SoulCat Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 To sponge of me for life. Don't you think it's a little presumptuous to draw that conclusion? He has a job, an income. He appears to live within his means. He's currently financially not up to your standard, but that does not mean he's not intent on bettering himself. It also doesn't automatically mean he's looking for a life-long meal ticket. Also worried about him having half my assets via marriage. Why are you talking marriage so soon? How long have you been with this guy? And why are you considering marriage when by all accounts, you don't seem to particularly like the guy, or even respect him. In your own words, you are embarrassed by him and resentful towards him. Not exactly a healthy foundation for a marriage, don't you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 You have just summed it up. Genuine does not pay the bills. And an equal annual income does not a marriage make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 If in fact he has lied about his university education then that's already a dealbreaker. For the record there are many university educated people who can't spell to save their life. One of my exes was like that. You don't have to marry the guy and expose yourself to risking your assets. That's what I recommend to men who are in the same position. Sounds like marriage is on your mind. Would you expect a wealthier man to marry you if he makes 5x more than you do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I think what really bothers you is the fact he is younger and good looking. You're not used to it that's why you think he has an hidden agenda. Like Smackie said, if you usually do not get attention from younger and good looking men, be careful. As for dating men earning less than I, I don't care. As for having to be the one picking the tab, I don't care. As for marrying someone earning 5 times less than I, I don't care. We have prenup and marriage contract. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) If this man knew how you were thinking, he would ditch you in a heart beat (assuming he had self respect). I think you should go as far away from him as possible because no one needs anyone that looks down on them in their life. Maybe this is why there is not much interest. Edited February 20, 2016 by OnlyHonesty 5 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 If OP does not want to date him then should just not date him. There is no need for us to justify her dumping him. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I can support myself. The issue is that i have my own lifestyle based on Y income. I wi not be able to go to the same places with him unless i pay all the time. Given that he doesnt go out socially, its a lifestyle change for me. A downgrade. Its not that he took me to a horrible place for v day, its that this is his version of a romantic treat. It was way off the mark. I do feel ashamed for saying this but i want better! You should break up. I have no idea if he's looking for you to support him or not but you feel something is "Off." I'd get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I don't know ANYBODY who would want to date a person they resented, disrespected, were embarrassed of and who they thought was trying to con them out of their money. Why do you even WANT to date him when you think so poorly of him? I feel sorry for the guy. Who wants to be looked at in such an ugly way by the person they're dating?? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) Money matters a lot. By marrying him I would lower my standard of living and resent him more. I played down my job etc but he is clever enough to know i am more established then him. His last girlfriend worked with him, it didnt work out because she was nasty to him. Now he has upgraded himself with me. He automatically gets half my assets, so im under threat of that. With an equal i wouldnt have that threat. Didn't you say you have met up with him just TWICE? Why all the projection about marriages and assets? Did he make you go Dutch at the horrible restaurant? Why not just date and see what happens? Edited February 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I think this is so sad. A guy with lesser means takes a lady out he is interested in and gets labelled as "potential con artist." Nice. So he works and goes to school and is good looking. Sounds like he will be a great catch to a woman. I really appreciate my husband and the way he adds to my life despite the fact he doesn't make what I make. He's a great Dad and as of late, a good mate. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I don't know ANYBODY who would want to date a person they resented, disrespected, were embarrassed of and who they thought was trying to con them out of their money. Why do you even WANT to date him when you think so poorly of him? I feel sorry for the guy. Who wants to be looked at in such an ugly way by the person they're dating?? She said it herself, no one else is showing any interest. If she had other options, she wouldn't even blink in this guys general direction (which would be doing him a big favor). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 She said it herself, no one else is showing any interest. If she had other options, she wouldn't even blink in this guys general direction (which would be doing him a big favor). The irony here is that OP would actually be the gold-digger in this scenario. Think about it: she doesn't want a guy without "a certsin level of assets" no matter his other attributes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 The irony here is that OP would actually be the gold-digger in this scenario. Think about it: she doesn't want a guy without "a certsin level of assets" no matter his other attributes. You do that on purpose? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I think it gives a bit of insight into what many guys face when dating women. Unfortunately, many women do not make a lot of money and some will never make a lot of money, but some are also insanely good looking too. So gutted is upset that she may have "to pay all the bills" for this man, but is that not what many men are "supposed" to do when dating poorer women and no-one turns a hair about that. Women whose only real asset is their looks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Yes exactly my point. Society expects the man to pay etc, its hard to suddenly change that role. I think it makes him less of a man sponging from me. I have no evidence of this. I have worked very hard all my life, it doesnt feel morally right for anyone to come along and be nice to me with the aim of a better life. If men feel that way with poorer women then they have a point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 I don't know ANYBODY who would want to date a person they resented, disrespected, were embarrassed of and who they thought was trying to con them out of their money. Why do you even WANT to date him when you think so poorly of him? I feel sorry for the guy. Who wants to be looked at in such an ugly way by the person they're dating?? Because he may be genuine, i hAve no way of telling. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 How has he sponged off of you? He took you out to eat, altho not where you wanted. Did he ask you to pay? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 How has he sponged off of you? He took you out to eat, altho not where you wanted. Did he ask you to pay? Not yet, but i think he sees the v day meal as an investment. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Not yet, but i think he sees the v day meal as an investment. How can you see it as an investment when you considered him to be cheap? You're contradicting yourself right and left. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Ok, we get it - the guy is a dreadful sponger, determined to con you and steal your money - if that is what you think then just get rid. BUT He cannot win here. If he pays his way with the little money he has - he is cheap and nasty. If he takes out a loan to entertain you in the way you have become accustomed - he is a fool with his money. If he relies on you to pay - he is a gold digger... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm getting the impression that the OP doesn't want to cut this guy off BECAUSE of his good looks. OP - if this guy were just average looking, made 5 times less than you and thought a hot Valentine's dinner out at Kentucky Fried Chicken was romantic, would you STILL feel inclined to ask a bunch of strangers if it's possible he's sincere? I have the feeling you wouldn't and would have simply dumped him. But because the guy in question is so good looking, you don't want to pull the trigger on him just yet and want to ignore what your gut is screaming to you. It's often said a guy will put up with amazing amounts of crap from a 'hot' woman simply because she's hot. This seems to be the situation in reverse. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 OP, do you recognize the statement below? Have you sought therapy to discover why you're suspicious of kind hearted people, but believe going after money is okay? If you're so concerned with being conned, don't date. At least not until you get to the root of your troubles. I really think you'd benefit from some intervention. You've been repeating this behavior for nearly TEN years!! This is from July of 2007, FTR. "The only reason I went for this guy is because he has money and prestige. Somehow - this is something I go for. I know it sounds very materialistic but when i aim for the normal things like the heart/kindness/love etc I get conned." It really is like talking to a brick wall. Just don't date him. He really deserves better than someone who looks down on him. You continuously put the cart before the horse. You also did the same thing in the beginning of this thread as you did in the last with the "married man" or whatever his story was. You concocted a whole story based on your assumptions and then wanted to take it upon yourself to warn other women about the man you clearly want to date. When are you going to listen?? I think you need to start learning to be on your own. You refuse to see your faults, and until you do, you're going to be single. That's the harsh reality. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 The first thing I wondered when reading this thread was: Where does the OP live and where is this guy from? I'm not asking for an answer as it is a public forum, but this could be very relevant. What is considered "poor" varies greatly from one country to another. OP mentioned she would have to significantly lower her standard of living if she were to marry this guy. I have a friend who is dating a guy who barely earns enough to feed himself. She doesn't mind, and he does make an effort to invite her out once or twice a year. They are happy together, but she does have to make a lot of sacrifices. If you're going to feel resentful, there's no point.... As another poster pointed out, I think this is a case of "I'll never find such a good looking guy again". If keeping your standard of living is so important for you, it doesn't make any sense to throw away all your standards only because he is good-looking. Just listen to the advice everyone is giving you and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 If OP does not want to date him then should just not date him. There is no need for us to justify her dumping him. Talk about needing some editing: If OP does not want to date him then SHE should just not date him. There is no need for HER to justify dumping him. Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 ouch. just read some of your other threads. There's other things than money in life OP....you can't judge a man on how much he is willing to spend on dates with you! Link to post Share on other sites
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