to her Jeep. I guess since I didn't walk in and talk to her she got pissed or something. She holds up some mail and says I just came back home for mail and am heading back down south. Found out later she did at least go eat with our sons.

It just seems so odd to me that she would once again drive 3 hours come to the house and do something or grab something go eat with the boys and leave again.

I broke 180 a little bit again. When she opened the door to her Jeep I said to her "Watch out for Big Sexy. Don't want you to chip her paint." (Yes I am calling her big sexy even though she is a mid-size truck. lol) Then she looked at me and said you mean your "Divorce Day Present."(What I said in my FB post) I just gave her a confused look and said "No her name is Big Sexy and is expensive." She just gave me the look got in her Jeep and left.

I was behind her for the most of way to town and could see she kept looking at me in her mirrors. Once again like I have done in similar position I put my phone to my ear and did the whole fake conversation thing with the fake laughing just to make her think I was having a grand old time.

Why in the hell does this girl keep doing this? Hell if she wanted to check on what I was doing why not just come home like she used to?

 

For her it's now. Be carefull what you ask for you might get it. 180, 180,180.

[tinkerbell16]

Well today I went out to the land. The well guys had hit water but it had to much iron content. So that was $700 down the toilet. They will begin again tomorrow.

I then head to the hardware store and picked up my antique pot belly stove for my cabin. When I got home I see the wife has returned. Once again for those of you who don't know she works out of town 3.5 days a week and Tuesday is when she goes back to work.

SHe has not really been to the house in weeks. Just like last week she came and signed the papers, ate with the boys and went back down south, 3 hour drive. Well here she was at 1200 in the afternoon and had not been in town all week again.

So I go inside. I can see from the reflection in a picture down the hall she is at her desk looking up. So I head straight downstairs. I grab some stuff and was going to leave again.

Well she was walking to her Jeep. I guess since I didn't walk in and talk to her she got pissed or something. She holds up some mail and says I just came back home for mail and am heading back down south. Found out later she did at least go eat with our sons.

It just seems so odd to me that she would once again drive 3 hours come to the house and do something or grab something go eat with the boys and leave again.

I broke 180 a little bit again. When she opened the door to her Jeep I said to her "Watch out for Big Sexy. Don't want you to chip her paint." (Yes I am calling her big sexy even though she is a mid-size truck. lol) Then she looked at me and said you mean your "Divorce Day Present."(What I said in my FB post) I just gave her a confused look and said "No her name is Big Sexy and is expensive." She just gave me the look got in her Jeep and left.

I was behind her for the most of way to town and could see she kept looking at me in her mirrors. Once again like I have done in similar position I put my phone to my ear and did the whole fake conversation thing with the fake laughing just to make her think I was having a grand old time.

Why in the hell does this girl keep doing this? Hell if she wanted to check on what I was doing why not just come home like she used to?

 

Many times affairs fizzle out when the married person becomes single. It is no longer a secret, hot love affair and that is typically when the married person starts making the "ok I am divorced where is this going?" speach.

Mine came back around acting like a lost puppy. They are lost for sure. Our divorce happened really quickly, like yours. 3 mos from the time I filed to finalized.

It was like whiplash fast.

You need to decide if you want her back. In a way that decision is the HARDEST thing. Harder than the betrayal itself.

There are so many factors to consider, your happiness being number one.

Can it be achieved with her?

[Marc878]

She had a boyfriend behind your back, Got D papers ready, gave you your 1/2 in the home signed the D papers, filed the D papers. I don't see any of her actions that say anything much different than "I'm done and gone". Drama doesn't count much.

 

She's probably still looking for some validation that says she still matters.

 

When she came back she didn't initiate conversation, etc. or am I missing something?

 

Jeff, you aren't there yet. You're initiating conversation, fake phone calls are all trying to impress her. If you are looking to get past this trying to impress her isn't going to get you there.

 

What do you want? I suspect if you approached her at this point all you would get is a rejection and a huge ego boost for her.

[Jeff1690]

Hi Jeff, you've known her for 25 years and I guess that is long enough to be able to decode her way of thinking and what is going on in her mind. I think if you gave it sufficient thought you would be able to decipher her line of thinking. Women are usually quite predictable in the way they think or act.

 

Apart from that I think it was a good thing that you were out when she turned up so she knows you are busy on your post divorce plans. This business of coming home to pick up mail is just to check up on you and to seek an opening to be able to start a conversation with you. She wants to keep the lines of communication open just in case she needs to come back running to you. Have you thought of the possibility that she might very well throw her self at your feet and beg your forgiveness and ask for a second chance, if and when she is desperate and her world is collapsing around her? In that scenario what would you do? You should at least give it some rational, cool thought and come up with some viable ideas on how to handle such a situation. Of course you have to decide if this relationship is now completely dead or if there is a remote scope for it's resurrection. If so what would be the conditions under which such a reconciliation would be possible? Just saying!

 

Yes I have known her for 25 years, but now I am not sure what she really thinks. Is she going to throw herself at my feet. I really don't think so. Hell for all I know she really did just drive 3 hours to pick up the mail.

Would I take her back? No. I would like her to get help for her problems, especially the sexual abuse. Not so much for her but for my sons.

[Jeff1690]

She had a boyfriend behind your back, Got D papers ready, gave you your 1/2 in the home signed the D papers, filed the D papers. I don't see any of her actions that say anything much different than "I'm done and gone". Drama doesn't count much.

 

She's probably still looking for some validation that says she still matters.

 

When she came back she didn't initiate conversation, etc. or am I missing something?

 

Jeff, you aren't there yet. You're initiating conversation, fake phone calls are all trying to impress her. If you are looking to get past this trying to impress her isn't going to get you there.

 

What do you want? I suspect if you approached her at this point all you would get is a rejection and a huge ego boost for her.

 

Hold on brother put the 4x4 away and just use a 1x1. No you didn't miss anything. She initiated nothing until I walked out in the garage. The fake phone call thing, I just did that because I know every time she has come in on me when I am actually talking to someone on the phone and making plans to do something the look on her face is one of confusion. Like she doesn't understand why I am making plans, I am supposed to be in the fetal position surrounded by photos of her. I just like that look on her face. She had it when I was doing it and could clearly see it in the mirror while at a stop sign. It isn't much but I feel like I am giving her a tad bit of pain back she gave me.

I believe you are correct to a point on the "I am done and gone". Really don't think or care that she will ever come back. My problem I guess is that the fighter in me wants to dish back some blows and see her hurt like she hurt me.

No worries on the issue of me begging her back and kissing her ass. I really need to get the cabin built and get out of here so all interaction can stop. Being here is not what I want. Not sure how long it is gonna take to complete the cabin. Especially with me back to work. T