Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[dumbass2]

"I am still affected by her actions but I don't want to be with her. I can never trust this woman again. I know that. I just want the pleasure of rejecting her when she finally realises the grass isn't greener."

 

Just my opinion, you are trying your best to talk your heart into that. That is the logical side talking. The heart still wants her to be with you right now, that's why hearing about her and seeing photos is affecting you like it is. If she came back to you any time soon I would bet that you would not be able to reject her. Many months down the road, if you become indifferent (which usually only will happen with strict NC) and nothing about her bothers you, then you might be able to because you hopefully wouldn't care any more.

 

Try to tell yourself that she wont regret it. Tell yourself that she has found someone she is now in love with who she feels is better for her and will probably have a great future with. She's done and will never be back. I just wasn't the one for her. She's moved on, now I need to. I need to find the same thing in time with someone else and it's never going to be with her.

[NopeNah]

You guys are wrong there.

 

I asked for it countless times and she played with me each and every time. I don't want to go through this again and again. It feels like each time I bring on the ring subject, she purposefully changes the subject.

 

Last time I asked her to drop it with a friend, she told me she doesn't want to meet said friend. She can't ship it because she is too busy as well. Sure, it was expensive but I don't want to go through another cycle because of the ring.

 

You know what asking for the ring will make me look like now? Weaker. She must know I have seen the photos. We have around 80 mutual friends on Facebook FFS. So asking for it now will make it look like she's still affecting me.

 

And.. to be honest, she is. I am still affected by her actions but I don't want to be with her. I can never trust this woman again. I know that. I just want the pleasure of rejecting her when she finally realises the grass isn't greener.

 

I don't care if this type of thinking makes me a bad guy. I have been nothing but a great boyfriend to her for the past 6 years and I don't think she should have left once it started to get tricky with the distance and all. People who love each other make it work and stay together. Not leave. I can never trust her again.

 

She can keep the ring, sell it, do whatever the hell she want with it. She probably has sold it to fund her trip she is on now. I really don't care about it.

 

If you were in front of me,in person, I'd slap you. "you'll look weaker"? WTF? Get your stuff back from this slut! You look weaker by not doing it! Jesus!

[DexterLS]

If you were in front of me,in person, I'd slap you. "you'll look weaker"? WTF? Get your stuff back from this slut! You look weaker by not doing it! Jesus!

 

Okay. I will try to get the ring back.

 

However, I don't think asking for it now (she's on the trip currently with the new boyfriend..) is a good idea.

 

Should I wait for her to get back from the trip?

[Simon Phoenix]

Okay. I will try to get the ring back.

 

However, I don't think asking for it now (she's on the trip currently with the new boyfriend..) is a good idea.

 

Should I wait for her to get back from the trip?

 

Why the hell not? Why are you so scared of this woman? She has your expensive property, she cheated on you, and you're worried about timing? What the hell man?

[DexterLS]

Well, I slept on it and I don't think I want the ring back anymore.

 

I don't care about the money. Like I said I was a good boyfriend to her for 6 years. Her cheating has nothing to do with me. Sure the distance made it easier for her but it doesn't change the fact that I was still a good boyfriend to her.

 

I want her to keep it and with every problem she encounters in this new relationship, thinks about what could have been. It probably won't happen either and this type of thinking is really unhealthy for me either but I don't know.

 

Like I said, I do want her to come back, apologise and tell me she was wrong. It won't happen now. She is enjoying the newness of the new relationship and everything seems perfect right now.

 

It might not happen either, but I'll take my chances.

 

-----

 

Ok you can all give me **** now for thinking like this.

[Palmeiras]

Ok you can all give me **** now for thinking like this.

 

 

I disagree with parts of your perspective, but I'm not going to give you the business. You seem to have at least some understanding of your actions and the overall picture; I hope it works out for you in some satisfactory fashion.

 

That being said, I would have washed my hands of this person at the first major sign of trouble. People that don't treat me well don't respect my being, and therefore are not worth my time, full stop.

 

About the ring: If you truly don't need the money, then don't ask for the ring back. If she is venal enough to keep it (or sell it), that is a commentary on her.

[DexterLS]

I disagree with parts of your perspective, but I'm not going to give you the business. You seem to have at least some understanding of your actions and the overall picture; I hope it works out for you in some satisfactory fashion.

 

That being said, I would have washed my hands of this person at the first major sign of trouble. People that don't treat me well don't respect my being, and therefore are not worth my time, full stop.

 

About the ring: If you truly don't need the money, then don't ask for the ring back. If she is venal enough to keep it (or sell it), that is a commentary on her.

 

I don't need the money and I honestly don't feel the need to contact her. Sure, yesterday's events set me back a lot but I won't get in touch with her.

 

I don't know what will happen later on or if anything will happen at all, I guess only time will tell. Until then, strict NC.

[pillowpuffs]

Sorry you had to face another setback

 

I know what it feels like to want to have your ex realise that the grass isn't greener on the other side and I guess to even want the pleasure of rejecting them, I get that.. unfortunately, I don't think it's going to happen. It really sucks but people in life really do move on, even when they're jerks who don't deserve to live so happily because they've caused a great amount of hurt to other people. I've come to realise this and it is really ****ty that ****ty people get away doing ****ty things to good people - but I guess we can only hope that somewhere out there there is a silver lining for us in all of this? I don't know.

 

For your sake, I hope one day either she regrets what she's done or karma comes knocking on your ex's door but you may never have that happening either so don't bank on it.

 

As for the ring, I think you should ask for it back tbh! But it is ultimately up to you, if you don't feel like it, then don't. But I just feel like it's another string that's attached to this whole mess. Either one of you might use it in the future for future contact and that could only hurt you further possibly, you know?

 

Can I ask though - when you talk about knowing that she's not done with you yet and you think she'll contact you again, are you happy about this possible contact? Or does it scare you? Do you hope for it?

[DexterLS]

Sorry you had to face another setback

 

I know what it feels like to want to have your ex realise that the grass isn't greener on the other side and I guess to even want the pleasure of rejecting them, I get that.. unfortunately, I don't think it's going to happen. It really sucks but people in life really do move on, even when they're jerks who don't deserve to live so happily because they've caused a great amount of hurt to other people. I've come to realise this and it is really ****ty that ****ty people get away doing ****ty things to good people - but I guess we can only hope that somewhere out there there is a silver lining for us in all of this? I don't know.

 

For your sake, I hope one day either she regrets what she's done or karma comes knocking on your ex's door but you may never have that happening either so don't bank on it.

 

As for the ring, I think you should ask for it back tbh! But it is ultimately up to you, if you don't feel like it, then don't. But I just feel like it's another string that's attached to this whole mess. Either one of you might use it in the future for future contact and that could only hurt you further possibly, you know?

 

Can I ask though - when you talk about knowing that she's not done with you yet and you think she'll contact you again, are you happy about this possible contact? Or does it scare you? Do you hope for it?

 

I am not scared of her at all. I just got my phone back today after around a month and the last time I gave it away to stop stalking her, I reset the phone completely and erased all the data on it in the process.

 

While installing Whatsapp, I realised she isn't on my block list anymore, so I added her contact number, and saw that she unblocked me again. She likes to keep an open line of communication with me.

 

I think she wants me to keep begging her. She loves it and she loves the idea of having someone else worship her while she is sleeping with someone else. However, I don't feel the urge to contact her. Tomorrow is her birthday and I won't even wish her.

 

The problem with asking for the ring back again, is, I'm pretty sure the conversation will not end the way I want it to. I am still weak and I don't think I can be firm and ask for it back now. I don't really care about it anyway at this point. She can keep it and when the honeymoon phase is over, I'm hoping she realises that she made a big mistake.

 

It probably won't happen or it might, we don't know but for the next few months, I'm just going to work on myself. Get more hobbies, learn a new language and hit the gym more often.

 

When I said I don't think she's done with me yet, It's because of her previous patterns. Although right now, it's looking increasingly unlikely that she will contact me again since she made the relationship very official on Facebook and like I said, her whole family is really supporting her in all this.

 

I'll just try my best to move on and should anything happen, I will keep you guys updated

[BC1980]

If you want the ring back, you need to get it now or forget about it. The more time that lapses, the less likely you are to get it back. I was able to get my ring back after a year, but I was very shocked I even got it. I think that was out of the norm, and the only reason I took it back is to try to sell it. How are you going to feel, a year from now, when she sells the ring to pay for her wedding to this new guy? Because that's a real possibility. Is there anyone else who can get the right back, so you don't have to speak with her?

[DexterLS]

If you want the ring back, you need to get it now or forget about it. The more time that lapses, the less likely you are to get it back. I was able to get my ring back after a year, but I was very shocked I even got it. I think that was out of the norm, and the only reason I took it back is to try to sell it. How are you going to feel, a year from now, when she sells the ring to pay for her wedding to this new guy? Because that's a real possibility. Is there anyone else who can get the right back, so you don't have to speak with her?

 

It doesn't really matter. For all I know, she might have already sold it. Really, I do not care about the ring anymore..

 

I only care about healing, moving forward and get out of this mess asap.

[pillowpuffs]

She sounds slightly twisted if she wants you to be begging while she engages in whatever activity with another guy. Not wishing her sounds like a really good idea.

 

Anyway I know the family supporting her thing is probably so incredibly hurtful right now. But like you said, and I'm glad you said this, you just have to work on yourself. I think it takes a lot to say that and to do it because I've been in a funk and haven't been able to do much till my mom had a word with me yesterday and I too realised all I can do is work on me either for myself or for the people who actually have been around and who love me.

 

You're probably still hurting but I hope you're having a better day today.

 

Anyway are you considering blocking her off social media?

[DexterLS]

She sounds slightly twisted if she wants you to be begging while she engages in whatever activity with another guy. Not wishing her sounds like a really good idea.

 

Anyway I know the family supporting her thing is probably so incredibly hurtful right now. But like you said, and I'm glad you said this, you just have to work on yourself. I think it takes a lot to say that and to do it because I've been in a funk and haven't been able to do much till my mom had a word with me yesterday and I too realised all I can do is work on me either for myself or for the people who actually have been around and who love me.

 

You're probably still hurting but I hope you're having a better day today.

 

Anyway are you considering blocking her off social media?

 

Oh she is blocked everywhere. Not only her, her whole family, her friends and her boyfriend. Even her boyfriend's family lol.

 

When the news about the trip came, I asked my friend for more information. I didn't actually unblock her and stalked.

[Morphine]

Sorry for randomly chipping in...my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, 2 weeks before our holidays where i was supposed to propose...she dumped me for GIGS.

 

Anyways, I read the full story. I am very like you: I feel sad, angry, resentful, but because we were a couple for 7 years I think I still love her. It is all very fresh...I have spent hours on internet reading about break ups, talking to my sister and friends (they are slowly getting annoyed....). I understood one thing...

 

...You must man up! We must man up! I will be crying for the next few months over our memories and the future plans that will never happen! I am still hoping she will come back to me...but it seems the grass is greener where she is now...but soon she may not have enough water to keep the grass green and she will want to come back. Its a hope. But I am not waiting.

 

So man up! Everyone man up! We have our emotions, we fall in love as hard as women do! But we must man up! Become alfas! Not betas! We are not white knights, riding to our love, fighting dragons on the way just to find out she already has Prince Charming and all she needed from us to be friends. MAN UP!

 

Man up and get the ring back! Will it ruin her holidays?! GOOD! she ruined urs just like my ex ruined mine (Im in Mallorca by myself...spent £2000 on a bloody trip).

 

NOW MAN UP!

 

Ok rant over. Let me now go to the bed and cry a bit...fml

[DexterLS]

I am sorry you are going through that. I know how hard it is.

 

Trust me though, I really don't want the ring back. Every time I asked for it, it ended really badly for me. I haven't contacted her for 19 days now and I don't want to ruin this progress for me.

 

It's still hurting, a lot, but I will get through this. I am positive

[BC1980]

It doesn't really matter. For all I know, she might have already sold it. Really, I do not care about the ring anymore..

 

I only care about healing, moving forward and get out of this mess asap.

 

It's usually better to cut your losses and move on. I was owed some money I never got back, but I would have never asked for it. I just wanted to be done with it. He offered the ring, which is why I got that.

[DexterLS]

It's usually better to cut your losses and move on. I was owed some money I never got back, but I would have never asked for it. I just wanted to be done with it. He offered the ring, which is why I got that.

 

Thanks. I will think about it again.

 

Another update.

 

I was sleeping and around 3 hours ago, my friend sent me a message (2 am) telling me how my ex not being with me is the best thing that could have happened to me and she is really happy about it.

 

I instantly knew something was wrong. My ex must have done something, on Facebook, Instagram or somewhere to make her feel disgusted. So I broke NC again and tried to stalk and saw their photos together. Her and her new boyfriend.

 

Hurts like a bitch and I deserve it.

Edited July 19, 2015 by DexterLS

[pillowpuffs]

Oh god that sounds horribly painful. I must confess, I did something similar and went to my ex's FB page only to see something that I didn't need to see and that hurt me a lot

 

Don't understand how we can become so worthless to people who are so full of value to us.

 

I hope you are feeling marginally better now. If you're not, I completely understand where you're at. The pain is beyond.

 

I'm going to try my best and not look at my ex's page for a long long while. It only hurts me.

[DexterLS]

Oh god that sounds horribly painful. I must confess, I did something similar and went to my ex's FB page only to see something that I didn't need to see and that hurt me a lot

 

Don't understand how we can become so worthless to people who are so full of value to us.

 

I hope you are feeling marginally better now. If you're not, I completely understand where you're at. The pain is beyond.

 

I'm going to try my best and not look at my ex's page for a long long while. It only hurts me.

 

I don't, really.

 

However, I brought this upon myself and I accept full responsibility. I should not do that again.

 

Sounds like a good plan not to check their FB pages, yes.

[DexterLS]

However, I'm very intrigued by her behaviour right now. Everybody gave me **** for trying to understand her the last time but I can't help it.

 

She is putting a lot of photos on her social media accounts with/without the other guy as well. Why?

 

Is it because I took a stance and left the last time?

Is it because I didn't wish her for her birthday? (Very unlikely, since she started uploading photos before her birthday)

 

My friend told me to stop taking all her actions personally. She might just be so indifferent about all of this and she might be doing it for herself, rather than to show me.

 

I can't, however, help but think that she wants me to see how happy she is. She wants the world to know how happy she is, how handsome her new boyfriend is and how cool her new life is.

[pillowpuffs]

Personally, I used to share stuff on social media when I was happy. I know it bloody sucks to hear that, but she could be posting it because she is feeling happy. It could also be that she's trying to prove a point to you, who knows? But I'm sure she's also aware that you blocked her off social media so perhaps she could also thinks that these pictures are not coming through to you? Who knows.

 

If she's just trying to drive a point home, that's really messed up and karma is a real b*tch. That's all I can say.

[Morphine]

First of all, talk to all of your close friends to NOT TO MSG U ABT HER....friends are meant to give you support, not pull you down.

 

I am a dumpee. But I am posting **** loads of stuff on instagram as I know she is visiting it. I want to show her that I am doig great, even though I am doing average. I am passing my driving licence now (she always pushed me for this), taking guitar classes, scuba diving and many more. I am doing these things for 2 reasons: for me as i always wanted to do these and to show her what she is missing (she has GIGS left a doctor (me) for unemployed music video producer who lives with his mum!).

 

Although ur ex is a dumper, and I am a dumpee, I think her posting the photos is to show you she is doing great. It is a mind game. I think that she wants to get back together but she is afraid and too proud to admit her mistakes. Or at least she is confused. I know my ex is confised big time - 2 months ago she wanted to do medical degree, 4 weeks ago we talked abt gettibg married, 2 weeks ago i got dumped :-D

[DexterLS]

Personally, I used to share stuff on social media when I was happy. I know it bloody sucks to hear that, but she could be posting it because she is feeling happy. It could also be that she's trying to prove a point to you, who knows? But I'm sure she's also aware that you blocked her off social media so perhaps she could also thinks that these pictures are not coming through to you? Who knows.

 

If she's just trying to drive a point home, that's really messed up and karma is a real b*tch. That's all I can say.

 

Nah she knows our mutual friends used to tell me all about her photos. She knows that these photos will eventually get back to me.

 

First of all, talk to all of your close friends to NOT TO MSG U ABT HER....friends are meant to give you support, not pull you down.

 

I am a dumpee. But I am posting **** loads of stuff on instagram as I know she is visiting it. I want to show her that I am doig great, even though I am doing average. I am passing my driving licence now (she always pushed me for this), taking guitar classes, scuba diving and many more. I am doing these things for 2 reasons: for me as i always wanted to do these and to show her what she is missing (she has GIGS left a doctor (me) for unemployed music video producer who lives with his mum!).

 

Although ur ex is a dumper, and I am a dumpee, I think her posting the photos is to show you she is doing great. It is a mind game. I think that she wants to get back together but she is afraid and too proud to admit her mistakes. Or at least she is confused. I know my ex is confised big time - 2 months ago she wanted to do medical degree, 4 weeks ago we talked abt gettibg married, 2 weeks ago i got dumped :-D

 

Thanks for your reply but I don't think my ex wants to get back together with me or else she would never have went on the trip. I was hysterical when I found out about it.

 

She went anyway AND made sure the news gets back to me. She has clearly moved on but also wants me to know she found someone "better" than me and that her life is really great right now.

[TaraMaiden2]

However, I'm very intrigued by her behaviour right now. Everybody gave me **** for trying to understand her the last time but I can't help it.

 

She is putting a lot of photos on her social media accounts with/without the other guy as well. Why?

 

Is it because I took a stance and left the last time?

Is it because I didn't wish her for her birthday? (Very unlikely, since she started uploading photos before her birthday)

 

My friend told me to stop taking all her actions personally. She might just be so indifferent about all of this and she might be doing it for herself, rather than to show me.

 

I can't, however, help but think that she wants me to see how happy she is. She wants the world to know how happy she is, how handsome her new boyfriend is and how cool her new life is.

 

 

 

Good grief, you do flatter yourself, don't you?

You really think this is all about you?

 

Some of it, sure, may be to poke you in the chest, but I would say the majority of it is to show she is happy, moving on, and doesn't need YOU to rock her world or complete her life.

 

Isn't that what breaking up, moving on and NO CONTACT are all about?

 

Really, Dexter.... still here, huh?

 

Tell me, how does your above post say anything about how much YOU have moved on....?

 

Not good, really, is it?

 

7th June 2015:

Hi guys,

 

I broke NC and I am not proud of it. It was Day 11 yesterday and well this happened. I was out to dinner with some my highschool friends. One of them didn't know my breakup story with my ex.

 

He is still friends with her on Facebook. My other mutual friends said that my ex simply vanished from all social media. Turns out, she didn't. She added my friends into a list and excluded them from all activity on her social media but forgot this one. She is still going out, having fun with the new boyfriend, her friends and basically enjoying Dubai.

 

I am thankful to her for blocking me out everywhere, it does help in the process of moving on. I was having too much information for the past months regarding her and it did make me lose my **** a lot of time.

 

So yeah, broke NC but did not contact her in any way although I do feel like crap every now and then. I have this weird feeling that sooner or later, she will contact me. I don't know when and I can't put a timeframe on it, but I just can't brush this off.

 

I am also waking up everyday feeling angry. She is on my mind constantly and I just want to forget about her, quickly. I plan on enrolling for my Masters which start in August and I hope it will keep me busy enough to forget about her.

 

See, in order to do this you have to....

 

Oh, never mind, you won't do it anyway.....

[pillowpuffs]

If you know that for sure and she doesn't usually post stuff then yes I think she could be trying to get a rise out of you. Which is honestly awful of her. She sounds like she's become a horrible human being!! She already left you and now to purposely rub it in your face? How can people be so cruel. Although I guess I should stop questioning now. It has been proven to me that people can just have no conscience

 

I don't think any of my words will help you right now, because I know the pain, I'm feeling it too and whatever someone says, I appreciate it but it does little to lift that horrible ache in my chest. But please know that I'm here for you, rant and type as much as you want about this situation here and I'll reply.