Auspecial Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I've recently been texting with a girl from Match and there was a point where I hadn't heard back from her for nearly a week. I decided to send one more text (3rd one) and she responded by saying her phone had overheated so she had to get a new one and had lost all her contacts! I had another situation with a girl I was texting with who was fading away. I contacted one of her friends on FB to ask about her. Her friend told me she was going through a weird phase and would talk to her. About a week later the girl started texting me again because I got her friend involved. Most of the time someone is just fading because they are rude and cowardly, but you never know so that's why I usually go the extra mile to find out more. I think this is awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I realize your post was directed to jen, but did you read my post 33? I was "that* girl who pulled back.....what you would have referred to as fading. My guy, who turned out to be my second long term boyfriend, cared enough to find out why, so he asked me, respectfully, what was up. I told him the truth, that I was feeling insecure and uncertain as to how HE felt, as we had just started to have sex, and at times felt he acted a bit aloof. So being 26, young, insecure, noit that confident, a little too vulnerable, I chose to pull back....not my proudest moment as if that happened now, I would have talked to HIM about it instead of pulling back. Anyway....it is what it is......so how did he respond? By assuring me he DID care, very much, and we were together four years after that .... Do you know how many people I know who have run into someone they dated years prior.... and one asks the other "hey, why did you stop calling?" And the other responds "Wha? I didn't think you cared!! And the other responds back "hey, I didn't think YOU cared!" So silly.....both too afraid at the time to take a freaking risk, pick up the damn phone in an attempt to find out what the hell was going on... THAT is fear.... Love it. Thank you so much for posting this. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 What stinks about the whole fading thing I think is that it puts everyone that much more on guard moving forward. The next person you date who doesn't respond so readily to your texts or something, and you start getting all paranoid. Fading away on someone is kind of like peeing in the pool. It ruins it for everyone! Yes, but I disagree I don't think its paranoia. Its is a very real trend and it really suksc. I don't like it and I don't believe in it to be a healthy way of being and I won't participate in it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TunaInTheBrine Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I have to say, I am strongly starting to consider only using phone to communicate in the initial stages now until something more solid gets established. I have had WAY too many misunderstandings, blowups, etc... through texting that have destroyed budding relationships in the last year or so than anything else in my dating history. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 1) Trying to get the truth out of someone who faded out is a waste of time. The whole reason why they did it in the first place was to avoid being honest. 2) To me, it seems silly to imply there is a character flaw or ego issue with the victim. Put the blame where it belongs - on the coward who faded out. Trying to get an answer, implies that you're still invested. But any person disrespectful enough to do a fade out doesn't deserve the attention IMO. Yeah, but a little suggestion to them might help them in the future. ie: "Hi, I wasn't expecting you to disappear. Its ok if you have changed your mind but ...? " Its polite but it also lets the person know that they really should do things more properly. Link to post Share on other sites
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