TheWoman Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Oh god. Why bother. None of what you've just said is in anyway relevant. I did have fun with it. A lot of fun. I don't think you understand what I'm even saying here. You dont come across as someone who has had a lot of fun, you seem kind of depressed and jaded. Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe1986 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 You dont come across as someone who has had a lot of fun, you seem kind of depressed and jaded. Yes. That's what six months of banging your head against a brick wall will do. Is it really so hard to understand that people can change. I entered into the whole OLD thing optimistically it was only after wasting so much time with it that I became jaded. But don't let that stop you responding as if I said something completely different. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Please forgive the length, I’m new on the site, been reading for awhile and it’s funny regardless of the age or gender many of us have these same doubts. “I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture.” I’ve been marginally successful with OLD, while as stated many talk about this “hook-up culture” that is not me at all but seemingly the harder you try to “find” someone the more disappointed you are likely to be. Is it possible, just possible, that you have set up unreasonable expectations that simply cannot be fulfilled? “Don't give up and don't delete your profiles.” I don’t know if I can say give up, me I just simply try to approach OLD more scientifically, and I don’t immerse myself in any sites any longer, and take a break or timeout to reset if things don’t work out. The latest I have a profile on POF but I keep hidden so only those I contact can see, I go slowly and focus on one or two individuals, and parse my interaction. I’m a profile reader and I over profiles more closely now and there are just key words phrases I pick up on now and I won’t touch with a 10 ft pole. When you see the things in their profiles that make no sense that is flat mental illness and they are crying out for some attention and have massive self-esteem issues. For me women who say they want relationships or are actively seeking frankly are not ready (I’m sure this is the same for guys too) “OLD is all about stats. Pics, Height, Occupation IRL a woman sees you what you really look like up close, how you dress, carry yourself, interact... things that can't be seen or felt on an OLD site. People are treating OLD like the lottery: I keep at, maybe I'll hit the jackpot.” We have all become a commodity, easily judged, easily passed by, easily dismissed. The thing for me is how I vette those I see online saves me time and frustration and frankly money. Guys are sharing more of the things we are seeing that are huge red flags and I wish more women who bother to put profiles online would heed... The list to screen out the time wasters: No photo, or a grainy, out-of-focus or outdated photo, are a sign that the person probably has something to hide, or else is not really serious about the dating process. Photos where they are lying on their belly trying to look sexy ANY Photos where they try to look sexy – turning to the side to show their butts Too many freaking bathroom selfies Holding drinks in photos Ton of photos, it could mean they’re a little self-absorbed. Do they have a photo of themselves with another person cut out of it? That’s a huge red flag on so many levels. “Main” photo with a pet Kids in ANY photo, especially their grown kids… Is there someone or something else in all of their photos? It’s good to have outside interests. But if their dog, friends, boat or even their kids are in ALL their photos, it may tell you a little about where you’ll stand. Main photo of them standing in the distance Car selfies with sunglasses on... hell sunglasses on in any freaking picture Profile references "I'm trying to lose weight" or "I've been working out a lot lately" Too many religious references particularly when the references don't jive with the photos or other language in the profile. Self-description: If the user name or headline is weird, overtly sexual or otherwise inappropriate Too much humor... usually a sign that the person is insecure Marital status: “separated” because separated people are nowhere near done. They may be on a trial separation, seeking variety, or way too fresh from a bad relationship to date seriously.” And if the person is still talking about their ex, that’s a red flag. What he/she’s looking for: Requiring too much or too little are both red flags. You’ll never live up to the laundry list. "accept me as I am" "I want a real man" Significant amount of ALL CAPS in profile for no good reason. The unfortunate thing is OLD now has to be this kinda full time job and you have to be part psychologist. I encourage anyone to watch a video: How I hacked online dating language=en This process is seriously hard, but I do think finding the right person is worth the effort. I don’t want to give up, been close but trying to stay upbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. First order of business, stop reading articles about dating. They sensationalize the bad. (Much like articles about crime, war, and everything else.) You could argue any point from 1965 onward has been a hook up culture. But still the majority of people are seeking the right monogamous relationship. Second, if online dating isn`t working. Try the old fashioned methods, of meeting men through friends. Through clubs, anywhere else. The dating industry is like the weight loss industry. Tons of money plugged into it, growth every year. But not a whole lot of success as far as the big picture goes. Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. If articles were about what we already know and see then nobody would read them — those articles are all about being provocative and massively over-representing a niche. Transexuals, ISIS, marxists, scientologists, etc makeup a large percentage of what you read yet they would makeup less than a percent of the population. My point is that your beliefs should always be mostly based on your real life experiences. Wrong app for a start, beware of a lot of crappy things going on there. Some people are looking for relationships on there, but you're right there are a lot of people that ruin it. Come on now, 27 is young! Yeah think that year after year and before you know it it's too late. I can tell you most of the women who are interested in me IRL would not give me time of day if they saw me on OLD. Again - OLD is all about stats. Pics, Height, Occupation Tinder is better, it's like dating off your instagram pics. Link to post Share on other sites
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