Wife of almost 23 years wants divorce [updated]

[Marc878]

Sounds like an order of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy with green beans. And banana pudding as a chaser for the southern comfort belly roll dinner!!! Maybe a vintage Jack served neat with a Cuban cigar to start the after dinner discussions on how to build the appropriate bucket list!!?

 

If were gonna do this do it right. Oyster roast, Dos Equis (green bottle). As far as Cubans I only smoke Cohibas. Jeff I can go ahead and get this started just PM me you CC#

[tinkerbell16]

Sounds like an order of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy with green beans. And banana pudding as a chaser for the southern comfort belly roll dinner!!! Maybe a vintage Jack served neat with a Cuban cigar to start the after dinner discussions on how to build the appropriate bucket list!!?

 

Oh dear God there goes my diet and being in the best physical condition of my life...

I shall start my revision of my list now lol

[kgcolonel]

Relax....it's the good kind of fat....lol.....

[tinkerbell16]

Holy crap guys I said I was going to try to make sure I am debt free. Plane tickets, booze, hotel arraignments. I am gonna have to take out a mortgage

 

Marc actually gonna plan a trip next summer to your area. I have been to Charleston a couple of times and never did go to Ft. Sumter. I may need a tour guide. I will buy the first beer but southern hospitality dictates a guest being fed, housed, and pampered. Well down here in the heart of Dixie it does

 

KG you are now on the list

 

Helloooo you know Tink can fly... hop on ya'll

[Marc878]

I know Charleston well. I'm a little nawth of there.

 

I do have that peculiar southern nasal twang. Or so I've been told.

[Marc878]

Oh dear God there goes my diet and being in the best physical condition of my life...

I shall start my revision of my list now lol

 

When you're in the south for a visit you just accept your fate and go with it.

 

Besides seafood is low cal. My Bannanas Foster, Strawbery Romanoff not so much.

[kgcolonel]

When you're in the south for a visit you just accept your fate and go with it.

 

Besides seafood is low cal. My Bannanas Foster, Strawbery Romanoff not so much.

 

However if you utilize the 151 Bacardi it will burn the calories off for you!!

[Marc878]

However if you utilize the 151 Bacardi it will burn the calories off for you!!

 

I use Gran Marnier. Sorry!

[Jeff1690]

Well we may not all survive the flight. We are sounding like a bunch of fat back eating liquor swilling southerners. Not sure how big a plane Tink can fly but it better at least have four engines.

[Tonofbricks]

Have been keeping up with your posts Jeff as we share similar W stories.

Just a quick word about you pending exposure. I was much in the same spot you are in over a month ago. I had made several discoveries and was looking forward to blowing her fantasy affair world to shreds. Thought it out carefully and protected as much as possible those who should remain unscathed.

 

I dropped my "proof" out in BD manner much like she did me 5months earlier.

What didn't surprise me is how she tried to explain it all away and lessen the severity. What did surprise me is other's reaction. Since this is most important thing going on in my life , expected it to be treated as such by others-which is just dumb on my part- I waited for the outrage , anger , questions and social blackballing... For the most part it ever came.

 

Not that there wasn't temporary (from 2-3 days to a mere hrs) blowback, but most people have enough going on without the distraction of "my cheating wife".

 

Go ahead with exposure , I think it will be therapeutic for you to feel like you've said your peace. But prepare yourself for a lukewarm reaction. Well prepare for lackluster and then be joyful if otherwise..

I know it's not what you want to hear but the likelihood of any BD to cause her world to crumble ain't gonna happen. I did however (bright spot if you will) become good friends with her affair partners wife. Several long convo's have led to costing this dude a lot of money .. Restructuring their settlement all in reaction to the news that I shared with her... And this is the reason she left me for him- now the money won't be there for them like she'd imagined.

Mission accomplished .. We'll sort of

 

Yes I'm still waiting on that karma bus , plane , train , meteor, large piano falling out of window and bolt of stray lightning to inflict revenge ... For the world must retain balance and it is tilted heavily....

[Jeff1690]

Thanks for your input Ton. I am sure you are correct about peoples reaction. I have told family and friends. Sad thing is the past couple of years she has pulled away from our mutual friends and now has new ones down south. The only real friend left up here is her best friend. They deployed twice together and worked together for four years. Most of our mutual friends were shocked but like you said they have their own lives.

 

The best friend is really the last one I am going to tell. I intend to drop all the documents I have on her. Not really sure if she knows about my wife and her ex. If she does it will go over like a wet noodle. If not I look forward to seeing that relationship destroyed. I really hate to do that to her BF but really think she should know what my wife has become. It will also be painful for my wife as she is close with her and her children. I guess it is a bit hateful but I truly believe she should have some sort of repercussion for her actions. Leaving me doesn't seem to bother her.

[aliveagain]

Sounds like an order of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy with green beans. And banana pudding as a chaser for the southern comfort belly roll dinner!!! Maybe a vintage Jack served neat with a Cuban cigar to start the after dinner discussions on how to build the appropriate bucket list!!?

 

Huntsville Alabama is still considered the south is it not? Had my first "Butt" steak there. The wonderful lady serving me asked me in the cutest southern drawl "how would I like your butt kicked?" Took me a while to figure out that lightly kicked was rare to medium rare. Turns out grits is what we Italians call polenta.

[Lowrider93]

Your right, if her friend knows and is in on it then not much will come of it.

 

But

 

If she knows nothing, sit back and watch the fireworks!

 

What would you think about telling her friend that stbx has to come clean with her about what's really going on, reveal nothing initially. Allow her friend to contact you about commentary of her discussion, that way you might discover if her words were truth or more lies. Then you can lay down your royal flush.

 

Peace

[Jeff1690]

alliveagain, Huntsville is a great place. I spend a lot of time there.

 

Lowrider I have thought about having BF advised to to talk about a possible relationship with W and see what happens. I just decided to keep it simple. I am going to send the letter telling her I would like closure and since my wife has told me nothing if she would be kind enough to answer my questions. Then I am going to ask her what is the deal with my wife and her ex. Going to have all the documentation of phone calls and texts between them. Also going to ask her if she is aware of her beach trip with her ex for two days in July before coming to her house the next two days spending the night with her.

 

I imagine if she doesn't know there will be big fireworks. If she doesn't know about the beach trip and then my wife staying with her for two days afterwards there just might be a cat fight in the front yard when wife shows up.

[BluesPower]

Yes I really wonder if bff really knows or not. Don't you think paying her a personal visit might be better so you can actually gauge her reaction?

 

And I am also not sure if I would let on at the first that W has continued to lie and admitted to nothing. I still can't believe that she does not have the balls to come clean with you. I mean, come on, 23 years and 2 kids, what kind of person could ever do that to someone.

 

You keep doing your thing and moving forward. I really am so proud of you and the way you are moving on, in spite of the pain.

 

And I thought I had it bad. Stay strong.

[Jeff1690]

Yes I really wonder if bff really knows or not. Don't you think paying her a personal visit might be better so you can actually gauge her reaction?

 

And I am also not sure if I would let on at the first that W has continued to lie and admitted to nothing. I still can't believe that she does not have the balls to come clean with you. I mean, come on, 23 years and 2 kids, what kind of person could ever do that to someone.

 

You keep doing your thing and moving forward. I really am so proud of you and the way you are moving on, in spite of the pain.

 

And I thought I had it bad. Stay strong.

 

It has been my experience through my job a face to face like that can turn bad for the approaching person. Yep still admitting nothing. I read thread after thread about WW's admitting their guilt. My wife I get nothing not even an explanation of why she didn't approach me when she thought she was falling out of love...just silence a few tears, and I don't know. Freaking drives me nuts. Hell bitch give me something! She just doesn't seem to do what many other WW do that I read about. I think her FOO issues has a lot to do with it.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Jeff1690

[tinkerbell16]

It has been my experience through my job a face to face like that can turn bad for the approaching person. Yep still admitting nothing. I read thread after thread about WW's admitting their guilt. My wife I get nothing not even an explanation of why she didn't approach me when she thought she was falling out of love...just silence a few tears, and I don't know. Freaking drives me nuts. Hell bitch give me something! She just doesn't seem to do what many other WW do that I read about. I think her FOO issues has a lot to do with it.

 

Because in her mind if you don't know the truth she thinks that door is still going to be open if/when she wants to walk back into it (get back with you).

 

Cheater cake eating. They want it all without concequence. All options. Like a love smorgasbord. kibbles. See ego is not just a man thing She wants a soft landing with you if this new adventures crashes and burns. Don't think for a second it is about avoiding hurting you. If that was a concern she would not be having an affair.

 

To this day my ex does not admit to an affair. He also was silent, or would repeat out loud "I am a piece of sh#t". You deserve better". Which of course made me go "aww no you aren't baby... we will get through this".

 

In the end it turned out he was 100% right lol

 

She simply doesn't want to burn any bridges that she may need in the future.

 

She knows she has power over you.

 

When you are able to take back that power you are truly free of her.

 

Hugs, Tink

[Jeff1690]

Because in her mind if you don't know the truth she thinks that door is still going to be open if/when she wants to walk back into it (get back with you).

 

Cheater cake eating. They want it all without concequence. All options. Like a love smorgasbord. kibbles. See ego is not just a man thing She wants a soft landing with you if this new adventures crashes and burns. Don't think for a second it is about avoiding hurting you. If that was a concern she would not be having an affair.

 

To this day my ex does not admit to an affair. He also was silent, or would repeat out loud "I am a piece of sh#t". You deserve better". Which of course made me go "aww no you aren't baby... we will get through this".

 

In the end it turned out he was 100% right lol

 

She simply doesn't want to burn any bridges that she may need in the future.

 

She knows she has power over you.

 

When you are able to take back that power you are truly free of her.

 

Hugs, Tink

 

After totally cutting out everything from me love, intimacy, communication, sex I can not see how she would be thinking of me as a plan B. The wife said a few times I deserve someone who can make me happier.

She has always been the type of person when she is done with someone or something she is done. Surely she feels the same way about us.

 

If she has lost respect for me and done with her marriage what makes a WW like mine think I would want her back? I have had no contact with her for a week. She has done her own 180 I guess. She makes 0 attempts at contact, which is fine that just helps me heal.

 

I guess I just keep reading all these threads trying to get my mind straight but very few if any are similar to how my wife is. We went from gonna work this out to week or so later we are getting divorced.

 

Tinks is pretty dang close and Tons is similar as well. I just have always been a problem solver and not solving a problem for me is super frustrating. Love to hear any other input from others who are reading this and may have a similar WW.

[Marc878]

I have had no contact with her for a week. She has done her own 180 I guess. She makes 0 attempts at contact, which is fine that just helps me heal.

 

You being aloof has probably shocked her. You were supposed to be the old you. She was not expecting this twist as it wasn't in her plans.

 

Which was no one would ever know or find out about her affair with OM. Now the jig is up and she's probably trying to figure out her next move. Damage control or probably trying to ignore the obvious.

 

She was never prepared for any fallout. It was all fantasy based and in a fantasy it's all good. Until realty hits when the truth comes out.

 

Hard 180!!!!!!

[Jeff1690]

Messed up today and sent wife a text meant for a friend. Their names are right beside each other in my contacts. I sent a text saying I was gassing up the Harley and I would soon be there. Make sure everyone doesn't drink all the beer and I want two cheeseburgers.

 

Once I realized what I did I sent another one to her saying sorry meant for TR. She gave me no response. I am sure she probably thought I was just trying to let her know I was doing something with out her. Pisses me off.

[hl1962]

Shouldn't have sent the second one if it were me. Time to move her name to the bottom. Don't dwell on it. Keep moving on.

[CarrieT]

I am sure she probably thought I was just trying to let her know I was doing something with out her. Pisses me off.

 

Don't sweat the small stuff....

 

Or, here is a great mantra to learn: "Be a duck, Be a duck, Be a duck..." (as in, let it all roll off your back the way water runs off a duck's...)

[Jeff1690]

Don't sweat the small stuff....

 

Or, here is a great mantra to learn: "Be a duck, Be a duck, Be a duck..." (as in, let it all roll off your back the way water runs off a duck's...)

 

Glad you put the stuff in parentheses at first I thought you wanted me to waddle around lol.

 

hl1962 you are right I should not have sent the second one. That is the one I am really pissed about.

[Marc878]

Meh, so what. It happens live and learn.

[tinkerbell16]

Meh, so what. It happens live and learn.

 

It happened to me a few times... then I changed my exes name to "EX". This solved a few problems... no more mix ups because I have few contacts that start with "E" and it helped me detach/grasp it was over.