Poor and goodlooking

[SoulCat]

Money matters a lot. By marrying him

I would lower my standard of living and resent him more.

 

He automatically gets half my assets, so im under threat of that. With an equal i wouldnt have that threat.

 

Whoa there cowboy! Aren't you jumping the gun a bit talking about marriage (and by the sounds of it, the inevitable divorce)?

 

How long have you been dating this guy exactly?

 

 

Now he has upgraded himself with me.

 

With respect, that is a matter of opinion. Money isn't everything.

 

 

If you have feelings of anger and resentment about any aspect of this man you should not only NOT be talking about marriage, you shouldn't even be dating him.

[GunslingerRoland]

This is what i need to know. Can relationships where the guy earns so much less work?

 

1/5th of what you make is pretty concerning.

 

 

I mean if he made 50K a year, and you made 100 or more even, I'd say sure you guys can probably deal. But I'm getting the sense that he's probably closer to the poverty line than that.

 

 

I don't think many women who are established in life themselves would want to date an adult man out of school who can barely support himself. That isn't gold digging, it's common sense.

[MoreAmore]

I

 

,bad spelling

 

. I am embaressed ?

 

 

 

Hmm. Interesting.

 

 

 

If you're going to judge him for not earning to whatever artificial standard you have set, you should absolutely set him free to find someone else

[Buddhist]

This is what i need to know. Can relationships where the guy earns so much less work?

 

Yes they can work however.....

 

- There are people in reduced economic circumstance who can and will use what they have to get better economic circumstances. Women are not the only offenders I have met male gold diggers. Gender does not put anyone above this kind of action.

 

- Remember also that people from very poor economic backgrounds do actually see marriage as a viable career opportunity into a new life. That's just the way they culturally see things and they don't see it as morally wrong. They see it as a business arrangement. I will give you my good looks, time and affection and in return I will get a comfortable life. Women & men from poor backgrounds have been doing this for centuries. Why not? If they find a lonely well off lady who fancies them......Back in the ancient times such women were called dowagers and were often pursued by handsome young men for their fortunes. It was considered a good marriage option and socially accepted.

 

- Not every poor hot guy however is necessarily doing this. BUT the important point here is that if you absolutely don't want that to be a factor in your relationship then you need to only date men from similar financial backgrounds. That has also been a longstanding tradition. Back in ancient times if you were female and had money your father or brother would weed out the gold diggers for you and ensure you didn't marry down. They would put the feelers out amoung a suitable social circle and decide who you could or could not date. We aren't the property of men anymore so we have to do this for ourselves if gold digging is a concern.

[fitnessfan365]

However, since he is in school & is simultaneously working as well as living within his means, I don't see the leech she perceives. I see a guy who just hasn't made it yet. Yet being the operative word.

 

This is what I was referring to. The guy may not be well off. However, at least he is working hard to try and better his situation. That's what I respect.

[GunslingerRoland]

I guess I misunderstood the situation. So he is college aged, or close to it, and going to university and the ****ty job he has is just while he's going to school? Then I'd retract everything I said... don't date younger guys if you want someone established, but don't hold it against him either.

 

 

I took the original post to mean that he had went to school at some point but then didn't do anything with his education.

[katiegrl]

I looked up his job and an advert came up. His job does not require an education, its in the service industry and he works nights.

 

 

Okay, so how do you know he's not a struggling artist during the day? Or a writer or takes acting classes who may one day become rich and famous?

 

You are assuming a lot of things here based on his job, but the reality is you know nothing about him --- his ambitions, his dreams, etc.

 

Why not get to know him and find out what's he's about?

 

You might just be surprised.

 

ETA: I just read he's in school. That explains a lot. I say if you're attracted to him, find out what he's about, what he's studying, what he aspires to be.

 

He may end up making more money than you in the long run.

Edited February 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[soleilesquire]

I looked up his job and an advert came up. His job does not require an education, its in the service industry and he works nights.

 

I find it cheeky that he doesnt see the differences, which makes me think he is trying his luck.

 

He could get a young girl like him, why go for an older one?

 

There are a lot of arrogant assumptions in this post. Cheeky? I hope you haven't taken it upon yourself to make sure he sees the difference.

 

Clearly you think him beneath you. Just walk away.

Edited February 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[so gutted]

I guess I misunderstood the situation. So he is college aged, or close to it, and going to university and the ****ty job he has is just while he's going to school? Then I'd retract everything I said... don't date younger guys if you want someone established, but don't hold it against him either.

 

 

I took the original post to mean that he had went to school at some point but then didn't do anything with his education.

 

Correct, he says he went to

University but i doubt he did. I have heard of arrangements where you can enrol,as a condition of your entry into the country. If he went to university he would be able to spell.

[katiegrl]

Correct, he says he went to

University but i doubt he did. I have heard of arrangements where you can enrol,as a condition of your entry into the country. If he went to university he would be able to spell.

 

Well no offense, but your spelling isn't the greatest either....

 

Perhaps English (or whatever language you are communicating in) isn't his first language.

[so gutted]

Enrol is correct spelling for uk

[katiegrl]

Enrol is correct spelling for uk

 

Well see there ya go.

 

Here in the U.S. it's "enroll."

 

So if you and I were e-mailing or texting, you would think I was a bad speller also.... and I majored in English in college!

[Methodical]

Im not usually drawn to good looking guys. His spelling shows that his university education cannot be real. Its bad. His work is seasonal. I can look above average i guess. He is acting nice, he may be nice but i feel sad and angry that he has limited means. His means are unlikely to improve. I feel morally wrong but i think he is playing the long game withthis act. He doesnt go out socially (again probably limited means) and questions me going out.

 

 

He is very goodlooking bu not established.

 

He is tall, dark and handsome.

 

After meeting him twice i worked out that he earns one fifth of what i do,

 

I think he is being nice and acting interested because he is from another country (been here 10 years) and wants a better life.

 

I may be wrong.

 

I resent him for earning less,bad spelling (my guess is he enrolled at university just to get residency). I am embaressed that he has a job with uniform.

 

I dont want to live a life worse off,but again feel that maybe i am wrong?

 

He could be the one. He is the only interested one.

 

Is it wrong to doubt his motives?

 

Correct, he says he went to

University but i doubt he did. I have heard of arrangements where you can enrol,as a condition of your entry into the country. If he went to university he would be able to spell.

 

I usually refrain from pointing out mistakes because we all make them. However, you continue placing emphasis on his spelling. You err quite a bit too.

 

I'm curious, you said he is young and handsome, and wonder why he chose an older woman. Why did you choose a younger guy?

[William]

Let's move on from the spelling and grammar lessons. I've got a moderated member posting in here and that's what clued me in to what was going on. It's a discussion forum and we're not filing legal briefs here. Keep it topical and, yup, respectful of all viewpoints. Thanks!

[so gutted]

Mine are due to the phone and fast typing, his are are due to lack of education in a developed country.

 

There is a 3 year gap, nothing too big.

[soleilesquire]

Mine are due to the phone and fast typing, his are are due to lack of education in a developed country.

 

There is a 3 year gap, nothing too big.

 

There's a saying: women need love and men need respect.

 

You have NO respect for this man, eye-candy that he may be.

 

Just move on

[AMJ]

Do you need a guy to support you financially? If not, then the only reason his income is a problem is that he won't be able to take you out to fancy restaurants on Valentine's Day. In the big scheme of things, if that's really important to you, then you already know your answer. He's not going to wake up one day and become wealthy. Accept him for who he is or move past him.

[Methodical]

I asked earlier, but you may have missed it. Has he asked to borrow money? Or pay a bill? Or co-sign a note? Those are things that would send up red flags.

 

Him taking you to a small scale restaurant for Valentine's Day tells me he is not trying to live above his means. You are obviously accustomed to fine dining and found his choice of restaurants appalling. If he is that far beneath you on the economic scale, move on. You are not going to be happy with a man you resent and are embarrassed by.

 

Did he misrepresent himself online?

[so gutted]

I can support myself. The issue is that i have my own lifestyle based on

Y income. I wi not be able to go to the same places with him unless i pay all the time. Given that he doesnt go out socially, its a lifestyle change for me. A downgrade.

 

Its not that he took me to a horrible place for v day, its that this is his version of a romantic treat. It was way off the mark. I do feel ashamed for saying this but i want better!

[so gutted]

I asked earlier, but you may have missed it. Has he asked to borrow money? Or pay a bill? Or co-sign a note? Those are things that would send up red flags.

 

Him taking you to a small scale restaurant for Valentine's Day tells me he is not trying to live above his means. You are obviously accustomed to fine dining and found his choice of restaurants appalling. If he is that far beneath you on the economic scale, move on. You are not going to be happy with a man you resent and are embarrassed by.

 

Did he misrepresent himself online?

Sorry missed that.

 

No, but he has mentioned a few times where people have insulted him

In his job and then tried to tip him, he didnt take the tip because of his pride.

 

He might be genuine but i find it unmanly of him

To sponge of me for life. Also worried about him having half my assets via marriage. What if its a scam?

[Methodical]

He's not the guy for you.

[lilmissjava]

I am embaressed that he has a job with uniform.

 

I dont want to live a life worse off,but again feel that maybe i am wrong?

 

He could be the one. He is the only interested one.

 

Is it wrong to doubt his motives?

 

Well you do have being a bad speller in common.

 

When in doubt, get out.

[AMJ]

Sorry missed that.

 

No, but he has mentioned a few times where people have insulted him

In his job and then tried to tip him, he didnt take the tip because of his pride.

 

He might be genuine but i find it unmanly of him

To sponge of me for life. Also worried about him having half my assets via marriage. What if its a scam?

 

Do they not have prenuptial agreements in the UK? Every relationship requires sacrifice and compromise. This relationship requires you to sacrifice going out to expensive restaurants and compromise other activities that he can't afford. He's either worth the sacrifice, or he's not.

[Methodical]

The sad reality is that even if he is 100% genuine, you are worlds apart socially and economically. You'll always see him as "less than you deserve." He is, in your words, a downgrade, an embarrassment, a person that breeds resentful notions from you. That's a recipe for a toxic relationship and you'll never be happy and fulfilled by a man you don't respect and thinks has nefarious intent.

[so gutted]

You have just summed it up. Genuine does not pay the bills.