A "Successful" Affair?

[Just a Guy]

Hi RC, Have just read your followup post and am glad to see that you are introspecting about your life and wanting to delve deeper into your psyche and persona to try and understand yourself with greater clarity than you have attempted so far. That is good but I am intrigued as to why the question of whether you need your SO in your life or not has been niggling you at the back of your mind.

 

I say this because you have stuck it out with your SO for fourteen long years and been through a traumatic phase when he had a PA and an EA with another woman. The fact that you took him back after such an event shows that your feelings for him run deep and while you have been badly hurt you still thought that the two of you could overcome this huge betrayal if, of course, he came aboard. He seems to have done that and you seem to have weathered the Perfect Storm! Given this background why would you now start thinking along the lines you have indicated? Was it because there are still some unresolved issues? If so that is what you should try and bring to the surface and talk it out.

 

Also, with regard to your initial post I wanted to include one other point in my previous post which I overlooked. What you have written about your sexual predilections indicate that you fit the mould of a Hotwife or in your case a Hotgirlfriend. I guess you must be familiar with the term and if not just Google it or better still visit the site OHW dot org where you will find a lot of useful information. Quite frankly I do not know why I am giving you this advice seeing that I am a monogamous male who has always been and still is a one woman man. That said I have to further add that I am an old man now and my perspective is very different from what it was forty or fortyfive years ago when I was young. If I have learnt one thing then it is that one should accept the truth of the adages "Live and let Live" and "One man's meat is another man's poison. Guess that is all I have to say. Wish you the best in your journey in life!

[RecentChange]

More good thoughts - I especially appreciate your responses Justaguy...

 

As to why I found my self thinking about "us" not being an "us" any more...

 

Hum, I do really love this guy, and I do think that was very evident by how I handled his affair - not to pat myself on the back, but I really stuck through that, supported him, and helped him get through some dark stuff.. while managing not to go totally crazy (maybe a little crazy) myself.

 

And I still love him. But when that all happened - I was just blind sided by it. I couldn't for a moment imagine life without him - couldn't even consider the thought.

 

But - like many on here know - an affair does cause some lasting damage, and I think long term - for me, it made me want to be sure I could stand on my own two feet if need be. And now I am at the point where I am really feeling confident, and "in control" of my life if you will - and even way before "Mr smells wonderful" came into my life, I found myself thinking... "I would be okay".

 

Not that its something I *wanted* at all... or thought about happening really. But I felt like I was (am?) in a place were I could handle it.

 

And I had brought this up to him recently (again... before *why* I am here happened) - that I had some lasting unease about being rejected / blind sided / etc.

 

As for the "hot wife" thing.... hum, not familiar, this is my first foyer into online relationship anything online! I don't know if I want to look into it - really, I am NOT looking for "temptation".

 

And speaking of temptation - I will admit that I keep sitting with whats his name (often its the LAST seat open) - although I didn't yesterday, and I glad, because damn it - he was smelling amazing again. So, yeah, I keep playing with fire - Its odd to sleep with someone and then flip back to the friend script - but I think I enjoy torturing myself a little.

 

And I don't feel like my partner is a place holder. And I have ZERO desire to "have a life" with this OM. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else but my partner....

[Just a Guy]

Hi RC, So how are doing? Have you read FitBitGirl's thread? Seems very similar to your except that her reasons for straying are very different from yours. Unfortunately she was hounded out of the forum by the abrasive comments she got from people on the forum. I hope your introspection has yielded answers and insights which you can use going forward. Best wishes!

[66Charger]

And I don't feel like my partner is a place holder. And I have ZERO desire to "have a life" with this OM. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else but my partner....

 

You are sharing your life with someone else other than your partner. And you will again. You may not let this A define you, but you are a cheater.

Edited August 6, 2015 by 66Charger

[RecentChange]

Eh – I am doing well all and all. Some time has passed – but not that much you know? I think I am still waiting to see how this all shakes out.

 

I have had a “talk” with my partner about “needing” more sex, why it’s important to me, that I want HIM and IT!

 

And I am still having to initiate…every time – I don’t want to say I have to “beg” but damn… hinting, back massages, “pecks” being returned with deep kisses…. doesn’t work.

 

Also doesn’t help that our work schedules just don’t jive right now… I am going to bed without him in the evening, waking up earlier and leaving him in the morning… Can’t seem to get him home early enough to “get some” before dinner… I did let him know that I am really “hungry” for some, and masturbating twice a day just isn’t cutting it – if you have ever seen Joe Rogan’s skit where he talks about “tiny strokes as to not wake…” yeah, that (And I have to say it’s the first time that I confessed to him that I am having to rub one out twice a day as he sleeps…. And this has been going on for a LONG time)

 

Its going to take some work – and me “being horny” obviously isn’t enough…. I am going to work on complimenting, building up, and letting him feel wanted / needed. He made a comment “its good to know you still find me attractive” – ouch, obviously I haven’t been doing enough there. I have been too much of a nag (please trim up that beard) and not enough of a cheer leader. Sex wise – I think I have been treating him too much like a “dick” and not as my partner. But I do love some “dick” (as in some emotionless F’ing) – need to have another conversation I guess! I also need to find out what HE wants and needs. I think low level depression is affecting his libido.. something to talk about.

 

Thoughts… once upon a time I really did put our relationship on a pedestal. We were (are!) the ones friends always asked about relationship advice because – well, we had been together for so long, and get along so well.… and…. understandably I am not on that high horse any more. I think I still felt highly of our relationship even after his cheating episode (which I kept a secret beyond one childhood friend - no one else besides “us” and two counselors knew about it), I was the martyr in that, and … I have taken a step down… I am certainly no hero any more.

 

Yes, "I am a cheater" - but honestly I do not feel shame from that label like some may hope.

 

I still do not feel any overwhelming “guilt” – sure I know and understand what I did was wrong, as it could have some terrible consequences for someone I care about. But I am not bogged down by guilt. I think the reasons for that are many, my internal justifications due to my partner’s prior cheating, my almost bazaar ability to disconnect sex from emotion (and I say bazaar, not because it feels weird to me, feels totally normal – but so far, I haven’t met, or been with someone who is capable of the same amount of disconnect). Like the posted above pointed out “you shared your life with another man” – to me, no, I shared my pussy with another man, but really haven’t shared my “life” with him.

 

And maybe I am just a narcissist, a sociopath, “once a cheater, always a cheater” and I have opened some sort of flood gates where now I will be constantly on the prowl for some fresh dick…. But honestly I do not feel that way. Psychology’s attempts to generalize or predict the actions of an individual always bothered me, verses sociology’s models of generalizing group dynamics (my undergraduate degree is in sociology). Too many variables among the individual to easily make accurate, broad speculations.

 

And yes, I saw “fitbitgirls” thread… I can identify with some of the feelings she shared – but on the other hand, its also different in many ways.

 

What I find funny – is people keep telling me to post on the “other woman” section… holy moly – I browsed those threads a bit. Yeah, no. That group for the most part is not for me. I am not wrapped up in a “relationship” with the other guy. I am not pining, “in love with a MM” texting calling, hoping that they leave their wives…. all of the rest of that DRAMA. Nope. I didn't see one thread there that I could relate to. I am not scared of the critics here, I can take it.

 

So where do I go from here? I don’t know – I am going to keep trying to be more aware, to work on my relationship. My eyes have certainly been opened to things that I had been ignoring. It got too easy to accept the status quo and fall into a routine…

[66Charger]

I think people suggested you post on the OM/W section is precisely because of what you read there. Remorseless drama who doesnt see the affair as wrong. You may not see yourself that way, but posters here see you EXACTLY in that way. Your mirror is distorted. However enjoy your successful affair!!

[qubist]

I think people suggested you post on the OM/W section is precisely because of what you read there. Remorseless drama who doesnt see the affair as wrong. You may not see yourself that way, but posters here see you EXACTLY in that way. Your mirror is distorted. However enjoy your successful affair!!

here she will get honest opinion versus fake sympathy at the OW/M forum

she doesn't realize the sad truth that one day the A will end and she will fall back to worst mental state. A is like a drug may give you temporary satisfaction but not a permanent solution.

[Sastrugi]

Eh – I am doing well all and all. Some time has passed – but not that much you know? I think I am still waiting to see how this all shakes out.

 

I have had a “talk” with my partner about “needing” more sex, why it’s important to me, that I want HIM and IT!

 

And I am still having to initiate…every time – I don’t want to say I have to “beg” but damn… hinting, back massages, “pecks” being returned with deep kisses…. doesn’t work.

 

Also doesn’t help that our work schedules just don’t jive right now… I am going to bed without him in the evening, waking up earlier and leaving him in the morning… Can’t seem to get him home early enough to “get some” before dinner… I did let him know that I am really “hungry” for some, and masturbating twice a day just isn’t cutting it – if you have ever seen Joe Rogan’s skit where he talks about “tiny strokes as to not wake…” yeah, that (And I have to say it’s the first time that I confessed to him that I am having to rub one out twice a day as he sleeps…. And this has been going on for a LONG time)

 

Its going to take some work – and me “being horny” obviously isn’t enough…. I am going to work on complimenting, building up, and letting him feel wanted / needed. He made a comment “its good to know you still find me attractive” – ouch, obviously I haven’t been doing enough there. I have been too much of a nag (please trim up that beard) and not enough of a cheer leader. Sex wise – I think I have been treating him too much like a “dick” and not as my partner. But I do love some “dick” (as in some emotionless F’ing) – need to have another conversation I guess! I also need to find out what HE wants and needs. I think low level depression is affecting his libido.. something to talk about.

 

Thoughts… once upon a time I really did put our relationship on a pedestal. We were (are!) the ones friends always asked about relationship advice because – well, we had been together for so long, and get along so well.… and…. understandably I am not on that high horse any more. I think I still felt highly of our relationship even after his cheating episode (which I kept a secret beyond one childhood friend - no one else besides “us” and two counselors knew about it), I was the martyr in that, and … I have taken a step down… I am certainly no hero any more.

 

Yes, "I am a cheater" - but honestly I do not feel shame from that label like some may hope.

 

I still do not feel any overwhelming “guilt” – sure I know and understand what I did was wrong, as it could have some terrible consequences for someone I care about. But I am not bogged down by guilt. I think the reasons for that are many, my internal justifications due to my partner’s prior cheating, my almost bazaar ability to disconnect sex from emotion (and I say bazaar, not because it feels weird to me, feels totally normal – but so far, I haven’t met, or been with someone who is capable of the same amount of disconnect). Like the posted above pointed out “you shared your life with another man” – to me, no, I shared my pussy with another man, but really haven’t shared my “life” with him.

 

And maybe I am just a narcissist, a sociopath, “once a cheater, always a cheater” and I have opened some sort of flood gates where now I will be constantly on the prowl for some fresh dick…. But honestly I do not feel that way. Psychology’s attempts to generalize or predict the actions of an individual always bothered me, verses sociology’s models of generalizing group dynamics (my undergraduate degree is in sociology). Too many variables among the individual to easily make accurate, broad speculations.

 

And yes, I saw “fitbitgirls” thread… I can identify with some of the feelings she shared – but on the other hand, its also different in many ways.

 

What I find funny – is people keep telling me to post on the “other woman” section… holy moly – I browsed those threads a bit. Yeah, no. That group for the most part is not for me. I am not wrapped up in a “relationship” with the other guy. I am not pining, “in love with a MM” texting calling, hoping that they leave their wives…. all of the rest of that DRAMA. Nope. I didn't see one thread there that I could relate to. I am not scared of the critics here, I can take it.

 

So where do I go from here? I don’t know – I am going to keep trying to be more aware, to work on my relationship. My eyes have certainly been opened to things that I had been ignoring. It got too easy to accept the status quo and fall into a routine…

 

Hi RC,

Glad you came back. I was actually going to ping your thread in another week. You see, after reading your thread initially, I was betting that you were in the "Beginnings" of an affair and that after the dust settled from the first encounter, one of you would reach out to the other.

 

A question no need to answer - who do you think of when you rub one out? If the OM enters in to your thoughts, my experience is the affairs continue.

 

I too justified my (multiple) Revenge Affairs on my SO betrayal. You seem much more grounded than I was during my period of unrest, so I truly hope you fair better and with more integrity than I did. My SO / now wife and I still need to occasionally deal with that time in our life over 25 years ago.

 

 

Oh, on the miss-match libido front - Sounds like you have done well to inform your SO about your lack of needs being met. Maybe this would be a good way to broach a conversation about open relationships... Guarantee you if he doesn't want an open relationship he will be more attentive.

 

All the best,

S.

[RecentChange]

The affair has ended.

 

And I know it was a "temp fix" and that the emotions / changes etc affiliated with it will wane. Hell, I am already experiencing that. It was also enlightening.

 

And I saw that from what we went through 5 years ago (when he had an EA and PA) - we went from "rekindling" and F'ing all the time, to.... the lack luster sex life which I didn't realize was affecting me so much.

[RecentChange]

Hi RC,

Glad you came back. I was actually going to ping your thread in another week. You see, after reading your thread initially, I was betting that you were in the "Beginnings" of an affair and that after the dust settled from the first encounter, one of you would reach out to the other.

 

A question no need to answer - who do you think of when you rub one out? If the OM enters in to your thoughts, my experience is the affairs continue.

 

I too justified my (multiple) Revenge Affairs on my SO betrayal. You seem much more grounded than I was during my period of unrest, so I truly hope you fair better and with more integrity than I did. My SO / now wife and I still need to occasionally deal with that time in our life over 25 years ago.

 

 

Oh, on the miss-match libido front - Sounds like you have done well to inform your SO about your lack of needs being met. Maybe this would be a good way to broach a conversation about open relationships... Guarantee you if he doesn't want an open relationship he will be more attentive.

 

All the best,

S.

 

Honestly, most of the time I think of the OM right now. Sometimes my partner, often my old F' buddy.

 

And while the "OM" is new - thinking about someone else when I take care of myself - or even when I am with my partner is NOT.

 

That has been going on for gees.. about as long as I can remember. Maybe its tied to my sex / emotion disconnect - but I often think of someone else, sometimes even someone who I had kinda crappy sex with - just still someone "different" I guess.

 

And while its been since...2001 since I had sex with my old F' buddy, I still pull up those visuals predominantly.

 

Thats why I made a comment earlier about having "added to the catalog" - some added visuals / memories to pull from.

 

As for a "revenge" affair, gosh, I still don't feel that it was. I didn't do this to hurt him, and I wish there was a way that it wouldn't hurt him (I know it does / will). Yes, I use what he did as an excuse - a LICENSE - a justification (while still not "right") - but I didn't do it to "get at him".

 

As far as this being "just a start" - I still don't think so. We made a conscious decision to "stop while we are ahead". Its just not worth the risks, and now that we have "gone there" - I just do not feel the sexual tension any more. I still see him about daily, and I don't know, maybe he is putting on a "show" for me, but it feels over - we chat, like acquaintances or friends might.

 

He (OM) has a lot to lose if this came out - I don't think he would attempt to start it up again. On the other hand, I also don't know what lead him astray.

[pteromom]

I can actually understand what you are feeling. I too am able to have sex without becoming entangled in emotions, and although I have never had an affair, I can imagine that in your shoes, I might feel similarly to you.

 

I don't know if you can call an affair successful though.

 

The OM was feeling guilt, and that is what led to the end of the affair. It is possible that his guilt will grow and he will feel compelled to tell his wife. If you read forums here, a majority of people seem to believe that you should always tell, and I understand their arguments for it.

 

So if he tells, the odds are good that the wife will try to contact you or your husband.

 

So even though you feel it was over and you learned something to make your marriage better and stronger, you also have to live in a state of holding your breath, wondering if/when this is going to come crashing down on you. It's in the hands of the OM, and you don't know him well enough to know if you can trust his discretion. You also don't know whether once the high wears off, if your own guilt will begin to grow.

 

And of course, for the rest of your life, there will be little comments you or your husband will make, which will remind you of this affair. Forever.

 

So I don't know - it's too soon to call it successful.

[RecentChange]

The OM was feeling guilt, and that is what led to the end of the affair. It is possible that his guilt will grow and he will feel compelled to tell his wife. If you read forums here, a majority of people seem to believe that you should always tell, and I understand their arguments for it....It's in the hands of the OM, and you don't know him well enough to know if you can trust his discretion.

 

While I agree, I feel the risks of discovery are fairly limited.

 

He doesn't even know my last name, where I live, work, etc (although I know all of those things about him). He does have my unlisted cell phone number - said that he has his wife have separate phone accounts - she doesn't have access to his bills etc (and same here, my own phone, own plan etc). We texted about 10 times on one day - after that, any contact (besides face to face) was limited to an extremely secure hidden app - which we both have since deleted from our phones. So perhaps she will hunt me down somehow, but I feel the likelihood is limited.

 

Before "this" we had actually played a game - based off of first name, and cell phone number alone - how much info can you find on me? He came up empty handed - I found all sorts of stuff on him (last name, schools, where he worked etc). And then when things took a turn, I told him, no offense - but GOOD, I am not going to tell you those things about me now because I don't want a betrayed wife after me!

 

And yes, I know that this is not all "over" in a number of ways. Maybe I will start feeling guilty....

[Owl6118]

I think your ability to separate sex from intimacy may be a little statistically unusual but not all that remarkable--I imagine there are many other women who feel the same.

 

But I do remain continually fascinated by the utter absence of your AP's wife from your consciousness.

 

Most of us feel a moral duty not to gratuitously hurt others or take from them what is central to their lives. You just up and took, for what you flatly admit was no more compelling reason than that that it served your need for novelty. It's your lack of empathy--your ability to take so much for such paltry and small motives-not your sexuality, I find remarkable.

[DKT3]

I think your ability to separate sex from intimacy may be a little statistically unusual but not all that remarkable--I imagine there are many other women who feel the same.

 

But I do remain continually fascinated by the utter absence of your AP's wife from your consciousness.

 

Most of us feel a moral duty not to gratuitously hurt others or take from them what is central to their lives. You just up and took, for what you flatly admit was no more compelling reason than that that it served your need for novelty. It's your lack of empathy--your ability to take so much for such paltry and small motives-not your sexuality, I find remarkable.

 

It sounds to me she is emotionally detacted from her partner also. Really cold and uncaring.

[Sassy Girl]

It sounds to me she is emotionally detacted from her partner also. Really cold and uncaring.

 

I've been accused of the same. Not the case. Just doesn't come through on these forums

[darkbloom]

I guess I don't see unfaithfulness and lying to your husband as a 'success'.

[DKT3]

I've been accused of the same. Not the case. Just doesn't come through on these forums

 

 

You once called your husband half a man. Its not a reach.

[WomenWubber]

This is just my opinion, but I think you keep saying things to yourself that you don't really feel are true. As other posters have pointed out, you have been detaching from your partner. If you can keep deceiving him like this, it basically means you don't even respect him as such.

 

In all honestly, I hardly see this relationship becoming more fulfilling for both of you. There will always be a void aching to be filled as long as you both don't open up to each other and deal with your problems as a couple.

[jen1447]

RC, I think this was asked somewhere before (10 pages is a lot to re-read lol), but are there any prospects for opening the relationship?

 

I know the feeling of 'needing more,' believe me, and I get it by expanding the partner base.

[Just a Guy]

Hi RC, Guess the folks on here are going to try and hound you out from this forum. You represent everything they, to put it mildly, dislike. Most people here have entrenched views about any thing to do with extramarital sex. It is anathema to them and I can understand where they are coming from. They are the victims of infidelity or have been the perpetrators of it themselves and are now consumed with guilt and remorse. The fact is that they consider this forum their special refuge and want any interlopers like you to go elsewhere.

 

I think your calling your escapade an affair may be misplaced. To me it seems more like three one night stands in a row. I may be wrong but I think an affair entails something long drawn out where an emotional connection first develops and then goes on to become a physical one. In your case it was more of lust overtaking both of you and once the itch was satisfied it died a natural death. You would be better qualified to comment on that. Also I think you are doing well to introspect and dwell on questions that may have lurked in the back of your mind but which you suppressed or ignored in the normal course of daily life. Keep at it and device solutions to overcome any impediments in your relationship with your husband.

 

Since people want you off this forum I would again suggest that you look at the website I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. The way you have described yourself it seems to me you would fit the bill of a Hotwife to a tee. No harm in visiting the website and educating yourself about the kink. Of course you would have to get your husband on board but it will be worth the effort as your libido is not going to go away in a hurry and you do not want to cheat on your husband again. By the way they have strict rules on cheating there too. Best wishes.Cheers!

Edited August 7, 2015 by Just a Guy

[DKT3]

Hi RC, Guess the folks on here are going to try and hound you out from this forum. You represent everything they, to put it mildly, dislike. Most people here have entrenched views about any thing to do with extramarital sex. It is anathema to them and I can understand where they are coming from. They are the victims of infidelity or have been the perpetrators of it themselves and are now consumed with guilt and remorse. The fact is that they consider this forum their special refuge and want any interlopers like you to go elsewhere.

 

I think your calling your escapade an affair may be misplaced. To me it seems more like three one night stands in a row. I may be wrong but I think an affair entails something long drawn out where an emotional connection first develops and then goes on to become a physical one. In your case it was more of lust overtaking both of you and once the itch was satisfied it died a natural death. You would be better qualified to comment on that. Also I think you are doing well to introspect and dwell on questions that may have lurked in the back of your mind but which you suppressed or ignored in the normal course of daily life. Keep at it and device solutions to overcome any impediments in your relationship with your husband.

 

Since people want you off this forum I would again suggest that you look at the website I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. The way you have described yourself it seems to me you would fit the bill of a Hotwife to a tee. No harm in visiting the website and educating yourself about the kink. Of course you would have to get your husband on board but it will be worth the effort as your libido is not going to go away in a hurry and you do not want to cheat on your husband again. By the way they have strict rules on cheating there too. Best wishes.Cheers!

 

Oh it was an affair, and its one that is much deeper then she is willing to admit. They were firmly locked into an emotional affair before it went physical. She clearly attempted to mislead us on that at the start, however as she posts, the details of a much more "involved" relationship starts to appear. I personally find it hard to believe that a short week long fling would need secret forms of communication....nah its been much more drawn out then RC has been honest about. Maybe she is in denial to a degree, but she is in much deeper then she thinks.

[RecentChange]

Um no, it was not an emotional affair. This guy doesn't even know many details of my life. If an "emotional affair" includes daily chit chat on politics etc - I guess I am guilty.

 

As for the "private ap" day one when we decided to "do this" he said texting was WAY too risky, and I agreed - so he set my phone up with this ap (he works in tech).

 

And what racy correspondence, professions of emotion did we exchange on that ap?

 

"Hold my seat I am running late"

(This was the most heart thumping one):

"I am going to be alone after 1 today"

 

And he sent me the address through the ap, before our last "romp" I did send a message asking if he was stocked up on "supplies"

 

But really, I would say we sent about 20 messages, basically logistics "I will be there in 10 mins" sort of thing.

 

Do I enjoy talking to him? Yes, I find his point of view on various topics interesting. We come from VERY different cultures and back grounds, and I like talking to people with different understanding of the world. But really, I don't pine, and we do not communicate beyond time we see each other on the train. Yesterday we hardly spoke. I listened to a pod cast, he was on the phone - and that's fairly normal.

 

A "three night stand" is a better descriptor in my opinion as well.

 

As far as chasing me off, I see it, I get it - and believe me, some of your posts make it quite transparent where you are "coming from".

 

And if I "go quiet" it's just because I don't know that I have much more to add at this point. I am still not willing to explore the "hot wife" etc "life styles" - maybe if this all rears it's "ugly head" again and has to be dealt with - but right now I am really not looking for "new dick". (Also didn't mind this falling to page 2 before as it's my only smoking gun)

 

On the home front - sex wise, while STILL not as frequent as I may hope - it's nice to be out of a rut. Last night was much more of a "make love" evening, and I could tell he really needed that. Which also made me connect more and be more "present" which I needed too.

[DKT3]

Um no, it was not an emotional affair. This guy doesn't even know many details of my life. If an "emotional affair" includes daily chit chat on politics etc - I guess I am guilty.

 

As for the "private ap" day one when we decided to "do this" he said texting was WAY too risky, and I agreed - so he set my phone up with this ap (he works in tech).

 

And what racy correspondence, professions of emotion did we exchange on that ap?

 

"Hold my seat I am running late"

(This was the most heart thumping one):

"I am going to be alone after 1 today"

 

And he sent me the address through the ap, before our last "romp" I did send a message asking if he was stocked up on "supplies"

 

But really, I would say we sent about 20 messages, basically logistics "I will be there in 10 mins" sort of thing.

 

Do I enjoy talking to him? Yes, I find his point of view on various topics interesting. We come from VERY different cultures and back grounds, and I like talking to people with different understanding of the world. But really, I don't pine, and we do not communicate beyond time we see each other on the train. Yesterday we hardly spoke. I listened to a pod cast, he was on the phone - and that's fairly normal.

 

A "three night stand" is a better descriptor in my opinion as well.

 

As far as chasing me off, I see it, I get it - and believe me, some of your posts make it quite transparent where you are "coming from".

 

And if I "go quiet" it's just because I don't know that I have much more to add at this point. I am still not willing to explore the "hot wife" etc "life styles" - maybe if this all rears it's "ugly head" again and has to be dealt with - but right now I am really not looking for "new dick". (Also didn't mind this falling to page 2 before as it's my only smoking gun)

 

On the home front - sex wise, while STILL not as frequent as I may hope - it's nice to be out of a rut. Last night was much more of a "make love" evening, and I could tell he really needed that. Which also made me connect more and be more "present" which I needed too.

 

Come on RC, very few here are that niave. Had your communications before the sex was on the up and up as you now claim then why was it too risky?

 

You may not have defined it, but you both knew where you were headed thus the secret communication. That is an emotional affair.

 

Listen I'm not digging at you, I'm pushing you to get honest with yourself. We have a lovely young woman posting here (name withheld) that was really in the same situation as you. She didn't think she was attached, didn't believe there was an emotional element. Well after a few weeks of ending the PA it became clear there was in fact a much stronger emotional connection which landed her back in the affair.

 

You are clearly in denial. Wake up.

[Clay]

Come on RC, very few here are that niave. Had your communications before the sex was on the up and up as you now claim then why was it too risky?

 

You may not have defined it, but you both knew where you were headed thus the secret communication. That is an emotional affair.

 

Listen I'm not digging at you, I'm pushing you to get honest with yourself. We have a lovely young woman posting here (name withheld) that was really in the same situation as you. She didn't think she was attached, didn't believe there was an emotional element. Well after a few weeks of ending the PA it became clear there was in fact a much stronger emotional connection which landed her back in the affair.

 

You are clearly in denial. Wake up.

 

Your wasting your time. It appears she is only came for support in her choices. This is why I suggested she move this to the OM/OW forum.

 

C

[qubist]

RecentChange: whether it was EA or just PA you should realize now that it was nothing but a drug that gave you a temporary relief. how about your permanent relief, do you think you would be able to sustain side A all you life? logic say no. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I sense that you do love your H and would rather spend the rest of your life together. if that's the case you should reconsider your ways to seek happiness. I'm not saying you should talk to him about your A taht's is a another subject but you should be honest about your feelings now on.