POF and tinder

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's as if they longer they are on the site the more of an axe to grind they have. I took a year off of POF, came back on, STILL the same woman. I recall one going on a long diatribe about how a lotof men have blown her off or never quite got to the "face-to-face" meeting with her. Soundsl ike she was being constantly catfished and she was complaining about it on her profile.

 

Funny,I contacted her, but never got a response, and even said, "Hey, maybe you wouldn't have a problem if you actually replied to email from men that ARE willing to meet face-to-face."

 

She didn't respond, but she DID delete that long-winded diatribe of negativity from her profile. LOL

[AverageJoe1986]

Hmm, maybe they're picking up a chip on your shoulder? That often comes through loud and clear in a profile...

 

I don't know if this is a joke. If it isn't, they could hardly be picking up on a chip on my shoulder I was yet to develop for a few months could they?

 

 

This is one of the silliest things I always read on these sites. I'm guessing they can also deduce from the way I use punctuation that I have bad personal hygiene?

[Toodaloo]

OK, so what were your problems with it?

 

 

Because mine first and foremost are that I can't even get women to click to look at my profile. So that would suggest I only have traction with changing

 

 

1. My Photo.

 

 

or

 

 

2: My introducroty message.

 

 

My photo was already pretty flattering as it was. To try and make that more appealing would be essentially to mislead and store up one hell of a lot of disappointment later.

 

 

My introductory messages, well they're (as I have been told they must be) very specific to the women I am contacting. There are no spelling errors within them. Without asking someone to give me advice on exactly what to say in each circumstance I really don't know how much someone else can help me improve.

 

My photos have all been changed. When I get a decent recent one it goes on and the older ones come off.

 

My intro wasn't great and so I changed that up.

 

Its an ongoing process. There are several members here who have given me really great advice and helped me with it.

 

However just be aware that its usually the people that are brutal that are giving you the best advice. I, and several others, have given people advice on several occasions and been completely ignored only for that poster to continue banging on about "woe is me" its all the OLD sites' fault that I can't get dates but they do nothing to help themselves...

 

AverageJoe you would be amazed at what we can glean from the tone in a persons profile.

 

If you really do want help, PM me the link to your profile and I will be happy to take a look. If you are another who just wants to moan please do not bother as I would rather spend my time doing my work etc than wasting it on going through stuff like this for no reason.

[AverageJoe1986]

My photos have all been changed. When I get a decent recent one it goes on and the older ones come off.

 

My intro wasn't great and so I changed that up.

 

Its an ongoing process. There are several members here who have given me really great advice and helped me with it.

 

However just be aware that its usually the people that are brutal that are giving you the best advice. I, and several others, have given people advice on several occasions and been completely ignored only for that poster to continue banging on about "woe is me" its all the OLD sites' fault that I can't get dates but they do nothing to help themselves...

 

AverageJoe you would be amazed at what we can glean from the tone in a persons profile.

 

If you really do want help, PM me the link to your profile and I will be happy to take a look. If you are another who just wants to moan please do not bother as I would rather spend my time doing my work etc than wasting it on going through stuff like this for no reason.

 

I can't send it sadly as it's been deleted.

 

 

I do think you're being a little unfair though. I'm not whining or being entitled. Maybe I'm venting on here a little. But there are plenty of threads where women are happy to go: 'oh the men on these sites, why are they all so weird?', and there's no way that anyone here can give them practical advice for that. Nor does anyone tell them they're being entitled for thinking that the men should be any different. Women vent about men, it's a funny talking point. Men vent about women, it's misogyny and entitlement.

 

 

I thank you for trying to help but it's not worth it. My problem isn't my profile it's getting women to look beyond my photo to want to look at my profile. I could try to put different photos up, sure, but the ones I have on there are as flattering as I can manage without being in danger of misrepresentation.

[Toodaloo]

My problem isn't my profile it's getting women to look beyond my photo to want to look at my profile. I could try to put different photos up, sure, but the ones I have on there are as flattering as I can manage without being in danger of misrepresentation.

 

So you put yourself down. Heck why bother when there are plenty of others out there to do that for you regardless of how good looking you are or not?

 

So no one has looked at it or helped you with it and you know its the best it can be with out getting any help at all...

 

Really?

 

Now do you see why I am reluctant?

 

You can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink... I hope your thumb recovers soon.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think most women need to ask themselves honestly if they would have been receptive to their ex-boyfriends/husbands had they seen them on a dating website. If the answer is no then they should rethink how they are going about it because they're limiting their options considerably.

 

I am pretty sure that none of my ex-girlfriends or my ex-wife would have been receptive to me online.

 

Right, what's sad is there's women I've contacted on dating sites that I KNOW would have said "Yes" to a date with me had they met me in person. There used to be a time where I would carefully read the profiles, pick out areas that I feel we share the same beliefs, common niche' interests, and such.

 

I remember seeing a woman a bit older than me wearing a vintage Atari Space Invaders T-Shirt. I was totally landblasted and thought it was the coolest thing! LOL I actually have a Pac-Man shirt myself, but didn't want to post me wearing it online for fear of "too much too soon" or looking like a 'man child", but then I saw a female version of a "man-child", and I was like "cool!" LOL

 

So what I did was, I took a timed photo of myself wearing such a T-shirt before I sent off an email to her, and added it to my gallery. (Yeah, put enough effort into the profile, only not to get a response, right?)

 

And read she was kind of geek in that regards and was looking for long term relationship. It also looked like we shared the same moral ground, too.

 

Sometimes I would get a little excited than when I see the typical profiles that are so garden variety "live life to the fullest" types, but when I saw hers and other women that were similar, I'd pretty much hone in on them, and put a significant amount of effort in putting together an introductory email.

 

Not too long, but enough to touch on the points where I knew we shared some common niche' interests. It's sad that they aren't even motivated to consider a short meet n greet with someone they know they have a lot in common with, at least on paper.

 

Of course, I'd get no response. After several times of contacting women with so much shared interests and values, and not getting a response, I wrote up to not even being deciphering as it doesn't really matter anymore and it IS indeed a #'s game.

 

But rest assured, had I met these women in person, they'd have no qualms with going out on a date with me.

 

The online environment is pretty much a #'s game and has come to this catalog hunting mentality.

[AverageJoe1986]

So you put yourself down. Heck why bother when there are plenty of others out there to do that for you regardless of how good looking you are or not?

 

So no one has looked at it or helped you with it and you know its the best it can be with out getting any help at all...

 

Really?

 

Now do you see why I am reluctant?

 

You can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink... I hope your thumb recovers soon.

 

I'm not putting myself down, I'm facing reality.

 

 

Without wanting to sound rude (and I mean this to be heard in a kindly tone) I never asked for your help. Or anyone else. Re-read my posts. Yes, I'm annoyed by what happened. I've come onto an internet message board to vent about it a little. Like many, many people do on this site. Some want advice. some want a bit of a vent or to chat.

 

 

I know there is this desire on LS to ascribe failures in OLD to the vibes a profile may be giving off. That would be fine as a theory for me if, when I wrote my profile, I had any of these feelings. But I didn't. I was positive and very expectant of success. I had a photo that was, by common consensus amongst my friends, the best possible picture of me. Fun and smiling and flattering. My profile was positive and witty and, for want of a better word, aspirational.

 

 

I'm sure there are many, many things I could change but as I have heard from the women I have chatted to under my fake profile, virtually none of them are ever going to change their mind based on what's written on the profile. Because they think they're talking to a really good looking guy they're happy to admit that without liking the photos they're not going to go any further. Now, I am sure that you are like every other woman on Dating Advice message boards and you don't care about the photos. In fact, you don't even find conventionally attractive men to be appealing. Which is fine. But I have a fake profile with close to a thousand messages that suggests that all the women who don't care about looks are regular posters on Internet Dating Forums.

 

 

And again, it's one of those things. I'm not berating women for caring about the photos. Men are no different. And I know that IRL it's a different matter. I just decided that I'll take my chances offline as I just can't compete online.

[AverageJoe1986]

Right, what's sad is there's women I've contacted on dating sites that I KNOW would have said "Yes" to a date with me had they met me in person. There used to be a time where I would carefully read the profiles, pick out areas that I feel we share the same beliefs, common niche' interests, and such.

 

 

Yes, it really has become skewed now. My fake profile today got a message from a woman, 30 years old, who looked about 50. I mean I'm not one to be nasty but she was barely even a 1 on the scale. She was messaging a guy who looks like a male model. Her profile suggests she was an intelligent enough woman who wants to settle down with cosy nights in etc etc. On what planet did she think that such a guy would be interested in her. In real life she wouldn't think of it.

[hasaquestion]

Of course, I'd get no response. After several times of contacting women with so much shared interests and values, and not getting a response, I wrote up to not even being deciphering as it doesn't really matter anymore and it IS indeed a #'s game.

 

But rest assured, had I met these women in person, they'd have no qualms with going out on a date with me.

 

The online environment is pretty much a #'s game and has come to this catalog hunting mentality.

 

But is the fact that people's expectations are different online wrong?

 

The website makes it easier for you to meet a lot of people. So it makes it easier for other people to meet the same people.

 

I'm honestly not sure how to explain the thought in a more articulate way... and I don't use these profile sites so its easy for me to say, but to me it makes sense that people would be pickier on a dating website.

 

There's no such thing as a free lunch right? The fact that people are pickier that way is the other side of the coin that you can just go on your computer and scroll through people's pictures.

[TheArtist]

I can't send it sadly as it's been deleted.

 

Then write a better one!

 

But there are plenty of threads where women are happy to go: 'oh the men on these sites, why are they all so weird?', and there's no way that anyone here can give them practical advice for that.

 

Dude, you just did the same thing yourself.

 

I thank you for trying to help but it's not worth it. My problem isn't my profile it's getting women to look beyond my photo to want to look at my profile. I could try to put different photos up, sure, but the ones I have on there are as flattering as I can manage without being in danger of misrepresentation.

 

If it's a photo of you how can it be misrepresentation? You won't get anywhere without a half decent photo because that's the first thing people see on there. People who aren't, let's say, visually gifted, can do just as well if the lighting is flattering and they're smiling.

 

A moody expression NEVER comes across well on the dating pages, it doesn't look sultry or sexy, it just looks like you're grumpy. Smile on them all.

 

I wish I could have seen your profile on there, but I think by the fact that you didn't think enough of it to keep it yourself means that no one else would think enough of it either. You've answered your own question really.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I know there is this desire on LS to ascribe failures in OLD to the vibes a profile may be giving off. That would be fine as a theory for me if, when I wrote my profile, I had any of these feelings. But I didn't. I was positive and very expectant of success.

 

This...it seems some members of this site ascribe the posts made by those having problems with achieving online dating success to how "they come off" in their profiles...when their profiles are nothing as such.

 

I've seen worse by people who expressly put in ALL caps their venting for the world to see. THOSE are the people putting off the "negative" vibe, not you.

 

Somehow they are tying in your venting posts to online dating, none of which is representative of each other.

[AverageJoe1986]

Then write a better one!

 

 

 

Dude, you just did the same thing yourself.

 

 

 

If it's a photo of you how can it be misrepresentation? You won't get anywhere without a half decent photo because that's the first thing people see on there. People who aren't, let's say, visually gifted, can do just as well if the lighting is flattering and they're smiling.

 

A moody expression NEVER comes across well on the dating pages, it doesn't look sultry or sexy, it just looks like you're grumpy. Smile on them all.

 

I wish I could have seen your profile on there, but I think by the fact that you didn't think enough of it to keep it yourself means that no one else would think enough of it either. You've answered your own question really.

 

The photo I had up was smiling and I looked fun. Everyone I know says it looks really good and it is easily, and by common consensus, as good as I can look. I did write that before. I'm beginning to think these forums are just algorithms where common dating advice tropes are just regurgitated because whatever I write I get a response which either ignores what I wrote or is totally besides the point.

 

 

Your last sentence is another case in point. I deleted it because it had no success in six months. Not because I was disappointed in it from a literary/aesthetic point of view.

[AverageJoe1986]

This...it seems some members of this site ascribe the posts made by those having problems with achieving online dating success to how "they come off" in their profiles...when their profiles are nothing as such.

 

I've seen worse by people who expressly put in ALL caps their venting for the world to see. THOSE are the people putting off the "negative" vibe, not you.

 

Somehow they are tying in your venting posts to online dating, none of which is representative of each other.

 

Exactly. There is a genuine unwillingness to see the world as it is. I can't have written a profile giving off my current negative vibe months before I developed the negative vibe. But in lieu of any alternative, and because we just cannot admit that women are just as likely to write off OLD profiles on photos alone (though the women of LS at least don't even find conventional good looks attractive) we'll just come up with the entirely spurious 'vibes' reason.

 

 

Funnily enough my fake profile isn't given off these vibes. I must have been all out of them when I wrote it...oh wait, yes, it's nearly exactly the same profile. Just with a few misspellings to catch out the grammar Nazis who suddenly don't seem to care too much about grammar.

[Toodaloo]

Well my mother thought I looked great in some of my photos I had up to start and erm no....

 

I have been doing OLD longer than 6 months. I have not put all my eggs in one basket and have been getting out as well.

 

I really do not think its the fault of OLD.

 

And there you are shoving in fake profiles as well... Just wonderful...

 

I have a friend in the fashion world and every time I think I have found one I send him the link. he then lets me know which models photos they have stolen and used and what that model is actually like.

 

Setting up fake profiles is just sad behaviour.

 

But good luck to you anyway. Vent away and I shall not offer my help again.

[AverageJoe1986]

But is the fact that people's expectations are different online wrong?

 

The website makes it easier for you to meet a lot of people. So it makes it easier for other people to meet the same people.

 

I'm honestly not sure how to explain the thought in a more articulate way... and I don't use these profile sites so its easy for me to say, but to me it makes sense that people would be pickier on a dating website.

 

There's no such thing as a free lunch right? The fact that people are pickier that way is the other side of the coin that you can just go on your computer and scroll through people's pictures.

 

Yes, that's exactly it. No rocket science to it.

 

 

Woman goes on the site and sees 200 men. She's going to pick the ones whose photos she likes the best. As she's scrolling Man sends her a message. His photo isn't as good as 30 of the ones she has seen that day. Woman decides she can do better.

 

 

Man goes on the site and sees 200 woman. He picks the ones whose photo he likes best. As he's scrolling Woman sends him a message. Man picks himself up off the floor. Man decides he can do better.

[AverageJoe1986]

Setting up fake profiles is just sad behaviour.

 

 

It's also the only way someone has to prove to themselves that what you write on a profile or say in a message has no bearing on how well you do in OLD.

 

 

But of course, it's not the photos. It's the vibe. It's always the vibe. That profile must have a really great vibe.

[TheArtist]

Something you can try is go to POF and click advanced search. You don't need to be a member or anything. Then search as a woman looking for men, then you can see what you're up against. Honestly, there are some really terrible profiles on there, so all you have to do is stand out from those. I know I make it sound easy, but it's all about how much time you put into it.

 

It's not a job interview, it's not a list of traits you're looking for, it's just you, selling yourself in the most appealing way you can. Nothing negative at all, that's rule one.

 

No cliches (I'm looking for a partner in crime). Terrible.

 

If you like football, don't just say it, tell them that you're a quarterback and give a good huddle or whatever you do over the pond.

 

It's how you present yourself.

 

A shop will fail if it looks like it's closed. Get some promotions out there!

[LookAtThisPOst]

No cliches (I'm looking for a partner in crime). Terrible.

 

What's funny is, if you're a woman and you have a cliche'd profile, they are not without a shortage of emails regardless.

 

Sometimes I see profiles where it's just a list of adjectives, separated by commas describing their personality and hobbies. That's about it.

 

"I like, anything having to do with water (this alleviates having to type in kayaking, boating swimming, the beach), hanging out with family and friends, movies, drinks, eating, sleeping, farting, belching (LOL)

[AverageJoe1986]

Something you can try is go to POF and click advanced search. You don't need to be a member or anything. Then search as a woman looking for men, then you can see what you're up against. Honestly, there are some really terrible profiles on there, so all you have to do is stand out from those. I know I make it sound easy, but it's all about how much time you put into it.

 

It's not a job interview, it's not a list of traits you're looking for, it's just you, selling yourself in the most appealing way you can. Nothing negative at all, that's rule one.

 

No cliches (I'm looking for a partner in crime). Terrible.

 

If you like football, don't just say it, tell them that you're a quarterback and give a good huddle or whatever you do over the pond.

 

It's how you present yourself.

 

A shop will fail if it looks like it's closed. Get some promotions out there!

 

Haha, I'm on your side of the pond Rembrandt.

 

 

All that advice you give...didn't need it. That's exactly what I did. No clichés. Didn't list traits I was looking for (as I think it's totally meaningless). Besides what 5 women like in 1 profile another five will hate and vice-versa.

[AverageJoe1986]

What's funny is, if you're a woman and you have a cliche'd profile, they are not without a shortage of emails regardless.

 

Sometimes I see profiles where it's just a list of adjectives, separated by commas describing their personality and hobbies. That's about it.

 

"I like, anything having to do with water (this alleviates having to type in kayaking, boating swimming, the beach), hanging out with family and friends, movies, drinks, eating, sleeping, farting, belching (LOL)

 

OK, I'm gonna test this out. I'm going to write on my fake profile now:

 

 

'I have next to no respect for women. But if you want to get onto the conveyor belt of girls lining up to date me, drop me a message'.

 

 

Let's see how that goes down.

[TheWoman]

I think this thread maybe needs a bit of positivity.

So I'll share some of my OLD story.

 

I met my SO about this time last year on OkCupid. I was recently divorced and this was my first foray into dating. Quite anxious about the process, but also very curious. I knocked up a profile, a pretty dull one tbh, and set about answering the questions. It felt like self discovery and eek I ended up answering over a thousand of them...

 

One of my high percentile matches really intrigued me. No profile picture, instead a pic of one of my fave comedians. And a very humorous profile to go with it. He had answered a lot of questions too, and I read all his answers. The quantity and consistency confirmed to me we had the same values.

 

We started chatting, and continued for over a month (mostly banter), until finally I suggested we meet. He played it very cool! And I had no idea what he looked like until we met. And he ended up being the only person I actually dated.

 

Anyway my thoughts on OLD are...

- use the questions to find a person with the same VALUES as you

- get to know them on message a bit first to confirm the above and establish some rapport

- peoples true attractiveness (to you) can only be judged in real life, and behaviour influences it a lot, so dont rely on the photos too much

- and for men, dont underestimate the power of humour, if you can get a woman to laugh you are halfway there!

[insert_name]

Well that's nice and all but some people's problem is they can't get any dates.

 

Exactly. I can only dream of having the problem of filtering the wheat from the chaff. I have nothing to filter.

[AverageJoe1986]

Exactly. I can only dream of having the problem of filtering the wheat from the chaff. I have nothing to filter.

 

Yes. I guess it becomes more a philosophical problem when you're trying to filter zero people.

[AverageJoe1986]

OK, I'm gonna test this out. I'm going to write on my fake profile now:

 

 

'I have next to no respect for women. But if you want to get onto the conveyor belt of girls lining up to date me, drop me a message'.

 

 

Let's see how that goes down.

 

And low and behold the first lady who viewed my profile after I made this the whole of my About Me description has...added me as a favourite.

[AverageJoe1986]

And low and behold the first lady who viewed my profile after I made this the whole of my About Me description has...added me as a favourite.

 

And I have now had as many messages in ten minutes with that on my profile as my actual profile had in six months.

 

 

Yes, it really must have been the negative vibes I put out. I should have known that misogyny and arrogance is what I needed to succeed in OLD.