Author soulforge Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Girls are *******s. I could go in to a more in depth explanation as to how, but that's the basics of it, they are *******s. They like to say things to keep you hooked. Amen to that Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) I had to too. My story below. I still think of her but in her moving on so quickly she quickly proved to me that she is who I was always afraid she was. Badpenny's comment on this thread REALLY helped me put her actions into perspective. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/523770-i-do-my-best-but-stream-conciousness-rant Edited May 19, 2015 by fireflywy Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Here is what I don't understand.. if she was not invested, then why keep dropping hints about marriage and bieng together for good..? Maybe she just liked the idea of marriage? In this case, i guess her words did not actually mirror her actions At this point, it irrelevant, right? Both guys and girls are *********s. We've all been guilty of saying something we maybe didn't mean 100%. Clearly her words didn't mean anything, her ACTIONS showed you. So, stop spinning your wheels about this failed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 You either hate to be alone for any time what so ever or you need to work on your self esteem. Most everyone is guilty of taking too much $hit from our significant others. We also ignore MAJOR red flags that are presented early in a relationship because the sex is good or they are hot. You are in an excellent position. You don't have much time invested, you saw she wasn't invested in you and you pulled the trigger to end it. Why boo hoo over such a poor excuse for partner? Focus your energy on finding someone who will provide you with what you need. I did ignore one MAJOR MAJOR red flag.. at this point i really should have walked away.. She was at my house, and she ended up creating a drama over something and was rude to me.. I called her out for bieng rude, and she did not like it.. she went abit cold towards me, then later starting accusing me of not treating her like a guest in my house and telling me i made her feel uncomfortable.. i felt like she was trying to shame me I had good reason to call her out, she was rude to me.. we made up later that night.. The next day when she went home, i usually recieve a text from her, letting me know she got home ok, and that she enjoyed the weekend with me.. I got no text off her.. i decided to text her that night, and we had small talk.. the next morning i texted her again.. After that i decided to back off a little, and let her initiate a text to me.. as i did not want to come across as bieng needy.. I did not hear from her again in SIX DAYS After six days i recieved this text message from her.. "Hi i thought we was getting along fine, but this no contact is not good.. i had a feeling you would not want to see me again.. Thanks for sharing your time with me, good luck take care, hope your ok.. the funny thing is.. i texted her two days in a row.. so why could she had not sent off a text to me, in all those days.. she could had just sent one text asking how i was.. My guess is, she maybe wanted me to do the chasing.. then she indirectly ended the relationship, and blamed me for not bothering with her... But like a fool i started reaching out, and we started to see each other again.. at this point i really really should have walked away.. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 What you have just pointed out soulforge is a classic example of emotional manipulation. Either she has the tendency to self sabotage relationships, was being a coward and deliberately wanted to push you away, or was testing you. Either way, stay away from these kinds of toxic people. You'd do well to not question her motives as much too, you'll never get the answer you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Well i have drawn a line... and i am just glad i got out early.. time to move on I hope i get over her soon, and meet someone nice to share my life with.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I am thinking about breaking no contact and reaching out to her.. Have had time to think about things, and i realise that both our communication was terrible, at times both of us behaved in a imature fashion.. The thing is i have not felt like this for a girl in a long long time.. maybe talking and trying to work on communication may bring us together?? Then again she may have moved on.. she is currently on a dating site.. i won't know untill i try right?? I could let it go and never reach out.. but then may end up living with regret? Or i can reach out and try salvage the relationship, even if it means her turning me down? Even tho i tried talking to her before, she was bieng stubborn.. so i officially ended it with her.. If i officially ended it, then i suppose it has to be who needs to reach out? Feel so lost and confused right now! Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 forced to become the dumper almost everytime. in the end, it really doesn't matter. the only thing that matters is that it didn't work out. The moment that realisation hits you, focus on cutting your loses and leaving asap. that's what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 of course, if I were smart, I would look at what I did wrong to get to that situation to begin with. What was my precious contribution. And learn from those mistakes. I've only recently started to change my perspective. Sometimes, irrelevant of the would have should have could have, nothing can prevent the breakup. It's just one of those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 forced to become the dumper almost everytime. in the end, it really doesn't matter. the only thing that matters is that it didn't work out. The moment that realisation hits you, focus on cutting your loses and leaving asap. that's what I do. This is where i am struggling.. i felt something special with her.. almost like un finished business.. maybe we could have made it work, with some communication! we both argued over petty things... i am willing to reachout, but i could be wasting my time Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 ok, here's my philosophy: if you feel that there is something to be saved, go for it and do it with all of your heart. But if you've decided to cut it off, stick to your decision. Personally, I believe that if 2 people have broken up once, it was not important for any of the 2... so you're better off moving on. Think hard and be clinical about it. Cold as ice. People don't change, if she gave up that easily on the 2 of you once, she will do it again. No one lets something that moves them deep inside go away peacefully. sorry mate... Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Soulforge, am I right in saying it was a 4 month relationship and she put no effort in? It sounds to me like you were a lot more invested in this relationship than she was. It's pointless reaching out. Technically you were the dumper and they say the dumpers should initiate first contact, but as you said you were forced. it sounds like she had checked out but couldn't face doing the dumping. I could be wrong but, wondering what if all the time will just prolong your healing. If she wanted this relationship she would have spoken up during the break up or at least put up a fight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Soulforge, am I right in saying it was a 4 month relationship and she put no effort in? It sounds to me like you were a lot more invested in this relationship than she was. It's pointless reaching out. Technically you were the dumper and they say the dumpers should initiate first contact, but as you said you were forced. it sounds like she had checked out but couldn't face doing the dumping. I could be wrong but, wondering what if all the time will just prolong your healing. If she wanted this relationship she would have spoken up during the break up or at least put up a fight. She did make some effort in the relationship, but when we had a little petty fallout, she would not try to resolve it.. i would be the one making some effort.. I did try reaching out to her before i ended it.. but it seemed like she was still angry or upset.. after 1 week of no contact i officially ended it.. Wether she had already checked out or not, i,m not sure... she may have or she may not have... After i ended it, i got this text from her... "Your choice then, and you deleted me off whatsapp, all the best for the future" No she didn't put up a fight.. she believes she is 100% the victim.. Where as i believe we both made mistakes... she is now on a dating site.. so if i dont reach out, then i lose her for good... Or i risk putting my neck out? And see what response i get? If she rejects me, i would feel worse.. but if i never try, i may end up with regrets.. 4months.. not a very long time.. not sure what to do.. plus how bad could things get in the future with her, if got into another argument.. Will she drop all communication again... grrrrr this is hard Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It's entirely up to you. If you feel it's worth it then reach out but obviously be prepared for a worse outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 how long ago did it end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 how long ago did it end? Its been around 4 weeks since we broke up.. she is still on the dating site..wether she has met someone i dont know... I was thinking of maybe just send a her a text "hey are you okay" If she responds, then maybe ask her to meet and talk... Still in two minds about it... sometimes seems easier to walk away and never look back, and save myself from pain in the future!!! Just felt a special connection with her.. thats all Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Dude, she's on a DATING SITE. That means she'd rather be trying to meet new people.... than to try and get back together with you. You felt a special connection to her but she doesn't feel that way about you. Please try and let this go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Dude, she's on a DATING SITE. That means she'd rather be trying to meet new people.... than to try and get back together with you. You felt a special connection to her but she doesn't feel that way about you. Please try and let this go. I understand that.. if i had got dumped by her, i would had more than likely gone back onto a dating site too.. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 SF, there is very little chance that she is remotely interested in getting back with you. And even if she was, and you did get back together, what makes you think the relationship would have a chance, given what you have posted on this thread? How long were you single before this relationship? It was only 4 months, why do you think you are so emotionally invested in it? Heres the thing. Given that you have been constantly going on about "reaching out" to her and ignoring all the advice about how pathetic this sounds, and about moving on, part of me wants to say just do it, contact her, and hopefully she tells you to get lost and you can move on. The risky part I see is that you contact her, and she thinks, hey, some attention, a lot of these POF guys arent that great, maybe I'll string SF along for a bit while I find a good replacement... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) SF, there is very little chance that she is remotely interested in getting back with you. And even if she was, and you did get back together, what makes you think the relationship would have a chance, given what you have posted on this thread? How long were you single before this relationship? It was only 4 months, why do you think you are so emotionally invested in it? Heres the thing. Given that you have been constantly going on about "reaching out" to her and ignoring all the advice about how pathetic this sounds, and about moving on, part of me wants to say just do it, contact her, and hopefully she tells you to get lost and you can move on. The risky part I see is that you contact her, and she thinks, hey, some attention, a lot of these POF guys arent that great, maybe I'll string SF along for a bit while I find a good replacement... Hey guys thank you for sharing your opinions with me.. i have not been on here for a few days, as i had to sort my head out, and get over this emotional feeling that came over me.. Thank you for bieng there do advise me.. it means alot.. here is the thing, around 2 weeks after the break up, i decided to get back on POF dating site I saw her profile pop up a few days later.. now i don't know if she went back on it, after me or before me.. the fact is we both ended up back on there! Yes it is true, she made no effort to try resolve this petty argument we had.. i did all the reaching out.. By officially ending it with her, maybe she felt hurt and decided to get back on POF to get some attention..maybe she was hurting Or maybe she went back on it because she had seen that i was back on POF Also you are right, she could be talking to other guys, and could quite easily keep me around as plan b... just string me along for a while.. Also if I reach out to her, then she will have full control of the relationship, and this could lead to alot worse behaviour from her?? The next time we have a fallout, she may assume, that i will come running after her again like i have done so in the past?? My gut instict tells me, even if i got her back.. then how will she deal with conflict in the future... chances are she will sabotage the relationship or be will be ready to walk out again at anytime.. Right now, getting over a 4 month relationship seems like an easier option, than trying to get her back, and bieng rejected by her.. or ending up in a bad relationship further down the line.. What makes it worse is, we both made mistakes when it came to communication, but i seem to be the one who wanted to try to sort things out.. all she did was sulk and pull away.. Also i have to seriously consider all the red flags.. she disappeared for 6 days and did not bother contacting me.. in the hope that i would chase her, or reach out to her first.. This is the main reason why i got annoyed with her, because i felt like she was playing games.. and this fallout has lead to us breaking up.. Edited May 28, 2015 by soulforge Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Soulforge, I feel like you're toying with the idea of talking to her so much that I want you to just get it over with. I'm inclined to say that she will reject you judging by her actions. She didn't seem as emotionally invested in you as you were. Whatever she said during the break up, I don't know the exact words but along the lines of "fine that's your choice"... It's probably just to make you feel guilty because you had regained some power back. Also, she may not handle rejection well. Actions speak louder than words and well it doesn't seem like she is acting as though she wants you back. I don't know the girl so it's hard to say but you seem to be focusing so much on what to do. IF you reach out, be prepared to lose power and be prepared for rejection. That's ok if you feel it's worth it. If not, try to move on and realise there are people out there who will give you the same efforts that you do. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 There are so many wonderful women out there. Why are you so stuck on a lemon? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 There are so many wonderful women out there. Why are you so stuck on a lemon? I felt something special with her.. not felt like this way for a girl in over 2 years.. but.. its true, too many red flags.. i need to protect my heart, even tho i want to reach out to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I feel like crying today... i did everything for that girl.. i dont understand why i feel this way only after 4months with her... she was so different from every other girl.. I know reaching out to her now is pointless.. more than likely she will reject me.. I will have to get over her some how.. i need to think long term.. this is not someone who would stand by me long term Link to post Share on other sites
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