Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[candie13]

you're in the middle of a turmoil, just give yourself a break.

 

do your best to externalize your anger and deal with it. When exotic Dubai is done and dusted and she has to go back to the bleak reality... she'll see the ex as he truly is: just another guy. And it's when it'll be hard for her. Everyday life is hard.

 

I do believe that constantly checking if you're blocked on her whataspp is bad. Just give it a rest, you're torturing yourself.

 

the only thing I can tell you is: nothing lasts. nothing. This pain you're feeling shall too pass. Focus on stuff that bring you pleasure. Master's is good. Now find something exciting to do this week and the next. It'll take your mind off her.

[mightycpa]

I can't seem to have a good time. Unlike her, going out with my friends isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. She is still constantly on my mind.

 

So, do you think, by posting about her all the time on LS, I am breaking NC?

No, of course not. We don't know her real name. We don't know yours. For all you know, she could be reading these posts too and she hasn't put 2+2 together. Maybe there are enough clues, I don't know.

 

You're going to obsess about this for a little while. Basically she left you when you weren't finished, and unlike sex, you can't just finish yourself off quickly and be done with it. It takes time. To the extent that she can see your life, it shouldn't really matter what she thinks. Maybe your life is pathetic right now - that doesn't mean it will always be that way.

 

You're in a process, not a permanent state, and this process takes time, and frankly, it doesn't matter what she thinks now. In time, she'll think about you and remember that you didn't come crawling to her. She will think, because she will have no other choice, that you really didn't find it all that hard to just walk away from her. She'll wonder how much you actually cared, and she'll doubt a lot of the things she thinks she knows now. Your ability to turn your back and move on will put you heads and shoulders above the guys who went crawling back, begging for affections that no longer existed. Or, you can be one of them.

 

You need to stop thinking short-term, and begin thinking long-term.

[DexterLS]

Thanks guy.

 

I will not contact her and fall into her stupid games. I have deleted her number from my phone.

 

Moving on..

[Pastmen]

No, of course not. We don't know her real name. We don't know yours. For all you know, she could be reading these posts too and she hasn't put 2+2 together. Maybe there are enough clues, I don't know.

 

You're going to obsess about this for a little while. Basically she left you when you weren't finished, and unlike sex, you can't just finish yourself off quickly and be done with it. It takes time. To the extent that she can see your life, it shouldn't really matter what she thinks. Maybe your life is pathetic right now - that doesn't mean it will always be that way.

 

You're in a process, not a permanent state, and this process takes time, and frankly, it doesn't matter what she thinks now. In time, she'll think about you and remember that you didn't come crawling to her. She will think, because she will have no other choice, that you really didn't find it all that hard to just walk away from her. She'll wonder how much you actually cared, and she'll doubt a lot of the things she thinks she knows now. Your ability to turn your back and move on will put you heads and shoulders above the guys who went crawling back, begging for affections that no longer existed. Or, you can be one of them.

 

You need to stop thinking short-term, and begin thinking long-term.

 

Good post, thank you for that. I fully agree with you. Why bother crawling back to her and lowering yourself even more. She broke up with you and if you came back begging at her doorstep she would just feel better, or feel sorry that you've become such a lower person. She'll think she's amazing and everyone wants her and she's so much better than you and will never think about coming back to you nor talk to you cause she will think you're pathetic.

[dumbass2]

"Hmm but why do I need to do all of this because of her?"

 

No, for you. This needs to be all about you and what YOU need to help get over this. As you as you start thinking in terms of what is best for YOU and stop thinking about what she does and why, then you will begin to heal and move on. I've been there. we always want to know why. Why she really broke up. Why she is contacting me. Why is she saying this or doing this? Everyone on here has probably been there. It is what it is. No one person handles things the same way. You feel like you feel. It's great that you have feelings and you care. Now, care about yourself and only about yourself. Be selfish. Do what is best for you. Having her be a part of your life in any way is not best for you.

 

Take control. She doesn't have it, you do!

[thekarmacist]

there is nothing wrong with asking questions and challenging the responses. this is how real knowledge is gained.

[DexterLS]

Thanks a lot for the amazing responses guy.

 

I have not responded to any of her attempts to provoke a conversation. If she finds a way to contact me, I will let you guys know but I am very keen on going full NC.

 

Thanks again

[hestheone66]

Just note however...if somone dumps you and afterwards you run into each other it may well be awkward.

 

however women (especially mothers leaving a relationship with not the father of their chikdren) realise they are much happier overall without the drama that goes with having a bf... dont assume that because they are single that they regret the decision. I was ecstatic alone for years after leaving my ex. I didnt want to subject my children to that ever again...after being very discerning and as my children got older I found the perfect man. Of course I casually dated but only this man ever got to meet my family. I loved being single while it lasted.

 

. Quote=aloneinaz;6367049]

 

I had those same thoughts when my ex dumped me. All of them. I vanished from her life when she ended it. She never heard from me again. I healed, moved on and meet my GF. My ex came back asking for a reconciliation 5.5 months later and was told no thanks.

 

 

Several months later, a kid came up to me to say hello. It was the exes kid. The ex I saw dart down another isle to avoid me AND my much better looking girlfriend. To be honest, I wasn't happy, giddy nor did I feel vindicated. When I left, I actually felt sorry for the ex, cause it had to suck seeing me happy w/my GF while I knew she was still single.

 

 

I actually wished I hadn't run into her cause I'm sure it hurt her real bad knowing what her decision caused her.

[aloneinaz]

Just note however...if somone dumps you and afterwards you run into each other it may well be awkward.

 

however women (especially mothers leaving a relationship with not the father of their chikdren) realise they are much happier overall without the drama that goes with having a bf... dont assume that because they are single that they regret the decision. I was ecstatic alone for years after leaving my ex. I didnt want to subject my children to that ever again...after being very discerning and as my children got older I found the perfect man. Of course I casually dated but only this man ever got to meet my family. I loved being single while it lasted.

 

. Quote=aloneinaz;6367049]

 

I had those same thoughts when my ex dumped me. All of them. I vanished from her life when she ended it. She never heard from me again. I healed, moved on and meet my GF. My ex came back asking for a reconciliation 5.5 months later and was told no thanks.

 

 

Several months later, a kid came up to me to say hello. It was the exes kid. The ex I saw dart down another isle to avoid me AND my much better looking girlfriend. To be honest, I wasn't happy, giddy nor did I feel vindicated. When I left, I actually felt sorry for the ex, cause it had to suck seeing me happy w/my GF while I knew she was still single.

 

 

I actually wished I hadn't run into her cause I'm sure it hurt her real bad knowing what her decision caused her.

 

 

There's a lot more to this post. She had tried to get me back for a long time, even after knowing I was living w/my now GF. She had contacted me within a few weeks of this run in telling me to please let me know if I'm ever single again which I ignored. She shared other things but basically indicated she was still single. I know she's now in a new relationship and I understand she's happy and I'm glad for her. I'm not a grudge holder. I forgave her for her BS and like all my exes, want them to be happy in life.

 

 

I also wouldn't find running into her and her BF awkward. It's so in the past and there's zero emotions. I always enjoy catching up with past GF's and a couple are on my FB.

Edited June 10, 2015 by aloneinaz

[DexterLS]

Hi guys,

 

Here's an update. My ex unblocked me on Whatsapp and has been changing her photos on there every day to provoke a conversation. I know I shouldn't be looking, but she unblocked me after 2 weeks.

 

I didn't give in and didn't contact her, to which she sent me an e-mail. That's the only way she can get in touch.

 

Her email: "Hey, my mom is in Dubai right now and she will return in a week. Should I send the ring with her? Let me know, thanks. "

 

To be honest, she knows I don't get along with her mom (different religion - she hates me) and I am not sure I want to go on with this ring business anymore. Of course, I could use the money but I don't want it to be at the expense of me going back to square one with respect to me moving on.

 

What do you guys think?

[Yummm]

You know what we think, the same words you tell us.

 

NC - completely hypocritical of me yes, but you shouldn't be stalking her and overthinking why she is changing pictures.

 

You will get setback even further, remember how you felt last time. If you really care about the ring money, get a friend or family member to pick it up or tell her to drop it off?

 

Stay strong buddy

[aloneinaz]

Hi guys,

 

Here's an update. My ex unblocked me on Whatsapp and has been changing her photos on there every day to provoke a conversation. I know I shouldn't be looking, but she unblocked me after 2 weeks.

 

I didn't give in and didn't contact her, to which she sent me an e-mail. That's the only way she can get in touch.

 

Her email: "Hey, my mom is in Dubai right now and she will return in a week. Should I send the ring with her? Let me know, thanks. "

 

To be honest, she knows I don't get along with her mom (different religion - she hates me) and I am not sure I want to go on with this ring business anymore. Of course, I could use the money but I don't want it to be at the expense of me going back to square one with respect to me moving on.

 

What do you guys think?

 

 

Get the ring back.. I reply back short and sweet.

 

 

"Yes, please ask her to return it to me. THX".

 

 

And then don't let her get into a convo if she tries.

 

 

As far as the stalking on her app- "come on man"....!

[DexterLS]

Oh man, I know. I'm not proud of the constant checking. It was easier when she blocked me out everywhere.

 

I don't understand her decision to unblock me now but certainly, it's hindering my process. I should probably just give away my phone to somone or something.

 

Too much access to information is NOT good for me.

[Yummm]

Agreed, I've never checked my phone so much in my life since now that we've broken up.

 

Turn if off for a couple hours, it does work

 

Hang in there buddy!

[NopeNah]

A 20 second hand off of the ring from her mom shouldn't set you back. The ring itself might, but once you sell it you'll be closer to moving on. Plus you can use that cash on you! Trip,shopping,hookers and blow...whatever you want!

Edited June 11, 2015 by Praying4Daylight

[na49]

Why can't you just block her now? This information is only available to you if you allow it to be available to you.

[DexterLS]

Thanks guys. I will think it over tonight if I should reply or not.

 

Why can't you just block her now? This information is only available to you if you allow it to be available to you.

 

She is blocked everywhere. The only way she can contact me is by e-mail. Although, I blocked her current e-mails, there's no stopping her from creating a new one and e-mailing me.

 

Or.. creating a new Facebook account and messaging me, for that matter.

[NopeNah]

Why can't you just block her now? This information is only available to you if you allow it to be available to you.

 

Do that after you get your ring back. In fact block her while you're setting on some tropical beach,with the money from selling the ring.

[DexterLS]

Do that after you get your ring back. In fact block her while you're setting on some tropical beach,with the money from selling the ring.

 

Haha! I live on a paradise island, so the tropical beach is like 2 mins away

[DexterLS]

Anyway some updates on how I am feeling lately.

 

It is now 19 days since I last talked to her (except for the ring: to which I just said "ok thanks"). Barely 2 days of NC as I broke it by looking at her Facebook and Whatsapp: She unblocked me after 14 days.

 

I know I am obsessing over this. I know I should not since she cheated and left me for someone else but man, this is hard.

 

She was my first love, and it's so hard to let this go after 6 years. She is doing things to get my attention: unblocking me on whatsapp, trying to vanish from social networks (to make me miss her), commenting on my friends' posts (tha I also commented on), and things like that.

 

I know this is not freaking healthy. I guess I will just try harder to not look too much into what she is doing because she has not said anything.

[Yummm]

Dexter how are you doing buddy?

[DexterLS]

Hi Yummm,

 

Not so good to be honest. Today is day 26 since we last spoke. I am, however, a lot better than I was 2 months ago.

 

I am obsessing too much over what she is doing. She unblocked me on Whatsapp, removed all her profile pictures online: Instagram, Whatsapp, Fb and I don't know why she would do that.

 

It feels like she wants me to miss her and since she kept an open line of communication for me to get in touch, she is expecting me to contact her? I don't know and it's killing me everyday. I am a little proud that I did nothing though.

 

Yesterday was depressing. I was so close to contacting her but I slept it off and didn't. Taking it one day at a time, buddy.

[Yummm]

I'm glad your better than you were buddy, trust me I know how you feel overthinking every little thing she's doing, it's like it's directly aimed at you.... Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't, but it shouldn't matter!

 

Last week my ex drove past my office... It's in a small alleyway that leads to nowhere, coincidence....right? Bollox, but I didn't react and feel better that I didn't, so kudos to you for sleeping on it and not reacting.

 

Please try to stop checking up on the social stuff, as you know, it really helps in the long run.

 

We are still here man, taking it day by day, let's power through!

[DexterLS]

I'm glad your better than you were buddy, trust me I know how you feel overthinking every little thing she's doing, it's like it's directly aimed at you.... Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't, but it shouldn't matter!

 

Last week my ex drove past my office... It's in a small alleyway that leads to nowhere, coincidence....right? Bollox, but I didn't react and feel better that I didn't, so kudos to you for sleeping on it and not reacting.

 

Please try to stop checking up on the social stuff, as you know, it really helps in the long run.

 

We are still here man, taking it day by day, let's power through!

 

Thanks man. It's been hard but I am willing to go full NC as from tomorrow and stop checking her social media profiles as well.

 

If she did want to talk to me, she would have found a way by now but she didn't and I'm not the one to initiate contact.

[DexterLS]

Hi guys,

 

I am not proud of breaking of contacting my ex today. This is what happens when you don't stick with strict NC. I have been stalking her social media accounts for the past two weeks and I couldn't help myself yesterday.

 

Little backstory: This is my ex who cheated, lied and dumped me for someone else after 6 years of being together. She is still with the other guy and in another country.

 

So this is what happened: I was stalking her on Facebook when I saw some photos on one of her friends' profile which included me. I know for a fact that she deleted every single photo of me online and asked her friends to do the same but it looks like she missed this one. So I saved the link and sent it to her to request her to delete it.

 

Obviously, this was only a pretext to talk to her. I also told her to stop all of this nonsense about blocking/unblocking me when she clearly knows how this makes me feel.

 

My ex never replies to my question straightaway. She asked me how I am doing, how did my exams go etc. After giving some brief answers, she went on to tell me how lost she feels in Dubai, how she was just talking to the other guy yesterday saying she feels lost, cant get too attached to him etc. She even sent me a screenshot of their conversation to prove it. It's true. The guy, however, wants to make this work badly so he is trying to convince her that this is just a temporary phase, that their feelings will grow and they will take more important decisions when the right time comes.

 

She only showed me part of their conversation but I know there is more to it than what she showed me. She also told me that she thinks about me every single day, she stalks my social accounts as well. She told me how her mom told her, just last week, how much I loved her. However, she reiterates that she is not looking for a serious relationship right now, although she IS with the other guy and all that stuff.

 

How does that make me feel? Well, I got some stuff I badly wanted to say off my chest and I'm glad I did it. It's not closure, per se but I have been dying to do this.

 

I also tried to part on good terms, although she doesn't deserve it. I told her that I can't talk to her while she is in a relationship with someone else. Of course, I would feel really bad if my girlfriend is talking to her LTR ex behind my back and I told her I will not interfere in her life again but as long as she is in a relationship with the other guy, she should not get in touch with me again as well.

 

She agreed and well, I know that, this time, I am sticking with strict NC.

 

Did this little experience set me back? Definitely, but not as much as it would have done 6-8 weeks ago. This goes further to prove that strict NC is the way to go if you want to heal yourself after a breakup.

 

~ Dexter

Edited June 24, 2015 by DexterLS