Nervous about New Year's Eve

[losangelena]

I'd like to think that after the time we've spent together, regardless of how short it's been, that he's not thinking about "cutting his losses and starting over with someone else" when the clock strikes midnight.

 

Not sure how that equates to over-investment. I like the guy. Sue me.

 

I'm just throwing that out there. There's no need to get defensive. I hope it works out.

 

I personally don't think he's going to cut and run, either. But if he does because it's too much "pressure" or whatever, I think he's doing you a favor.

[truth_seeker]

I'd like to think that after the time we've spent together, regardless of how short it's been, that he's not thinking about "cutting his losses and starting over with someone else" when the clock strikes midnight.

 

I said what I said because there's truth in it. I've known it to happen to people. I'm not saying this guy is going to throw in the towel after a month of dating. Remember though, he has a kid with another woman. Maybe there are things going on there, like issues with the kid, custody battles, that have him preoccupied? You've only known him a month. In fact, you really do not know him at all.

 

Why so invested in a guy with a kid? Why not a guy who is single without any children? Do you have kids? How old are you, if I may ask?

[dobielover]

I'm just throwing that out there. There's no need to get defensive. I hope it works out.

 

I'm not defensive. I'm being told I feel something I don't.

[dobielover]

Why so invested in a guy with a kid? Why not a guy who is single without any children? Do you have kids? How old are you, if I may ask?

 

I'm not "so invested." Why not a guy with children? I tend to prefer them at this point in my life, actually, but that's a discussion for another thread, NOT THIS ONE PLEASE. We're both late 30's.

[losangelena]

I'm not defensive. I'm being told I feel something I don't.

 

Again, not my intention, really.

[Qboro90]

It's not a big deal to just ask him again if he hasn't answered. "hey, you never replied/answered me earlier about your New Years plans... Wasn't sure if you were going out or staying home with ___(kids name), or if you wanted to do something together. Just tryna figure out if I should schedule other plans"

 

Don't feel shy or reserved about getting an answer to your question. It's totally reasonable and won't come across as pushy. If he's not seeing or talking to anyone else then odds are he just doesn't see New Year's Eve as anything different than any other day of the week. As a dad he will have to be home with his kid if he has full custody. So don't expect him to wanna go out and party if that's the case.

 

If you want to see him then you can offer to pick up food and hang at his place. If you don't feel comfortable saying that then you guys aren't as close as you may think and this is a moot point in that regard

[jen1447]

Why so invested in a guy with a kid? Why not a guy who is single without any children? Do you have kids? How old are you, if I may ask?

 

We don't really pick the ppl we fall for. Just happens.

[truth_seeker]

We don't really pick the ppl we fall for. Just happens.

 

Agreed.

[dobielover]

It's not a big deal to just ask him again if he hasn't answered. "hey, you never replied/answered me earlier about your New Years plans... Wasn't sure if you were going out or staying home with ___(kids name), or if you wanted to do something together. Just tryna figure out if I should schedule other plans"

 

Don't feel shy or reserved about getting an answer to your question. It's totally reasonable and won't come across as pushy. If he's not seeing or talking to anyone else then odds are he just doesn't see New Year's Eve as anything different than any other day of the week. As a dad he will have to be home with his kid if he has full custody. So don't expect him to wanna go out and party if that's the case.

 

If you want to see him then you can offer to pick up food and hang at his place. If you don't feel comfortable saying that then you guys aren't as close as you may think and this is a moot point in that regard

 

That's what I did for Christmas Eve.

 

I sent a follow-up message about an hour ago.

[truth_seeker]

I'm not "so invested." Why not a guy with children? I tend to prefer them at this point in my life, actually, but that's a discussion for another thread, NOT THIS ONE PLEASE. We're both late 30's.

 

Are you sure? You seem invested enough to be fretting over NYE plans with him.

 

If you don't have kids then I could see you wanting them now before it's too late. This guy already has kids and probably not interested in having them right now with someone else. Go out with your girlfriend's NYE and keep this guy as FWB until you meet a guy who has no baggage.

[dobielover]

Are you sure? You seem invested enough to be fretting over NYE plans with him.

 

If you don't have kids then I could see you wanting them now before it's too late. This guy already has kids and probably not interested in having them right now with someone else. Go out with your girlfriend's NYE and keep this guy as FWB until you meet a guy who has no baggage.

 

I am in no rush. I am not physically able to have children; I don't have a cervix thanks to cervical cancer at 25. He knows this. Men who've never married, don't have children, and have no desire to have children, who are late 30's and older are not the ype of guys I'm interested in dating.

 

I'm more concerned over the lack of response than the lack of plans on NYE. I could have asked if he had plans on Saturday and thought it was just as strange the timing of his non-response.

 

Finally, children aren't baggage.

[vagabonder]

I'm not sure why you're getting beat up for caring about a guy in a a months time, much less because he had a kid. Sure, it's still new, but isn't it a better sign that you're into someone in a months time? I think it's totally reasonable to be concerned about the lack of response.

 

That said, it is easy to read into lack of responses, but especially if he has a kid, anything could have come up to delay a response. Hang in there, try to distract yourself while waiting. Fingers crossed for you that he replies soon.

[d0nnivain]

I shouldn't have asked. I should have just waited, as I have backup plans with girlfriends anyway.

 

 

That saddens me that you think you were somehow wrong for asking. You have every right to ask & he's rude for not responding.

 

 

Had you consulted me before you asked, I would have suggested you reframe the Q. I would have said something along the lines of

 

 

I was wondering if we were doing anything together for NYE. I have tentative plans with friends. You are welcome to come if you like or we can do something more chill. If you already have other plans that's OK too. Just let me know

so

I can finalize my plans.

 

It gives him choices but solidifies that idea that you are in demand socially.

 

 

The 1st NYE DH & I were dating I already had plans to be out of the country & he couldn't come along so that was a bit odd / stressful but I had made those plans in July & didn't meet him until August.

 

 

Because I'm an optimist, I'm going to hold out hope that he responds soon to your 2nd message & says he had the flu or something but that he'd love to be kissing you at midnight. If he fails to respond at all that would be unfortunate but at least you will know what kind of character he is (or lacks) without too much more of an investment.

[Gaeta]

We were just texting back and forth a bit, and I asked him of his plans, as it's a day of the week he usually has his child, and he stopped responding. I've already met and spent time with him and his child, so having his child on that day and night couldn't be the issue. Nor that it's a special holiday, as we've already done that, too. So, I can only assume he's got plans with another girl? I am tempted to bite my nails to the quick!!!

 

How old is his child? And why in the world would he introduce his child to a woman he's not exclusive with? To me right there that screams 'lack of judgment' on his part.

 

I know this thread is not about his child but I think it tells a lot about him and how you cannot trust his judgement or trust some of his behavior.

 

As for the text, sometimes text don't make it to the other person. Is there anything keeping you from calling him?

 

My new guy and I don't text, we call. It takes so much pressure off and avoids to many misunderstanding. Start calling.

[truth_seeker]

I am in no rush. I am not physically able to have children; I don't have a cervix thanks to cervical cancer at 25. He knows this. Men who've never married, don't have children, and have no desire to have children, who are late 30's and older are not the ype of guys I'm interested in dating.

 

I'm more concerned over the lack of response than the lack of plans on NYE. I could have asked if he had plans on Saturday and thought it was just as strange the timing of his non-response.

 

Finally, children aren't baggage.

 

Sorry for your illness. Major props for beating Cancer.

 

You're a different breed as I don't know many women interested in men who are younger than them who have children.

 

I disagree - children can be baggage. I tried dating a woman with a child. It was a hinderance. You're out having a nice evening then there's a phone call from the baby sitter ruining the night.

[katiegrl]

dobie, FWIW at this point, I do not recommend saying anything like "hey, wondering if we're doing anything for NYE," or "hey, you never got back to me about plans for NYE."

 

There are things couples in exclusive relationships ask each other...when it is assumed you will be spending holidays together.

 

You are NOT at this stage yet...you are dating, not even in a *relationship* yet.

 

So no please do not ask those questions, they are presumptuous, and he is likely to think to himself ..."whoa, what are WE doing"? And feel pressured and rushed.

 

Keep him moving toward you. He is not quite all the way there yet, but he is getting there, slowly but surely.

 

Yes it is unsettling he has not responded, I would be upset too....it's rude.

 

But you have sent him two texts now, that is enough.

 

Go out with your girlfriend's on NYE, do not wait on him.

 

Like I said in my first post, whatever he is doing, obviously he is uncomfortable discussing that with you at this point in time. Otherwise, he would have responded to your messages.

 

Remember, let things progress gradually and naturally, no pushing!

 

And after the new year, you may want to think about broaching the exclusivity discussion with him, like Gaeta did with her new guy.

 

Hope it all works out!!

[Lois_Griffin]

I see his complete disappearance as just very rude.

 

 

So big deal if he's got plans that don't include you for New Year's Eve. How much effort does it take to reply that he made prior plans with friends for NYE before he met you and he's committed to those plans, but perhaps you can see each other on New Year's day, or something to that affect? It's not that much of a stretch.

 

 

To go completely silent is rude and dismissive.

[dobielover]

Sorry for your illness. Major props for beating Cancer.

 

You're a different breed as I don't know many women interested in men who are younger than them who have children.

 

I disagree - children can be baggage. I tried dating a woman with a child. It was a hinderance. You're out having a nice evening then there's a phone call from the baby sitter ruining the night.

 

He's not younger than me, not sure where you got that. We're both late 30's but he's older.

 

To not date a man with children at my age would be to cut out the gross majority of the dating pool. A man who has children has developed skills a man who hasn't had children hasn't had the opportunity or desire to develop. Plus, he has a daughter, which brings a whole 'nother level of respect for women.

[Gaeta]

Like I said in my first post, whatever he is doing, obviously he is uncomfortable discussing that with you at this point in time. Otherwise, he would have responded to your messages.

 

Opps! she sent more than 1 message that he didn't respond?

 

1 unanswered message I would let it go but not 2. He is now intentionally ignoring her messages. That's immature, cheap and shows lack of respect for her. If he doesn't like her question he can always answer 'I will get back to you on that'. He's a man, not a boy. Lets not excuse grown up men ignoring text messages.

[dobielover]

I see his complete disappearance as just very rude.

 

 

So big deal if he's got plans that don't include you for New Year's Eve. How much effort does it take to reply that he made prior plans with friends for NYE before he met you and he's committed to those plans, but perhaps you can see each other on New Year's day, or something to that affect? It's not that much of a stretch.

 

 

To go completely silent is rude and dismissive.

 

He got in contact, explanation is sound, everything is fine. To explain would potentially give away his privacy (see the thread on easily googling people, haha!) so I won't.

[dobielover]

Opps! she sent more than 1 message that he didn't respond?

 

1 unanswered message I would let it go but not 2. He is now intentionally ignoring her messages. That's immature, cheap and shows lack of respect for her. If he doesn't like her question he can always answer 'I will get back to you on that'. He's a man, not a boy. Lets not excuse grown up men ignoring text messages.

 

Noooooooooo, no. I left this thread late last night having sent a follow up to the first. I'm just now returning.

 

Why does everyone here jump to goddamn conclusions before the OP can return?!!!! Eff.

[katiegrl]

I see his complete disappearance as just very rude.

 

 

So big deal if he's got plans that don't include you for New Year's Eve. How much effort does it take to reply that he made prior plans with friends for NYE before he met you and he's committed to those plans, but perhaps you can see each other on New Year's day, or something to that affect? It's not that much of a stretch.

 

 

To go completely silent is rude and dismissive.

 

I agree with LG on this.

 

Have you seen this side of him prior to this, dobie?

 

Not responding to texts?

 

Franky I don't get it, unless he is another commitment phobe who has started to freak, because y'all spent a close intimate Christmas together with him and his kid.

 

And he felt it was close, he is uncomfortable, and is now pulling back, creating distance.

 

That is all I can think of!

 

But yah, it is rude and inconsiderate IMO.

[katiegrl]

He got in contact, explanation is sound, everything is fine. To explain would potentially give away his privacy (see the thread on easily googling people, haha!) so I won't.

 

Awesome!!! :bunny:

[dobielover]

I agree with LG on this.

 

Have you seen this side of him prior to this, dobie?

 

Not responding to texts?

 

Franky I don't get it, unless he is another commitment phobe who has started to freak, because y'all spent a close intimate Christmas together with him and his kid.

 

And he felt it was close, he is uncomfortable, and is now pulling back, creating distance.

 

That is all I can think of!

 

But yah, it is rude and inconsiderate IMO.

 

I already PMd you the details and background, so this kinda bugs me that you'd add fuel to this fire when this is obviously not true.

[d0nnivain]

He got in contact, explanation is sound, everything is fine. To explain would potentially give away his privacy (see the thread on easily googling people, haha!) so I won't.

 

 

Glad he got in touch. Good for you for thinking about privacy issues, but

 

 

Do you or Don't you have NYE plans with him? You can't leave us hanging.