The downside to being beautiful...

[GoodOnPaper]

My experience? Guys thought I was too expensive looking. They thought I would only date wealthy men, that drove Porsches, and had a body builder body. When I was told this I was like WTF?? And I thought putting the extra effort into look good, and dressing nice all the time would get me more dates.

 

I get that you get more attention BUT it seems to intimidates a lot of guys apparently.

 

Not surprised at the guys' attitudes. I'm sure I would write you off as out of my league. Comfort level means a lot to guys and giving off the right impression of approachability can be a more nuanced thing than you think. My gut reaction to seeing a stunningly beautiful woman is "if I think she gorgeous, so will a million other guys -- the last thing I want is to just be another schmuck who's drooling after her" and I'll let her deal with all the other offers that I figure she's getting.

[smackie9]

Not surprised at the guys' attitudes. I'm sure I would write you off as out of my league. Comfort level means a lot to guys and giving off the right impression of approachability can be a more nuanced thing than you think. My gut reaction to seeing a stunningly beautiful woman is "if I think she gorgeous, so will a million other guys -- the last thing I want is to just be another schmuck who's drooling after her" and I'll let her deal with all the other offers that I figure she's getting.

 

 

But that's the thing......I wasn't getting any offers so your gut can be giving you the wrong impression.

 

I took matters into my own hands eventually and started asking guys out on dates....simple ones like pub lunches, go for cocktails.

[Phoe]

My gut reaction to seeing a stunningly beautiful woman is "if I think she gorgeous, so will a million other guys -- the last thing I want is to just be another schmuck who's drooling after her"

 

When every guy adopts this attitude and walks away without trying, you're left with a woman who is getting asked out by no one.

 

I always tell people to never assume, and just give things a shot.

[mortensorchid]

I have encountered this with people when it comes to beauty, because people don't react as you would like them to:

 

1) Assuming life is easy - A beautiful person doesn't have it easier than others, they struggle just like all of them do whether it's work or personal life.

 

2) Assuming love is easy - Not true. I have seen it repeated more times than I care to think about: Even if we are talking about shear, pure, unadulterated lust, men choose someone who is lesser than they are. They want someone who is less attractive physically, less intelligent, has less personality.

[empresario]

When every guy adopts this attitude and walks away without trying, you're left with a woman who is getting asked out by no one.

 

I always tell people to never assume, and just give things a shot.

 

I agree. The only thing that puts you out of another person's league is your confidence.

 

 

When I see a gorgeous woman, I assume she has probably only attracted douchebags in her life and dating me would be far and above a step up. I guess it's perspective.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Being really really hot and sexy makes it pretty easy to attract alot of guys who want to have sex with you, they might be infatuated for a minute, I don't think it has anything to do with real love. That is a fairy tale!

[johndoe2]

When every guy adopts this attitude and walks away without trying, you're left with a woman who is getting asked out by no one.

 

I always tell people to never assume, and just give things a shot.

Actually, I think it's probably a rational decision for most guys to avoid asking the really attractive women out, just as it is a waste of time and money for most high school students to apply to Harvard.

 

Consider what economists call 'the used car paradox.' People who sell used cars usually overestimate the quality of the car, and conceal the cars faults, so the car usually worth less than what they are trying to sell it for. But, most buyers are aware of this fact, so, in their skepticism, they adjust their expectations and assume any used car they are looking at has something wrong with it that they're not seeing, so they are automatically lower the price they're willing to pay.

 

Now, the person trying to sell a genuinely high quality used car gets the raw end of the deal, because the potential customers assume (rationally) that the car's quality is lower than it appears, and more often than not they'd be right. The fundamental problem, then, is the asymmetry of information inherent in the interaction.

 

Oh, and it is a game theory problem, whether analytically solvable or not is a separate question. After all, John Nash originally conceived of the Nash Equilibrium (central concept of game theory) when thinking about strategies for men approaching women in bars.

[elaine567]

I think the concept that beautiful women have more options is akin to the "women have more options" myth. Numbers do not equate to realistic options.

 

I think beautiful women attract a lot of numbers especially on OLD, but how many of those are genuine offers of a real fulfilling relationship? I think many decent men who would offer more to a beautiful woman may be put off as they do not want to join the perceived or real queue of fawning men, and be rejected.

So what good are numbers if the quality isn't there?

How many of those offers are just men wanting to score with a hottie, men who want a beautiful blonde on their arm, men who care nothing of her as a person, and just want a beautiful gf/wife in their bed and to show off to their friends.

I guess it is like a person who has excessive wealth, how many of their bf/gfs and regular friends are only attracted to them because of their spending power?

 

Finding decent, honest and real people when anyone has an obvious asset many may want to acquire, is challenging.

[GoodOnPaper]

I think the concept that beautiful women have more options is akin to the "women have more options" myth. Numbers do not equate to realistic options.

 

I think beautiful women attract a lot of numbers especially on OLD, but how many of those are genuine offers of a real fulfilling relationship?

 

Large numbers = better chances that a fulfilling relationship will be among them

 

Small numbers add a lot of pressure to each individual dating opportunity that manages to materialize. I'd have to experience the large number thing at least once before I'd knock it.

 

I think many decent men who would offer more to a beautiful woman may be put off as they do not want to join the perceived or real queue of fawning men, and be rejected.

 

Sure -- I think it's safe to say that a significant number of "decent" men have seen at least their share of rejection because of lack of attractiveness or inability to generate "spark". If this is happening with women of the "cute" variety, imagine how much higher those standards are going to be for women who are stunningly beautiful. Is it worth the trouble?

 

So what good are numbers if the quality isn't there?

 

This is kind of an empathy-breaker. Don't you think you are filtering out a good number of the decent guys that you claim to want to find? Aren't most guys decent to some extent? Even if you think the worst about guys focusing too much on superficial attractiveness . . . well, most women are at least cute. I don't like the thought of being lumped in with "not-quality" and I'm sure that's true for a lot of other guys reading this.

 

Finding decent, honest and real people when anyone has an obvious asset many may want to acquire, is challenging.

 

If you don't have one of these assets, the thought of having one would seem like a minor annoyance at worst and life-affirmingly liberating at best. Instead of having to focus on who liked me, I could have focused on who I liked. I can feel my blood pressure go down just thinking about that fantasy.

[Hawaii51]

I have no idea where this thread has gone, and I do not intend to read through everything but first couple and the last couple..

 

 

Firstly... No matter how good looking someone is if they don't have the personality or intellect to deal with it and capitalize on your gifts (which it is a gift if used properly which i could explain on many levels- even spiritually) it's wasted.

 

Secondly.. I'd recommend everyone curious about this topic to look up an idea called "lookism." it's explained well on wikipedia. link below.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lookism

 

I assume good looking be attract a lot of fake people, but again if you're smart you can weed through the superficial tenancies of people and society. Sure it can be bane, but it's better than being on the other side of the spectrum.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

This is kind of an empathy-breaker. Don't you think you are filtering out a good number of the decent guys that you claim to want to find? Aren't most guys decent to some extent? Even if you think the worst about guys focusing too much on superficial attractiveness . . . well, most women are at least cute. I don't like the thought of being lumped in with "not-quality" and I'm sure that's true for a lot of other guys reading this.

Maybe quality was the wrong word. Decent guys, great guys, amazing guys, they are all quality and all that!! But if they are not the guy for YOU it doesn't matter. And goodlooking people may have alot of options but that doesn't mean that 1) they're any more likely to find the "right" one than a regular looking person, and 2) don't forget that just because they are gorgeous they might have an awful personality or be a nutjob or whatever!! Though they might find it easy to catch a guy he might be running for the hills quickly!

[Popsicle]

Actually, I think it's probably a rational decision for most guys to avoid asking the really attractive women out, just as it is a waste of time and money for most high school students to apply to Harvard.

 

Consider what economists call 'the used car paradox.' People who sell used cars usually overestimate the quality of the car, and conceal the cars faults, so the car usually worth less than what they are trying to sell it for. But, most buyers are aware of this fact, so, in their skepticism, they adjust their expectations and assume any used car they are looking at has something wrong with it that they're not seeing, so they are automatically lower the price they're willing to pay.

 

Now, the person trying to sell a genuinely high quality used car gets the raw end of the deal, because the potential customers assume (rationally) that the car's quality is lower than it appears, and more often than not they'd be right. The fundamental problem, then, is the asymmetry of information inherent in the interaction.

 

Oh, and it is a game theory problem, whether analytically solvable or not is a separate question. After all, John Nash originally conceived of the Nash Equilibrium (central concept of game theory) when thinking about strategies for men approaching women in bars.

 

Maybe beautiful women are being selectively breed out and evolved out of the gene pool. Like in natural selection. Maybe beautiful women are meant to be alone. Just a thought. I am pensive today....

[johndoe2]

Maybe beautiful women are being selectively breed out and evolved out of the gene pool. Like in natural selection. Maybe beautiful women are meant to be alone. Just a thought.

Perhaps. Number of sexual partners may not correlate with attractiveness; and may in fact correlate negatively with it. Could be for any number of reasons. The first place I would look for an explanation (if this is true) would be career choices.

 

Analogously, it has been found that intelligent people tend to have more children than unintelligent people (unlike in older times when intelligence didn't determine your career and therefore your mating habits), leading to fears among some that the average IQ of modern societies is going to decline. One of the more amusing doomsday hypotheses.

 

I am pensive today....

Well, I hope you feel better soon. (bad joke I guess, haha; the joke being that it's not fun to be in a pensive mood)

[elaine567]

Analogously, it has been found that intelligent people tend to have more children than unintelligent people (unlike in older times when intelligence didn't determine your career and therefore your mating habits), leading to fears among some that the average IQ of modern societies is going to decline.

 

Where does it say that intelligent people have more children, it seems to me the research worldwide states the opposite.

Apparently the Flynn effect, where intelligence improves with better nutrition and living conditions, has now flattened out in the West and now we are back to reducing IQ due to genetic factors and that is where intelligent people have less children comes in again

 

People Getting Dumber? Human Intelligence Has Declined Since Victorian Era, Research Suggests

 

Lynn and Harvey (2008) found a correlation of −0.73 between national IQ and fertility. They estimated that the effect had been "a decline in the world's genotypic IQ of 0.86 IQ points for the years 1950–2000. A further decline of 1.28 IQ points in the world's genotypic IQ is projected for the years 2000–2050." In the first period this effect had been compensated for by the Flynn effect causing a rise in phenotypic IQ but recent studies in four developed nations had found it has now ceased or gone into reverse. They thought it probable that both genotypic and phenotypic IQ will gradually start to decline for the whole world.

[Taramere]

I think somebody would have to be exceptionally beautiful to experience a downside from being attractive. As far as getting stared at goes, in an environment where there are horny men staring at women or hassling them to pick them up - pretty much all the women in the vicinity will experience some level of it, regardless of what they look like. The more attractive ones will get stared at a bit harder while the less attractive ones will be treated in a more dismissive way. Either way, the cattle market scenario isn't particularly pleasant or respectful.

 

In terms of experiencing jealousy...well, I think that can be more problematic, but I also think there are usually a few other factors involved that create that dynamic. An environment that's competitive in a really negative way (eg because it features a lot of fragile egos and insecurities), attractive women being speedily promoted in scenarios where it's not clear what, other than their looks, propelled the promotion. In the latter case, that's not so much unhealthy jealousy at play (on other people's part) as a normal sense of annoyance about injustice setting in.

 

However, I do think attractive women can be unfairly accused of being promoted on account of their looks. In those situations, I suppose you'd really have to study the various dynamics pretty hard, and very objectively, to work out which brand of unfairness was prevailing. People don't generally tend to be as objective as they'd like to think. In some cases the attractive person might, whether knowingly or not, project more of an arrogant demeanour than those around them. Or others might unfairly expect them to work extra hard at projecting humility in order to alleviate others' feelings of jealousy.

 

I'm sure we've all met people who were very attractive and seemed to suffer from a lot of jealousy as a consequence - and others who were as attractive, and who seemed to breeze through life as ones who were born under a lucky star. The existence of the latter tends to serve as a counter to those who blame their good looks for misfortune and difficulties they encounter with others. In those situations, it might be that their looks are creating a bit of problematic jealousy....but their inability to handle that, in comparison to others who can handle it with minimal fuss and drama, is probably something those people could do with examining and addressing.

 

Unless we're talking about assault or verbal abuse that has clearly been triggered by the person's appearance (in which event, prompt and proportionate action ought to be taken against the perp) I think a person who appropriates the role of victim on account of their good looks is likely to come across as a bit of a twat...and will probably run into further problems with other people as a result.

[elaine567]

I'm sure we've all met people who were very attractive and seemed to suffer from a lot of jealousy as a consequence - and others who were as attractive, and who seemed to breeze through life as ones who were born under a lucky star. The existence of the latter tends to serve as a counter to those who blame their good looks for misfortune and difficulties they encounter with others. In those situations, it might be that their looks are creating a bit of problematic jealousy....but their inability to handle that, in comparison to others who can handle it with minimal fuss and drama, is probably something those people could do with examining and addressing.

... I think a person who appropriates the role of victim on account of their good looks is likely to come across as a bit of a twat...and will probably run into further problems with other people as a result.

 

When Luck is investigated, it is found that those who consider themselves "Unlucky" in life have no more reason to think that way than anyone else, and those who consider themselves "Lucky" have their fair share of heart ache and bad luck too.

It is thus all about the personality of the person and how they choose to look at their life.

 

Similarly I think good looks can be seen as a lucky thing or an unlucky thing depending on how they are viewed by the individual beautiful person.

They can choose to use their looks to enhance their life, or they can choose to moan about how disastrous it is to be beautiful.

[Leigh 87]

Being really really hot and sexy makes it pretty easy to attract alot of guys who want to have sex with you, they might be infatuated for a minute, I don't think it has anything to do with real love. That is a fairy tale!

 

And sometimes infatuation leads to love.

 

Iif you manage to get enough people infatuated with you regularly enough, there's a fair chance that your long term love will be infatuated with you to begin with.

 

I have a fair amount of men who become infatuated with me so I don't feel any inclination to bypass that infatuation stage of a relationship because I am not struggling to find men who feel that way for me. Just not the men I usually want sadly.

[dragonfire13]

Weird...I was contemplating this just yesterday.

 

I by no means think I'm beautiful...Im prone to mild breakouts and I certainly could do with being more fit/toned...this sounds totally ridiculous but ever since I've let my hair grow long, I literally cannot go anywhere without being constantly stared at.

 

I thought I was being paranoid but then when I was out shopping with my sister she was like "why are so many guys staring at us?!"...I told her I've noticed it happening a lot lately, and the paranoia that I have like food on my face or something.

 

I know, I know such problems. But seriously, im actually quite a shy nervous person so I get really self-conscious at times.

 

I started going to meetups when I first moved back to my hometown and I defo found some girls to be a bit frosty... surprisingly, not the ones with boyfriends but the single gals. I also came across desperate girls who picked up on the male-attention I get and then were only interested in me being some sort of wingwoman for them.

 

The problem is, you cant voice these observations without sounding stuck-up, bigheaded or deluded lol.

Edited August 23, 2015 by dragonfire13

[Leigh 87]

Here are the facts..

 

 

Exceptionally beautiful people will MOSTLY only be asked out by OTHER exceptionally beautiful people.

 

Only the exceptionally gorgeous are intimidating and therefore, rack up the cons of being beautiful.

 

I am considered attractive by many but because I am not like..a raging beauty or a model, I get to experience a lot of high quality candidates who notice me and ask me for dates... And I am not tooooooo hot for men to find me intimidating.

 

I have to say though, the absolutely stunning women really would have a large majority of men too intimidated to approach. I know this would be hard because even I experience average looking men feeling intimidated by me so I can only imagine how the ultra model types feel...they would probably it have less options due to the amount if people that fear they are way out of their league!

 

So yes. I digress... Being beautiful at the top end of the spectrum would not necessarily mean MORE visible options on the horizon at all, because if a girl like me who is " cute/moderately attractive. Has some men who are intimidated, I can only venture to guess that the real beauties would have even less men dare approach them.

 

It still isn't a problem though lol. I've been open and friendly with men who were otherwise too scared to approach me so I went out and made myself open out to these men who would not have approached me u less I gave them some warmth or a leg in.

Edited August 23, 2015 by Leigh 87

[jen1447]

I think the nature of these "approaches" (that word still makes me think of a swat team approaching a hostage taker ) would affect the outcome as well. Forex if you put a drop dead gorgeous woman in a bar with in average guy who's a stranger, chances are good he won't have the courage to "approach" her. But what portion of humanity really does things that way? If that same gorgeous woman had a social circle that that same average guy was a part of and they knew each other, I think chances are much better that the guy would "approach" her.

[Hopeful30]

I think the concept that beautiful women have more options is akin to the "women have more options" myth. Numbers do not equate to realistic options.

 

I think beautiful women attract a lot of numbers especially on OLD, but how many of those are genuine offers of a real fulfilling relationship? I think many decent men who would offer more to a beautiful woman may be put off as they do not want to join the perceived or real queue of fawning men, and be rejected.

So what good are numbers if the quality isn't there?

How many of those offers are just men wanting to score with a hottie, men who want a beautiful blonde on their arm, men who care nothing of her as a person, and just want a beautiful gf/wife in their bed and to show off to their friends.

I guess it is like a person who has excessive wealth, how many of their bf/gfs and regular friends are only attracted to them because of their spending power?

 

Finding decent, honest and real people when anyone has an obvious asset many may want to acquire, is challenging.

 

You said it sister. That's exactly what it is.

 

Large numbers = better chances that a fulfilling relationship will be among them

 

I see your logic here, but that's not necessarily true. Just because you have higher numbers, doesn't mean those numbers are of QUALITY. It's like saying the more social you are the more chances you will have for finding real friends, when we all know that finding a real friend is hard enough as it is, whether you are super social or not.

 

I feel there are too many variables at play for that number game to be true.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

Iif you manage to get enough people infatuated with you regularly enough, there's a fair chance that your long term love will be infatuated with you to begin with.

.

Leigh. I would put money on this. NO wonderful true love EVER happened because the girl wanted to get enough "people infatuated regularly enough." That is just a WRONG mindset to be in if you are interested in finding a true loving relationship. I understand that you are looking for a "fairytale," that you are obsessed with a guy being infatuated with you, and with being totally hot. That is fine it's up to you!! But I still feel that I have to tell you that all that hasNOTHING to do with actual love. The things you need to work on from what I am reading on here have everything to do with how you perceive the world and how you relate to people and nothing you do to the outside of your body is going to make any difference. For the record I think you are awesome looking. I think you are prettier than I am. I do have true love. Maybe you would not be satisfied with this because he is not constantly groping me in public and sucking on my face !!! :sick: Nope, that is not cool imo!! Our love is not any lesser because we're not into that!! And, if I had plastic surgery or not would not make ANY difference.

[kilgore]

And sometimes infatuation leads to love.

 

Iif you manage to get enough people infatuated with you regularly enough, there's a fair chance that your long term love will be infatuated with you to begin with.

 

I have a fair amount of men who become infatuated with me so I don't feel any inclination to bypass that infatuation stage of a relationship because I am not struggling to find men who feel that way for me. Just not the men I usually want sadly.

 

But you seem needlessly down about the situation. I am decent looking but not amazing - hair is thin, too skinny under hung, too hairy - but I had big time sparks with my wife when we first met and she is a beauty. So why assume you won't have that initial passion with someone you find really attractive?