They Always Come Back..

[justagrl07]

He's 22. He has GIGS. He's not going to want to settle down until around the ages of 25. He wants to party, date new girls, sleep around, etc. Any girl he pretty much talks to under the age of 25 isn't anything serious. It's just going to be for fun.

 

If you REALLY want to reconcile with him, you have to cut all contact for a good 2 years. It sounds counter productive, but it's your only hope. If you keep contacting him, you'll push him away and you'll just get friendzoned. It's going to take a long time for him to get things out of his system, so I suggest you delete him and block him off all social media to prevent from seeing things. You need to protect your heart right now because GIGS dumpers are ruthless. Trust me on this, you have to believe me. GIGS dumpers literally change into someone you have no idea who they are. When he's over GIGS, he will move mountains to try to reach you/contact you. But by the time he's over GIGS, you'll be moved on and you will probably find someone better. That's the downside.

 

In the mean time, focus on yourself, better yourself FOR YOURSELF and keep working on yourself. Put yourself first and stop putting your energy on your ex. The moment you really start to move on, exes magically seem to pop up.

 

 

I completely agree with you on this one -"In the mean time, focus on yourself, better yourself FOR YOURSELF and keep working on yourself. Put yourself first and stop putting your energy on your ex". That is the best thing for someone to do. Do not let him have power over your life and well-being. I know it is hard- trust me my ex had gigs/quarter life crisis, too. I know from experience. Best thing you can do is put all your energy and focus onto you and make the best out of your life. Climb the corporate ladder, strengthen your relationships with friends and family, improve your self, take on new hobbies-- just be your own best friend and your own soulmate. Once you have reached the point where you feel you again and self sufficient/empowered, you will be ready for love again and it may be with your ex or someone else. But he's doing him right now so the best thing you can do is do YOU.

[Jabron1]

All the haters have upset positivemales' positive vibes. You've all brought him down.

[positivemale]

All the haters have upset positivemales' positive vibes. You've all brought him down.

 

HAHA! I don't come on loveshack anymore. I occasionally will pop up here to help give some wisdom and advice. People can take it or leave it.

 

Guys. Please just better yourself. I truly believe ex's can literally feel you pushing away/moving on. Being bitter about your breakup isn't moving on. Looking for hope is not moving on. There's something science will never be able to explain when it comes to ex's feeling you moving on (please don't call me crazy, haha!).

 

But in all seriousness, if you ever want to attract an ex back, you have to improve yourself and flip the tables.

Edited June 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

Being bitter about your breakup isn't moving on. Looking for hope is not moving on. There's something science will never be able to explain when it comes to ex's feeling you moving on (please don't call me crazy, haha!).

 

 

Talking about your ex having GIGS isn't moving on. And writing about how you expect to eventually hear from an ex who you supposedly don't care about isn't moving on either.

 

Do you know what is really moving on? It's Moving On. It's getting a new partner and forgetting about the old partner. And it's them forgetting about you. It's an EX for heaven's sake!

[juniorrocha]

What does GIGS means? I see it everywhere and I have absolutely no clue.

 

Also, the girls I've dated so far, most of them came back at a certain point. Not all of them though. Some of them I haven't heard of in years. But I believe that when you have a strong connection with someone, even after things "die", eventually they appear again. If they never do, then I'd guess it was never that strong in the first place.

[greenvalley]

Positivemale keep being positive, it's healthier

[positivemale]

So many bitter loveshackers here LOL

[juniorrocha]

I'm still wondering what GIGS means. lol

 

[sorry, kinda off-topic]

[Conviction]

I'm still wondering what GIGS means. lol

 

[sorry, kinda off-topic]

 

Grass Is Greener Syndrome

[nsg1122]

I have to say, being a dumpee, I hope positivemale's theory is correct.

 

My ex gf displayed all the classic signs of GIGs. The only thing I can hope for is that she'll regret it someday and comeback. And honestly, if she came back today I would take her back. It's been 4 months since breakup.

 

I truly believe that the truth lays somewhere in between the GIG's theory and those that believe that it doesn't exist.

[justagrl07]

I have to say, being a dumpee, I hope positivemale's theory is correct.

 

My ex gf displayed all the classic signs of GIGs. The only thing I can hope for is that she'll regret it someday and comeback. And honestly, if she came back today I would take her back. It's been 4 months since breakup.

 

I truly believe that the truth lays somewhere in between the GIG's theory and those that believe that it doesn't exist.

 

 

You wouldn't want her back if she came back in 4 months. I know you love her, I felt the same way as you about my ex but if she has gigs and comes back to you now, she will dump you again because gigs lasts anywhere from 6 months to years. You want her to get all of her need to explore out of her system. Not only with other people but within herself as well. The more time apart the better the reconciliation. You might have too much resentment anyway right now. It is just you are missing her and your old relationship but right now she is exploring, more times than not they do come back when they have gigs. Mine did. It took him a year and we are better than ever. My hurt, pain, and resentment is gone and I have forgiven him. I know it hurts. I would read so many posts about gigs and the quarter life crisis and read so many reconciliation posts thinking this happens to everyone else but me and he did come back. Yours most likely will, too. But just not right now. If she does come back she will have it all out of her system and will know exactly what she wants.

[UltimatePanacea]

I think they do come back most of the time, at least for me. I had 7-8 guys contacting me several months later after going NC. Some of them were just checking in, some others were more direct and asked for a second chance, some dumped/ghosted on me some others were dumped by me.

I totally agree that by the time they come you no longer want them or care about the relationship, but still it's a nice ego-boost I think. It's nice to see that someone has been missing you and thinking about you long after you broke up.

A few weeks ago my now ex ended things with me (because I went out with someone else behind his back and because he didn't want commitment). I made the mistake of begging and pleading and chasing after him which pushed him further and further away. It's been 2 weeks ever since the final break up and I've been doing the NC. I am not doing it so that he misses me and comes back, i'm doing it so that i can move on with my life and then date again. Will he ever come back? Nobody knows, all i know is that emotions often change and people are not always 100% sure about the breakup. Sometimes they think it's what they want, but after some time and a few failed relationships they realize what they had lost and come back.

now just because they contact you it doesn't always mean they want relationship. Maybe they are just checking to see if you still have feelings for them, maybe they want sex or maybe they really want you back...but for me so far, every guy that I dated/was in a relationship with eventually contacted me after some time. Though like I said, by the time they came back I really didn't want them anymore so the reconciliation never happened with anyone.

I do believe in second chances, but in my case I never went back to anyone because I felt like we were going to break up AGAIN, then the pain is even more severe.

[positivemale]

You wouldn't want her back if she came back in 4 months. I know you love her, I felt the same way as you about my ex but if she has gigs and comes back to you now, she will dump you again because gigs lasts anywhere from 6 months to years. You want her to get all of her need to explore out of her system. Not only with other people but within herself as well. The more time apart the better the reconciliation. You might have too much resentment anyway right now. It is just you are missing her and your old relationship but right now she is exploring, more times than not they do come back when they have gigs. Mine did. It took him a year and we are better than ever. My hurt, pain, and resentment is gone and I have forgiven him. I know it hurts. I would read so many posts about gigs and the quarter life crisis and read so many reconciliation posts thinking this happens to everyone else but me and he did come back. Yours most likely will, too. But just not right now. If she does come back she will have it all out of her system and will know exactly what she wants.

 

Love this response. Truly.

 

The best advice I can give if your ex has gigs: PLEASE give them space and time to work through it. You're actually being really selfish if you aren't letting them. Exit out of their life. Let them figure out what they want. If you just leave them alone, you're most likely what they want (if you're the settling down type). They just want the dating type right now, not someone special like you. They think a guy/girl like you grows on trees. Let them learn the hard way that they have a rude awakening.

 

PS - You know Miley Cyrus had GIGS. Everyone was confused about all the twerking/partying she was doing years ago. Little did people know, SHE HAD GIGS. She swore she finished the chapter of her life with Liam Hemsworth (It's on the ellen show on youtube). 2.5 years later, when her GIGS settled and she got it all out of her system, they are back together. Why did this happen? HE LEFT HER ALONE AND FOCUSED ON HIMSELF! They were no contact for the most part. Just give your ex space and time. Please. If you're in constant contact with your ex, you're going to push her/him away. Just be a mystery for a while. If you were a significant part of their life/impacted their soul, then there is a high chance they will come back around.

 

Love yourself first people. Stop putting your energy on your ex's. Stop worrying about them, their gigs, don't stalk them on social media (in fact, block them on everything), and just put all your energy on yourself.

[nsg1122]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Do you believe I should wish my ex happy birthday in a few weeks?

 

The reason why I want to do it is cuz shortly after our breakup 4 months ago, my older sister sent her a rather nasty text (stating how she made a huge mistake in letting me go and that right now she's chasing things cuz she's young and that one day she'll regret it) and I want to let my ex know that I don't have any bad feelings/resentment towards her.

 

Essentially, I'm hoping that by sending her this text, if she has any hesitation in contacting me cuz she thinks I hate her, it'll dissipate and she'll reach out to me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Do you believe I should wish my ex happy birthday in a few weeks?

 

The reason why I want to do it is cuz shortly after our breakup 4 months ago, my older sister sent her a rather nasty text (stating how she made a huge mistake in letting me go and that right now she's chasing things cuz she's young and that one day she'll regret it) and I want to let my ex know that I don't have any bad feelings/resentment towards her.

 

Essentially, I'm hoping that by sending her this text, if she has any hesitation in contacting me cuz she thinks I hate her, it'll dissipate and she'll reach out to me.

 

I don't think that text from your sister would have been enough to prevent your ex from reaching out by now if she'd really wanted to.

 

I would caution you about sending a Happy Birthday text. How will you feel if you are met with a simple "Thanks!" or "Appreciate it, hope you're well!" or something equally as neutral?

[heartbrokenoff]

was with my girl for 12 years married for 2....we breakup about 4mths ago due to her infidelity though she deny there isnt any 3rd party. Eventually i seen them together with my own eyes. have already go NC for 3mths...all these years i treated her resonably well, went for holidays etc etc..and im more the giver in the relationship..

 

am trying to move on but wonder will she 1 day regret and come back to me?

[positivemale]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Do you believe I should wish my ex happy birthday in a few weeks?

 

The reason why I want to do it is cuz shortly after our breakup 4 months ago, my older sister sent her a rather nasty text (stating how she made a huge mistake in letting me go and that right now she's chasing things cuz she's young and that one day she'll regret it) and I want to let my ex know that I don't have any bad feelings/resentment towards her.

 

Essentially, I'm hoping that by sending her this text, if she has any hesitation in contacting me cuz she thinks I hate her, it'll dissipate and she'll reach out to me.

 

NO, NO NO NO! Do not send her a happy birthday text! My birthday was in October (my ex sent me a text). Hers was in December. I didn't send her a text. In fact, I didn't even wish her a merry Christmas or a happy new year. Trust me, in the long run, they'll respect you more for not sending it.

 

Stop finding excuses to contact you ex. Every contact you do is going to push you further away from her. A birthday text is not that serious, and in the grand scheme of things, doesn't mean a single thing.

 

Take my advice, or you'll regret it.

[positivemale]

was with my girl for 12 years married for 2....we breakup about 4mths ago due to her infidelity though she deny there isnt any 3rd party. Eventually i seen them together with my own eyes. have already go NC for 3mths...all these years i treated her resonably well, went for holidays etc etc..and im more the giver in the relationship..

 

am trying to move on but wonder will she 1 day regret and come back to me?

 

She had late GIGS. She is most likely never coming back. I wouldn't hope for it.

[heartbrokenoff]

She had late GIGS. She is most likely never coming back. I wouldn't hope for it.

 

 

why is that so?

[Frogwife]

She had late GIGS. She is most likely never coming back. I wouldn't hope for it.

 

why is that so?

 

Heartbrokenoff - PLEASE do not listen to this guy - he has no idea what he's talking about (at minimum... "late GIGS"? - Thanks, Dr.!) and certainly cannot predict the future. I know you're hurting and we all have looked for answers on forums like this, but the truth is that no one anywhere can answer these questions.

[positivemale]

why is that so?

 

You guys spent your whole entire youth in a relationship. She never got to experience life outside of a relationship/be alone. She wants to date new guys, party, etc. She feels like she missed out.

 

Will she come back? Possibly.

Are the chances high? No.

Why are the chances low? Because of your ages. You're in your 30s. If this was early 20's and you guys spent maybe a good 2 - 3 years apart, without a doubt you probably would have got back together and still been married.

[justagrl07]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Do you believe I should wish my ex happy birthday in a few weeks?

 

The reason why I want to do it is cuz shortly after our breakup 4 months ago, my older sister sent her a rather nasty text (stating how she made a huge mistake in letting me go and that right now she's chasing things cuz she's young and that one day she'll regret it) and I want to let my ex know that I don't have any bad feelings/resentment towards her.

 

Essentially, I'm hoping that by sending her this text, if she has any hesitation in contacting me cuz she thinks I hate her, it'll dissipate and she'll reach out to me.

 

Well, my response to you is based on my own experience and I would say no. No because why should he get the pleasure of hearing from you on his bday? Let him have what he wants. His freedom. He broke up with you. That may sound very immature, but the way I look at it is he wants space and a single life so give it to him. Another thing is this, and it may sound a little like manipulation but here it goes... how many txts do you get on your bday? A LOT right? So if you message him happy bday you are just another person out of the several who will message him the same thing that day and he will just see it as another bday text... NOW if you DON'T message him than he's going to think "damn, she didn't even text me?" and he will most likely be thinking about it. So ... you decide... let him text you on your bday if anything. You didn't want this breakup, he did. So show him what life is like without you in it. Bow out gracefully. That is honestly the best you could do.

[nsg1122]

Well, my response to you is based on my own experience and I would say no. No because why should he get the pleasure of hearing from you on his bday? Let him have what he wants. His freedom. He broke up with you. That may sound very immature, but the way I look at it is he wants space and a single life so give it to him. Another thing is this, and it may sound a little like manipulation but here it goes... how many txts do you get on your bday? A LOT right? So if you message him happy bday you are just another person out of the several who will message him the same thing that day and he will just see it as another bday text... NOW if you DON'T message him than he's going to think "damn, she didn't even text me?" and he will most likely be thinking about it. So ... you decide... let him text you on your bday if anything. You didn't want this breakup, he did. So show him what life is like without you in it. Bow out gracefully. That is honestly the best you could do.

 

Thanks for the response. I think you meant "she" cuz it was my EX GIRLFRIEND.

[justagrl07]

Thanks for the response. I think you meant "she" cuz it was my EX GIRLFRIEND.

 

 

Oh sorry yeah I meant she!

[heartbrokenoff]

You guys spent your whole entire youth in a relationship. She never got to experience life outside of a relationship/be alone. She wants to date new guys, party, etc. She feels like she missed out.

 

Will she come back? Possibly.

Are the chances high? No.

Why are the chances low? Because of your ages. You're in your 30s. If this was early 20's and you guys spent maybe a good 2 - 3 years apart, without a doubt you probably would have got back together and still been married.

 

 

age is a factor? we are both in our early 30s. it came as completely shock to me that she can just throw behind our 11years and left me for another man. All these years i did what i could..providing all her needs and never have i abuse her or anything. in fact, we just went for our annual holiday end of last year.

 

She did have some emotional attached to 1 guy 2 years ago.. like 2 months after our engagement. I beg and plead then and managed to salvage the relationship..but i guess she was already checked out of our relationship back then..maybe you are right, she might regret but she wont come back..im keep NC for about 2mths..some day im good..some day im bad..

 

any advice is appreciated.