Image and Style - Again

[Heatherknows]

This is a really good post, and another very good point.

 

If you want to find smart, earthy, free-spirited, creative, passionate women, you have to hang out where they are, and those women aren't in the clubs. They are out changing the world, volunteering, going to school, hanging at art galleries and book stores and coffee shops.

 

Clubs are a waste of your time for the kind of woman you are looking for.

 

...now I'm just feeling lazy.

[loveweary11]

This is a really good post, and another very good point.

 

If you want to find smart, earthy, free-spirited, creative, passionate women, you have to hang out where they are, and those women aren't in the clubs. They are out changing the world, volunteering, going to school, hanging at art galleries and book stores and coffee shops.

 

Clubs are a waste of your time for the kind of woman you are looking for.

 

Agreed. Waking up to that now.

[S_A]

My GF always liked Paul Walker... The girl that cuts my hair has always had a huge crush on Paul Walker. The crush started before Fast N Furious. She loved him from way early on. This girl would totally be your type btw.

[Heatherknows]

This is a really good post, and another very good point.

 

If you want to find smart, earthy, free-spirited, creative, passionate women, you have to hang out where they are, and those women aren't in the clubs. They are out changing the world, volunteering, going to school, hanging at art galleries and book stores and coffee shops.

 

Clubs are a waste of your time for the kind of woman you are looking for.

 

Fine. I'll change the bedsheets. It might not be the world but it's a start.

[writergal]

Just to point it out, Paul Walker's dead. (Was killed in a horrible car crash/fire a year or two ago.) Just seems a little weird to use him as one of our example models given that fact.

 

Not weird when you consider the fact that everything we learn is based on people throughout history. Comics talk about Robin Williams comedy and Williams is no longer with us. Fashionistas still talk about the influence Alexander McQueen had on fashion. Writers talk about Shakespeare, or Twain, or Frost. Movie buffs talk about Hitchcock, or famous actors like Leonard Nimoy to Richard Attenborough. So it's not weird to refer to the deceased when discussing any topic.

 

 

LW: Your boldness could come across with the color in your wardrobe via a neck scarf, the color of your tie, socks, jacket, pants or hat. To quote Star Trek, make your fashion choices "to go boldly where no man has gone before."

[jay1983]

This is a really good post, and another very good point.

 

If you want to find smart, earthy, free-spirited, creative, passionate women, you have to hang out where they are, and those women aren't in the clubs. They are out changing the world, volunteering, going to school, hanging at art galleries and book stores and coffee shops.

 

Clubs are a waste of your time for the kind of woman you are looking for.

Or yoga class....... Wait a minute

[clia]

Can you post a couple links showing something similar to your current style? Given some of the descriptions you've provided combined with your avatar picture, I'm imagining a closet full of Ed Hardy t-shirts. The "bro" look.

 

You don't seem to care for the Paul Walker style being discussed (button down shirts, etc), so whose style do you admire? Can you try to emulate that?

 

You mentioned H&M. Ugh. I mean, it's all right for cheap, one season throw away clothes, but if you have the money you can do better. H&M is also a little young. I would definitely suggest working with a stylist at Bloomingdale's, Nordstrom, or Saks. They can help you get out of your style rut.

[S_A]

If you want to find smart, earthy, free-spirited, creative, passionate women, you have to hang out where they are, and those women aren't in the clubs.

 

A lot of guys feel that "da hoez be up in da club". I never, at any point in my life, agreed. I mean, I get what you're probably trying to say (that there are higher concentrations of great women outside of the clubs), but great women like to have fun too, and they aren't any less great because they go to a club. Great women go, we just overlook them because we are not looking with the right eyes.

Edited August 13, 2015 by S_A

[jay1983]

I think the reason for all the run ins with the trashy type is cause they're always at the club or bar. Also those are more likely to talk to you, while others ignore you simply cause, they don't know you.

[loveweary11]

A lot of guys feel that "da hoez be up in da club". I never, at any point in my life, agreed. I mean, I get what you're probably trying to say (that there are higher concentrations of great women outside of the clubs), but great women like to have fun too, and they aren't any less great because they go to a club. Great women go, we just overlook them because we are not looking with the right eyes.

 

This is true.

 

I met my ex wife of 10 years (12 together) at a hookah lounge in the Lower East Side.

 

Real people go out, not just losers.

[loveweary11]

I think the reason for all the run ins with the trashy type is cause they're always at the club or bar. Also those are more likely to talk to you, while others ignore you simply cause, they don't know you.

 

This too....

 

Better ones are only there once in a while with a pack of girlfriends.

[writergal]

This too....

 

Better ones are only there once in a while with a pack of girlfriends.

 

Those are rare. My sister who is very educated and intelligent met her husband of 15 years at a local college bar. She was there with a bridal party and my brother-in-law asked if he could buy her a drink and the rest is history.

 

But I think you definitely need to seek out better venues than gross bars and nightclubs, if you want to meet and date higher quality of women in New York.

[jay1983]

We can't control who we attract. Like a girl walking down the street in NY. If she wears something innocent, she won't attract as many creeps as say a girl in a skimpy outfit, but she'll still get some nasty cat calls.

[writergal]

We can't control who we attract. Like a girl walking down the street in NY. If she wears something innocent, she won't attract as many creeps as say a girl in a skimpy outfit, but she'll still get some nasty cat calls.

 

Exactly! It's not necessarily about how the package is wrapped but what's inside the package that matters.

 

Johnny Depp could grow his beard long and wear ripped jean shorts and a red tank top and tons of necklaces around his neck and I'd still date him. Because he's Johnny Depp!

[Heatherknows]

Those are rare. My sister who is very educated and intelligent met her husband of 15 years at a local college bar. She was there with a bridal party and my brother-in-law asked if he could buy her a drink and the rest is history.

 

But I think you definitely need to seek out better venues than gross bars and nightclubs, if you want to meet and date higher quality of women in New York.

 

Again, it's not that you can't meet someone at a bar or club. TBH that is where I met my husband. You're a guy and the odds are totally in your favor in NY. I think it's five women to one man ratio. I'm not even sure you have to put that much effort into it. Just go hang out at Barnes and Noble or the mall...actually women are freaking everywhere in NY dying to meet great single guys. This should be a piece of cake for you! Tell the truth: how good looking does a girl need to be for you to be interested?

[Quiet Storm]

I think there is truth to the statement "be yourself". The reason the last girl turned you off is because you realized that the image she portrayed herself to be wasn't reality. She didn't do much yoga, she was an addict, etc. Yet she portrayed an image that initially attracted you, but ended up having the opposite effect when you saw it was just an image, and not the real her.

 

Paul Walker's and Vin Diesel's characters are both attractive because they seem like they are being "themselves". They aren't emulating anyone. Their clothing matches up with their characters personalities and personal style.

 

I think women are attracted to realness- whether it's a laid back plaid wearing Paul Walker type, a confident beater wearing Vin Diesel type or a biker jacket wearing Charlie Hunnam type.

 

Dress in a way that reflects your personal style. What do you feel comfortable in, what style feels most at home and least phony? Maybe pick one thing to be your "trademark", something that's a little different and memorable- like Charlie Hunnam's Jax character being a motorcycle club president but wearing white Nikes.

 

I agree that you aren't going to find many genuine hippie yoga types in clubs. You will find some that want to portray that image, though. Just like girls in clubs will find guys who are portraying images that they hope will inspire attraction. Be careful not to portray a false image and then have the girl realize it's just a show (like you recently experienced).

 

Maybe the people who you usually associate with value image and perception, and if you surround yourselves a different crowd, you may realize there isn't any pressure to be a certain way. Instead of trying to fit a mold or be a type, choose people who won't value style as much as they value substance and authenticity.

[Rejected Rosebud]

However, you definitely don't understand the culture if you think anyone in NYC cares about racial crap. We're all different and all laugh at our differeces.

I think you spend alot of your life in Miami, maybe that explains some things! Srsly loveweary11, I promise you there are many many people in NYC who "care about racial crap." Just the fact that you are denying this is meaningful. Didn't you just say that "we are all different" and NYC is certainly a huge melting pot of all kinds of people, MANY of them are cool and nothing like you at the same time! I just wanted to point out to you that your constant sorrow about how you MUST look in hookup culture and a trashy club scene to find your diamond among the rocks is not exactly what alot of really cool people are doing right in that city where you spend alot of your time and you could too!! :bunny:

 

Take you racism diatribe elsewhere please.

 

This is a thread about fashion/image.

Well first it wasn't a diatribe. I said I thought it was odd. And if you didn't want it to be mentioned you might have used a fashion / image example to get your thread started instead of a racial one! Sheesh!

[loveweary11]

Again, it's not that you can't meet someone at a bar or club. TBH that is where I met my husband. You're a guy and the odds are totally in your favor in NY. I think it's five women to one man ratio. I'm not even sure you have to put that much effort into it. Just go hang out at Barnes and Noble or the mall...actually women are freaking everywhere in NY dying to meet great single guys. This should be a piece of cake for you! Tell the truth: how good looking does a girl need to be for you to be interested?

 

Ok. here comes the truth.

 

A quick Google and I'll say omething like this, but more "girl next door." :lmao:

 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/27/0f/66/270f66715e04efd050fdfbd74261e31f.jpg

 

It's really easy for me to get girls. Zero problems. I just can't seem to get the right mix of personality and looks that works for me, personally (as of late)

[writergal]

Ok. here comes the truth.

 

A quick Google and I'll say omething like this, but more "girl next door." :lmao:

 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/27/0f/66/270f66715e04efd050fdfbd74261e31f.jpg

 

It's really easy for me to get girls. Zero problems. I just can't seem to get the right mix of personality and looks that works for me, personally (as of late)

 

Well yeah you'll meet her type at clubs but definitely not at a bookstore or play, museum or opera, or anywhere cultural or educational. Unless she works there in the coat closet or cafe.

 

Is that who you want to attract? Seriously???

[loveweary11]

I think there is truth to the statement "be yourself". The reason the last girl turned you off is because you realized that the image she portrayed herself to be wasn't reality. She didn't do much yoga, she was an addict, etc. Yet she portrayed an image that initially attracted you, but ended up having the opposite effect when you saw it was just an image, and not the real her.

 

Paul Walker's and Vin Diesel's characters are both attractive because they seem like they are being "themselves". They aren't emulating anyone. Their clothing matches up with their characters personalities and personal style.

 

I think women are attracted to realness- whether it's a laid back plaid wearing Paul Walker type, a confident beater wearing Vin Diesel type or a biker jacket wearing Charlie Hunnam type.

 

Dress in a way that reflects your personal style. What do you feel comfortable in, what style feels most at home and least phony? Maybe pick one thing to be your "trademark", something that's a little different and memorable- like Charlie Hunnam's Jax character being a motorcycle club president but wearing white Nikes.

 

I agree that you aren't going to find many genuine hippie yoga types in clubs. You will find some that want to portray that image, though. Just like girls in clubs will find guys who are portraying images that they hope will inspire attraction. Be careful not to portray a false image and then have the girl realize it's just a show (like you recently experienced).

 

Maybe the people who you usually associate with value image and perception, and if you surround yourselves a different crowd, you may realize there isn't any pressure to be a certain way. Instead of trying to fit a mold or be a type, choose people who won't value style as much as they value substance and authenticity.

 

 

Brilliant. Very well put.

 

That's certainly something to be very careful of.

 

It's just that as you meet a stranger, there has to be something that attracts you to them from the start.

 

I'm trying to improve that so that I attract better women from first sight.

[loveweary11]

Well yeah you'll meet her type at clubs but definitely not at a bookstore or play, museum or opera, or anywhere cultural or educational. Unless she works there in the coat closet or cafe.

 

Is that who you want to attract? Seriously???

 

She asked "how good looking."

 

None of us can say who this random woman from the internet is... she could be a stockbroker, an assistant, a wedding planner, a coke head, a pothead, or someone's wife.

 

That's just an example of the general attractiveness, as asked by Heatherknows.

 

My ex wife was as attractive and similar looking to that.

 

We went to Barnes and Noble, hiking, sailing, traveling, lived off grid, etc...

 

Are you judging a book by its cover?

Edited August 13, 2015 by loveweary11

[pteromom]

Ok. here comes the truth.

 

A quick Google and I'll say omething like this, but more "girl next door." :lmao:

 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/27/0f/66/270f66715e04efd050fdfbd74261e31f.jpg

 

 

I agree with writergirl - she is obviously very beautiful, but hippie/creative/earthy? No, wouldn't describe her as that. She is more centerfold/party girl looking. You would find her working as a hostess at the club. Sitting on a car at an auto show. Her idea of creative is probably using a different brand of false eyelashes. No offense. But she doesn't look like a very deep girl. (In this image - I am sure the real person behind the image is different.)

 

A hippie/earthy/creative type wouldn't be spending all her time and money on hair extensions and fake boobs and fake tan.

 

So maybe you don't want what you said you wanted. If you want the girl you posted, just get obvious brand name everything and flash your cash.

[pteromom]

Are you judging a book by its cover?

 

Your thread is about image and style, so judging a book by its cover is exactly the point, no?

[loveweary11]

Your thread is about image and style, so judging a book by its cover is exactly the point, no?

 

Writergal was posting earlier in the thread about not judging a book by its cover, then judged that one by its cover. Had to point that out.

 

But yes, this thread is about my personal superficial cover.

 

In reality, all humans judge the book by its cover initially.

[pteromom]

Writergal was posting earlier in the thread about not judging a book by its cover, then judged that one by its cover. Had to point that out.

 

But yes, this thread is about my personal superficial cover.

 

In reality, all humans judge the book by its cover initially.

 

I missed that comment from writergal.

 

And yes, that is true that everyone judges by the cover initially. That's why style is important. It's how you show who you are.

 

I just want you to consider if earthy/creative/hippie is really what you like. Because that girl you posted is SO not that.