Steven1 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Only thing you can do is try to move on, as hard as that may seem. Sounds like he spun a lie to you about the job and never had any intention to go through with the job and instead was just going straight to the other women, just never had the nerve to tell you. It's good that you are traveling etc, that's more than I feel I am able to do at the minute after my break up, so credit to you for that. It will make you feel better eventually as you will be in new surroundings, new people etc. The mutual friends can be a problem short term, long term when you are settled a can differentiate that they are his friends as well, but when you speak to them you don't think of him, then you know you're at a point where you've gone past him. You'll still feel as though you will love him for a while, nobody will say otherwise, but it sounds as though this has happened at a right time, it would have been a lot worse if you had been living together etc and gone a step further. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel39 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Hi this is what in scared of too still feeling like this! We split 11 weeks ago and I still want him back I still don't feel like it's done. We too planned a future so how are you just above to stop all of that, you can't just stop loving someone and wanting them and your plans, it doesn't work that way. You have to catch up with them but it may take sometime. You may be the one that actually is better off even tough it doesn't feel like it, easier said than done because I can't give that advice I myself. Im struggling to get up, I'm tearful then angry than think about how if I give him time he will come back who am I deluding? I know how hard it is your just s little further forward than, I'm so sorry you feel this way Link to post Share on other sites
YWGMan Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I too on the 4th month mark today. I still love him but I don't think it will be the same if ever we get back together. Ask yourself tho if you get back together will it make you happy? He's hurt you before therefore he is capable of hurting you again, move on and focus on yourself. It gets better. Take care 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I too on the 4th month mark today. I still love him but I don't think it will be the same if ever we get back together. Ask yourself tho if you get back together will it make you happy? He's hurt you before therefore he is capable of hurting you again, move on and focus on yourself. It gets better. Take care Im with you man. After all the pain someone has put you through, is it worth it?. Things can never be the same again. Maybe if both parties move on and it's meant to be in the future but otherwise NO. I would rather be alone than allow someone who's caused me SOO much emotional pain to even enter my life on a friendly level. That's just me though. I remember when I started dating my ex, I told him, you ever leave me, im dead to you. Im sticking to my plan. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Sporty - quit the contact. Quit finding out how he is and what he is doing through friends because the only person you are hurting is yourself! He doesn't care. He has moved on. You think having a bleeding heart for a guy like this is good in any way? Quit the contact, keep moving forward and stop prolonging your own misery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 This is all faaaar too hard. I know there are plenty of worse things out in the world... plenty... but I just don't think I'm strong enough for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 This is all faaaar too hard. I know there are plenty of worse things out in the world... plenty... but I just don't think I'm strong enough for this. You need to change that thinking. That is within your power. Know you are strong enough, and that willpower takes some effort. He is not coming back. Stop all contact, both direct and indirect. That means no looking at his pictures, no asking mutual friends about him, no re-reading old emails or texts... just complete no contact. Then, and only then, will you begin to get past this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 This is all faaaar too hard. I know there are plenty of worse things out in the world... plenty... but I just don't think I'm strong enough for this. You are and you will cringe at this one day when you have moved on. Forget him, focus on you x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 Hi, Just thought I'd post an update... my own fault I know for not being able to move on... but nothing has changed since he left. I'm still wanting to message him daily (I haven't for a while) and I've still no idea which direction to take my life in - in terms of work or living situation. Lost. x Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Hi, Just thought I'd post an update... my own fault I know for not being able to move on... but nothing has changed since he left. I'm still wanting to message him daily (I haven't for a while) and I've still no idea which direction to take my life in - in terms of work or living situation. Lost. x Sometimes we just have accept that it is what it is. I had to more than two years ago and it still crosses my mind a lot. It always takes ages with me. I finally can say that I am feeling my old self again. I wish it had been different, but I got used to it. It just is not possible with the way she is. You have been through a lot, give yourself time. It will get better, I am sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel39 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I just want to let you know that I honestly know how you are feeling I'm the same. Although I decided to get a part time job to fill the void because I couldn't stand doing nothing but thinking about him, it's not what he's doing where is he. It was more how can I get him back and deluding myself that he's coming back... I'm 4 months in and all I can say by holding on to this its delaying the grieving. I have made myself so I'll over this mentally and sunk into depression in which Iv made a deliberate descision to pull myself out of it. It's not easy I have a job thati started today and for the whole 3 hours I didn't think about him. I'm exhausted mentally and forgetful at the moment because my mind has been pre occupied with him and feeling so ill. I have set a timer on my phone twice a day which says "what can you do today to better your future" it's gets me thinking which is great. It's not easy I know but don't you want to be that girl that can look back and think oh my look what he lost out on because you are .... You just have to believe in it and try to take control somehow. I'm weak too although I haven't contacted him for 3weeks now but I'm on a roll I think. I'm right behind you you can do this Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Thank you again for your responses... I've been avoiding here in the hope that not talking about the breakup for a spell would help. It hasn't :-( I've now been on a 2nd holiday and put and offer in on a new home for me, so life is moving forward.... but mentally I'm not. I'm still going to therapy and also taking ADs now which I swore to myself I'd never ever touch. I'm still broken. He's still with the new woman I'm sure - but even if he wasn't with her, he's made no moves to come back and I'm so incredibly upset still. Its been 8 months and I feel the loss constantly. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Today I realized it's also been eight months for me. We last saw each other in late January, and I think I started mourning right then, but we broke up in October. It takes a lot of time, effort and positive thinking to get out of that dark place. Don't despair. And there's nothing wrong with resorting to medication if your sadness gets too overwhelming. Sometimes we just can't fight everything that comes our way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Would you go bak keiji if given the chance? Or have you been able to look past it now? Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Would you go bak keiji if given the chance? Or have you been able to look past it now? Oh, no way. I miss her or, to be more accurate, I think I miss the idea of her, but I wouldn't want her back. Her behavior after the breakup has been quite an eye-opener. She showed her true colors, particularly her immense selfishness (not that I didn't detect it during the relationship, to be honest), so no, I wouldn't even consider the possibility of getting back together. Actually, I had promised to contact her when I was doing better because she wanted us to keep in touch, and I did contact her, but to tell her I didn't want to be friends with someone so cold and selfish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 As much as the end of the relationship is upsetting, it must be a great feeling to feel that you're the better for it ending. It certainly must help with getting a positive mindset! Despite feeling as though he let me down, replaced me at the drop of a hat and wasn't honest about his reasons for leaving, we both know I'd take him back in a heartbeat. He still feels like the best thing I had in my life - which all feels entirely pathetic! Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) As much as the end of the relationship is upsetting, it must be a great feeling to feel that you're the better for it ending. It certainly must help with getting a positive mindset! Despite feeling as though he let me down, replaced me at the drop of a hat and wasn't honest about his reasons for leaving, we both know I'd take him back in a heartbeat. He still feels like the best thing I had in my life - which all feels entirely pathetic! It wasn't a tortuous relationship for me. I know she was in love with me and loved me, but I saw certain red flags and didn't completely ignore them, to the extent that on three occasions she proposed to live together and I said no. I kept a safe distance because deep down I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life, or part of it, with someone who was so immature and selfish. Other than that, there weren't lies, abuse, cheating and the like. However, I also put her on a pedestal and I would have accepted her back a short time after the breakup. Most of the time is the idea of them that lingers, and a distorted one at that. When I finally threw away my rose-tinted glasses I saw the whole picture and the answer to your question is a big, big NO. I wish her the best and, as I said, I miss her from time to time. That's all. You have to put him off his pedestal too. I'm sure in a month or two your mindset will be completely different. Edited June 8, 2016 by keiji Link to post Share on other sites
Kelsy Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Sportygirl, you will get over it! I thought that I will be sad for a very long time. It took me more than a year to feel ok again. I have never been so down in my life. Terrible time. I didnt take any medication. You need to work hard to take care on yourself. There will be some setbacks but dont give up. They are normal. I watched some videos on youtube (how to get over etc). Some of them are really good. Brendon Burchard: Teal Swan: Actualized.org: I just wanted him and my life back. He found someone else. I compared myself to her etc...Felt extremely low. But I pushed myself through it. Constantly reminding why we didnt match and what should I do to continue my life. You need to believe in yourself again and better future. At one point you can start dreaming about better man. I finally got there and I started to communicate with different people again. And I got out of the cave I kind a like someone new and it feels so good. My ex is still in my mind but its not that painful anymore. I have started to accept the break up and maybe it had to happen. But try to think about your future not about the past. Hope you can understand my englsih Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 The hardest thing to do is to accept it's over and that it's better this way. Even if he was a wonderful man, he's gone now, what automatically removes that status. I think you still have in your head what he said when he broke up with you; that in a year he would come back. So you keep expecting that. Now let me ask you: what if in a year he simply doesn't come back? That's why it's important to accept it's over and work on yourself. Keep your mind busy. Whenever he starts to pop up in your head, find something to keep it occupied. Go NC. Have you been working out or exercising? Have you thought about changing something for you? New haircut, clothes? Maybe studying something new? It's not easy but it's the way to go. The secret is to work entirely on you so you can heal and move on. The more you do it, the easier it will be to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 HI, Thanks for the latest messaging folks. I've been avoiding here for almost a month as this was another trigger for thinking about him. I find that I just have to shut out every possible thought of him as I think get incredibly sad (still) over what I lost. Juniorrocha - he won't be coming back in a year as he's with a new girl now... has been almost since he left me. Despite this, I know I'd still take him back given the chance.... its just a chance I know I'll never get. I'm still sunk but trying my best. Almost bought a new home now.... did my first sky dive, did my first holiday alone, booked onto a photography course and trying to think about dating again... I do feel better about life in general some of the time.... but as soon as I think about things properly I'm sunk :-( I hope one day I can see a reason for all of this and not be so bitter.... I'm not liking the person I have been since he left :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 as I think about things properly I'm sunk :-( I hope one day I can see a reason for all of this and not be so bitter.... One day you wont care as much for a reason anymore, than this whole ordeal will be enough reason. Some wake up one day and just feel OK. Never worked for me that way. It can take some time. I'm not liking the person I have been since he left :-( That's a mistake. We are almost obligated by society to enjoy and be happy and feel at fault when we do not succeed. It is very important to accept that sometimes we have trouble with life, as there are things that really are out of our control. Life is not easy and sometimes it presents us situations that are tough to adapt to. You do not necessarily have to do things that are supposed to be fun. Just try to start with being patient and kind to yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Emaize3 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Yeah, it's been 6 months for me and I have dated and moved on with my life but I keep going back to thinking of "him". I felt like he was my soulmate and it's just such a shame. Sad all over again. I feel you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 Sorry you're feeling the same Emaize.... its now almost 9 months for me! He's been with his new girl pretty much since he ended things with me. I haven't checked his FB in a couple of months, but I'm sure they're still together.... that's the extra kicker I have in my mind at the moment :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 Ever find that its on the days when you think you're on the up that something to remind you of your ex is not there because you're letting your mind go there, but instead its jarringly put in front of you? I had a good day yesterday.... started off well today. Then I applied for a mortgage and my advisor came up with all the details of us 2 (from when we applied as a couple) which I then had to correct. Then my laptop crashed and I had to free space.... all the large files were pictures of us on our first holiday together. Now I"m sunk. Feel like giving up with this whole 'positivity' malarkey. Its not working well when I try :-( (I know.... I"m sounding defeatist.... its just after weeks of avoiding his face on Facebook or anywhere, I'm confronted with it... in my happiest memories). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 Well, its almost been a year now. I'm still devastated. I've done all the things in the breakup handbook to try and move on, and yet I'm broken :-( I can't seem to pull myself out of it all. I can honestly say that all the things I've done to try and move past this (new house, new location, holidays) have all felt empty. I'd trade in all of this to have him back in my life. I haven't reached out in a while nor heard from him. I'm at a loss for how to continue from here on out... and tired all the time Link to post Share on other sites
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