at the end of my rope (life)

[fireflywy]

I have been single 1 year. She was my first girlfriend and I met her when I was 22. I truly believe I will never meet someone else who will accept me the way she did. At least not to my standards. I go after very good looking which is likely attributed to why I fail so much. My ex was very good looking and I feel like I will never meet someone of her calibre again.

 

 

Well, this is the wrong way to view things.

 

I think what is happening is that perhaps you're trying to find someone who can one up her in the looks department because perhaps, just hypothesizing here, she moved on and you are perhaps comparing her ease of doing so vs your more difficult path as a guy. (Sorry ladies, I know its not easy for you either but you have to understand if he had an attractive woman, she was most likely to grab someone else first especially if he held on longer then she did).

 

Perhaps you want to find another smoking hot woman to connecf with (we all would) so that you can either say to her if you see her "Hey, look what I got!" Or even to prove to yourself that you're capable.

 

Is that possible?

 

If it is, you are stuck in a material world and material view when you should be looking beyond to the next level or next plane where just a simple connection is more important.

 

Now I'm not saying you need to drop your standards to zero and date some woman your absolutely NOT attracted to, but you should give yourself greater leeway here inf finding someone YOURE attracted to by your OWN standards and not what society is projected. If your standards for attraction match society's then THROW THEM OUT.

 

If that won't fly with you, well then I'm sad to say that you're going to have to keep trying and inflate your dating attempts and numbers and amount of rejection you're facing by these women until you find one "hot" woman who doesn't reject you. (which you're upset at doing and moaning about)

 

Or

 

KEEP WAITING with patience while working on yourself and becoming a better man.

 

If you're 25, from what I observe as an older guy, you're smack dab in the most self absorbed generation we've ever seen and dealing with young people to boot which only makes this much worse. You may have to wait for all of these attractive young, self absorbed people to make their little boo boos and their YOLOs and all that other b.s. until THEY, and sadly YOU both mature and look beyond looks as your minimum standard.

 

Hint: Doing this and being confident will actually make you MORE attractive to the ATTRACTIVE women you want. Don't believe me? Next time some.girl asks you to dance and you're not attracted to give her a dance, make her laugh, let other women see you, then ask ones YOU would like to dance with and see what happens.

 

Now, if you're ready to step into true and honest manhood, and if somehow you subconciously are still trying ti prove to something to your ex, then you need to stop doing so. Having an attractive woman won't prove to her, others, or even yourself that you're a BETTER man even though it feels good when they are on your arm.

 

Being a better man comes with knowing that you must patiently except a more spiritual and purposeful package both emantating from us and others; not "this crude matter" *pointing at simple beauty and quoting Yoda.*

Edited May 28, 2015 by fireflywy

[dyna85]

I do all of those things, I always have a nice haircut, i wear nice clothes, i drive a nice car, i live downtown in one of the best cities in north america, yet girls dont care about any of that. I am cursed, and they clearly think I am ugly or none are able to form an emotional connection with me. I will kill myself soon if I continue like this i guarnatee it. I have felt this way for al ong time and no longer want to feel like this. its simple logic, put ones self out of misery.

 

Forget girls and focus on loving yourself and caring for yourself, outside of material things and surface beauty.

 

I read somewhere else and this is a good point: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

Emotions are always changing. You shouldn't pigeonhole yourself into thinking you will always feel miserable, because it's simply not true. However, happiness starts with you. You need to dust yourself off and work to make things better for yourself.

 

Are you eating healthy? Getting out in the sun? Exercising? Sleeping well? Doing things that make you happy? Dealing with your feelings in a way that suits you best?

 

You can't find someone to wipe away the misery. That's not how life works. You have to make yourself happy.

 

You get what you give in this world.

 

The fact that you feel you're cursed and that you're destined to loneliness and relationship failure for the rest of time, shows that you're in a depressed space. You need to work to get through that space and onto the other side. How to do that is you must start taking care of and loving yourself.

 

Your feelings are part of you, so you better care for them. Rather than hurt yourself further, focus on what you do have and what will make you feel better (besides a girlfriend).

 

When you're into yourself, someone else is likely to be into you too.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have been single 1 year. She was my first girlfriend and I met her when I was 22. I truly believe I will never meet someone else who will accept me the way she did. At least not to my standards. I go after very good looking which is likely attributed to why I fail so much. My ex was very good looking and I feel like I will never meet someone of her calibre again.

 

So you're basically shallow and you are glum because similarly shallow people aren't falling all over themselves to be with you? I mean, you're kind of being a drama queen with all of this. So you've been single a year and haven't gotten laid in two months. You seem to be a combination of lazy, spoiled and deluded.

 

Maybe you need to stop looking purely for looks and go a little deeper. A 7 with a great personality is basically a 10, and a 9.5 that's a drip is basically a 5.

Edited May 28, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[StephenSG]

So you're basically shallow and you are glum because similarly shallow people aren't falling all over themselves to be with you? I mean, you're kind of being a drama queen with all of this. So you've been single a year and haven't gotten laid in two months. You seem to be a combination of lazy, spoiled and deluded.

 

Maybe you need to stop looking purely for looks and go a little deeper. A 7 with a great personality is basically a 10, and a 9.5 that's a drip is basically a 5.

 

I wouldnt say I am shallow, I definitely want someone with a good personality and someone I can connect with, but cant be with people I am not phsyically attracted to.

 

I wish I wasn't this way. I decided that if by the end of the summer I don't have a girlfriend I will down an entire bottle of advil. Its so ****ing frustrating looking at all the happy couples on facebook and hot girls on instagram all the time. I dont understand why the girls I like cant like me back.

[OldRover]

I wouldnt say I am shallow, I definitely want someone with a good personality and someone I can connect with, but cant be with people I am not phsyically attracted to.

 

I wish I wasn't this way. I decided that if by the end of the summer I don't have a girlfriend I will down an entire bottle of advil. Its so ****ing frustrating looking at all the happy couples on facebook and hot girls on instagram all the time. I dont understand why the girls I like cant like me back.

 

Stephen,

 

While you make some good points, your time frame to accomplish those things is WAY TO SHORT. I know many that look for years finding that special one. Took me about two years, when I was young a vibrant like you should be to find someone special, after a bunch of "fair" dates.

 

Also, a relationship only a year old is pretty short time to hardly get dating again, especially seriously. Sure, it can happen, but doesn't seem to be the norm. (maybe I'm just slow).

 

Don't worry about the hottest chick in town... concern yourself with anyone that would be good company to date... just a good time talking and taking a stroll, or doing something fun.

 

With the two girls I've loved most in my life, neither one struck me as a knockout prior to me spending at least a year with them.... one was 6 years, and hardly pursued her before she noticed me.

[d0nnivain]

Stephen

 

I'm glad you put your plans to kill yourself on hold. However, I don't think 3 months to find a new GF is fair amount of time. You will make yourself desperate & women will smell that desperation the way a dog smells fear. It will end up turning them off more.

 

Instead focus on finding something else that makes you happy & also getting some therapy in the interim.

[Phoenician]

stephen ,

 

it doesn't take courage to end a life , it just takes irrational thinking .

it seems you lost something before loosing hope ,

 

u are a courageous guy by not commiting it , because , if u do you will be a chicken .

 

you lost belief, fine we all do .

 

when ppl loose belief , they end up doing stupid things .

what would you do if u were like me ?

wasted 20 years of my life into a failing marriage ....

 

you are a young person . you still have a long way , and one day u will just find that lady who is worth dying for

and u will not regret wasting your life ..

 

the first thing you need to find is a belief , a passion , before anything else ...

[StephenSG]

I seriously don't understand how people can say dont focus on finding a girlfriend, and when you arent looking thats when you find one. I look around every day and I am reminded that I am single by seeing all the happy couples, the hot women, etc etc. im bombarded with it.

 

If I stop looking for a girlfriend, that means no more going to bars, no more talking to girls, which logically speaking means I will be a lot less likely to meet someone. I don't have any particular hobbies or passions. I do boxing, which is my only "hobbie" but I mostly do it just to stay in shape and release some of my anger.

 

I drink every weekend and got to bars to try and meet girls, and when I wake up hungover on a sunday with no one to talk to I am disappointed. Even my friends cant understand my obsession wth finding someone. (albeit most of my friends have girlfirneds).

 

The feeling of helplessness is so gut wrenching, I just want to be able to do something to make these girls like me. People say that I am young but 25 is not young, I am more than halfway through my 20s with nothing to show for it.

 

Other friends have hobbies like photography that they are good at, or making music etc. I have nothing. I realize girls find passion and ambition attractive, but I am so caught up in this continuous loop of trtying to find someoen that I feel too depressed to pursue any of these activities for myself. All I can find myself doing is drugs and alcohol... Which is why I think my life is worthless and I want to end it so badly. All I have been thinking about for the past month is the easiest way to kill myself. I dont know whether to take a lot of pills or jump from the highest bridge in my city.

Edited May 28, 2015 by StephenSG

[LoveMachine67]

I seriously don't understand how people can say dont focus on finding a girlfriend, and when you arent looking thats when you find one. I look around every day and I am reminded that I am single by seeing all the happy couples, the hot women, etc etc. im bombarded with it.

 

If I stop looking for a girlfriend, that means no more going to bars, no more talking to girls, which logically speaking means I will be a lot less likely to meet someone. I don't have any particular hobbies or passions. I do boxing, which is my only "hobbie" but I mostly do it just to stay in shape and release some of my anger.

 

I drink every weekend and got to bars to try and meet girls, and when I wake up hungover on a sunday with no one to talk to I am disappointed. Even my friends cant understand my obsession wth finding someone. (albeit most of my friends have girlfirneds).

 

The feeling of helplessness is so gut wrenching, I just want to be able to do something to make these girls like me. People say that I am young but 25 is not young, I am more than halfway through my 20s with nothing to show for it.

 

Other friends have hobbies like photography that they are good at, or making music etc. I have nothing. I realize girls find passion and ambition attractive, but I am so caught up in this continuous loop of trtying to find someoen that I feel too depressed to pursue any of these activities for myself. All I can find myself doing is drugs and alcohol... Which is why I think my life is worthless and I want to end it so badly. All I have been thinking about for the past month is the easiest way to kill myself. I dont know whether to take a lot of pills or jump from the highest bridge in my city.

 

 

Dude, is it possible you are projecting yourself to these women as being needy and desperate?

 

You should seriously consider "returning to base", and take a short break from trying so hard.

 

These women could be getting a vibe from you, that is turning them off??

[Satu]

 

I drink every weekend and got to bars to try and meet girls, and when I wake up hungover on a sunday with no one to talk to I am disappointed. Even my friends cant understand my obsession wth finding someone. (albeit most of my friends have girlfirneds).

 

I can't think of anywhere worse than bars to meet someone.

[d0nnivain]

Stephen

 

Alcohol is a depressant. Going to bars makes things worse, not better.

 

You say you have no hobbies. Find one. Use the summer to explore new avenues & try new things. Use the money you save by staying out of the bars to support your new hobbies.

 

Doing things you enjoy will make you happier. When you get happier, it will be easier to find a GF. Although possible, it's highly unlikely that you will find a quality person looking for a relationship in a bar over the summer. At your age, everybody wants summer flings, not to be tied down.

 

The vicious cycle of drinking to drown your sorrows is what's making you want to give up.

[StephenSG]

Another nail in the coffin is that I work a ****ty job, I make a measly 25 dollars an hour, and I dont have a college degree. If you dont have a degree or a career path set out before the age of 25 I think you are pretty much screwed. It just adds to the growing list of things that will ensure I never find a woman again.

[Jonp219]

You have 2 choices:

 

1) You have to detach yourself from your mind, and start looking at your problems from a more logical stand point. Practice your inner game, and try to eliminate any drugs or liquor you consume on a daily basis. Go back to college or take up trade school, and try to get a better job than you have now. Truly make an effort to improve the quality of your life.

 

Or

 

2) Just do it...

 

You only have these two choices. You don't have to work on everything all at once, but you should certainly start somewhere. I understand how you feel, I've been contemplating suicide for few weeks now, so I understand the feeling. I'm not going to try to convince you not to do it. At the end of the day we all have choices to make. And who the hell am I to try and stop someone from ending their suffering?

 

Oh and I don't know what city live in, but $25 an hour with no kids is pretty good IMO.

[StephenSG]

I live in Vancouver the most expensive city in North America

[fireflywy]

Stephen,

 

I've watched you in several threads now and all I've seen you talk about is this preparation for ending your life and for the most ridiculous of reasons. I hate to say this, but I'm beginning to ask if you are for real or some type of provocateur trying to whip up depression among members.

 

I know that's a horrible thing to say, but some people here in recent months have been here as trolls (A guy named Joshcube) to mess with people and sadly, there are all sorts of people who would take a preverse pleasure in hurting someone especially through anonymity.

I apologize if you're not, but these posts here really aren't healthy to members coming here with pain who seek true guidance (which, while people here ARE trying to give you, you keep turning down) and it bringing them down.

 

Nor is it healthy for you to constantly air out, write, and reassert your justifications for the act as you are invincibly unmoved bu everyones advice. I fear, in the end, while we are trying to help you, this is simply becoming a means for you to whip up justifications which isn't healthy.

 

I honestly, at this point say that you need to seek professional help for these issues, call whatever number you have to call, seek whatever doctor or counselor you need, and that a moderator would just take your posts down as it presents the possibility, simply through reading, to subconsciously implant idea into peoples heads which they don't need right now.

 

I dont know, at this point, what anyone else here can say to change your mind. There are no magical words, nor formulas, no act that we can present here to make you change these stupid thoughts if youre set on resisting our advice.

 

Seek PROFESSIONAL help please.

Edited May 29, 2015 by fireflywy

[Cora]

No one should ever kill themselves. Why make this world a little sadder than it already is? Every life is precious. Please please please think of what it would do to your family and friends. Do you really want to hurt them? Life is what you make of it and you have your whole life in front of you. I don't know you, but it really breaks my heart to know that you feel as if you have no other alternative than to end your life. What if your dream girl is out there just waiting to be found? I know you're frustrated and exhausted from the disappointment, but you are still so young. Some people are lucky and find the person they are meant to be with early in life and then others find that person later in life. Just remember the saying...good things come to those who wait. I truly believe that!

[StephenSG]

Stephen,

 

I've watched you in several threads now and all I've seen you talk about is this preparation for ending your life and for the most ridiculous of reasons. I hate to say this, but I'm beginning to ask if you are for real or some type of provocateur trying to whip up depression among members.

 

I know that's a horrible thing to say, but some people here in recent months have been here as trolls (A guy named Joshcube) to mess with people and sadly, there are all sorts of people who would take a preverse pleasure in hurting someone especially through anonymity.

 

I apologize if you're not, but these posts here really aren't healthy to members coming here with pain who seek true guidance (which, while people here ARE trying to give you, you keep turning down) and it bringing them down.

 

Nor is it healthy for you to constantly air out, write, and reassert your justifications for the act as you are invincibly unmoved bu everyones advice. I fear, in the end, while we are trying to help you, this is simply becoming a means for you to whip up justifications which isn't healthy.

 

I honestly, at this point say that you need to seek professional help for these issues, call whatever number you have to call, seek whatever doctor or counselor you need, and that a moderator would just take your posts down as it presents the possibility, simply through reading, to subconsciously implant idea into peoples heads which they don't need right now.

 

I dont know, at this point, what anyone else here can say to change your mind. There are no magical words, nor formulas, no act that we can present here to make you change these stupid thoughts if youre set on resisting our advice.

 

Seek PROFESSIONAL help please.

 

I am not trolling, I am 100% serious. As insulted as I should be by your accusation, I am not because this is the internet and everythign is anonymous, so I understand it can be difficult to tell. I have struggled with these feelings for years.

[brokengirl85]

Stephen,

 

I don't want to sound harsh with you, but you sound overly negative about everything. please seek some help. Professional help.

[d0nnivain]

Another nail in the coffin is that I work a ****ty job, I make a measly 25 dollars an hour, and I dont have a college degree. If you dont have a degree or a career path set out before the age of 25 I think you are pretty much screwed. It just adds to the growing list of things that will ensure I never find a woman again.

 

Do you understand that other people in your daily life are picking up on your negative defeatist attitude & that is what is making them steer clear of you.

 

Killing yourself is not a meaningful plan for change. $25 / hr is nothing to sneeze at. Many people earn far less.

 

If you don't like your job & you are bitter about not having a college education, what are you doing to change that & improve your situation? Have you even researched well paying careers that don't require a degree? Have you thought about a trade? Although I have a fancy post-graduate degree if I had it to do over I think I'd become a plumber or car mechanic.

 

What you can't see right now because you are so down on yourself is that you have choices. It's just tough to exercise them when you are depressed.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, bitching about $25 an hour at age 25 is more of your entitled, spoiled personality. That's a better wage than most of the population. I tend to agree with fireflywy -- I think you are either taking us for a ride or you are an extremely delusional person. The stuff you are complaining about ($25 an hour, not having a girlfriend for a year, not having sex for two months) makes you sound like an a-hole. People have much worse going in all three categories but aren't emoting here about suicide like a spoiled brat.

[JollyDays]

Let's see. You're in your mid-20s, you still have occasional dates, have gainful employment, and you're wanting to end your life? Man, you've only lived about a quarter of your life. Dude, I am almost 40, broke, jobless, and no relationships, let alone dates. I'm also dealing with clinical depression and have to live with my parents (humiliating enough), so when I see a posting like this, I just shake my damn head, because I am in a much more depressing place, and yet, I still get up everyday thinking that eventually it'll get better for me. COME ON MAN!! GET SOME PERSPECTIVE HERE!! IT'S NOT THAT BAD!!

[fireflywy]

I am not trolling, I am 100% serious. As insulted as I should be by your accusation, I am not because this is the internet and everythign is anonymous, so I understand it can be difficult to tell. I have struggled with these feelings for years.

 

Well then you need to seek PROFESSIONAL help for your issues. No one here will be successful in addressing them and helping you turn the corner unless you start with having a modicum of positive attitude either through some sort of medication or therapeutic process.

 

Sorry if you're offended, but the issues you bring up, are actually quite small and petty. Sure they may be the world to you and your perspective may be your reality, but your perspective needs a major overhaul which none of us here can give.

 

So with that said, stop the suicide talk HERE and find professional help.

[JollyDays]

Let me tell you something man, there's not a damn woman in the world that would compel me to go and off myself. I was there in an earlier relationship when I was about your age, and somehow, I made it through, so I know you can. In the end, all of these women out here are just people, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry to sound offensive to folks, but that's just how I manage the dating game. If you were a woman, I'd say the same about dudes.

 

 

Again, you make roughly 50k per year (though I don't know what the cost of living is in your area), you have dates, sex, and you're wanting to blow yourself away? Goddamnit, I'd be so at peace with myself if I had what you had. Man, SimonPhoenix is right, you are a spoiled assed dude who needs some perspective.

[StephenSG]

Let me tell you something man, there's not a damn woman in the world that would compel me to go and off myself. I was there in an earlier relationship when I was about your age, and somehow, I made it through, so I know you can. In the end, all of these women out here are just people, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry to sound offensive to folks, but that's just how I manage the dating game. If you were a woman, I'd say the same about dudes.

 

 

Again, you make roughly 50k per year (though I don't know what the cost of living is in your area), you have dates, sex, and you're wanting to blow yourself away? Goddamnit, I'd be so at peace with myself if I had what you had. Man, SimonPhoenix is right, you are a spoiled assed dude who needs some perspective.

 

 

First of all, I live in the most expensive city in North America, so while 25 an hour may be a lot where you live, it is not here. My rent is 1400 for a one bedroom apartment, and gas and food are both outrageously expensive. So my wage is not exactly good for where i live. I have very littel money to travel/save/ do things with.

 

Secondly, Its not like these days get me anywhere. the girls just blow me off so who cares?

[fireflywy]

ippi

First of all, I live in the most expensive city in North America, so while 25 an hour may be a lot where you live, it is not here. My rent is 1400 for a one bedroom apartment, and gas and food are both outrageously expensive. So my wage is not exactly good for where i live. I have very littel money to travel/save/ do things with.

 

Secondly, Its not like these days get me anywhere. the girls just blow me off so who cares?

 

Then make a flippin' change.