Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[risjurad]

When I said company phone, I meant phones provided by the company they work for. I work in IT and I manage the mobile device policy. We block most social media apps for the sake of preserving our shared data pool. I know of several companies that block application downloads for security reasons. While many apps are preinstalled, mobile device management software can remove them or prevent them from running.The only apps I keep on my phone are: Skype for Business (Lync), a VPN Client, OneDrive, and various server administration tools. I need to maximize battery life and Lync meetings with video are a huge drain.

While I did get "company phone" means "phone used for by work", I'm wondering why folks don't have their own, personal use phones. Is this a common thing? You can get them as cheaply as $50 or so, with plans that go $20 to $50 a month, including data.

 

 

I've always had to turn up to events by myself in order to meet people because I have no choice. But I am really worried that this will be make look like some kind of weird loner.

Well, for me, it's a chicken or egg thing... I'm showing up to these places alone so that I can meet people. If I had friends, I would've shown up with them in the first place.

[risjurad]

I'm with you on the t-shirt, but you shouldn't offer to pay if you have no actual desire to pay or plan to hold it against him if he accepts.

I could see this going both ways...

On one hand, guys seem to like the "check dance" where the woman goes to pay (to seem like she's not just there to get a free meal), but the guy then gets points for being the big shot that pays the bills

 

 

OTOH, if she offers to pay and you don't let her, that can be some anti-feminist behavior that can also count against you.

[Michelle ma Belle]

No response from big unfortunately :-( Shame. Would have really liked to hear what his story was.

 

But speaking of stories... I matched with a male escort today. I'm fascinated; I've never met a male escort before. He claims to work for an agency that I've actually heard of as it featured in a doco on sex work. It's an agency that is run by women, providing discreet male company exclusively for women.

 

I know the agency is legit... but it remains to be seen if he is. If he provides proof and turns out to be the real deal, I'm actually tempted to take him out to dinner because I think it would be so interesting. Not for $500 an hour mind! Just dinner :-)

 

How did you know he was an escort? Please don't tell me he put it in his profile

 

And yes, it would be very interesting going on a date with him. I'm not sure I would be able to be in a relationship with someone who sleeps with other women for money but I'd sure be open to hearing more about him and his craft

 

You go girl!! (and keep us posted)

[thecrucible]

Hey Everyone,

I'm having conversations with about 5 men at the moment on different sites. One of them says he is deleting the app and do I have Whatsapp or can he have my number? This is where it doesn't work for me as I don't like giving out my number or texting through an app after only a few brief messages. I prefer to just communicate on the site. What do you guys think?

 

A few guys I'm going to stop replying to as they aren't asking very deep questions and only reply with one word answers.

 

There's a guy who looks good and we have some hobbies in common but at the moment I need to know more about him. He has written a response with a few questions but I will keep things on a level as I get to know him.

 

Maybe I'm overthinking it but this is another thing that troubles me - when the cart gets put before the horse. I maintain quite a logical distance from my messaging but sometimes you meet a guy from online and feel like he already really likes you so it becomes a lot of pressure to feel you have to like him back. Whereas I would prefer for there to be mystery and it to feel that he is also figuring me out too.

[Erdbeere]

I agree!! I used OKC where there are "likes," and I'd get 10x more "likes" than messages. I don't get that. Why like if you don't write? I don't care--it's absolutely no ego trip for me at all to get messages (or likes or views for that matter)--it just confuses me. If I like a guy's profile I write him. If he seems like a good guy overall but not for me, I don't. The end.

 

As I said above, I really haven't had that bad of an experience, which I want to repeat because I do feel bad for the decent guys who get feathered with this "gross OLD guy" brush. I've been very picky about who I engage in conversation, because I know who I am and the kind of person I'm looking for, and I've never had a conversation go bad. Never had a guy start off decent and get weird or inappropriate. Every man I've met up with (maybe 10 total?) has looked like his pictures and come across like the person he represented himself as and been nice and respectful. Often there's been mutually no chemistry, but every one has seemed to be a good, genuine fellow, and if they met the girl for them on their very next first date, I'd be thrilled for them.

 

And as an even bigger Good, I recently met a man via OLD who's pretty well my perfect match, and vice-versa, with everything going amazingly. He's a total "catch" in general-- caring, thoughtful, intelligent, personable, and very nice-looking. The funny thing is, not 24 hours before he messaged me, we were at the same obscure movie in a small cinema (which related to a mutual interest) and didn't even notice each other! He's also doing the MA program I recently finished, which is small and specialized, so we have mutual acquaintances, too. But still, we met through OLD, and probably wouldn't have otherwise (or at least, wouldn't have spoken!). It took me years (on and off) to find this and much frustration and despair, but I did. I'd decided not to bother with it actively but just to leave my profile up just in case..... thank goodness I did!

 

Congratulations. How long have you been seeing him for? How funny you didn't see each other at the film.

[GunslingerRoland]

Hey Everyone,

I'm having conversations with about 5 men at the moment on different sites. One of them says he is deleting the app and do I have Whatsapp or can he have my number? This is where it doesn't work for me as I don't like giving out my number or texting through an app after only a few brief messages. I prefer to just communicate on the site. What do you guys think?

 

A few guys I'm going to stop replying to as they aren't asking very deep questions and only reply with one word answers.

 

There's a guy who looks good and we have some hobbies in common but at the moment I need to know more about him. He has written a response with a few questions but I will keep things on a level as I get to know him.

 

Maybe I'm overthinking it but this is another thing that troubles me - when the cart gets put before the horse. I maintain quite a logical distance from my messaging but sometimes you meet a guy from online and feel like he already really likes you so it becomes a lot of pressure to feel you have to like him back. Whereas I would prefer for there to be mystery and it to feel that he is also figuring me out too.

 

 

My opinion is that it's really easy to fall for people online, and it's a false façade. It's better to meet people in person sooner rather than later to find out if there is real compatibility there.

[thecrucible]

My opinion is that it's really easy to fall for people online, and it's a false façade. It's better to meet people in person sooner rather than later to find out if there is real compatibility there.

 

I don't fall for people online. I'm able to keep an emotional distance. However I've noticed that the men I chat with online often can't and I sense it when we meet up that I have more laid back approach than them. It makes it harder for me to feel a connection because I then feel like we can't just take our time getting to know each other.

[Reitteg813]

It's been a pretty bad experience so far.

 

First girl actually looked better in person. That was a nice surprise. The other 3 looked worse.

 

2nd one I was excited to see, looked great in pictures, looked back at her old pics and she looked great in high school, saw her in person, didn't look like the pics. She actually looked like she got worse after high school, which is actually kinda common, I know others that peaked in high school. I looked back at her pics so confused and realized they were all up close selfies, for the most part filtered, even if it was just a little, and the same angle. a 3/4 angle, camera either slightly above or below her, hair covering the other side of her face, a couple straight on ones, but again, hair covering half her face or 1/4 of it. Not a single straight on pic with no filter and hair in her face. should have known better.

 

and the last 2 were a disaster.

[Robratory]

I'm having conversations with about 5 men at the moment on different sites. One of them says he is deleting the app and do I have Whatsapp or can he have my number? This is where it doesn't work for me as I don't like giving out my number or texting through an app after only a few brief messages. I prefer to just communicate on the site. What do you guys think?

 

Well, I seem to remember you live in a remote area, so take care not to sabotage yourself with requirements. We all don't like to put ourselves out there. I actually tried to get away with not even posting a picture. It makes me feel very self-conscious, but there's no alternative.

 

I'll exchange two, maybe three, emails with a woman online, but if that's not enough for her to agree to meet me, I move on.

 

There's a guy who looks good and we have some hobbies in common but at the moment I need to know more about him.

 

But why? Suppose you were in line at the coffee shop and started chatting with a guy also in line. Suppose you found him decently attractive, and suppose he expressed a desire to see you again and asked you for your phone number. Would you not give it to him?

 

Well, that's all that online dating is -- a way of encountering people pretty much by chance.

[AMJ]

Can guys stop yelling at me when I decide I don't want to go out with them? Aside from being rude, and making this process all the more miserable, it actually just makes me realize that not going out with him was a good decision.

 

I matched with this man, I didn't think he looked like my type, and wasn't extremely attractive- see AverageJoe, I give lots of people a chance- but figured it couldn't hurt to talk to him. He starts off the conversation a little on the aggressive side, but then said he's a comedian, and likes to make lots of jokes. He asks me out, I said okay. He asks for my number to text me about details. I gave it to him.

 

He texted me last night after I'd fallen asleep, and I responded early this morning when I woke up. He replies that I wake up really early (7am) and then tells me that he comes home every night at 7am. I ask, oh you must work on a night shift, hospital? He says- No I do stand up comedy for about 15 minutes and then party for 7 hours. I thought, maybe he's joking, since he's so sarcastic. But it turns out, that really is his lifestyle.

 

I want nothing to do with that kind of lifestyle, so I didn't really think there was much point in us going on a date. That would be a waste of time. So I said as politely as possible- I really don't think we're a good fit, and I do just have a different lifestyle. Well then he starts sending me angry text messages about being judgmental. I blocked his number and didn't respond. But I log on to the dating site and he's still sending me angry messages about being rude and boring. I won't reply, I'll just block him on there also. Why are people like this!!?

[babycrapgreen]

I had the same happen!

 

A guy messaged me on a dating site, his profile read like he was a creep so I ignored his message.

 

He found me on Facebook and promptly asked if we could meet up! Creepy thing was, there was no reference to my surname or any searchable details..even my location was by county. Weiiiiird.

 

Your surname wouldn't happen to be Walker?..lol;)

[Robratory]

Can guys stop yelling at me when I decide I don't want to go out with them? Aside from being rude, and making this process all the more miserable, it actually just makes me realize that not going out with him was a good decision.

 

Yes, definitely. And while it doesn't make the experience any more pleasant, he only winds up looking like a loser.

 

Women don't tend to do that to men, so I have no similar stories. But like 2/3 of white guys over 50, I'm bald on top with only a ring of hair left, so I shave my head. In just two months, three women in their fifties have written back to say, "Oh, no, I don't date bald men!" I wonder how many just didn't reply. I think it's pretty funny. If you're looking for a white guy over 50, and you don't specify "must have full head of hair," you're going to be disappointed over and over. And if you do specify it, you just cut 2/3s of the dating pool out. You can afford to do that when you're 25, but when you're 50? Eh...

 

Another woman rejected me because I have no children. She had grown children of her own, but I don't. For some reason, this was a deal breaker.

 

And yet another woman rejected me because I supposedly live too far away. Well, she replied to my ad, and my ad stated specifically where I lived. I also said, "Of course I have a car, and I'll drive to meet you." And again, in our couple of emails, not remembering what I had said in the ad, I mentioned that I lived in San Francisco and didn't mind driving to meet her. When we talked on the phone, she asked where I lived, and I said, for the third time, San Francisco. She said, "Oh, no, I live in Redwood City, and I'm not looking for an long-distance relationship." And she hung up.

 

For those not familiar with the region, Redwood City is about 30 miles away. In this area, lots of people have longer commutes. The idea that 30 miles would be a LDR is just bizarre, but whatever.

 

Rudeness? Not really. One woman though, asked to meet at a Starbucks in a mall where she was going to watch the new Star Wars movie. So I'm there at the right time, and 20 minutes go by. I text her, and she replies that the movie is almost over. Yet another 20 minutes go by, and I see her walk in. She looks around the room, and although the place is not full and I'm the only guy with a shaved head in the place, she doesn't see me and walks out. She hadn't sent me her picture, and when I saw her, I realized it was a no-go, so I let her go. Plus it was rude. Movies end at predictable times.

[bluefeather]

I want nothing to do with that kind of lifestyle, so I didn't really think there was much point in us going on a date. That would be a waste of time. So I said as politely as possible- I really don't think we're a good fit, and I do just have a different lifestyle. Well then he starts sending me angry text messages about being judgmental. I blocked his number and didn't respond. But I log on to the dating site and he's still sending me angry messages about being rude and boring. I won't reply, I'll just block him on there also. Why are people like this!!?

 

drugs, probably. also, comedians are known to have miserable dispositions about themselves and life in general.

[Michelle ma Belle]

But, hey don't get all riled up, men can be guilty of this, too. Usually wanting the younger women, sadly, and have beer guts themselves.

 

It's so funny how people expect their future partners to bring SO much to the table, when they bring very little themselves.

 

Damn straight it goes both ways.

 

I just think it's sad that men and women have to resort to playing games online by either creating fake profiles or conducting experiments and then feel qualified to make these grandiose conclusions and paint everyone with the same paintbrush

 

Seems like such a time waster and only adds to the sheer insanity and toxic mistrust that has become synonymous with OLD in my humble opinion.

[WaitingForBardot]

...

I contacted a few obese women. Yep. Guess what, I got "views" but no responses. lol So that shows how much some of the women online value themselves.

Fixed it for you.

 

One's value derives from far more than just weight.

[William]

Folks, I moved about 50 posts about one member's specific online dating experiment to its own thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/568536-my-online-dating-experiment

 

Feel free to discuss that topic there and continue to share general good/bad/ridiculous online dating stories here. Thanks!

[hasaquestion]

Well, I went on a date with someone from OKCupid. It was okay. She seemed much cooler and prettier online. Having had a profile for about 2 weeks now, I'm not impressed with the experience overall.

 

The big problem with it is that there's no feedback mechanism for communicating with people. In person you have a wealth of information about what people are thinking just by being present with them. Its obvious what's on their mind, or at least evident if you're good at reading people. With Tinder there's less, but you have the fact that they swiped right. With OK Cupid, interacting is a total black box.

 

When you go out some people are against the wall with their arms crossed, some are dancing with their friends, some are looking around, some are smiling and some are frowning... OK Cupid irons out everyone into this sea of expressionless profile pictures.

 

I'm not saying it's horrible or anything. But it definitely feels like its not for me.

[Saf17]

After reading just some of the stories, I have decided not to bother with online dating. When I'm divorced, I will meet someone in the real world or spend it alone. Just these stories creep me out!

[TheArtist]

I saw a lovely lady's profile today, nice pictures, everything carefully filled in, job, height, age, all that stuff, but then when it came to the About Me section (and I'm paraphrasing a little here)

 

'knknkjnkjnkjnkjnskjnskjnskjnskjsnkjsnkjsnksjnskjnskjsnskjn nsklnslknslknslknslksnslknslknsl'

 

I've never dated a dyslexic before but come on.

[Khyla]

Hi ppl! I haven’t been on this site for over a year. In case anyone wondered if I ended up meeting that guy and was murdered or something, I’m here to put your mind at ease. We met and have been happily seeing each other every weekend and have also enjoyed three 2-week vacations thus far. For now we are the best thing in each other’s life. Everyone in my family all say he has changed me for the best after the death of my husband of 30+ years. I’m so glad I took the step to meet him in person. We didn’t really meet on your traditional OLD site though, rather I met him in my online chat room as a cam model. So taking the plunge to even call him on the phone was a huge leap for me, but at the time he seemed worth the risk. He was! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

[Damaged217]

The strangest messages I've received from online dating:

 

1. The guy who messaged me on okcupid and then starting going on about bumholes and how he'd like to meet me at the beach to lick my bumhole.

 

I'm sorry but I DIED laughing at this. Why the beach? Is that a special bumhole-licking place. omg. lol

[Damaged217]

 

Also what's with all the "I'll fill this out later" profiles that they never get back to? Also, "I don't like talking about myself on here, just email me and we'll talk then" only to get ignored of course. lol

 

 

I found out the hard way that these guys are usually the ones that are married or in relationships. I caught my ex on the dating site we met on and he just had 1 or 2 pics up and basically nothing in his profile. Why invest time in a profile when you just want to flirt and get laid?

[Damaged217]

So I recently broke up with my lying cheat of a boyfriend who I had met on OKC. He was actually sexting with women he met on OKC for several months. Though I have zero interest in dating right now, I decided to reactivate my old profile and see what was out there these days. Yikes. It's very exhausting going through all of those profiles and barely finding anyone who seems like they would be a good match. I deleted my account after a couple of days.

 

I don't think I want to date online ever again. I didn't really have any weird stories that some of you are talking about except for maybe 1. I was texting back and forth with a guy that I met on there for a couple of days. He seemed pretty normal and nice. He only had 1 pic up so I asked him for some more pics. BOOM. Dick pic. I blocked him immediately. So disappointing. I never really had a bad date. They were all fun in some way. There was 1 guy that I had zero chemistry with and that date was awkward but he was a nice guy. Most of the rest of the guys that I was interested in and seemed to have a good time with just up and ghosted me. That drove me bonkers! One guy texted me while I was driving home after our date and said "Drive safely. I'd like to see you again, you know ;)" and I never heard from him again. I think the problem is that online dating is a huge meat market for a lot of guys and they are intrigued by the large selection and can't seem to focus on just 1 girl. As far as guys that I actually dated for several weeks, it always ended because it turned out they had emotional baggage or didn't really want a relationship.

 

When I met my now ex, it was different. He actually CALLED me on the phone like a normal person and we talked for hours before we met up. He never sent me any last minute texts at 11pm asking if I was free for a drink (which was code for "all of the other girls were busy and I want a booty call) I also noticed that after our first date, I never saw him log onto OKC again. At least, not until he did so a year later to cheat on me. **cough cough**.

 

I did learn a lot from online dating though so if I ever am desperate enough to try it again, at least I know how to avoid the guys just "looking for fun."

Edited February 23, 2016 by Damaged217

[LookAtThisPOst]

So I recently broke up with my lying cheat of a boyfriend who I had met on OKC. He was actually sexting with women he met on OKC for several months. Though I have zero interest in dating right now, I decided to reactivate my old profile and see what was out there these days. Yikes. It's very exhausting going through all of those profiles and barely finding anyone who seems like they would be a good match. I deleted my account after a couple of days.

 

I don't think I want to date online ever again. I didn't really have any weird stories that some of you are talking about except for maybe 1. I was texting back and forth with a guy that I met on there for a couple of days. He seemed pretty normal and nice. He only had 1 pic up so I asked him for some more pics. BOOM. Dick pic. I blocked him immediately. So disappointing. I never really had a bad date. They were all fun in some way. There was 1 guy that I had zero chemistry with and that date was awkward but he was a nice guy. Most of the rest of the guys that I was interested in and seemed to have a good time with just up and ghosted me. That drove me bonkers! One guy texted me while I was driving home after our date and said "Drive safely. I'd like to see you again, you know ;)" and I never heard from him again. I think the problem is that online dating is a huge meat market for a lot of guys and they are intrigued by the large selection and can't seem to focus on just 1 girl. As far as guys that I actually dated for several weeks, it always ended because it turned out they had emotional baggage or didn't really want a relationship.

 

When I met my now ex, it was different. He actually CALLED me on the phone like a normal person and we talked for hours before we met up. He never sent me any last minute texts at 11pm asking if I was free for a drink (which was code for "all of the other girls were busy and I want a booty call) I also noticed that after our first date, I never saw him log onto OKC again. At least, not until he did so a year later to cheat on me. **cough cough**.

 

I did learn a lot from online dating though so if I ever am desperate enough to try it again, at least I know how to avoid the guys just "looking for fun."

 

Right, I've known women in real life that were FIRST time users of online dating...EVER. After having been on the site only but a few days, the sheer VOLUME of emails were too much for them to weed through.

 

Some of them deleted their accounts immediately, some without even reading the emails. I imagine they had a panic attack seeing the full inbox, left online dating, and never looked back.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Came across a profile by Danny (29) whose opening tagline is "Seeking a baby mama".

 

Apart from the fact that he was cute, I couldn't resist to click on his profile;

 

"I'm at the point in my life where I am ready to have children. I have a good career with excellent prospects so I am able to provide financially. I am not ruling out a relationship entirely but my desire is to become a dad as soon as possible."

 

:/