Husband just got fired for stealing

[TaraMaiden2]

Wow. You wouldn't get fired without going through a disciplinary investigation and hearing in the UK. Even when it's clear you did wrong.

Not always so....

There are some incidents of Gross Misconduct which would result in Instant dismissal.

Theft of company property would be one of them, indecent exposure and violent behaviour, abusive language or insubordination would be others.

Admittedly, you would be suspended during an investigation, but anyone CLEARLY guilty of such offences might just as well face the fact their job is gone.

[ITw]

OP you have a job and an income. Don't let him make you feel like you don't have power, cuz you do. He needs to get with the program.

 

 

If he's mentally unstable shouldn't he get help? Especially after this? Do you even want to stay with him long-term after what he's put you and your kid through? If you don't, this is the perfect time to cut him loose and start over. If you do, what needs to happen to make you see you're married to a ticking time bomb?

 

 

Not criticizing you. I think you mean well but are clearly unhappy in this situation.

[Trishern]

Not always so....

There are some incidents of Gross Misconduct which would result in Instant dismissal.

Theft of company property would be one of them, indecent exposure and violent behaviour, abusive language or insubordination would be others.

Admittedly, you would be suspended during an investigation, but anyone CLEARLY guilty of such offences might just as well face the fact their job is gone.

 

You'd be suspended on full pay. There would be a full investigation, followed by a disciplinary hearing in accordance with the ACAS guidelines and this at least buys you some time to get another job. The investigation can sometimes take a while too. A hearing would look at mitigating circumstances and there are times even in gross misconduct cases employees don't get dismissed.

 

 

Although this particular case doesn't have any mitigation at all (we all want to pay off CC debts) and seems very clear cut.

 

 

Then some people decide to resign before they get dismissed for gross misconduct, which means we might not mention it on their reference.

 

 

Instant dismissal, would not be dismissal on the spot in reality.

[sandylee1]

Things are very different in the US.

 

There was a brief meeting with HR, when they asked him point blank if he took the phones and sold them on eBay. He admitted to it. They went over the specifics of what he took and what he should repay, and they terminated him. The entire thing lasted less than an hour.

 

That's it.

 

 

Yes . It's very different indeed. I think a lot of the employment terms and conditions are very different too, like sick pay and holiday pay.

 

He needs to start looking for a new job pronto.

[sandylee1]

Not always so....

There are some incidents of Gross Misconduct which would result in Instant dismissal.

Theft of company property would be one of them, indecent exposure and violent behaviour, abusive language or insubordination would be others.

Admittedly, you would be suspended during an investigation, but anyone CLEARLY guilty of such offences might just as well face the fact their job is gone.

 

Not so instant before a disciplinary hearing though. Once the hearing has happened , then you can dismiss instantly, with any accrued annual leave to be paid in the final salary.

[Arabella]

So today when I came home he had done some work around the house and picked up our daughter from daycare. He had also gone to return the rest of his work equipment and deliver the check for the amount they agreed upon. He cleaned the mess I made cooking and cleared the table. No complaints.

 

I briefly tried to talk about what happened but he said he just wanted to put it behind him and try to move on. He wasn't rude or aggressive about it, so I let it drop.

 

He said he wants my help revising his resume, figuring out how we're going to handle the termination (career-wise) and that we can start tomorrow. We bought a really cheap computer (since he had to return the one from his job) and he didn't even complain that it wasn't the latest model, as he normally would have.

 

He still seems pretty shaken, which is very rare. Perhaps the reality that he could have been in a world of legal trouble is slowly sinking in?

 

I guess tomorrow we begin the job search. I should be able to tell right away whether he's motivated to do it or he's just paying me lip service.

[TaraMaiden2]

So today when I came home he had done some work around the house and picked up our daughter from daycare. He had also gone to return the rest of his work equipment and deliver the check for the amount they agreed upon. He cleaned the mess I made cooking and cleared the table. No complaints.

 

I briefly tried to talk about what happened but he said he just wanted to put it behind him and try to move on. He wasn't rude or aggressive about it, so I let it drop.

 

He said he wants my help revising his resume, figuring out how we're going to handle the termination (career-wise) and that we can start tomorrow. We bought a really cheap computer (since he had to return the one from his job) and he didn't even complain that it wasn't the latest model, as he normally would have.

 

He still seems pretty shaken, which is very rare. Perhaps the reality that he could have been in a world of legal trouble is slowly sinking in?

 

I guess tomorrow we begin the job search. I should be able to tell right away whether he's motivated to do it or he's just paying me lip service.

 

Gosh, suddenly this makes everything All right.

See? That's why they're still together. Because one little 'right' dustheap of an incident, puts a whole mountain of 'wrong' incidents into the shade.

 

And I speak from painful experience.....

[pink_sugar]

Gosh, suddenly this makes everything All right.

See? That's why they're still together. Because one little 'right' dustheap of an incident, puts a whole mountain of 'wrong' incidents into the shade.

 

And I speak from painful experience.....

 

I agree. It definitely does sound like he has some mental issues. Bi-polar seems to come to mind. Anyways AB, I just went through your other thread regarding getting a divorce and honestly, I can remember you posting way back before you married him about the issues you two were having. Why you went ahead and married him is beyond me, but there isn't any going back, so what you can do is move forward. You've been married 2 years. That isn't really that long. Get out of this before you're middle aged and miserable in 10-15 years down the road. It's only going to get worse. He got fired for stealing. What's next? I'm sure both of you make WAY more than my husband and I, but we get by on our meager earnings. I'm sure you would be fine without his income.

[Krieger]

OP you have a job and an income. Don't let him make you feel like you don't have power, cuz you do. He needs to get with the program.

 

 

If he's mentally unstable shouldn't he get help? Especially after this? Do you even want to stay with him long-term after what he's put you and your kid through? If you don't, this is the perfect time to cut him loose and start over. If you do, what needs to happen to make you see you're married to a ticking time bomb?

 

 

Not criticizing you. I think you mean well but are clearly unhappy in this situation.

 

What this person said .

 

I like to know what goes through some peoples mind to sell a cell phone that is not yours online ?

 

The few hundred bucks would not be worth it to me .

[amaysngrace]

I think he uses his depression as an excuse to behave badly and not have it be held against him and even to garner sympathy for when he gets caught screwing up like a true manipulator would....

 

...but that's just me

[pink_sugar]

I think he uses his depression as an excuse to behave badly and not have it be held against him and even to garner sympathy for when he gets caught screwing up like a true manipulator would....

 

...but that's just me

 

If my husband did something like this, I would be livid at the thought that he had no regard for keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table or otherwise screwing up our quality of life by doing something he knowingly could lose his job for. Honestly, I don't think your H deserves any sympathy at all. He knew what he was doing could get him canned and he chose to do it all for a few hundred bucks of side cash. Were you guys really that financially strained? We have been for years, but yet it has NEVER occurred to either of us to steal from our jobs because we felt we were owed...no matter how unhappy or dissatisfied we were with our salaries.

[amaysngrace]

If my husband did something like this, I would be livid at the thought that he had no regard for keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table or otherwise screwing up our quality of life by doing something he knowingly could lose his job for. Honestly, I don't think your H deserves any sympathy at all. He knew what he was doing could get him canned and he chose to do it all for a few hundred bucks of side cash. Were you guys really that financially strained? We have been for years, but yet it has NEVER occurred to either of us to steal from our jobs because we felt we were owed...no matter how unhappy or dissatisfied we were with our salaries.

 

I wonder if Arabella thinks stealing from her employer is okay like her husband does. I think she's right...him watching the kids probably isn't in the children's best interest. Is he going to teach them how to steal too?

[pink_sugar]

I wonder if Arabella thinks stealing from her employer is okay like her husband does. I think she's right...him watching the kids probably isn't in the children's best interest. Is he going to teach them how to steal too?

 

I think this whole situation is bad...if not just the relationship, AB's husband is a terrible role model for their child. She has enough against him to get full custody and move on with her life. I say enough with the enabling and either give him a kick in the butt or a kick to the curb. Just my two cents.

[beatcuff]

Stealing is very common in my industry, as are 'government jobs' (using company equipment to do work on the side for cash) and people are routinely fired for it. They don't care because the skills are so in demand that they'll be hired the next day by a competitor because companies are always short-handed of skilled mechanics and machinists. From talking with owners, it's the same with IT folks, the people who manage the company information systems and machine and process controls. Those people are gods. Yeah, if they exceed the acceptable amount of corruption, they do get fired but get picked up right away by someone else.

 

H got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He's terminated and will hopefully pay back what he owes, if not already done. Now he can move on. Plenty of demand for someone with his skills. Business is war, except, hopefully, no one dies. That's how it goes. Some battles are won, some are lost. Move on.

 

yes, yes, yes... this is not the as bad as some have stated.

 

so how to move on?

 

his old company will only state his employment attendance, if that, very unlikely 'we mutually separated'. he was never convicted, never charged and with him paying them --- he no longer stole.

 

apply for unemployment. depending on the state he will get it no matter what.

 

as for the interview, state 'the company under appreciated his efforts' then move on to what he can do for them.

 

employers in the USA understand that employees change jobs, especially in the IT ---- a lot.

[Got it]

yes, yes, yes... this is not the as bad as some have stated.

 

so how to move on?

 

his old company will only state his employment attendance, if that, very unlikely 'we mutually separated'. he was never convicted, never charged and with him paying them --- he no longer stole.

 

apply for unemployment. depending on the state he will get it no matter what.

 

as for the interview, state 'the company under appreciated his efforts' then move on to what he can do for them.

 

employers in the USA understand that employees change jobs, especially in the IT ---- a lot.

 

I disagree on the unemployment. While yes he can apply, most states would deny him unemployment due to the theft if the employer challenges it. Even CA, a very employee friendly state, would usually deny it for these reasons.

[applej4]

apply for unemployment. depending on the state he will get it no matter what.

In the opening post, OP has already stated he is not eligible for unemployment because he was terminated for cause.

[carhill]

Yep, that's where the acceptable amount of corruption comes in. While it makes sense an employer would challenge, on principal, well, it also depends on how much the former employee knows about where the dead bodies are buried at the company and which state and federal regulatory agencies (in our industry, EPA is big) would want to know. Typical business politics. Often, the employee will get a neutral referral, which is code for 'watch out' and, sometimes, no challenge to their UI claim. Right? Perspectives vary. That's business. Crunch the numbers and deal with the humans.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I agree. It definitely does sound like he has some mental issues. Bi-polar seems to come to mind. Anyways AB, I just went through your other thread regarding getting a divorce and honestly, I can remember you posting way back before you married him about the issues you two were having. Why you went ahead and married him is beyond me, but there isn't any going back, so what you can do is move forward. You've been married 2 years. That isn't really that long. Get out of this before you're middle aged and miserable in 10-15 years down the road. It's only going to get worse. He got fired for stealing. What's next? I'm sure both of you make WAY more than my husband and I, but we get by on our meager earnings. I'm sure you would be fine without his income.

 

 

I doubt she'll leave for anything he might do. Cheating, physically abusing her or their daughter, illegal drug use, bankruptcy, etc etc. She's married to him & that's that, end of story.

[William]

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[pink_sugar]

I disagree on the unemployment. While yes he can apply, most states would deny him unemployment due to the theft if the employer challenges it. Even CA, a very employee friendly state, would usually deny it for these reasons.

 

Agree. Even if it's something as simple as minor negligence, if you have been given warnings and documentation of reprimand, you can still lose out on UI. In this case the employer has a just cause for termination and I know in CA, termination for misconduct means you lose out on UI.

[CarrieT]

I know in CA, termination for misconduct means you lose out on UI.

 

However, if - in California - you are *still* unemployed after six months, you will then qualify for the UI.

 

I have been fired for cause and while initially denied, I eventually got the unemployment. The "trick" is that you do have to file immediately to start the clock going.

 

If he waits six months, he wouldn't get it then.

[applej4]

not sure why California is being discussed. OP is in the state of New York. I don't know if he has filed yet, of if there is some trick, but I assume OP had a reason for saying he won't be getting unemployment.

[Arabella]

I doubt she'll leave for anything he might do. Cheating, physically abusing her or their daughter, illegal drug use, bankruptcy, etc etc. She's married to him & that's that, end of story.

 

Thanks for the pointless psychological analysis that shows how little you know about me.

 

I left my first marriage, because he cheated on me.

 

I left a relationship before that, because he abused me and put me in the hospital.

 

But hey, whatever. This is the internet, and people think they have you all figured out you based on a handful of posts.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I just looked back on some of your other threads, maybe it would help you if you did as well and look honestly at this situation within the context of all of them? I'm sorry you are going through this, it must be so stressful. :(

[Arabella]

Yeah, our marriage has never been great, but it has been getting better. At this point last year he was still blaming me for all of his problems. Now he recognizes that he has an unhealthy way of dealing with stress and anxiety and often takes it out on me. There's no verbal abuse anymore, and he's been doing well in controlling his angry outbursts. He has a ways to go, but the progress is undeniable.

 

My therapist is aware of everything that's happened in the last few years, and even she thinks there has been significant progress. She helps a lot with figuring out whats right, or wrong, what do I want, and why I have made certain choices up until this point.

 

So, that said, I'd like to refocus this thread on the matter at hand: My husband's recent unemployment, how to deal with that from career and financial perspectives, and the emotional struggle that ensues.

 

To clarify:

 

No, I do not believe that stealing from one's employer is okay.

Yes, I am very angry about what he has done, and what's happened as a result.

No, I am not leaving my husband at this point.

 

I am struggling with the fact that everyone makes mistakes. and I believe in redemption and sticking by your partner's side when life gets difficult. He lost his job on Monday, and today (Wednesday) we're revising his resume and he's doing what I ask him.

 

From where I'm sitting, it appears that many of you are quickly determining that I should leave him not because of the current situation, but because you know the history of our marriage from other threads.

 

This situation alone, to me, does not warrant leaving him. Yeah, he ****ed up, but really? He's doing what he can right now to repair the situation. Isn't that worth something?