RightThere Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I have never understood this "honor amongst thieves" principle when it comes to infidelity. Even though you're lying to, cheating on and deceiving the person in your main relationship, you make an agreement to be straight and honest with each other during the affair? And you both believe this will work ??? Mr. Lucky It's a hilarious thought process when you are outside looking in on the affair relationship. When my STBXW moved in with her OM, they both made promises to each other. My STBXW would stop sleeping around (she was cheating on her OM at the time and most of their time together) and he promised he'd stop drinking and screwing hookers. Neither lasted 60 days. It's the continued illusion of the affair. What you think the other person is in your head. "I know I'm lying to everyone else on planet earth, but I would never lie to you baby." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Just pray your OW doesn't become one of the crazy stalkers over time. In a few years (if she's that patient) your OW will demand you either leave the marriage or she'll leave you. What will you say to her, and more importantly what will you actually do? And what keeps you from doing that sooner instead of later, no matter whether stay or leave? This "50% married" status is very temporary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EH6 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 My heads a bit all over the place at the moment. I know what I have to do, it's just doing it. Hopefully I can resolve this over the weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 My heads a bit all over the place at the moment. I know what I have to do, it's just doing it. Hopefully I can resolve this over the weekend. I know it's going to be hard but honesty is always the best policy. The only way out is through. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Hopefully I can resolve this over the weekend. You're stuck on the illusion of control. You set in motion a chain of events when you started the affair, much of which is now out of your hands. What will your OW do? Will she be hurt? Will your wife find out? What would be her reaction if she does? How will the outcome affect your marriage? Your children? Your life? Their lives? At this point, you're just in charge of you. I'd focus on doing the right things from here for the best possible outcome. That's all that's left to you... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EH6 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 You're stuck on the illusion of control. You set in motion a chain of events when you started the affair, much of which is now out of your hands. What will your OW do? Will she be hurt? Will your wife find out? What would be her reaction if she does? How will the outcome affect your marriage? Your children? Your life? Their lives? At this point, you're just in charge of you. I'd focus on doing the right things from here for the best possible outcome. That's all that's left to you... Mr. Lucky I'm not stuck on any illusion of control. It is what it is, I can't turn back time. I'm sure the OW will be upset and probably very hurt. I might be wrong but I don't think she will be vindictive towards me. Will my wife find out? I don't know. What do you want me to say? I hope not. Have I thought about what would happen if she did? It crosses my mind multiple times a day. It may not seem it but I'm very conflicted by all this. I certainly don't feel good about all this, and now trying to salvage what's left. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm not stuck on any illusion of control. It is what it is, I can't turn back time. I'm sure the OW will be upset and probably very hurt. I might be wrong but I don't think she will be vindictive towards me. Will my wife find out? I don't know. What do you want me to say? I hope not. Have I thought about what would happen if she did? It crosses my mind multiple times a day. It may not seem it but I'm very conflicted by all this. I certainly don't feel good about all this, and now trying to salvage what's left. Never say never. People are capable of reacting/saying/doing things they normally wouldn't do when pushed past their emotional limit. Go take a read of the previous thread, another MM who is cheating on his wife - his OW has threatened him and it's freaking him out. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Deep down I know this is wrong, but it feels so right. Listen, I totally get where you are coming from. If I went out and got a little lovin on the side, I could easily justify it. That said, to really understand the gravity of what you are doing, you will need to think about how you'd feel if the reverse were true. The complete reverse. And then multiply that by 1000. You are getting sex from this woman, but that's not all you are giving her. You've giving her your feelings, you are giving her your attention, you are giving her priority status, you are sharing your secrets with her... women love that ****. And in the process, you are neglecting your wife. Now, imagine some suavio from work starts giving your wife his attention, his feelings...priority status....sharing secrets between the two of them. Know what she's going to give him in return? That's right....a blowjob. And it's going to " feel so right" for both of them. Now if that thought doesn't make you sick to your stomache....well, then you should start talking about an open marriage. If it DOES make you sick, I suggest you stop the affair. Because if you get away with it this time, you WILL do it again in a couple years when the needs gets too strong again. And it will be even easier to jump in then. Eventually this affair will either run its course, as they tend to do, or you will get caught. You got to know when to fold 'em. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 My heads a bit all over the place at the moment. I know what I have to do, it's just doing it. Hopefully I can resolve this over the weekend. Welcome to the adult world, friend. We ALL know what we have to do, what we should do, what the honorable thing is. Now, we can grow a pair, act like an adult, honor our commitments and promises and be a decent person that doesn't go around bringing misery, lies, and betrayal into the lives of others - or we can be the kind of person who does what "feels" good at the moment no matter who it destroys - including our family and children. Do you really want to be in the latter group? Really? Over, of all things, sex? Come on man, rise above. Seriously. Half this thread is about you choosing between your wife and your side piece of the moment when it really should be about you acknowledging that you are not good enough for either one of them. You are a weak, dishonorable man at the moment. There are few things more pathetic than a man (or woman) who fails in their duty to protect their family, simply because they would rather "feel" good. Adolescents do that kind of thing. Adults rise above and take care of business. Now get on with it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 It may not seem it but I'm very conflicted by all this. I certainly don't feel good about all this, and now trying to salvage what's left. If you're really trying to salvage your marriage, what's the conflict :confused: ??? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Morgoth Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, I didn't read past page 1. You have a male need, you found a solution. You also have a family now, so you better take care of them and your off spring. As far as your lover, you didn't lie to her as far as I can tell, and she is a big girl, right? If you ever get your wife going sexually, you'll have the best of both worlds if you can keep up with it and afford it. I have an OW my age over 50 and a younger one (20) I see once in a while, live life and enjoy it's the way we men were meant to live. Btw, you will not find many here that see things quite like I do. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, I didn't read past page 1. You have a male need, you found a solution. You also have a family now, so you better take care of them and your off spring. As far as your lover, you didn't lie to her as far as I can tell, and she is a big girl, right? If you ever get your wife going sexually, you'll have the best of both worlds if you can keep up with it and afford it. I have an OW my age over 50 and a younger one (20) I see once in a while, live life and enjoy it's the way we men were meant to live. Btw, you will not find many here that see things quite like I do. Good luck to you. If your wife doesn't know, you're living the way a coward was meant to live. A man wouldn't be afraid to let everyone know what is going on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, I didn't read past page 1. You have a male need, you found a solution. You also have a family now, so you better take care of them and your off spring. As far as your lover, you didn't lie to her as far as I can tell, and she is a big girl, right? If you ever get your wife going sexually, you'll have the best of both worlds if you can keep up with it and afford it. I have an OW my age over 50 and a younger one (20) I see once in a while, live life and enjoy it's the way we men were meant to live. Btw, you will not find many here that see things quite like I do. Good luck to you. Alas, all is right with the world after all. I'm relieved there are so few of you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, I didn't read past page 1. You have a male need, you found a solution. You also have a family now, so you better take care of them and your off spring. As far as your lover, you didn't lie to her as far as I can tell, and she is a big girl, right? If you ever get your wife going sexually, you'll have the best of both worlds if you can keep up with it and afford it. I have an OW my age over 50 and a younger one (20) I see once in a while, live life and enjoy it's the way we men were meant to live. Btw, you will not find many here that see things quite like I do. Good luck to you. OP, please see more for yourself than this. Please see yourself as a man and not a selfish, lying boy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, I didn't read past page 1. You have a male need, you found a solution. You also have a family now, so you better take care of them and your off spring. As far as your lover, you didn't lie to her as far as I can tell, and she is a big girl, right? If you ever get your wife going sexually, you'll have the best of both worlds if you can keep up with it and afford it. I have an OW my age over 50 and a younger one (20) I see once in a while, live life and enjoy it's the way we men were meant to live. Btw, you will not find many here that see things quite like I do. Good luck to you. 2 OW, still married, having his cake and eating it too. Great, enjoy it until your wife finds out and your OW find out that they aren't the only OW special to you. I doubt very much you told each OW that you are seeing others... ? Then your little happy bubble will pop. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EH6 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Just thought I'd update the community on what happened this weekend. I'm kinda at a loss for words but will do my best. I don't mind anyone judging my actions, just please don't judge what I feel. I met with my OW and we talked about us and what I was doing. We said our goodbyes through many tears and emotions. I told her I was deeply sorry at what I had done and she left. Right now I feel heartbroken. I feel like I have just said goodbye to the women I loved, and know loved me back. I'm kind of empty just now and just trying to get my head and heart right. I know I have problems to resolve at home now. There's s lot that I've been unhappy about for a while and I want to make this work. No I will not be confessing to my affair as it won't help anything. I'll try and write more in the coming days, I'm just struggling a bit right now. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 No I will not be confessing to my affair as it won't help anything. Then your struggles will be in vain. For the sake of your wife, I wish you the endurance to keep up the facade for as long as your marriage may last. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Just thought I'd update the community on what happened this weekend. I'm kinda at a loss for words but will do my best. I don't mind anyone judging my actions, just please don't judge what I feel. I met with my OW and we talked about us and what I was doing. We said our goodbyes through many tears and emotions. I told her I was deeply sorry at what I had done and she left. Right now I feel heartbroken. I feel like I have just said goodbye to the women I loved, and know loved me back. I'm kind of empty just now and just trying to get my head and heart right. I know I have problems to resolve at home now. There's s lot that I've been unhappy about for a while and I want to make this work. No I will not be confessing to my affair as it won't help anything. I'll try and write more in the coming days, I'm just struggling a bit right now. You did the right thing. As painful as it was to do, it was the only way to set your OW free so she can grieve the loss and find a single man who will start a life with her. You ended it kindly so that is good. Now would be the time to seek some counseling to help sort out how you feel and what happens next. Just opening up to a professional can help, even if you feel it won't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EH6 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 You did the right thing. As painful as it was to do, it was the only way to set your OW free so she can grieve the loss and find a single man who will start a life with her. You ended it kindly so that is good. Now would be the time to seek some counseling to help sort out how you feel and what happens next. Just opening up to a professional can help, even if you feel it won't. A talk with my wife and counseling is next. Tonight has been hard, I've contemplated contact a few times but won't. I'm totally torn over this whole debacle. I miss the woman like crazy, but can't get my head around it all. Is it a fantasy, the newness of it all? Or is it true love? I don't want to throw away over ten years of marriage and need to focus and give it my all to make it work. For any guys or gals reading this, it's not worth the pain. You will feel and cause pain, save yourself the grief. I regret doing this 100%. I don't regret ever meeting my OW though. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I regret doing this 100%. I don't regret ever meeting my OW though. Seems like an either/or. Don't think both of these could be true, especially if you're going to recover your marriage... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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