POF and tinder

[spriggan2]

You gotta find the right guys on Tinder. I'm on there (male) not looking to hookup but to date and see where things go. It's just the overwhelming majority of dudes seem to be there to hookup. Id suggest looking for classy pictures and thoughtful bios.

 

It's easier for me as a guy looking through women's profiles though. But plenty of people are finding meaningful fulfilling relationships on Tinder.

[Ami1uwant]

I honestly think you are too shallow.

 

I am willing to bet you want someone out of your league and ignoring those within it.

 

You sound like you are judging someone purely vase on looks....see tinder.

 

Mid 20s isn't that old today.

[soph-walker]

My life isn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. By now I thought I'd be married. Now my friends are telling me to have a baby on my own if finding the right guy is so hard. I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. I always thought of myself as a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I get many compliments from men on line. Although the really hot men are really vain and superficial. The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise. To be 100% honest, going on these sites makes me miss both men I truly loved a lot, and depresses me. I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. I mean, what are people going to do when they get older and don't have families of their own? I will not settle, but I also want to meet my best friend.

 

When I was 15/16, I had the idea that by the time I was 28, I'd be married with a couple of kids round my skirts.

 

The I reached 28 and thought 'boy, I didn't know sh*t about how life actually is when I was so young'

 

It's natural to have expectation but it's also damaging if you feed this expectation and make it the focal point of your existence. I remind myself that my friends in LTR may experience problems in with their partners, or may not stay together forever...the grass is always greener!

 

Tinder is a freak show and PoF I have no experience of, but I've heard it's equally as bad.

 

Be kind to yourself.

[lino]

My life isn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. By now I thought I'd be married. Now my friends are telling me to have a baby on my own if finding the right guy is so hard. I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. I always thought of myself as a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I get many compliments from men on line. Although the really hot men are really vain and superficial. The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise. To be 100% honest, going on these sites makes me miss both men I truly loved a lot, and depresses me. I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. I mean, what are people going to do when they get older and don't have families of their own? I will not settle, but I also want to meet my best friend.

 

These are all the things that all those women's magazines and shows like sex and the city pushed for.

 

You all got your wish, enjoy it

[lino]

I honestly think you are too shallow.

 

I am willing to bet you want someone out of your league and ignoring those within it.

 

You sound like you are judging someone purely vase on looks....see tinder.

 

Mid 20s isn't that old today.

 

This has pretty much nailed it. Just another way too picky woman.

[Jejangles]

I have tried pretty much every site and I think what you will find depends on your local area. I'm in a major Canadian city and I would say there is a lot of good activity on OkCupid, POF and Tinder (with lots of overlap between). Match and EHarmony are a bust here.

 

I tend to be on one site at a time. Right now I am only on Tinder - I hadn't been on in a year, so there were lots of new to me guys on there. I am mid 30s and most of the guys I match with are looking for more than a hook up. The biggest thing you need to watch out for is avoiding time wasters - Tinder has a fairly high number of men who just want to endlessly chat and not meet up.

 

I am going on my third date from Tinder this Friday with a guy who has the most potential of any guy I have met online so far. It's very early days, and I am dating others as well, but I don't think the medium you meet through really matters. You just need to be open to meeting up in person and see how it goes.

[Redhead14]

My life isn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. By now I thought I'd be married. Now my friends are telling me to have a baby on my own if finding the right guy is so hard. I've only been in love once. I came close to love a second time. I always thought of myself as a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I get many compliments from men on line. Although the really hot men are really vain and superficial. The not so good looking men are not my type either, I need to be attracted both physically and character wise. To be 100% honest, going on these sites makes me miss both men I truly loved a lot, and depresses me. I also keep reading articles about how monogamy is the thing of the past, and how we're living in a hook up culture. This depresses me too. I mean, what are people going to do when they get older and don't have families of their own? I will not settle, but I also want to meet my best friend.

 

but I also want to meet my best friend. -- You've already met your best friend -- YOU. What would your best friend tell you? "Stop living your life on a timeline. Focus on you and the things that make you happy as a strong, secure, independent and beautiful woman. While you're doing that, someone will come along who compliments all of that beautifully. If not, you're still happy and doing well. Goals are good to have for something to look forward to and plan for. But, some things are not in our control and you need to zig instead of zag sometimes. Hold out for what you want. Have a plan B and enjoy that for the time being.

 

It kinda like the saying "A watched pot never boils" . . .

[hasaquestion]

I have tried pretty much every site and I think what you will find depends on your local area. I'm in a major Canadian city and I would say there is a lot of good activity on OkCupid, POF and Tinder (with lots of overlap between). Match and EHarmony are a bust here.

 

I tend to be on one site at a time. Right now I am only on Tinder - I hadn't been on in a year, so there were lots of new to me guys on there. I am mid 30s and most of the guys I match with are looking for more than a hook up. The biggest thing you need to watch out for is avoiding time wasters - Tinder has a fairly high number of men who just want to endlessly chat and not meet up.

 

I am going on my third date from Tinder this Friday with a guy who has the most potential of any guy I have met online so far. It's very early days, and I am dating others as well, but I don't think the medium you meet through really matters. You just need to be open to meeting up in person and see how it goes.

 

As a guy, Tinder is the only one I find usable.

 

The pros and cons of most dating sites just don't add up for me. Why should I spend an hour writing messages and reading profiles on a dating site, when I can spend an hour at a bar dancing like an idiot with good company and having fun?

 

Tinder isn't a substitute for real life either... but it doesn't pretend to be. It scales back the effort in proportion to its limitations. I can just click it open, swipe around (I do 'like' when in doubt, you never know), and if someone's worth talking to I'll find out. You spend exactly zero effort on the people who aren't worth spending effort on. Less gained but also less ventured so the math works out.

 

Whereas the rest of the sites have the disadvantages of Tinder combined with the commitment level that real life demands. Its a horrible value proposition.

[sambolini]

I've completely eschewed online dating, it's worthless. I've had much better luck in real life.

 

Every issue that woman say they have with me on paper has either been completely irrelevant or actually worked in my favor in real life. Prime example, I'm 5'8". I'm not short, but I'm not tall either. The baseline height women want in OLD is 5'10", so that means I'm eliminated from 90% of the woman. I'm a single dad too, which eliminates me from at least another 5%.

 

So that leaves 5% of women online who may want to date me, mostly because of my income level.

 

But in real life, my height has never been an issue. I've had tall women, short women, and everything in between. And whenever I take my daughter somewhere with me, I always get single women smiling and approaching me. That's because in real life, they actually SEE me; how I behave, how I carry myself, and how good of a father I am.

 

OLD is filled with nothing but unobtainable expectations and is a total waste of time.

[AverageJoe1986]

I have tried pretty much every site and I think what you will find depends on your local area. I'm in a major Canadian city and I would say there is a lot of good activity on OkCupid, POF and Tinder (with lots of overlap between). Match and EHarmony are a bust here.

 

I tend to be on one site at a time. Right now I am only on Tinder - I hadn't been on in a year, so there were lots of new to me guys on there. I am mid 30s and most of the guys I match with are looking for more than a hook up. The biggest thing you need to watch out for is avoiding time wasters - Tinder has a fairly high number of men who just want to endlessly chat and not meet up.

 

I am going on my third date from Tinder this Friday with a guy who has the most potential of any guy I have met online so far. It's very early days, and I am dating others as well, but I don't think the medium you meet through really matters. You just need to be open to meeting up in person and see how it goes.

 

I've been on tinder a few months now and I've had zero matches. And I'm generally picking normal looking girls. What with this and my experience on POF I'm beginning to think I'm not average looking at all but really ugly.

[haikss]

I've been on tinder a few months now and I've had zero matches. And I'm generally picking normal looking girls. What with this and my experience on POF I'm beginning to think I'm not average looking at all but really ugly.

 

When you are desperate you like them all. Try it and then choose from the results you get.

[TheArtist]

When you are desperate you like them all. Try it and then choose from the results you get.

 

Yes, because after 'owning most of my own teeth' and 'free from VD for almost a year', desperation is right up there on what women really want...

[soph-walker]

Yes, because after 'owning most of my own teeth' and 'free from VD for almost a year', desperation is right up there on what women really want...

 

Bravo sir, bravo.

[Bobbi7]

That depresses me too. Man, whatever happened to old fashioned dating? Thanks to social media, instagram, ashley madison, craigslist backpage, tinder, hookers on heels site, and like 90 plus hook up sites, where did monogamy go? Now a days, guys going to the Bunny Ranch is normal not disgusting. I realized that there might not be no such thing as monogamy. Honestly, I envy those women that are my age-34 and claim to have met their soulmate. And seem happily married.

[Jejangles]

I've been on tinder a few months now and I've had zero matches. And I'm generally picking normal looking girls. What with this and my experience on POF I'm beginning to think I'm not average looking at all but really ugly.

 

You should look at your photos and what your profile says with a fresh eye. Have a female friend take a look and give you some feedback - it's possible there's a big turn off you're not seeing. Also yes, do a test on Tinder by saying yes to everyone and see what matches you get.

[AverageJoe1986]

You should look at your photos and what your profile says with a fresh eye. Have a female friend take a look and give you some feedback - it's possible there's a big turn off you're not seeing. Also yes, do a test on Tinder by saying yes to everyone and see what matches you get.

 

Well apart from the implied confession that I'm a rehabilitated serial killer it can only be the photos.

[TheArtist]

Well apart from the implied confession that I'm a rehabilitated serial killer it can only be the photos.

 

Yes, and you're offering to buy them a meal first, I mean, what do women want these days, eh?!

[Toodaloo]

I have said it until I am blue in the face. But I will say it again,

 

OLD is a tool to meet people.

 

If you smack your thumb with a hammer its because your aim is off.

 

OLD is full of weird wonderful and downright freaky nasty people as well as absolute gems... Funnily enough its just the same as real life.

 

What I have learnt (the hard way) is that you have to get very good at filtering people. You have to have a hide of steel and nerves of iron to get through it.

 

I have had disaster dates and fantastic dates.

 

How you use OLD and how you go about dating is up to you. If you want advice and help there are people here who will be happy to do that.

[AverageJoe1986]

I have said it until I am blue in the face. But I will say it again,

 

OLD is a tool to meet people.

 

If you smack your thumb with a hammer its because your aim is off.

 

 

I get that. I even said the same thing either earlier in this thread or in another. I just felt that the blow to my self-esteem and confidence was too great. It outweighed any potential benefits and would have started to really contaminate my interactions with women IRL.

[AverageJoe1986]

I have had disaster dates and fantastic dates.

 

Well that's nice and all but some people's problem is they can't get any dates.

[Toodaloo]

Well that's nice and all but some people's problem is they can't get any dates.

 

I get that. I even said the same thing either earlier in this thread or in another. I just felt that the blow to my self-esteem and confidence was too great. It outweighed any potential benefits and would have started to really contaminate my interactions with women IRL.

 

Then you are using the tool in the wrong way.

 

You are bashing your thumb over and over with out learning how to aim straight...

 

When I started it was nothing short of a disaster! It really was awful. Then I listened and took notes from the people who have had success with it. I asked questions. I decided on some "rules" to get me through and help me stay sane. Even now I get people to check my profile every few months and change it up to try and make it better, appeal to the right people and gain ideas and different perspectives on it.

 

Its a learning curve and you have to take the punches on the chin if you are going to get into position for the knock out blow.

 

Still single. Currently in early stages of getting to know someone but taking a break from the rest of it. I may meet someone from OLD or I may meet someone in real life as I am doing my shopping. Who knows, the point is that I try to master and utilise the tools available to me so I can try to meet suitable men.

[Jejangles]

Well apart from the implied confession that I'm a rehabilitated serial killer it can only be the photos.

 

Hmm, maybe they're picking up a chip on your shoulder? That often comes through loud and clear in a profile...

[Toodaloo]

Hmm, maybe they're picking up a chip on your shoulder? That often comes through loud and clear in a profile...

 

It does and one of my "rules" is to avoid those like the plague. Every time I have "given them a chance" I have ended up wasting a few hours listening to some boring monologue about why all women are terrible beasts that should be put down at birth and woe is me because I have a penis and I am entitled to sex...

 

Yep I took advice from the guys on here that sometimes come across as bitter in some of their posts that no one ever gives them a chance and gave it a go. I was open minded and game to try it out see if I could find that diamond that everyone was missing. Slitting my wrists was starting to look like a viable option after 10 minutes spent in the company of those guys... Never, ever, again.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It does and one of my "rules" is to avoid those like the plague. Every time I have "given them a chance" I have ended up wasting a few hours listening to some boring monologue about why all women are terrible beasts that should be put down at birth and woe is me because I have a penis and I am entitled to sex...

 

Yep I took advice from the guys on here that sometimes come across as bitter in some of their posts that no one ever gives them a chance and gave it a go. I was open minded and game to try it out see if I could find that diamond that everyone was missing. Slitting my wrists was starting to look like a viable option after 10 minutes spent in the company of those guys... Never, ever, again.

 

Yeah, I've noticed that on profiles of people that have been on POF the LONGEST. They actually treat their profile as a Facebook page.

 

Sometimes I would say, an "**Update**" caption entailing their woes. lol.

 

"If you're player, looking for some a** , booty call! do NOT contact me!"

 

"If you're not X'X" tall, do not contact me!"

 

It's as if they longer they are on the site the more of an axe to grind they have.

 

I noticed that I do have a better success rate with newcomers to the site as they aren't as bitter.

[AverageJoe1986]

 

When I started it was nothing short of a disaster! It really was awful. Then I listened and took notes from the people who have had success with it. I asked questions. I decided on some "rules" to get me through and help me stay sane. Even now I get people to check my profile every few months and change it up to try and make it better, appeal to the right people and gain ideas and different perspectives on it.

 

 

OK, so what were your problems with it?

 

 

Because mine first and foremost are that I can't even get women to click to look at my profile. So that would suggest I only have traction with changing

 

 

1. My Photo.

 

 

or

 

 

2: My introducroty message.

 

 

My photo was already pretty flattering as it was. To try and make that more appealing would be essentially to mislead and store up one hell of a lot of disappointment later.

 

 

My introductory messages, well they're (as I have been told they must be) very specific to the women I am contacting. There are no spelling errors within them. Without asking someone to give me advice on exactly what to say in each circumstance I really don't know how much someone else can help me improve.