fitnessfan365 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I was interested because he was nice to me, but now im thinking its sucking up to me to get my assets. You don't seem to be very confident. I mean why can't he just be interested in you for who you are? To automatically assume the worst speaks more to your lack of self esteem. Also, who's to say that he isn't working as hard as he can w/what he has to work with right now? If you're more concerned w/income I'd also say that your priorities seem to be off too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 If you're more concerned w/income I'd also say that your priorities seem to be off too. That's not entirely fair. I don't think anybody man or woman goes into a relationship in this day & age expecting that they are going to have wholly support the other person. I wouldn't have wanted a relationship with somebody I considered a slacker. One of the main reasons I had no problem with DH's finances when we met was I saw his work ethic: he has a FT job, a PT job & was going to school OL. Even though he was poor at the time, I say a man willing to change that. To the extent the OP sees this man as unwilling to work to improve his situation, that is a great reason for her not to get involved. However, since he is in school & is simultaneously working as well as living within his means, I don't see the leech she perceives. I see a guy who just hasn't made it yet. Yet being the operative word. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 What if he were poor and okay looking? Would you even consider him at all? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 IMO, if you feel anything other than positives at this early stage, especially about big issues, to you, like lifestyle, money, family, etc, it's not flowing so let it go. It really comes down to the moment. In the moment, do you feel like showing up for a date and socializing with and getting to know this man? If you do, show up. If you don't, don't. He, or any man, isn't required to complete your life. Associations are always optional and should be, IMO, positive and healthy experiences overall. Perfect? nope. Neither should they be tedious nor foster resentment. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 That's not entirely fair. I don't think anybody man or woman goes into a relationship in this day & age expecting that they are going to have wholly support the other person. I wouldn't have wanted a relationship with somebody I considered a slacker. One of the main reasons I had no problem with DH's finances when we met was I saw his work ethic: he has a FT job, a PT job & was going to school OL. Even though he was poor at the time, I say a man willing to change that. To the extent the OP sees this man as unwilling to work to improve his situation, that is a great reason for her not to get involved. However, since he is in school & is simultaneously working as well as living within his means, I don't see the leech she perceives. I see a guy who just hasn't made it yet. Yet being the operative word. Im not usually drawn to good looking guys. His spelling shows that his university education cannot be real. Its bad. His work is seasonal. I can look above average i guess. He is acting nice, he may be nice but i feel sad and angry that he has limited means. His means are unlikely to improve. I feel morally wrong but i think he is playing the long game withthis act. He doesnt go out socially (again probably limited means) and questions me going out. Im able to go out. These small things are lifestyle, we differ. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 You met him online? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Yes we met online Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Why not just hang on to him as a FWB until you meet a guy who you find attractive and makes a lot of money? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Why not just hang on to him as a FWB until you meet a guy who you find attractive and makes a lot of money? What makes you think i want either option? Im just after an equal whats wrong with that? Link to post Share on other sites
soleilesquire Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Honestly, the fact that you are embarrassed that his job requires a uniform tells me everything I need to know. I see zero evidence he is after anyone's money. To be frank, I think the problem here is you and not him. That said, no, do not continue to date him. Resenting a man's job and place in life is just about the most emasculating thing you can do to him. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 What makes you think i want either option? Im just after an equal whats wrong with that? Nothing, but as you've clearly identified that he is not an equal, I think you have your answer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 One question comes to mind: How did you measure his income? I know plenty of people misjudge mine... Specifically, how do you know it's 1/5 of yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 What makes you think i want either option? Im just after an equal whats wrong with that? Your thread title. You like him because he's good looking but don't like him because you have labeled him as poor financially. I gave you a suggestion. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 One question comes to mind: How did you measure his income? I know plenty of people misjudge mine... Specifically, how do you know it's 1/5 of yours? I looked up his job and an advert came up. His job does not require an education, its in the service industry and he works nights. I find it cheeky that he doesnt see the differences, which makes me think he is trying his luck. He could get a young girl like him, why go for an older one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spmh1017 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I looked up his job and an advert came up. His job does not require an education, its in the service industry and he works nights. I find it cheeky that he doesnt see the differences, which makes me think he is trying his luck. He could get a young girl like him, why go for an older one? Just be happy he has a job. Theres alot of guy out their who expect the world on a platter and a beautiful woman and they dont even have jobs. See where the relationship goes, push him to do better, and dont give him money or expensive gifts. No reason to discount someone cause they arent rich, sometimes its better ot be happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 If you feel this way don't get involved let him go. There are some women who wouldn't mind a cheap place for valentines day if that is all the guy could afford. They would think more about the thought. This bothers you so move on. This. Since it seems to bother you then move on. Having said that. I do think a lot of women write off men prematurely who are good men due to things that shouldn't matter like height, hair color, or income. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Coming from an older gal like me, it's a reality that money DOES matter. It's boils down to compatibility. If you are financially incompatible there will be issues down the road. In this case there is too much of a gap for this to work. And OP if you don't have very attractive men banging down your door that is as attractive as this guy then you would have to wonder about his motives. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 So..the only reason you think he's using you for money is because he makes less than you and he took you to a restaurant you didn't like on Valentine's Day? Not because he's asked you for cash, or given you a sob story or tried to con you in any way? It doesn't sound like he's using you. But it does sound like you're the wrong person for him. Let him go find someone who won't judge him by his wallet. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 This is what i need to know. Can relationships where the guy earns so much less work? Yes.... Ask the same question in reverse....you disagree then you are a hypocrit. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Yes.... Ask the same question in reverse....you disagree then you are a hypocrit. Or believe in double standards Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I looked up his job and an advert came up. His job does not require an education, its in the service industry and he works nights. I find it cheeky that he doesnt see the differences, which makes me think he is trying his luck. He could get a young girl like him, why go for an older one? How big is the age difference? Is he currently in college? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 What makes you think i want either option? Im just after an equal whats wrong with that? Well it's clear this guy is not your equal so let him go. Good luck finding your equal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Coming from an older gal like me, it's a reality that money DOES matter. It's boils down to compatibility. If you are financially incompatible there will be issues down the road. In this case there is too much of a gap for this to work. And OP if you don't have very attractive men banging down your door that is as attractive as this guy then you would have to wonder about his motives. Money matters a lot. By marrying him I would lower my standard of living and resent him more. I played down my job etc but he is clever enough to know i am more established then him. His last girlfriend worked with him, it didnt work out because she was nasty to him. Now he has upgraded himself with me. He automatically gets half my assets, so im under threat of that. With an equal i wouldnt have that threat. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 The fact you are embarrassed that he works in a uniform is the part that struck me. I think you're too snobbish for him. I don't know anyone my whole long life who would be embarrassed because a man wore a uniform. I think status is too important to you to stay with him, but you may end up being alone (which is fine) if he's the only one interested and you feel he's not good enough for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 He could be the one. He is the only interested one. "He might be the guy for me because no one else is interested at the moment." This struck me as an odd thing to say. Why should his interest in you have any affect on what you think about him as individual? Why aren't you considering your own desires? Imagine if you hated golf. One day a golf course calls you and offers you a job there. Would you say "I'll take it -- they want to hire me, therefore it might be the job for me." Does other people expressing interest really satisfy you that much? It shouldn't. Attraction is very much a two-way street. The point being, the fact he likes you is irrelevant. He clearly has some things about him that bother you. Why would you think he's "the one" if you're that bothered by these things? Wouldn't "the one" have qualities that you admired and not questioned? You're allowed to have preferences. I don't think there's any sense in judging you for your thoughts about the guy's income or work. You can't help what's important to you. If you feel like his issues are too problematic to overlook, then you can break up with him and it's nobody's business but your own. However, to me the idea of staying with him just because he likes you is absolutely incomprehensible to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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