How do you trust again?

[dreamingoftigers]

I have no advice.

 

Just good luck to you.

[Mr Blunt]

BY Moxie Lady

You are right. I did trust him instantly, early on. I had no reason not to. When someone then provides you with very good reason not to, that's when you know you have had blinders on.

How do you trust again?

You make sure that there are very good verifiable reason to trust again after MANY YEARS OF PROOF!

I think it was Ronald Regan that said TRUST but VERIFY

Never trust a man or woman unless they have proved for many years that they have a very strong comittment to honesty and loyalty.

 

 

 

BY Lian1

IMO, the only thing you can do is to realize that no one can ever be trusted 100 percent.

I don't even think a person can trust themselves 100 percent.

 

AGREE 100%

 

After my wife cheated on me she then PROVED for over 20 years that she can be trusted. I now trust her 90% and that is good enough for me to have a good marriage.

[ladydesigner]

IMO, the only thing you can do is to realize that no one can ever be trusted 100 percent.

 

I don't even think a person can trust themselves 100 percent.

 

A lot of people say things that do not pan out to be true in the long run.

 

So true! Why do we place so much importance on trust only to be let down?

 

And the bolded is on point. I was first a BS who then transgressed to a WS and back to a BS again. I can definitely identify with the not being able to trust myself part.

[katielee]

He had to do 10,000 things right day after day and then I Started to trust again.

Regarding trusting myself - I have to look long term and decide what living with integrity means to me. Once I decided that, then I already know what decision I'll make if I get anywhere close to the slippery slope again.

[Liam1]

You mean like marriage vows?

 

No. I do not mean marriage vows.

 

Personally, I don't think people even hear their own marriage vows. To most people they are just quaint old words, in a ceremony.

 

That is why divorce is so prevalent. If people actually stood by their vows, it would be impossible to divorce. You know the vows, right?

 

Here they are:

 

"....to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

 

 

What I meant is that a lot of people say they would never stay with someone who was a drug addict or an alcoholic, or had an affair or wanted too many children, or did not want children. ...Yet they do stay married, even thought they told themselves those things would be deal breakers.

 

Also a lot of people do things too rashly. Mostly because their ego may be damaged, but than later they regret taking a certain action, even though at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.

 

That's what I mean by you can not even trust yourself 100 percent.

 

For most people, what they think they will do is not what they actually do.

[TrustedthenBusted]

My father has such strong opinions that he would have to be the biggest hypocrite ever when he's never shown signs of that in any other area of his life, quite the opposite. Same with my brother to the extent that it was pretty much his mantra leading up to the day that he killed himself.

 

 

Sorry to hear about your brother. Tragic situation I'm sure, but it almost serves to illustrate the point that you never really DO know what is going on inside someone else's head. While a totally different kind of betrayal, suicide can be just that, in that it's keeping a deep, and potentially damaging secret. A lot of suicide, just like infidelity, can be prevented with better, more open communication.

 

Anyway, my wife had extremely strong feelings about/against infidelity, and is the last person anyone would ever suspect would be a hypocrite. She was very protective of our marriage ( as far as other women were concerned ) and always preached family values, praising our family and life together and on and on and on.

 

You just never know. I don't think that's particularly sad. I just think it's reality.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "A lot of suicide, just like infidelity, can be prevented with better, more open communication."

 

I agree that's true in many cases. Tragically my brothers suicide was a reaction to adultery. He communicated well. Sat-up night after night talking about the pain, gaslighting, lies, trickle truth, complete & utter loss of trust & faith. We knew that he was in a desperate state. Like other families we just didn't think he'd take such a permanent, tragic action. Who does?

 

Hindsight is 20/20.

Edited April 27, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[ladydesigner]

Quote - "A lot of suicide, just like infidelity, can be prevented with better, more open communication."

 

I agree that's true in many cases. Tragically my brothers suicide was a reaction to adultery. He communicated well. Sat-up night after night talking about the pain, gaslighting, lies, trickle truth, complete & utter loss of trust & faith. We knew that he was in a desperate state. Like other families we just didn't think he'd take such a permanent, tragic action. Who does?

 

Hindsight is 20/20.

 

(((ShatteredLady))) I'm so sorry about your brother too and I can understand the state of mind he was in because I attempted suicide after being tortured by multiple broken NC breaches from my WH that I wanted to just disappear from the pain I was feeling. My WH's lack of empathy was chilling. I was distraught, not any word anyone was saying to me even sunk in. I was even willing to leave behind my 2 babies which makes me sick to think about today.

[ShatteredLady]

Thank you so very much. Hugs back to you. Lovely LadyD.

 

I know! I confess that EVEN after living through the complete & utter emotional carnage that my beloved brother left in his wake there was a time that I was in such a mess that I actually resented him, my own brother, for having the release of 'doing it first'. Just that thought made me want to die even more!

 

Knowing what suicide has done to my parents, his children & me. Ugh! I couldn't do it. I even wished I'd done it first so he would still be alive. He was better than me. That's what my H did to me! That's what he turned me into (That's what I ALLOWED him to turn me into!) & I'm still here. What's wrong with me?

 

We're all 'reconciled' now! Big smiley face, not! What happens next time? I PROMISED myself the first time that if he ever hurt me like that again I'd be out the door.....but I look at my children's faces & think about our life, my WHOLE adult life....

 

Why are human beings so selfish & cruel. How can someone who claims to love me so completely look at me with such utter contempt? Make me feel so pathetic, small & worthless just for a fantasy? (In our case it was just a fantasy)

 

My brothers wife would never of left either, not once she travelled & actually met him & learnt all the lies. Ugh!!

 

How do you ever trust again? Really good question!!

 

After the first time I did trust him again. I trusted him COMPLETELY! I was so blindsided. I'm still in shock. It doesn't feel real.

Edited April 27, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[Moxie Lady]

I think I have this multi quoting thing figured out.

 

I think it was Ronald Regan that said TRUST but VERIFY.

 

This statement has always seemed like an oxymoron to me.

 

If you have to verify, its not really trust, is it?

 

Besides which, no one can possibly verify everything. If someone wants to hide something in this day and age of technology, they can do it.

 

I can definitely identify with the not being able to trust myself part.

 

Thank you for your post. I trust myself, so I have problems with this. I am in control of my own behavior, no one else is. Im not open to letting someone/something other than my head being in charge. If I cant control myself then that's on me.

 

He had to do 10,000 things right day after day and then I Started to trust again.

Regarding trusting myself - I have to look long term and decide what living with integrity means to me. Once I decided that, then I already know what decision I'll make if I get anywhere close to the slippery slope again.

 

Thank you. I agree with you totally.

 

No. I do not mean marriage vows.

 

Personally, I don't think people even hear their own marriage vows. To most people they are just quaint old words, in a ceremony.

 

That is why divorce is so prevalent. If people actually stood by their vows, it would be impossible to divorce. You know the vows, right.

 

Sorry, my comment about wedding vows was probably snarky.

 

Yes I know the vows. My soon to be ex husband is the one who needs the lesson, not me.

 

What I meant is that a lot of people say they would never stay with someone who was a drug addict or an alcoholic, or had an affair or wanted too many children, or did not want children. ...Yet they do stay married, even thought they told themselves those things would be deal breakers.

 

Also a lot of people do things too rashly. Mostly because their ego may be damaged, but than later they regret taking a certain action, even though at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.

 

That's what I mean by you can not even trust yourself 100 percent. For most people, what they think they will do is not what they actually do.

 

I'm not sure I would call that a lack of trust in oneself. I would be more inclined to call it living and learning from life experiences.

 

Quote - "A lot of suicide, just like infidelity, can be prevented with better, more open communication."

 

I agree that's true in many cases. Tragically my brothers suicide was a reaction to adultery. He communicated well. Sat-up night after night talking about the pain, gaslighting, lies, trickle truth, complete & utter loss of trust & faith. We knew that he was in a desperate state. Like other families we just didn't think he'd take such a permanent, tragic action. Who does?

 

Hindsight is 20/20.

 

I am very sorry for what you have gone thru shattered lady. What I have experienced cannot even begin to compare.

 

In my experience suicide is something very difficult to prevent if the person is determined. It is not anyone's fault that they did not recognize what the person was thinking. No one is a mind reader, and these people are very determined to go thru with it. Many people threaten suicide and they are typically the ones who are doing it for attention. It is the ones who dont talk about it that go thru with it. They don't want intervention or to be stopped.

 

You have my heartfelt sympathy.

[Moxie Lady]

The last couple of days have totally sucked.

 

I dont know where I am headed. I have no idea where to go, what to do. How to move forward.

 

I am so freaking mad at him for putting me in this position. I am so mad at ME for wasting so many years in this. NOw here I am, 46, and I am headed - where?

 

I have sat home by myself for too many years already. But I got on one of the online dating sites again last night and created a blank profile so I could just look. The men in my age range are not what I am looking for and I will leave it at that to be nice. THIS is what I have to look forward to thanks to my cheating lying husband. I hate him.

 

He stalled every step of the way in the divorce process because he didnt want a divorce. He was angry at me because I would not get past it. HE was angry at ME and blamed ME for not getting past it. I let things go that I should have fought just to get it over with. Such as, relinquishing my right to his pension. I just wanted it over. I dn't want his f'ing money.

 

I was thinking about what was mentioned earlier in this thread and remembered that I got rid of the china. Then I remembered, that the everyday china I am using now is what we had used when still together. So I took out a stack of plates and threw them against a wall. Then I stepped on a shard of china and cut my foot and had to go buy new plates.

 

If there was only something to look forward to. There is nothing.

[Raena]

I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. After being cheated on in the worst possible way (in my opinion at the time) it took me several years to trust him again after he begged and begged to be taken back. Then he did it again. He looked me straight in the face and lied over and over and over again. I couldn't ever fully know if he was being honest or just lying again. Now I find it hard to know if anything anyone says is the truth. If he could lie like that to me and be so believable then anyone could be doing that. The more I look around, the more I see people doing exactly that... lying and pretending to be my friend but meanwhile they are talking crap about me behind my back. Add that to my age and the fact that I'm single mom and I guess I'm well on my way to being that crazy old cat lady.

 

Sorry, I wish I had the answer but I guess I won't until I finally meet someone who is actually genuine and trustworthy.

[len51]

Rebuilding trust takes a very long time and even then, it will never be the same as it was before the trust was broken. Your stomach will knot up every time you see something out of the ordinary. I decided a long time ago that I would not live like that. I walked away from my fiancee of 6 years who was very sorry that she cheated on me, and wanted me back. Good thing I did because she cheated on the guy she married and is now married to a woman.

 

First off, I believe that a healthy dose of mistrust is good for you. Never trust anyone 100% or you will be disappointed more times than not. When I married I had given up on monogamy. Almost everyone I knew was cheating on girlfriends and spouses. It is like you get married and vow sexual fidelity but you know in the back of your mind that you have two ways out; cheating or divorce. Sure, everyone starts off believing that they will be monogamous and some actually are but obviously a lot of them are wrong.

 

I could not live my entire life worrying about my wife breaking a trust we established with each other so our marriage is monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone else, for whatever reason, is not a deal breaker for us. As long as sex with others was the exception and not the rule, we were both OK with that. We did not ask and did not tell. What the eyes do not see, the heart cannot feel. Our goal was to preserve our love and marriage, not monogamy. Basically we did not make having sex with others, a trust issue. It has worked our very well for over 40 years and despite this freedom or maybe because of it, the total of other sex partners my wife and I had is a single digit and includes the girlfriend we shared for most of our marriage.

 

Since cheating is major breaking of trust for you, both of you will have to go out of your way to re-establish it very slowly over time. He has to make the effort to give you no reason to not trust him. However that is very difficult if he travels on business and is away from you for 8 hours a day while working. For your part, you will have to make an effort to trust him despite your gut feelings. It is going to be very difficult for you. The problem is that one's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. The saying once a cheater always a cheater is based on statistics.

 

My wife and I both agree that if we had a monogamous marriage, we would have been divorced a long time ago. First issue is my wife's bisexuality and need for a woman in her life as well as a man. Studies show that about 70% of men cheat and between 50-60% of women do and are catching up with men each year. You either commit to try monogamy again, leave the relationship or open it up a little to allow for what many will end up doing with or without permission. For us it worked because our love was strong. Our friends who brought others into their sex life did not do as well as we did but we never sensed a very deep love between the spouses. Good luck.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I even wished I'd done it... That's what my H did to me! That's what he turned me into.

 

 

Been here. Got over it though. I think I've mentioned it on here before, but once I began to get over things, that's when my wife sank into a deep depression. Unfortunately for her I wasn't yet very compassionate.

 

She emailed me once saying she was thinking of killing herself.

 

I emailed her back " What a coincidence. I was thinking of killing you too."

 

I added a smiley face, but on some level, if she had done it I thought I might have felt more relief than sorrow.

 

THAT is how bad I was hurting. Seems crazy to think about that now.

 

Keep moving forward.

[Liam1]

 

 

 

 

Sorry, my comment about wedding vows was probably snarky.

 

Yes I know the vows. My soon to be ex husband is the one who needs the lesson, not me.

 

 

 

 

Well, I am confused, Moxie lady. In a later post you are saying your husband stalled the divorce because HE did not want the divorce. So, if that is correct, it is you who is breaking the marriage vow.

 

You wrote:

He stalled every step of the way in the divorce process because he didnt want a divorce. He was angry at me because I would not get past it. HE was angry at ME and blamed ME for not getting past it.

If he wanted the divorce and refused to stick around and work on the marriage, than HE broke the wedding vows. But it seems you state, he does not want the divorce.

 

Again, here are the marriage vows, and please note the for better, for worse part. There are a lot of ways to break marriage vows.

 

"....to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

 

 

Edited April 28, 2016 by Liam1

[LifesontheUp]

Hello Moxie,

 

I was with my ex husband 18 yrs and he had an affair while I was away looking after my dying father. My ex husband was all that I knew and I thought I would never manage on my own, never find someone else etc etc.

 

Slowly those doubts went away, through time and through me going out and enjoying doing hobbies and meeting new people. I wasn't interested in anyone romantically and wasnt' interested in dating, I was happy just enjoying myself. Then one day I met my husband. In all honesty, I had your worries on should I trust him, will he hurt me. But he understood; we took our time and slowly I begun to realise that I needed to trust him, needed to give him a chance.

 

So what I am saying is, is that at some point you have to trust. If it doesn't work out then you will find the strength to deal with it; just like you have already dealt with infidelity already. If it does work out, then you'll be like me and thank god that you did give someone the chance.

 

Just wanted to add that my ex husband stalled and threatened various over the divorce. But it was what I wanted and I stuck to my guns. Good job I did because otherwise I would never have met my husband and I would not have the 2 beautiful kids we have together

 

Wish you all the very best Moxie. There is always life after divorce, you have to make it, you'll be fine

[Moxie Lady]

Well, I am confused, Moxie lady. In a later post you are saying your husband stalled the divorce because HE did not want the divorce. So, if that is correct, it is you who is breaking the marriage vow.

 

You wrote: If he wanted the divorce and refused to stick around and work on the marriage, than HE broke the wedding vows. But it seems you state, he does not want the divorce.

 

Again, here are the marriage vows, and please note the for better, for worse part. There are a lot of ways to break marriage vows.

 

"....to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

 

Excuse me?!?! Are you for real?

 

I think you forgot about the part of the vows that said "forsaking all others". So because I decided I didnt want to live with the fact that he cheated, now I am the one who broke wedding vows? Yeah, I dont think so.

 

Does your wife know about your affair?

[Moxie Lady]

Hello Moxie,

 

I was with my ex husband 18 yrs and he had an affair while I was away looking after my dying father. My ex husband was all that I knew and I thought I would never manage on my own, never find someone else etc etc.

 

Slowly those doubts went away, through time and through me going out and enjoying doing hobbies and meeting new people. I wasn't interested in anyone romantically and wasnt' interested in dating, I was happy just enjoying myself. Then one day I met my husband. In all honesty, I had your worries on should I trust him, will he hurt me. But he understood; we took our time and slowly I begun to realise that I needed to trust him, needed to give him a chance.

 

So what I am saying is, is that at some point you have to trust. If it doesn't work out then you will find the strength to deal with it; just like you have already dealt with infidelity already. If it does work out, then you'll be like me and thank god that you did give someone the chance.

 

Just wanted to add that my ex husband stalled and threatened various over the divorce. But it was what I wanted and I stuck to my guns. Good job I did because otherwise I would never have met my husband and I would not have the 2 beautiful kids we have together

 

Wish you all the very best Moxie. There is always life after divorce, you have to make it, you'll be fine

 

Thank you for sharing this story. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I really appreciate it.

[Moxie Lady]

I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. After being cheated on in the worst possible way (in my opinion at the time) it took me several years to trust him again after he begged and begged to be taken back. Then he did it again. He looked me straight in the face and lied over and over and over again. I couldn't ever fully know if he was being honest or just lying again. Now I find it hard to know if anything anyone says is the truth. If he could lie like that to me and be so believable then anyone could be doing that. The more I look around, the more I see people doing exactly that... lying and pretending to be my friend but meanwhile they are talking crap about me behind my back. Add that to my age and the fact that I'm single mom and I guess I'm well on my way to being that crazy old cat lady.

 

Sorry, I wish I had the answer but I guess I won't until I finally meet someone who is actually genuine and trustworthy.

 

Thank you Raena. I appreciate the support. I guess it is a good thing to be aware of it at least instead of trusting blindly. Never again will I do that.

 

Rebuilding trust takes a very long time and even then, it will never be the same as it was before the trust was broken. Your stomach will knot up every time you see something out of the ordinary. I decided a long time ago that I would not live like that. I walked away from my fiancee of 6 years who was very sorry that she cheated on me, and wanted me back. Good thing I did because she cheated on the guy she married and is now married to a woman.

 

First off, I believe that a healthy dose of mistrust is good for you. Never trust anyone 100% or you will be disappointed more times than not. When I married I had given up on monogamy. Almost everyone I knew was cheating on girlfriends and spouses. It is like you get married and vow sexual fidelity but you know in the back of your mind that you have two ways out; cheating or divorce. Sure, everyone starts off believing that they will be monogamous and some actually are but obviously a lot of them are wrong.

 

I could not live my entire life worrying about my wife breaking a trust we established with each other so our marriage is monogamish. The very occasional sex with someone else, for whatever reason, is not a deal breaker for us. As long as sex with others was the exception and not the rule, we were both OK with that. We did not ask and did not tell. What the eyes do not see, the heart cannot feel. Our goal was to preserve our love and marriage, not monogamy. Basically we did not make having sex with others, a trust issue. It has worked our very well for over 40 years and despite this freedom or maybe because of it, the total of other sex partners my wife and I had is a single digit and includes the girlfriend we shared for most of our marriage.

 

Since cheating is major breaking of trust for you, both of you will have to go out of your way to re-establish it very slowly over time. He has to make the effort to give you no reason to not trust him. However that is very difficult if he travels on business and is away from you for 8 hours a day while working. For your part, you will have to make an effort to trust him despite your gut feelings. It is going to be very difficult for you. The problem is that one's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. The saying once a cheater always a cheater is based on statistics.

 

My wife and I both agree that if we had a monogamous marriage, we would have been divorced a long time ago. First issue is my wife's bisexuality and need for a woman in her life as well as a man. Studies show that about 70% of men cheat and between 50-60% of women do and are catching up with men each year. You either commit to try monogamy again, leave the relationship or open it up a little to allow for what many will end up doing with or without permission. For us it worked because our love was strong. Our friends who brought others into their sex life did not do as well as we did but we never sensed a very deep love between the spouses. Good luck.

 

Thank you. I couldnt be in the kind of marriage that works for you, but I'm glad it works for you. It is interesting to hear that perspective though and maybe that is the answer for many people. It sure beats lying and violating trust.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, I am confused, Moxie lady. In a later post you are saying your husband stalled the divorce because HE did not want the divorce. So, if that is correct, it is you who is breaking the marriage vow.

 

You wrote: If he wanted the divorce and refused to stick around and work on the marriage, than HE broke the wedding vows. But it seems you state, he does not want the divorce.

 

Again, here are the marriage vows, and please note the for better, for worse part. There are a lot of ways to break marriage vows.

 

"....to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

 

 

 

He broke them by adultery.

 

That's an acceptable reason to divorce.

 

He broke them through and through. He cancelled the contract and fired his wife. Then he wouldn't let her get out of the legal side without a fight.

 

Very repugnant.

 

And her being blamed for it is even more repugnant.

[dreamingoftigers]

Excuse me?!?! Are you for real?

 

I think you forgot about the part of the vows that said "forsaking all others". So because I decided I didnt want to live with the fact that he cheated, now I am the one who broke wedding vows? Yeah, I dont think so.

 

Does your wife know about your affair?

 

I wouldn't worry about it.

 

Sometimes the ones that show up "remorseful" about their affair later go on to justify it and start taking their stuff out on others. In fact, getting to the point of saying that a spouse who doesn't work it out after infidelity "isn't much of a loss" even if the cheating spouse was a serial cheat, on affair sites and the whole bit.

 

I really wouldn't worry about someone who hasn't been through the trauma of being a victim of infidelity judging you.

 

My father was all bitter too when his affair was caught out and tried blaming my mother for a time. It was totally ridiculous. My mother put so much more into their marriage than he ever did and supported every single dream he had, short of keeping a kept mistress. And yes, I know far too much about their marriage. Frankly, my Dad couldn't handle my Mother leaving. In fact, if my mother were to pass away suddenly I have no idea what the heck he would do. But my guess is that he would commit suicide. Probably within a month. I kid you not. He can't cope without her and still betrayed her.

 

You see, they are entitled to cheat. But you have no choices and aren't allowed any flaws or problems of your own, including leaving to find a healthy, respectful partner. Get it?

 

It's just another form of abuse. And the abusers often feel like the victims then use DARVO tactics to subvert others. Nothing new there at all.

[renaissancewoman]

Excuse me?!?! Are you for real?

 

I think you forgot about the part of the vows that said "forsaking all others". So because I decided I didnt want to live with the fact that he cheated, now I am the one who broke wedding vows? Yeah, I dont think so.

 

Does your wife know about your affair?

 

Moxie, first I want to say I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish nothing but the best for your future and your healing. And I believe that your best days are yet to come.

 

Regarding marriage vows, I think what Liam is trying to say is expressed very well in the Sex and City movie. I'm sorry for referencing a movie, I know this is real life, but it does apply very well. The scene where Miranda and Steve are in counseling and Steve said, "Yeah I broke a vow! But what about all the other vows?" So what I'm hearing Liam say is that there are more to vows than just the forsaking all others part. And while you are certainly doing what is true to you and trying to move forward, it does still in fact constitute breaking vows. I'm not judging you, I don't think I would be able to survive if my husband had done what yours did, but it would have to depend on the actions that my husband puts forth toward reconciliation. You mentioned there was a reconciliation period but then you decided you couldn't continue. That's entirely your prerogative. Was there something in your husband's actions post affair that just didn't live up to your standard to be able to move on from the affair and continue with your marriage?

 

Everyone is different. Many marriages survive affairs, while to others, it's simply impossible to get over. No one thing is more right than the other. At the end of the day, we have to live our lives by being as true to ourselves as possible.

[Moxie Lady]

He broke them by adultery.

 

That's an acceptable reason to divorce.

 

He broke them through and through. He cancelled the contract and fired his wife. Then he wouldn't let her get out of the legal side without a fight.

 

Very repugnant.

 

And her being blamed for it is even more repugnant.

 

Thank you.

[Moxie Lady]

You mentioned there was a reconciliation period but then you decided you couldn't continue. That's entirely your prerogative. Was there something in your husband's actions post affair that just didn't live up to your standard to be able to move on from the affair and continue with your marriage?

 

Yes. The fact that he blamed me for "not being able to get over it" and was not remorseful. Is that enough?

 

And so now it is on me because I broke the wedding vows. Unbelievable

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes. The fact that he blamed me for "not being able to get over it" and was not remorseful. Is that enough?

 

And so now it is on me because I broke the wedding vows. Unbelievable

 

Ha. My husband said the same thing initially.

 

Yet they are the ones who "can't get over" how you could "just divorce them." Oh, how could you? You big meanie.

 

I have one friend who's husband had his Other Woman call her to tell her what a Big Meanie she was. LMAO. "He was really sorry."

 

Erm.....what?