Author DexterLS Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 As someone who struggled to not reply to the ex's nasty emails post breakup - take it from me, don't respond at all if she contacts you. You'll feel pretty crappy not doing so, but each day you ignore her it gets a bit easier. She sent me a nasty short email about a week and a half ago, I ignored it. I felt bad for doing so, but I didn't cave. I don't want her to have that kind of manipulative power over me. Hell, I don't want ANYONE to have manipulative power over me. I don't want her to think that she can get a rise out of me by being a crummy person through email. You need to ask yourself, what purpose does responding to nasty emails have? I stopped responding because she was putting the guilt trip on me big time. I don't need that crap in my life, I had every right to walk away from the toxic person that she is. You need to put yourself first and not give a crap about an ex who may or may not email you. Cut her out of your life and I guarantee you'll feel infinitely better in a few months. Think about drug addicts. They need to go cold turkey sometimes. A breakup is very similar on a chemical level within our brains, we need to withdraw and stay away in order to get past our addictions. Do the right thing for yourself. You are probably right. In her last, nasty e-mail, she blamed me for her infidelity (lol?), for her injuring herself on the stairs (we're in different countries right now) and basically for our breakup. She tried to shift the blame on to me. I replied, saying this has to stop and I don't think us talking was a good idea. She agreed and left. No communication since then. If ever, she contacts me, I will let you guys know but I hope she does not. I really do. I want to be able to move on from this and surely, her not contacting me will make it a lot easier. Thank you for your response. Appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 As someone who struggled to not reply to the ex's nasty emails post breakup - take it from me, don't respond at all if she contacts you. You'll feel pretty crappy not doing so, but each day you ignore her it gets a bit easier. She sent me a nasty short email about a week and a half ago, I ignored it. I felt bad for doing so, but I didn't cave. I don't want her to have that kind of manipulative power over me. Hell, I don't want ANYONE to have manipulative power over me. I don't want her to think that she can get a rise out of me by being a crummy person through email. You need to ask yourself, what purpose does responding to nasty emails have? I stopped responding because she was putting the guilt trip on me big time. I don't need that crap in my life, I had every right to walk away from the toxic person that she is. You need to put yourself first and not give a crap about an ex who may or may not email you. Cut her out of your life and I guarantee you'll feel infinitely better in a few months. Think about drug addicts. They need to go cold turkey sometimes. A breakup is very similar on a chemical level within our brains, we need to withdraw and stay away in order to get past our addictions. Do the right thing for yourself. This is a great post and so on point, especially about "breaking the habit".. Dex, You don't owe this ex anything, especially when she contacts you to keep YOU thinking about her. Ignoring her is all about YOU and what's best for healing yourself. It's not mean. It's not disrespectful. It's a self preservation step. Think of it another way. Her continuing to contact you while getting banged by another guy is selfish and self serving to her ego. She's not your GF, friend or anything else. She's a failed relationship from your past. Until you heal and move on, this is your best recourse. Don't mentally tell yourself "I'll never talk to her again" as that thought may hold you back as well. Tell yourself that when you're healed, emotionally over her and have your new love of your life, then you can catch up w/her if you ran into her. Chances are, you may not want to anyway at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I have also made a decision not to ignore my ex. Ignoring, for me, is a very hard thing to do and I won't be able to stop myself from recycling a "what if" situation in my head. So I have told myself, that, if she ever gets in touch, I will not ignore but will try to keep the reply short and casual, all the while preventing her from engaging in any kind of conversation. This is a really bad idea. Look at what you've written in this thread due to you answering her contact. You've spun her throwing her cheating and new relationship in your face into some indication that she might reconsider. The above reads as an excuse to keep a lifeline and stay invested in this. No responding. Your "what if" scenario justification doesn't fly here. The mental gymnastics that you concoct from contact are worse than any "what if" scenario. And I have a hard time belief that, at this moment, you have the discipline to not engage in a longer conversation. You aren't at that stage, so don't push it. No responding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 You're all probably right. She didn't, however, get in touch (yet?). When she does (if she does), I will let you guys know Hopefully she does not! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Hey guys, Maybe a dilemma or not. I don't know. As you all might know, I have my engagement ring with her. She didn't give it back. My friend just told me she is going on a trip on Thursday passing through Dubai. This could be an opportunity for me to retrieve the ring. Should I ask for it back or just forget it? I could really use the money to be honest, now that my Masters' degree is coming up. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Are you just using it as an excuse to get the relief contacting her brings you? If you really need it, I'd say ask for it back letting her know that you could use the money and do it now rather than later. Otherwise, it will be a good excuse to reach out to her in the future and you don't want to have a good excuse Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Thinking about it, I can already see how she will react to this. She will be extremely angry and hateful towards me. So it's probably not a good idea to ask for it back. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Probably not, unless you really need the money. She seems to be quite a bitch anyway given her previous responses. you probably should have asked for it right away or not left it with her when you went to visit, but I'm sure you were staying hopeful Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Probably not, unless you really need the money. She seems to be quite a bitch anyway given her previous responses. you probably should have asked for it right away or not left it with her when you went to visit, but I'm sure you were staying hopeful Well, she didn't officially break up with me until I got back here. Yeah, I probably won't. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Update ------------ I have a friend who is also a mutual friend with the ex. She regularly checks in on me to ask me how I am doing and has helped me a lot during the break-up. Anyway, she messages me today and asks me how I am doing. I have been doing really good for the past two weeks since initiating NC and I told her exactly this. I also told her I am preparing myself mentally since the ex is leaving for NZ in 3 days. She then tells me this: "Euh, don't want to make you feel bad or anything but she is already there with the new boyfriend" Boy, did this make me mad. So now I begin stalking the ex's social media accounts and for the first time, she now publicly shows off her boyfriend. She never did this before. We have a lot of mutual friends and she doesn't even care to show it off. Her family (who LOVED me) is now commenting/liking all their trip photos. It's hell right now. Shouldn't have broke NC. I blame myself, and the friend. Just thought I'd update you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Damn! That friend should have just said "good job, don't care about them and the stupid trip"! You were already preparing mentally for the trip so convince yourself that the fact they're there a few days early doesn't make it any different. I'm sure the pictures hurt, sorry to had to see that, despite my ex moving on to someone instantly she told no one and posted zero pics, it would have made it much harder if I saw them happy and their family was liking the pics. She and her family are crazy, they prob all knew you proposed and now she's on vacation with another guy!? They're crazy for supporting that rebound relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Damn! That friend should have just said "good job, don't care about them and the stupid trip"! You were already preparing mentally for the trip so convince yourself that the fact they're there a few days early doesn't make it any different. I'm sure the pictures hurt, sorry to had to see that, despite my ex moving on to someone instantly she told no one and posted zero pics, it would have made it much harder if I saw them happy and their family was liking the pics. She and her family are crazy, they prob all knew you proposed and now she's on vacation with another guy!? They're crazy for supporting that rebound relationship They are. The thing that makes it even harder is her eldest sister liking and commenting on the pics. She used to love me. Always talked to me and even admitted once that she was really jealous about how much I love her little sister. This hurts but I will get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 They are. The thing that makes it even harder is her eldest sister liking and commenting on the pics. She used to love me. Always talked to me and even admitted once that she was really jealous about how much I love her little sister. This hurts but I will get through it. Well it is not so bad if you think about it. You already knew that she was going, it just differs a few days. She still is the same lying cheating #%##%$ It also and unfortunately is the role family usually has to play. It would really be awkward if they were choosing your side. Most likely they have heard a lot of garbage about you and they just like how happy that moron makes her. He does not know yet what she is capable of when she gets bored. Moral of the story, it will hurt anyway. So next time, stop yourself, it is just a path of even more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Well it is not so bad if you think about it. You already knew that she was going, it just differs a few days. She still is the same lying cheating #%##%$ It also and unfortunately is the role family usually has to play. It would really be awkward if they were choosing your side. Most likely they have heard a lot of garbage about you and they just like how happy that moron makes her. He does not know yet what she is capable of when she gets bored. Moral of the story, it will hurt anyway. So next time, stop yourself, it is just a path of even more pain. She was a cheating bitch with me when she moved. However, when she was here, she was a very dedicated girlfriend and for this reason, I think she is going to make it work with the other guy. Since she has officially made the relationship public now, I know she will do everything to make it work. Not that it matters, but it still hurts. There are still a lot of residual feelings. Call me crazy but I'm still hoping for her to be back so I can have the pleasure of rejecting her. Wishful thinking, I know. Unhealthy, I know that too. I just want it to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm still not clear on why you won't ask for that engagement ring back. That had to be a five-figure expenditure. Engagement rings are consideration for the promise of future marriage. If the recipient of the ring breaks the engagement then the ring is returned, without question. Why you'd let her off the hook is beyond me. It's like you're rewarding her for cheating on you. You cheated on DEXTERLS! That fabulous new diamond is yours! Seriously Dexter, WTF? Tell that cheating bitch to package that ring up NOW and deliver it via FEDEX next day, insured. To do anything else is weak. Hell, it's probably worth hiring a lawyer to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm still not clear on why you won't ask for that engagement ring back. That had to be a five-figure expenditure. Engagement rings are consideration for the promise of future marriage. If the recipient of the ring breaks the engagement then the ring is returned, without question. Why you'd let her off the hook is beyond me. It's like you're rewarding her for cheating on you. Seriously Dexter, WTF? Tell that cheating bitch to package that ring up NOW and deliver it via FEDEX next day, insured. To do anything else is weak. Hell, it's probably worth hiring a lawyer to do it. I know exactly why -- he still thinks he has a chance to get her back and thinks that asking for the ring back will eliminate that. Despite all she's done to him, he still harbors that hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 You guys are wrong there. I asked for it countless times and she played with me each and every time. I don't want to go through this again and again. It feels like each time I bring on the ring subject, she purposefully changes the subject. Last time I asked her to drop it with a friend, she told me she doesn't want to meet said friend. She can't ship it because she is too busy as well. Sure, it was expensive but I don't want to go through another cycle because of the ring. You know what asking for the ring will make me look like now? Weaker. She must know I have seen the photos. We have around 80 mutual friends on Facebook FFS. So asking for it now will make it look like she's still affecting me. And.. to be honest, she is. I am still affected by her actions but I don't want to be with her. I can never trust this woman again. I know that. I just want the pleasure of rejecting her when she finally realises the grass isn't greener. I don't care if this type of thinking makes me a bad guy. I have been nothing but a great boyfriend to her for the past 6 years and I don't think she should have left once it started to get tricky with the distance and all. People who love each other make it work and stay together. Not leave. I can never trust her again. She can keep the ring, sell it, do whatever the hell she want with it. She probably has sold it to fund her trip she is on now. I really don't care about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 She was a cheating bitch with me when she moved. However, when she was here, she was a very dedicated girlfriend and for this reason, I think she is going to make it work with the other guy. Since she has officially made the relationship public now, I know she will do everything to make it work. Not that it matters, but it still hurts. There are still a lot of residual feelings. Call me crazy but I'm still hoping for her to be back so I can have the pleasure of rejecting her. Wishful thinking, I know. Unhealthy, I know that too. I just want it to happen. Well I am not saying that she is evil. It is just that I have noticed through the years that most people seem to repeat certain things, cheating is one of them. And yes, it probably is wishful thinking. I also think that when you got the chance to reject her it would not feel as victory at all, as victory would have been the not happening of al that crap to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 You know what asking for the ring will make me look like now? Weaker. Bull****. You know what her keeping the ring has already made you look like? Weak and pathetic. Don't ask for the ring, demand it. Do you live in the US? Is she currently within the borders or under the jurisdiction of an advanced civilization? DEMAND the ring one last time. Serve papers on her immediately upon her failure to deliver, detailing her acts of infidelity. Act like Donald Trump or some other personality who will not be trifled with. Post those papers on FB for all 80 of your friends to see if it makes you feel better (check with your lawyer on that one... that might have to wait until after she's handed it over) Don't take any of that ****. You'll feel like a friggin' man when you're done, and I have no doubt that she'll see a side of you that she didn't know even existed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Well I am not saying that she is evil. It is just that I have noticed through the years that most people seem to repeat certain things, cheating is one of them. And yes, it probably is wishful thinking. I also think that when you got the chance to reject her it would not feel as victory at all, as victory would have been the not happening of al that crap to begin with. I really don't think she is going to cheat on that guy with someone else. As hard as this may be to digest, I know her. She won't do it. However, based on her previous patterns, giving me breadcrumbs etc, it feels like she is not done yet with me. It feels like somewhere sometime, she is going to get in touch again. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Bull****. You know what her keeping the ring has already made you look like? Weak and pathetic. Don't ask for the ring, demand it. Do you live in the US? Is she currently within the borders or under the jurisdiction of an advanced civilization? DEMAND the ring one last time. Serve papers on her immediately upon her failure to deliver, detailing her acts of infidelity. Act like Donald Trump or some other personality who will not be trifled with. Post those papers on FB for all 80 of your friends to see if it makes you feel better (check with your lawyer on that one... that might have to wait until after she's handed it over) Don't take any of that ****. You'll feel like a friggin' man when you're done, and I have no doubt that she'll see a side of you that she didn't know even existed. I will take your advice and do this. However, I don't want to do it while she is still on a trip with the other guy. She mentioned she would be back on Saturday (which is her birthday). So how do I do this? I can only contact her by e-mail. What do I say? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I will take your advice and do this. However, I don't want to do it while she is still on a trip with the other guy. She mentioned she would be back on Saturday (which is her birthday). So how do I do this? I can only contact her by e-mail. What do I say? What state will she return to in the US? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 What state will she return to in the US? I don't live in the US. She works in Dubai. If you didn't follow my other threads. I don't live in Dubai. She left my country to work there since Sept. 2014. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I really don't think she is going to cheat on that guy with someone else. As hard as this may be to digest, I know her. She won't do it. However, based on her previous patterns, giving me breadcrumbs etc, it feels like she is not done yet with me. It feels like somewhere sometime, she is going to get in touch again. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. As for both things future will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah, that's a civilized country, and women are second-rate there too, so you'll do just fine. That said, I don't know how it works there, whether you go get the local Haj or the mullah or whatever. I'm sure there's a way. Find a lawyer in Dubai, or a local one with ties to Dubai. The embassy or consulate at your home can probably help you locate one. Let him guide you. I imagine the process would go something like this: 1) You write her an email now, and tell her to take time out of her busy day to return the ring. If the ring is in Dubai, then give her until Saturday. Instruct her to send you the Fedex tracking number. Do not threaten legal action. Merely instruct; short and polite. 2) contact that lawyer in Dubai and tell him your story. See if he can draft a complaint for you quickly if you need it. One in English, the other in Arabic, I guess. 3) If she doesn't do it, you tell the lawyer to file the complaint. 4) The local law enforcement official is sent to her workplace the next morning to serve the papers - she passes out from the shock and embarassment. 5) She is revived and sends you a blistering email berating your for not being a doormat. She's going to give you the full measure of who she is, and blame you for her new troubles at work. It's not your fault, Dexter. This whole thing is not your fault, no matter how it goes. Remember that. 6) You reply to her to direct all correspondence with your Dubai attorney, and copy him on the email 7) At this point, I'm confident she returns the ring to the lawyer in Dubai post haste. He returns it to you after you pay his outrageous fee. 8) Then you can post it on FB in both languages for everybody to see with a picture of a triumphant, smiling Dexter holding the ring. Something like that. It'll cost a little money, but it will be totally worth it. This takes care of two things. One, you get the ring back. Two, she won't be contacting you again. Link to post Share on other sites
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