at the end of my rope (life)

[StephenSG]

Well, it seems like you keep making the exact same mistakes over and over again. Along with being superficial, you keep getting yourself drunk and high and wonder why things don't work out. Here's a news flash -- stop getting drunk and high for dates! This ain't rocket science dude.

 

Why cant I let go of this one particular girl? We only hung out 3 times but i cannot get her off my mind at all.

[TaraMaiden2]

Why cant I let go of this one particular girl? We only hung out 3 times but i cannot get her off my mind at all.

 

Why can't you address the suggestions being made to you instead of continually steering them towards the impossible?

 

You fail repeatedly to acknowledge that your problem doesn't lie with not being able to hold a date's attention, or get them out of your mind.

Your problem lies in YOU and YOUR Actions, and your evasiveness and your foolishness and your drug taking and your alcoholism.

 

Address those two issues: Drugs and drink.

 

Get cleaned up, quit wallowing, and do something positive for yourself.

[pteromom]

But I get drunk and high because it helps me feel more comfortable around girls. I am nervous usuauly around girls when i first meet them.

 

So have one drink to loosen up a little, then STOP.

 

There's no reason at all for cocaine.

[pteromom]

Why cant I let go of this one particular girl? We only hung out 3 times but i cannot get her off my mind at all.

 

Because she is your "dream girl" in your head. But you have to realize what is in your head is a fantasy based on the little you know about her. It doesn't mean she is a good relationship prospect for you.

 

As far as her being bipolar, well - bipolar people need love too. But I don't think a bipolar partner would be very good for you. A partner like that takes you on a roller coaster ride with very high highs and very low lows. Since you are already susceptible to depression and suicidal thoughts, you really need someone very stable and predictable and patient - and a bipolar person is none of those things.

 

I know you like beautiful girls, but if you are really looking for something long term, you need to pay attention to more than looks.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why cant I let go of this one particular girl? We only hung out 3 times but i cannot get her off my mind at all.

 

Skillfully avoiding the issue I see. You not letting go is not what you need to be focusing on. The fact that you feel the need to go on a mini-bender prior to a date is the problem. Stop skirting the issue.

[TaraMaiden2]

So have one drink to loosen up a little, then STOP.

 

There's no reason at all for cocaine.

 

There's no reason at all for ANY stimulant.

[StephenSG]

There's no reason at all for ANY stimulant.

 

No other drug helps me feel more confident in social situations than coke. It makes me feel like I actually can feel comfortable with girls when chatting to them,

[pteromom]

No other drug helps me feel more confident in social situations than coke. It makes me feel like I actually can feel comfortable with girls when chatting to them,

 

The question isn't how it makes you FEEL, but how it makes you come across. Which obviously isn't good. So how you FEEL is irrelevant.

[StephenSG]

The question isn't how it makes you FEEL, but how it makes you come across. Which obviously isn't good. So how you FEEL is irrelevant.

 

But I have actually had success and sleeping with girls when high on coke. A lot more than when im not. Because I actually appear confident to them. Its a crutch i know. But I am stuck in the throws of addiction. I dont feel strong enought overcome anything which is why i want to end my life. It all feels too overwhelmign to me. I jsut want to sleep and not wake up

[Itspointless]

But I have actually had success and sleeping with girls when high on coke. A lot more than when im not. Because I actually appear confident to them.

You do not want girls who only fall for you when you come across like the stereotypical overconfident macho-man. It is hard but being yourself is much better in the long run.

[pteromom]

But I have actually had success and sleeping with girls when high on coke. A lot more than when im not. Because I actually appear confident to them. Its a crutch i know. But I am stuck in the throws of addiction. I dont feel strong enought overcome anything which is why i want to end my life. It all feels too overwhelmign to me. I jsut want to sleep and not wake up

 

Has it occured to you that your depression is just a side-effect of your drug use?

 

What are the short-term effects of cocaine?

Cocaine causes a short-lived, intense high that is immediately followed by the opposite—intense depression, edginess and a craving for more of the drug.

As cocaine interferes with the way the brain processes chemicals, one needs more and more of the drug just to feel “normal.” People who become addicted to cocaine (as with most other drugs) lose interest in other areas of life.

 

Coming down from the drug causes depression

so

severe that a person will do almost anything to get the drug—even commit murder.

And if he or she can’t get cocaine, the depression can get

so

intense it can drive the addict to suicide.

 

I know this sounds like a pat response, but have you considered a rehab program? NA?

 

Anything you are feeling isn't even coming from you. It's coming from cocaine. You cannot rely on your feelings to make decisions. You need to get clean and balanced.

[StephenSG]

Has it occured to you that your depression is just a side-effect of your drug use?

What are the short-term effects of cocaine?

Cocaine causes a short-lived, intense high that is immediately followed by the opposite—intense depression, edginess and a craving for more of the drug.

As cocaine interferes with the way the brain processes chemicals, one needs more and more of the drug just to feel “normal.” People who become addicted to cocaine (as with most other drugs) lose interest in other areas of life.

 

Coming down from the drug causes depression

so

severe that a person will do almost anything to get the drug—even commit murder.

And if he or she can’t get cocaine, the depression can get

so

intense it can drive the addict to suicide.

 

I know this sounds like a pat response, but have you considered a rehab program? NA?

 

Anything you are feeling isn't even coming from you. It's coming from cocaine. You cannot rely on your feelings to make decisions. You need to get clean and balanced.

 

I think you are right that it definitely makes it worse, but I struggled with these same feelings of worthlessness when I was young, even before I used drugs or drank. I always thought girls in highschool hated me, and I was very quiet. All I have ever wanted in my life was a girlfriend, and when i finally had one i felt like life was complete. Now that I am without one again life is completely empty.

[pteromom]

I think you are right that it definitely makes it worse, but I struggled with these same feelings of worthlessness when I was young, even before I used drugs or drank. I always thought girls in highschool hated me, and I was very quiet.

 

This is so very common as a teenager though. I always thought boys hated me too, and I was very quiet too, and it wasn't until my late 20s that I hit my stride and decided to like myself.

 

This doesn't mean it has to be a lifelong struggle for you.

 

You have to start somewhere.

 

Step 1 is realizing that the drugs make it worse. So by admitting that, you have taken that step.

 

Step 2 is deciding that you don't want it to be worse, and doing something about the drugs.

 

You can worry about Steps 3+ later. And getting a girlfriend and getting married and having a happy normal life are all in those steps if you want them to be. But you aren't at a place where you can have a healthy relationship. You see that, right?

 

No girl is going to want to be the reason you don't kill yourself. That's a TERRIBLE basis for a relationship, and it will only end as she feels the growing pressure of being your one source of happiness.

 

Do you have any family who would help you get into a program? Friends? Someone? I know it is hard to take action when you feel lonely and like your life is pointless... but suicide ensures that you will NEVER have what you want. That just isn't the answer for you.

 

All you have to do is take that step and trust in the process. Let the river carry you to the next dock and see what happens.

[StephenSG]

This is so very common as a teenager though. I always thought boys hated me too, and I was very quiet too, and it wasn't until my late 20s that I hit my stride and decided to like myself.

 

This doesn't mean it has to be a lifelong struggle for you.

 

You have to start somewhere.

 

Step 1 is realizing that the drugs make it worse. So by admitting that, you have taken that step.

 

Step 2 is deciding that you don't want it to be worse, and doing something about the drugs.

 

You can worry about Steps 3+ later. And getting a girlfriend and getting married and having a happy normal life are all in those steps if you want them to be. But you aren't at a place where you can have a healthy relationship. You see that, right?

 

No girl is going to want to be the reason you don't kill yourself. That's a TERRIBLE basis for a relationship, and it will only end as she feels the growing pressure of being your one source of happiness.

 

Do you have any family who would help you get into a program? Friends? Someone? I know it is hard to take action when you feel lonely and like your life is pointless... but suicide ensures that you will NEVER have what you want. That just isn't the answer for you.

 

All you have to do is take that step and trust in the process. Let the river carry you to the next dock and see what happens.

 

My mom is my only immediate family member, but she is fed up with me and doesn't know how to deal with me. I told her I wanted to kill myself and she reacted very poorly of course, but at this point I just don't want to bother her anymore. To be honest everything just sounds to overwhelming, i dont think I can deal with this depression. I just want a girlfriend so badly, its causing intrusive thoughts and its all i can focus on. I feel like if I made a bit more money and I had a girlfriend I wouldn't feel this way at all. Life would be fine for me. But now my desperation has caused everything to go in the opposite direction. I feel like I don't have any guidance on how to achieve those things, and everyone tells me the same thing, that I should deal with my own issues first. But my own issues ARE that I cant get a girl. I feel so inadequate compared to every other guy I see with a hot girlfriend. I just say to myself "why am I not as good as him".

 

Then the financial aspect of my life, I am always broke and I know a lot of that is because I spend a lot at the bar and on drugs, but I'd still have very little money if i didnt do that. People tell me to change my situation, but I don't know where to start. I cannot go back to school because I have bills to pay. How do I go to school when I am supporting myself fully? If I were to go to school I would default on my car payment, and not be able to pay rent. Let alone that I don't even know what to go to school for. I dont have any true interests in any careers or jobs. I just want to make enough money to be comfortable and travel etc.

 

I Feel like at 25 I have already failed at so many things in my life. I have lived most of my life in misery and I just dont want to suffer anymore. Most people my age are graduating with degrees and progressing into their dream jobs. Many of my friends are getting married, making 90K+ a year. I feel so worthlses next to them. I've spent all this time partying and doing nothing with my life that I TRULY BELIEVE 100% that I would be better off dead. I know people say death is not the answer, but sometimes when you suffer and you don't enjoy any part of life, being put out of your misery would be a better option. I am not a religious person, I believe that there is just nothingness when you die. So how can i regret it if I am dead? I will know no difference.

Edited June 3, 2015 by StephenSG

[d0nnivain]

No other drug helps me feel more confident in social situations than coke. It makes me feel like I actually can feel comfortable with girls when chatting to them,

 

It's an illusion. You may feel more confident but at best it's a mask. The woman sees a jerk on drugs.

 

I'm not saying you are a jerk. I am saying that the bad behavior exhibited by people who are high or drunk is easy to see by the others around them & it leaves a bad impression.

[OldRover]

Stephen,

 

You have a TON of good people on this forum that want to help you and see you succeed.

 

You have PROVEN that you can do that.

 

It's clear that the drugs and alcohol are NOT the answer. You've had very short term infatuations... if you want them to develop into something more permanent, you KNOW that you have to offer something.... and that's a sober and drug free man that is confident and provide that woman with security, comfort, honesty and a good time. And you can do that.... it's up to you.

 

Most of us have been there (and you have, too). There's NOTHING more wonderful that having a loving relationship with a lady that you care about and she cares about you. Give her a reason to care.

[StephenSG]

Stephen,

 

You have a TON of good people on this forum that want to help you and see you succeed.

 

You have PROVEN that you can do that.

 

It's clear that the drugs and alcohol are NOT the answer. You've had very short term infatuations... if you want them to develop into something more permanent, you KNOW that you have to offer something.... and that's a sober and drug free man that is confident and provide that woman with security, comfort, honesty and a good time. And you can do that.... it's up to you.

 

Most of us have been there (and you have, too). There's NOTHING more wonderful that having a loving relationship with a lady that you care about and she cares about you. Give her a reason to care.

 

I have been trying to do it... and I know how wonderful it is, but I just can't attract the girl I want and it kills me. I don't know how to build confidence with girls. Everytime I go on a date with one sober I just act quiet and reserved because I feel nervous. I hate it so much

[OldRover]

I have been trying to do it... and I know how wonderful it is, but I just can't attract the girl I want and it kills me. I don't know how to build confidence with girls. Everytime I go on a date with one sober I just act quiet and reserved because I feel nervous. I hate it so much

 

 

<<<<<<<The last girl I ****ed thigns up with on saturday could have been that girl. If I had just made some better decisions... She actually said she liked me after the first date which is why its even more devestating i screwed thigns up. I can't get over it.>>>>>>>

 

 

Well, you just recently did it. You had the chance and blew it because of the drugs and drinking. If you can't solve your drug and drinking, get help, because that will probably kill you first!

 

Now, you and I both know that there a more great women out that that would love to be with you (without the drugs and crap), just be yourself, gain confidence.

 

And you don't need to meet a girl at the bar.... find someplace without the drinking.... gym, social club, other clubs (tennis, kayaking, dancing... etc.).

 

I've only met ONE girl in a bar that I developed a lasting relationship with... all the rest were elsewhere and overall, better quality women, without a doubt.

 

Now, go out there and be successful.... you only have another 75 years to be successful! (I WISH I were in your shoes.....)

[StephenSG]

I know what you're saying is right, but ever day that passes is lonelier than the last. I don't think I can stand it much longer. I just want these feelings to go away. I havent drank or done coke in over a week, but everything still feels awful. I just want to crawl into bed and not leave. Every girl i look at passing me ont he street looks down at the ground.

 

I just don't understand how people can be happy alone. I am trying to wrap my head around it but I can't. I just feel like its such an awful feeling having no prospect of meeting a partner in the near future. All I can see in my future is more pain and loneliness, while all my friends get coupled up and I am left behind to rot in my depression.

 

I have tried counseling in the past but it didn't help me.

[misspond]

You know it'll take longer than a week to feel less anxious without the alcohol and the coke though don't you? It might take a lot longer than you'd like to be honest but if you already had these underlying problems before the drinking and drugging then they are still going to be there once you've properly stopped.

 

I used to take party drugs, long time ago now, and to be honest if I were offered them now I'd refuse because they really do leave you feeling like shyt once the high has worn off. Take the focus off of finding someone, get yourself sorted out and in a better place and then see what happens. Just be aware there's no quick fix for this.

[Miss Clavel]

I have friends, but nothing compares to having a beautiful women to lay down with at night and wake up to. its the most lonely thing having to spend your nights alone with no prospect of meeting a lover again. its alll i can think about, and for that reason i will kill myself. i appreciate that people here who have never even met me care enough but this isnt looking for sympathy. I am looking for a reason taht makes sense to me to not kill myself. but so far no one has convinced me, so I feel like its better for me to just end it instead of continuing to suffer. Seems logical right?

 

okay. it's your life.

 

how are you planning to do it? i have to tell you that sometimes it doesn't work. i'm proof. and if you fail, you might be worse off then when you started.

 

a nurse once told me that a patient blew out his eyes and now he's alive and blind.

 

and have you thought about who will find you? cuz it won't be pleasant for anyone, even a stranger to find your body.

 

are you going to leave a note?

 

are you going to explain that you can't go on with your life because you aren't getting what you want out of it, that you're a selfish prick that would rather put your family thru hell then stick around to face some loneliness?

 

are you going to pre-pay your funeral? they're very very expensive. even cremation can run up to two thousand dollars.

 

what do you want done with your possessions? better make sure to discard anything embarrassing beforehand.

 

i'm sorry you aren't getting what you want out of life. so many of us don't. and whenever i'm lonely, which is rare, i remind myself that if i'm lonely it's my own fault. that i have a duty to myself that when i'm alone, i'm in good company.

 

you may never marry, you may never find someone to love you, but if you try, you might find someone to love.

 

i suggest you start with yourself.

 

after that, what i'm convinced you need is a hobby. if you can find one that makes some money, all the better. you could use the money to move away or invest in a hobby or fix yourself up, inside and out. there's a reason you aren't attracting women you're interested in, maybe it's because you whine about all the things you haven't got?

 

because i'm a bit of a smart ass, i usually sign off, "good luck". in your case i'm not sure you believe in luck and certainly, from your poast, you're too lazy to stick around and see if yours changes.

Edited June 8, 2015 by Miss Clavel

[StephenSG]

an update:

 

I attempted suicide on June 9, and ended up in the hospital for a week which is why I haven't responded. I took 50 pills of extra strength acetiminophen (advil) in hopes of not waking up. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had my stomach pumped at the hospital.

 

The doctors have given me a wellbutrin and an anti anxiety medication. i am home now and I have told me family i dont want to take the medication anymore. i am under strict supervision by my mother but I am already thinking of better ways to kill myself. hopefully next time it works.

[Satu]

You need a longer stay in hospital.

[Itspointless]

an update:

 

I attempted suicide on June 9, and ended up in the hospital for a week which is why I haven't responded. I took 50 pills of extra strength acetiminophen (advil) in hopes of not waking up. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had my stomach pumped at the hospital.

 

The doctors have given me a wellbutrin and an anti anxiety medication. i am home now and I have told me family i dont want to take the medication anymore. i am under strict supervision by my mother but I am already thinking of better ways to kill myself. hopefully next time it works.

Oh my ... Life can be good Stephen. Yes there are downtimes and sometimes long ones. Fortunately your mother is awake now.

[StephenSG]

Oh my ... Life can be good Stephen. Yes there are downtimes and sometimes long ones. Fortunately your mother is awake now.

 

my mother resents me for what i haev done, i dont blame her but i think she will eventually just disown me and not care if i try to attempt suicide again. which i hope happens