Author linqer Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 But she is living a lie. Would you like to be in her shoes? You have every right to divorce and live as you please. And so does she. If you had been truthful with her during your discussion, not saying you need to disclose the hookers part, but at least what you need from her and if your needs are not met you will divorce, perhaps the outcome will be different. You want to be treated as a man start acting like one. Stop dancing around the topic with her. Guys, its been 10 Days without hookers! I am quite happy with that.. However I watch way too much porn.. I need to take this behavior down also.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Had great day with my wife, I have few issues with my work, I decided to share with my wife the issues in the work, I usally don't share with her issues I have, I felt that we really connected.. was very good conversation.. Maybe I was going to hookers and watching porn because I didn't felt fully in relashionship or connected with her, Maybe if I will continue to share with her, and encourage her to share her life the need to other women will go away! I don't use to share things, I think I need to share much more.. I will started to share in forums, now need to continue to sharing life expirence with family and friends.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 But she is living a lie. Would you like to be in her shoes? You have every right to divorce and live as you please. And so does she. If you had been truthful with her during your discussion, not saying you need to disclose the hookers part, but at least what you need from her and if your needs are not met you will divorce, perhaps the outcome will be different. You want to be treated as a man start acting like one. Stop dancing around the topic with her. What is better to be happybut your life based on lies Or to be sad and life is based on truths? the real answer its depend.. on what you think its good for you.. There is no decisive answer for that.. because its not math that 7 > 5 There will be allways people that will think first is better, and people will think second is better, to make it even more complicated think that two option are good as long as feel complete with your self... In case you prefer not knowing things that will harm you and you will complete about this choice the option to be happy and to live based on life its better option.. ----------------------------------- Just to make sure things I am trying to overcome this sex addiction so she will be happy without the lies, So far 10 days without hookers Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Had another great day with my wife! I am totally feep more connected to her 12 days without hookers, Improving our connection is great and helping alot to eliminate the need for hookers.. We are starting after 10 years to build healthy relashionship.. Its great improvement so far, I didnt expected it!!! Thanks for the support guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 I am cured!!! My wife become my besy friend!!! We can chat fir hours and hours about daily expirence, We almost didnt talk much.. we are 10 years togther I think we disscussed with each other in the last week more than we talk in our long relashionship.. Yea, this is extreme improvment!!! Never thought is possible.. now that she is my best friend, I will never do it again to her.. best!!! Thanks guys for the support!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 I am cured!!! My wife become my besy friend!!! We can chat fir hours and hours about daily expirence, We almost didnt talk much.. we are 10 years togther I think we disscussed with each other in the last week more than we talk in our long relashionship.. Yea, this is extreme improvment!!! Never thought is possible.. now that she is my best friend, I will never do it again to her.. best!!! Thanks guys for the support!!! Thanks you all for believing me and also for not believe on me!! I own my success to you all!! was such great idea to open the thread in this forum Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I am cured!!! After only ten days? I doubt that... My wife become my besy friend!!! Then tell her what you have done. Best friends share their secrets. No deceive... Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 (edited) After only ten days? I doubt that... Then tell her what you have done. Best friends share their secrets. No deceive... Its not after 10 days if trying, its years of self improvment process that thier fruits become ready.. Again I dont see clear benefit telling her.. However I see clear bad outcome for it.. so unless I will see clear benefits that are bigger than the bad outcome I will do it.. you are welcome to help me see the benefits.. Edited September 9, 2015 by linqer Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 (edited) This is quite the thread... Twelve Days Without Hookers. That sounds like the winner in a worst book title contest. :/ I digress, because after slogging through these pages I'm really concerned about the fast paced Disney wrap up of best friends and hiding a long history of extramarital affairs. There is also the concept of the OPs math on his risks regarding sexually transmitted disease, as someone that works in womens' reproductive medicine I can assure you have put your innocent spouse at a dramatically above the norm chance for having been exposed to an std. Aids and Hiv do not manifest as the OP has claimed, condoms are far from fail proof (I'm sure many of us on this board have or know a friend who has conceived a child while using condoms). Beyond the hard science of increasing risk to oneself and loved ones r/t sexual behaviors, there comes the decency factor. You aren't a decent person if endangering someone's health and life don't register as even a blip on your moral radar. Please tell your wife what you have chosen for her: you chose to endanger her health and that of your child. She deserves to make her life choices based on truths that if ignored may cause her great physical pain, disfigurement, or even cost her her life. By not having her tested and treated, even lesser stds can become dangerous and life altering. I'm not even touching on the moral implications of the hookers and cheating, nor am I going to as so many have already, point out the betrayal you have willingly wrought. If nothing else, believe me when I say there is not much harder as a practitioner than explaining to a confused woman that no, she doesn't "just have a yeast infection", and watching her face crumble as you begin educating her on what std someone has given her. Don't think something like that doesn't scar the person for life, it does. I urge you to own your choices, and allow your wife to begin making her choices as informed ones. Edited September 9, 2015 by BlueBlood Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Again I dont see clear benefit telling her.. That is because you are still in the narcissistic fog of your marriage being All About You - and not a partnership. However I see clear bad outcome for it.. No, you see a Bad Outcome for - again - for YOU and the fact that once your wife knows who you really are, she might want to leave you. It is all about your selfishness and your need. you are welcome to help me see the benefits.. Until you come clean and own up to who you are and what you have done, the "benefits" will be minimal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 That is because you are still in the narcissistic fog of your marriage being All About You - and not a partnership. No, you see a Bad Outcome for - again - for YOU and the fact that once your wife knows who you really are, she might want to leave you. It is all about your selfishness and your need. Until you come clean and own up to who you are and what you have done, the "benefits" will be minimal. Can you list the benefits? No matter if it for me her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Went to hooker last week ;( As always before I go I see many benefits, After the meeting I see the downside as well.. I just saw new hooker that looks great to me.. then I made a thinking task.. to write all the downside meeting her.. It first it was hard... however.. I came up with long list.. I also read lots on hiv and end up with more question than I started.. I have a theory how to get rid of this obession.. since I dont want to cheat with local girl - I never did and since I dont want to go to 97% of the hookers.. I screen hookers for so many variabels.. for example because I was with women with perfect tits now this is less attract me.. this is well for ass.. Also I believe that move from extreme to extreme without being in the middle often fail So my strategy now is going to hookers but only to remove that obsession from that type of girl.. this means I will go much less to hookers than before And numbers will go down slowly, However I will not stop right away.. If you write your comment dont be rude and also explain yourself If cant do this please dont comment.. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Oh you were doing well Now you know you're changing the plan & the rules because you slipped-up? That's NOT the way to do this! If you slip you try to understand why you did it so you DON'T do it again!!! Go back & read how well things were going when you focused on building a real relationship with your wife, with your FAMILY. That was feeling really good for you wasn't it? You were building something real. I'm starting to loose faith in you You're proving ALL the people here who said you were too weak & a lost cause right!! Maybe you should make sure that your family is financially well cared for & leave. This addiction is too strong & you're telling yourself lies like any other addict. I've been talking to you from your first post & I've been trying to be on your side & give you the help you asked for. I wanted to believe there was hope for you. I stand by the advise I've already given but if you're giving-up on yourself I'm giving up on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I'm not surprised. If you really wanted to change, you would be honest with the mother of your child. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) Since you obviously want to stay in your loveless marriage, you are dead right about not telling your wife about the things you've done. If you did, she would leave you faster than you could imagine and detest you for all eternity. I think you have a deeper problem than you realize and it's doubtful that this is going to be an easy fix, or a permanent one. The reason I say that is because, for some bizarre reason, you think masterbation is somehow connected to wanting to be with hookers; like marijuana being the gateway drug to meth. I mean, if that were the case, with the number of men who masterbate, hookers would be really, really busy. Simply put, masterbation does not have a thing on earth to do with wanting to be with hookers. I think that you want to be with hookers because you want sex that's impersonal and detached. Plus, I'm sure there's a host of other reasons. Personally, I think you should consider the idea that you're simply not marriage material because this will probably be a lifelong pattern for you. Even if you stop for awhile, you'll resort to this behavior again whenever things go wrong, you feel down, etc. Then you may justify it by telling yourself whatever you need to in order to feel ok about it. You may just be happier being single. Would that really be such a bad thing? Then you wouldn't have to feel guilty about what you're doing. Edited September 27, 2015 by bathtub-row 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I screen hookers for so many variabels.. for example because I was with women with perfect tits now this is less attract me.. this is well for ass.. I guess fidelity will have to wait until you check all the parts off your list. Can't help but wonder what you'll do then... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 However I will not stop right away. And your point would be...? Not sure what you're looking for but methinks someone wanted to resurrect his thread from the ashes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." Thomas A. Edison I will not give up, I am in my journy & I am trying to understand myself and lifes on earth as well.. I have some very interesting thougt that is very truth here.. "High Expectations Lead To Disappointment" In the last few months I don't go to every hooker, even if I am horny, I go only to very good looking hookers.. Recently I have been going to hookers with only high expectations, those that I think that will not disappoitment me.. However I always get disappoitment, if its not after 1st meeting than after several with same hooker, but It always been there. So if I look to the reality in the eyes, without pink lenses, I will not have high expectaions and I wil not go to hookers again.. Now I know that I will always be disappoitment if I will have high expectations, always, but without high expectations there is not reason to go to hookers.. So if I see image of new hooker, its all looks glory, wow, then you started to raise the expectations, however always you will be disappoitment.. I have been so many times felt in this trap, was very excited but felt down after it.. many times.. so many times I was supprised it is like this way.. And in the other case I never was in the situation of high expectaion and high result.. I am not sure this case can be even happen.. To the same direction, I think that when I will analyize all options I my mind & my emotions will be correlated, now I don't want to go to hookers but my self control is weak... So I think if I will have deep analytize of the situation I will be able increase my self control.. So I decided to every hour I spend on hookers (from watching ads to driving back from them) I will learn the following subjects: sex diseases, marraige, addictions and so on.. So that way I think I will less and less want to go to hookers, I still see progress on my journy so I don't think time has come to escalate to discuss with my wife or psychologist.. I fill that are very close to finsih with that.. I will keep you update.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Quick update, Based on the idea of raising awareness will increase my control My Plan is to watch documentary about the following topics: 1) Porn 2) Hookers 3) Sex 4) Addictions Each topic to watch around 30 docu movies, yea its a lot.. I plan to see 1 docu a day Already watched the first one about porn Its called : "Hot girls wanted" it was very interesting, lots of new information for someone who saw tons of porn in his life.. The message was Porn is sad Because Good Porn Movie, the one that going to sell is the one that humilating women! And WTF is going with us, why we men enjoy so much to see humilated women? ---------------------------------- I just read some comment about a guy that going to hookers daily plus he is married with kids, yea going daily, This guy also go 3 times a week to psychology for many years, And he said he really tried to overcome this but its stronger than him, What I think of that is his psychology is not good enough and he had to fired him after 1 month or so if he didn't saw progress to get rid of that addiction.. I might go for a one in the future but first I want to exhaust my option first, since going to psychology is not a magic, its very hard to find good one & its long process you should put effort into it, being said that, I understand it can have big benefits, however I honestly believe I have good chance to overcome it by myself. I will put a deadline, if I can't overcome it by myself by 1st january I will go seek someone help Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Seriously. Addicts that "Set deadlines" just buy themselves time to wallow in their addiction. If you want to actually solve it, you go NOW. You do the WORK and replace your sexual addiction with healthier activities. None of this is rocket science. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 6, 2016 Author Share Posted August 6, 2016 Hello There, Its been 1 years since I open this thread, I have been going to hookers for 6 years and decided to stopped with this disease! I was sober for 9 days and went to hooker again Now my challange is to be sober 10 days or more, When I will be able to hit the 120 days this game will be over, and I will be free of this addiction, Best, Linqer Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Hello There, Its been 1 years since I open this thread, I have been going to hookers for 6 years and decided to stopped with this disease! I was sober for 9 days and went to hooker again Now my challange is to be sober 10 days or more, When I will be able to hit the 120 days this game will be over, and I will be free of this addiction, Best, Linqer Get to a CSAT already. Jeez. You are an addict. Guess what? Addicts need SERIOUS help to overcome it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Hello There, Its been 1 years since I open this thread, I have been going to hookers for 6 years and decided to stopped with this disease! I was sober for 9 days and went to hooker again Now my challange is to be sober 10 days or more, When I will be able to hit the 120 days this game will be over, and I will be free of this addiction, Best, Linqer Or you could tell your wife. Then you'd be free to bang as many hookers as you want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Why won't you tell your wife? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Its good that you realiced that this is a issue. Its good that you admit it is a adiction. Its good that you are seeking help. And i can see the love you have for your family. nICE! First step is to talk about it with your wife. And for both of you to seek a good therapist and talk about it. Going to bed with your wife and plan your freetime is a good thing. But with addiction its often some more deeper issues that you need to take care of. Maybe you know it already or not really aware of your real issues which you try to fill with whores and porn. Talk about this with your wife then get busy with looking for a therapist by having talk sessions that can give you more clarity. You may do some soul searching also and see when and why you feel this need to do those sex stuff. Also some self help books about can help you, a bit in the rigth direction. Link to post Share on other sites
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