dreamingoftigers Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 When people tell me I cant, It maker me want to prove them they were wrong! Welcome to Addict-Land! "Other people" have more "control" over you than you do. It sounds very familiar since addiction is based in shame the cycle goes like this: "I'm bad, people think I'm bad. I'm ashamed of this. This needs to change." To this.... "I can't do it. I am weak. It's too strong. I knew it, I'm a bad person who wont change. I need this. As long as I keep it hidden I will keep everyone else happy. They wouldn't understand." Shame is the thing that tells you to change and then tells you that you can't. Either you want it on the bad days as well as the good, or you just end up dependent on your moods and feeling isolated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Welcome to Addict-Land! "Other people" have more "control" over you than you do. It sounds very familiar since addiction is based in shame the cycle goes like this: "I'm bad, people think I'm bad. I'm ashamed of this. This needs to change." To this.... "I can't do it. I am weak. It's too strong. I knew it, I'm a bad person who wont change. I need this. As long as I keep it hidden I will keep everyone else happy. They wouldn't understand." Shame is the thing that tells you to change and then tells you that you can't. Either you want it on the bad days as well as the good, or you just end up dependent on your moods and feeling isolated. thanks for your comment, I wil first utilize all options to overcome it without tell face to face to anybody.. If it will not work I will go to consulting plus group support Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Welcome to Addict-Land! "Other people" have more "control" over you than you do. It sounds very familiar since addiction is based in shame the cycle goes like this: "I'm bad, people think I'm bad. I'm ashamed of this. This needs to change." To this.... "I can't do it. I am weak. It's too strong. I knew it, I'm a bad person who wont change. I need this. As long as I keep it hidden I will keep everyone else happy. They wouldn't understand." Shame is the thing that tells you to change and then tells you that you can't. Either you want it on the bad days as well as the good, or you just end up dependent on your moods and feeling isolated. I actually think I am stronger than it, I can do this! Regarding to my wife she recently told me she is so happy, she said its the best period in her life, She have perfect baby, husband she love, beautifull house, good job.. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagan Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 And, out of curiosity, what is the perfect hooker? (I'm not the only one wondering, I know) She's 3 feet tall and the top of her head is flat so you can rest your beer on it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 She's 3 feet tall and the top of her head is flat so you can rest your beer on it. Actually I already answered this, the most important factor is passion.. Regarding to my self control, I guess in most life areas my self control is very good I dont use drugs, no gamble, no alcohol, no cofee, no sugar, going to gym Had excelent grades in university (I was in the top 1%), build by my own profitable business... My problem is I am sex addict... 95% of times I am going to hookers is friday morning wierd but thats true, my current challange is to break this connection between friday morning and hookers.. So my next challange is 6 days from now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 My boss was just telling me about a guy she knows who retired and now he just watches porn all day at home. So that's what he does in retirement, watch porn. Are you using porn and hookers to escape your life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 You give life changing advices even though you are not certified for that.. and to make things worse you have full confidence.. wow!! Unreal. But what's REALLY unreal is that you chose to share with a bunch of STRANGERS on the internet that you have some kind of addiction to hookers and need to 'break' the cycle and you tell us all about jerking off at your computer and all this other nauseating crap - and then get all indignant when people ask your culture or voice their opinions. You want a professional opinion? Take the freakin' money you've been blowing on hookers and invest it instead in a good shrink. Why on earth you expect expert, professional advice from a bunch of strangers on a message board is beyond me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 95% of times I am going to hookers is friday morning wierd but thats true, my current challange is to break this connection between friday morning and hookers.. So my next challange is 6 days from now.. Make a dental appointment Friday morning, get a tooth pulled. Or get in line early that day at the DMV. Or perhaps schedule a colonoscopy ? Problem solved... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 My boss was just telling me about a guy she knows who retired and now he just watches porn all day at home. So that's what he does in retirement, watch porn. Are you using porn and hookers to escape your life? great story.. I am so far from retirment.. mm.. escape from life? I dont think so, beside that my life is very good Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Unreal. But what's REALLY unreal is that you chose to share with a bunch of STRANGERS on the internet that you have some kind of addiction to hookers and need to 'break' the cycle and you tell us all about jerking off at your computer and all this other nauseating crap - and then get all indignant when people ask your culture or voice their opinions. You want a professional opinion? Take the freakin' money you've been blowing on hookers and invest it instead in a good shrink. Why on earth you expect expert, professional advice from a bunch of strangers on a message board is beyond me. I didnt expect expert here.. I got from here several very good comments, and some comments were bad to my opinion, thats all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Make a dental appointment Friday morning, get a tooth pulled. Or get in line early that day at the DMV. Or perhaps schedule a colonoscopy ? Problem solved... Mr. Lucky Yea, from now I will always set plans to fridays.. I will hit the gym for very hard session.. after that I will spend time with wife and my baby.. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Yea, from now I will always set plans to fridays.. I will hit the gym for very hard session.. after that I will spend time with wife and my baby.. That's a good start. Now you need an accountability partner or group to share your plans and successes with and to help you course correct. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 That's a good start. Now you need an accountability partner or group to share your plans and successes with and to help you course correct. Thanks, I will keep update this thread with my journy.. so far I got tons of motivation and some good advices, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hitting the gym on Fridays is a good idea. Set targets...time on a machine, weight lifted etc. make it a goal & tell your wife so when you get home from the gym you have to look her in the eye & tell her how well you are doing towards your targets!! Then go to the park or icecream. Something nice with your wife & baby. Maybe take your W somewhere romantic Friday evenings. Concentrate on her & how 'perfect' TRULY perfect (not a hooker fantasy) she is. Even with this advise trying to help you I still think its REALLY hard to break a serious addiction without proffesional help. DON'T turn to the Internet!! In your case it's no better than going to hookers. It will just build your fantasy & make it harder. Read up on the true lives & horrible experiences of some of those poor women. Hookers typically have horrible lives! That will help break your fantasy. That's why I wanted to know who the 'perfect hooker' is. You need to kill this fantasy. None of them would be 'great girlfriends'. They aren't like your wife! Horrid lives have made them manipulate men for money. Their pimps are often their boyfriends! Would you share your wife with a man like that? & hundreds of other men? Break this fantasy!! Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hitting the gym on Fridays is a good idea. Set targets...time on a machine, weight lifted etc. make it a goal & tell your wife so when you get home from the gym you have to look her in the eye & tell her how well you are doing towards your targets!! Then go to the park or icecream. Something nice with your wife & baby. Maybe take your W somewhere romantic Friday evenings. Concentrate on her & how 'perfect' TRULY perfect (not a hooker fantasy) she is. Even with this advise trying to help you I still think its REALLY hard to break a serious addiction without proffesional help. DON'T turn to the Internet!! In your case it's no better than going to hookers. It will just build your fantasy & make it harder. Read up on the true lives & horrible experiences of some of those poor women. Hookers typically have horrible lives! That will help break your fantasy. That's why I wanted to know who the 'perfect hooker' is. You need to kill this fantasy. None of them would be 'great girlfriends'. They aren't like your wife! Horrid lives have made them manipulate men for money. Their pimps are often their boyfriends! Would you share your wife with a man like that? & hundreds of other men? Break this fantasy!! Best of luck. thanks for your comment, I am going to apply them.. actually I saw a preview to a movie about hookers life a week ago, It probably was one of the trigger to want stop.. I will try to watch the entire movie.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Quick update, My wife was sleeping, I watched breaking bad, there was a sex sence, It mad me horny.. I went to toilet to 'release' myself, Without watching porn my wife is on period plus I need to do the tests before.. I am not sure If what I do is good or not.. Its good because I didnt watched porn, Bad because from getting horny to went to toilet took seconds without planing it from advance also bad because I would be much better wait to test and period of wife to finish.. Currently I dont have plan for that.. my only plan is not watch porn plus not going to hookers.. also I need to find sex addict success stories.. and to take notes from there.. I wasnt sure if posting that, because its a bit volgar, but since its important event in my journy I decided to share.. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Has your wife withdrawn from having sex and affection with you? Is she cold during sex, treating it as a duty? If you answered yes to these questions, You might not be entirely wrong for visiting a sex worker. Visiting a sex worker has been proven over and over again to actually IMPROVE the stagnant sex life between a wife and husband (as long as the wife does not know). The issue here is the dishonesty. If you feel you are addicted to it and can not stop, that is a whole other story. And yes you should stop in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 SmartDude. This is a very serious addiction. For the OP sex workers ARE the problem. He's trying REALLY hard in a very difficult addiction situation. I wouldn't consider masterbating after a movie as a major slip here. Don't get disheartened. It's all about no porn, no Internet, no hookers. Step by step. Keep concentrating on avoiding the big problems. Can you get tested Monday morning? At least make an appointment. That's a step in the right direction. Remember you don't want to hurt your family. You love your wife & boy dearly. You would never forgive yourself if you hurt her with a STD. Get the tests first. I know it's incredibly difficult for you. I think posting here & being open about your addiction is a great first step. You can make it through next week. You've got a plan for Friday. Let's be optimistic. DON'T think about excuses to falter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 SmartDude. This is a very serious addiction. For the OP sex workers ARE the problem. He's trying REALLY hard in a very difficult addiction situation. I wouldn't consider masterbating after a movie as a major slip here. Don't get disheartened. It's all about no porn, no Internet, no hookers. Step by step. Keep concentrating on avoiding the big problems. Can you get tested Monday morning? At least make an appointment. That's a step in the right direction. Remember you don't want to hurt your family. You love your wife & boy dearly. You would never forgive yourself if you hurt her with a STD. Get the tests first. I know it's incredibly difficult for you. I think posting here & being open about your addiction is a great first step. You can make it through next week. You've got a plan for Friday. Let's be optimistic. DON'T think about excuses to falter. Yea true, If he does not just natually stop looking for girls on his own and its a constant obsession, Then I can agree. I am single and I have seen quite a few sex workers myself. But after awhile it should get boring. Its a fun place to visit but you would not want to live there. I can understand his problem of women being available with just a quick phone call. It sounds like the OP might be happier commiting to his marriage though and is strugling to find that path. OP you cant do this forever because you will get old too. Even if you are attractive now and the girls enjoy time with you, it will all fade. So if you have something good you should try and hold on to it. But if it is just an excuse to stay monogomous out of guilt, I cannot support this. Don't stay married for the sake of marrige and fidelity, but do stay married if you beleive you love your wife in this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Visiting a sex worker has been proven over and over again to actually IMPROVE the stagnant sex life between a wife and husband (as long as the wife does not know). How exactly does this improve it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Some other good resources are Out of the Shadows and Facing the shadow. both by Patrick carnes. Apologies fir spelling/grammar on my phone. VERY HARD TO EDIT. I will be very blunt: you are white-knuckling. SMART meetings run online . they help with all types of addictions and scientific-based recovery. It seems as things you are very protective of your image and not very conscious f your own feelings. Often very driven people have trouble letting down their guard to have fun. My father is a workaholic. I believe that his alcoholism bad sexual addiction was how he "had fun" bad the rest of his life was a "big responsibility." (Husband is kind of the opposite, sees himself as the "victim of his addictions" father sees it a "I support you ****es and I'm entitled to have some fun.") 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 How exactly does this improve it? Ask a working girl...They explain it better than I could. But basicly a guy gets his mojo back, stops worrying about the little stuff and the wife gets to share in the sexual benifits. If you notice a certain swager in your man that has appeared out of nowere...look out. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Ask a working girl...They explain it better than I could. But basicly a guy gets his mojo back, stops worrying about the little stuff and the wife gets to share in the sexual benifits. If you notice a certain swager in your man that has appeared out of nowere...look out. Look out for.....? Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Look out for.....? A sudden increase in libido and sexual ability, that seems out of context. For example you have a fight with a guy and hey is sulking all day. Then he comes home later all happy and energetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linqer Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 Has your wife withdrawn from having sex and affection with you? Is she cold during sex, treating it as a duty? If you answered yes to these questions, You might not be entirely wrong for visiting a sex worker. Visiting a sex worker has been proven over and over again to actually IMPROVE the stagnant sex life between a wife and husband (as long as the wife does not know). The issue here is the dishonesty. If you feel you are addicted to it and can not stop, that is a whole other story. And yes you should stop in that case. Mm.. actually my wife has low sexual drive, However when I tell her I want sex most if the times it will happen, I just not telling here often.. regarding sex with her sometimes its good, sometimes less good, overall its not the issue Link to post Share on other sites
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