jah526 Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 This forum pretty much saved me. He used me for sex when convenient for him, and then discarded me like a piece of trash. That’s what majority if not all MM do. So, all you OW...keep that in mind. I’m out of all of it. Took some time to finally realized it and let it sink in. DON’T BE ME. Be something else. Something more. Good for you! I read a few posts up where you ran into MM and it set you back. Happened to me today. He and I still work in the same building. We’ve hardly talked at all in nearly a year. He was polite but acted as though nothing had ever happened. He still has never apologized. I replied with one word answers and then felt rude afterwards. Was distracted the rest of the day. I was very close to texting him today. Like my finger hovering over the send button close. I want to know why he couldn’t have just been my friend. I’m curious about other things too. About whether this is a pattern of behavior for him. If he’s been involved with anyone else. I know I shouldn’t be so curious but I guess I wanted to feel special, and it hurts more than anything that I never was. That I was never anything to him, except, like you said, someone to be used and thrown away when something better came along. Sorry for the t/j, just feeling thrown off kilter today. Glad you’ve made it to the other side. Link to post Share on other sites
Aloha123 Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Thank you thank you thank you for documenting the course of your recovery over months and even years. I am so inspired by your story. The only way out is through. It is the only possibility for a happy ending. I discovered this forum at the exact right time, just when i needed to be snapped out of my own denial and delusional thinking. i was very nearly on the verge of destroying my own marriage (which has its own issues, obviously) for a toxic MM who only was/is using me only for his own fleeting needs. It makes me physically ill to realize the gravity of the situation, of how close I have come to destroying my entire life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Good for you! I read a few posts up where you ran into MM and it set you back. Happened to me today. He and I still work in the same building. We’ve hardly talked at all in nearly a year. He was polite but acted as though nothing had ever happened. He still has never apologized. I replied with one word answers and then felt rude afterwards. Was distracted the rest of the day. I was very close to texting him today. Like my finger hovering over the send button close. I want to know why he couldn’t have just been my friend. I’m curious about other things too. About whether this is a pattern of behavior for him. If he’s been involved with anyone else. I know I shouldn’t be so curious but I guess I wanted to feel special, and it hurts more than anything that I never was. That I was never anything to him, except, like you said, someone to be used and thrown away when something better came along. Sorry for the t/j, just feeling thrown off kilter today. Glad you’ve made it to the other side. For some reason, the pattern of behavior was something I wanted to define as well. I know it doesn't matter - and I know when I am truly healed I won't care. I think the reason we want to know is that we want to believe it was as special as we thought it was. If it's a pattern of behavior, we're just another sucker in a long line of suckers. If it's a one off, it really was True Love and circumstances just got in the way. Turns out, I think, it doesn't matter if we were affair number 1 or number 100. The outcome is the same, and the cause behind it is the same; we didn't love ourselves enough to say no. I mentioned on another thread - listening to youtube videos about overcoming jealousy has been huge for me. Good to see you Jah. Glad you're hanging in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Hi Bourne, Good to see you too. Hope you are doing well! I missed everyone when the site was down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vvv888 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Hi Rains, I know this is an old thread but thank you so much for writing about your journey. It really helps me today. I’ve been quite emotional and missing my xMM. It was a 3yrs A, and ended pretty badly with a fight. I’ve not talked to him for more than a week now. Most days I feel empowered but just tonight I miss him. But you help me see that I can be in a better place. So thank you so much! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onlywhenitrains Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 I just felt like checking in. Life goes on. It’s just this feeling I’ve had tonight of how time passes and the A with him that was so important at the time, so hard to let go off him and his words, touch, kisses...just started to fade away at some point in the aftermath of it. Don’t even know when fading away exactly started to happen. There are days still when it’s hard. But, it’s no longer about him. It’s about me. He’s not the problem. It’s the loneliness in my life that drags me down. I’m pacing myself and slowly entering the dating world. I’m beginning to be hopeful again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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