awkward Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I know I've made some bad decisions, but not being a good father is not one of them. My kids will always be a priority. Has anyone here actually ended up with a real relationship with the OW/OM post divorce? Actually to most people, you are a pretty ****ty father. You blew your son's world up. You regret the unborn son. I don't see how that make you a good father. You are chasing unicorns man. Wake up before you lose everything. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I was not ready to accept losing 1/2 of my assetsAnd....there's the truth of it all. meh 7 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 My kids will always be a priority. Yeah, sure. Who cares if my kids - my priority - only see me 2 days a week? As long as I am happy. Right? The kids - my priority - will understand. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Yeah, that's not fair to you, but I think the WH sees that something (for instance, being there to provide financial support for wife and kids) is better than nothing (leaving her). This is his way of showing love to her. And then there's his own practical comforts as well, which the OP admitted to (rare). There's nothing stopping him from financially supporting her and his child. Why not let her decide? What a ****ty situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Yeah, sure. Who cares if my kids - my priority - only see me 2 days a week? As long as I am happy. Right? The kids - my priority - will understand. Totally. Same goes for my daughter. Her father completely blew us up so badly. I am sure he still sits there and thinks "oh I'm a great Dad." But she asks about him all of the time and I have to tell her the truth: "I don't know when/if he'll be around again." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Your words about children feeling betrayed really moved me. I want to thank you for this perspective. It was a real family betrayal when my father committed infidelity. A REAL father doesn't risk his children's security and family to put his dick in a new hole in the name of "twu wuv." 10 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 It was a real family betrayal when my father committed infidelity. A REAL father doesn't risk his children's security and family to put his dick in a new hole in the name of "twu wuv." True. A real man who realizes that his marriage isn't giving him what he needs sits down with his wife and tries to work things out. If that doesn't work, he demands counseling. If that still doesn't steer things in the right direction, he had the very difficult, but in that situation essential, talk about dissolving the marriage in the kindest way possible for both. There are many real men out there, and while I expect it wasn't easy for them to do this, it's what they did, and their ex wife and kids came out the other side as emotionally intact as possible. OP, it sounds like the only reason you are staying for your wife is to soothe your own conscience and because you don't want to lose out financially, and you're too chicken to try and make it work with your ow.Those are terrible reasons for staying, they are hurtful to your wife and will lead to even more heartache for yourson and soon to be child. The stress you have your wife under is terrible for her especially when she is pregnant. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 OP, it sounds like the only reason you are staying for your wife is to soothe your own conscience and because you don't want to lose out financially, and you're too chicken to try and make it work with your ow.Those are terrible reasons for staying, they are hurtful to your wife and will lead to even more heartache for yourson and soon to be child. The stress you have your wife under is terrible for her especially when she is pregnant. He's already out of the house and considering that his wife (or rather, soon-to-be-ex) is being vocal about wanting full custody it sounds like she's headed for a divorce which includes lawyer warfare. Considering the OP mentions a certain amount of wealth in the material and financial sense it honestly doesn't surprise me. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Your words about children feeling betrayed really moved me. I want to thank you for this perspective. You're most welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Edge of despair Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that, for all involved. Although I understand the need for legal counsel in these matters, when it starts off so aggressive, people tend to dig in and it gets nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Good luck. And again, is there really no way for you to get back in touch with OW? You're free to date now (although some might argue to wait until the divorce is finalized) and I think you might need some emotional backup if nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Good luck. And again, is there really no way for you to get back in touch with OW? You're free to date now (although some might argue to wait until the divorce is finalized) and I think you might need some emotional backup if nothing else. Please, whatever you do, don't involve the OW in this. Find your emotional support in a male friend or counselor. Wait to contact the OW after this **** storm has been settled. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. Well, what did you expect? She is going to defend herself and in her mind, her children. You need to steel yourself, for the next few months, it is going to get ruff. "Please, whatever you do, don't involve the OW in this. Find your emotional support in a male friend or counselor. Wait to contact the OW after this **** storm has been settled." MuddyFootprints That is good advise, I would also suggest you find a member of your family, or good friend to advise you, as you are not thinking straight right now. Affair Fog is a real thing, and the actions you take now will stay with you for a LONG time, and impact your life and those of your children. Get a good lawyer, and follow their advise. Tell them everything, they can fight for you, or help open communication with your BW. At the very least they can get you time with your son. Take good care of yourself, and watch your health, I wish the best outcome possible for you, in this situation. 3765 Link to post Share on other sites
viciouscircle Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. You wanted a divorce, your spouse just took the initiative. Your indecision has cost you both relationships, at least right now. Once you told your spouse about the affair you lost the perceived control you had in this situation. Based on what you wrote you don't want your spouse long term anyway. You want to view it as legal warfare, what did you think she would do just hang around or give you the "deal of a lifetime" once you decided to divorce her? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Sometimes you have to take a loss to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MHN - Nicole Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Your perspectives have been eye opening. Money and risk of losing it, and all the comforts that come with, stalled you out from the get go. Why is it that women (myself included) could be willing to throw all to the wind for love? And while men profess same during an affair, they always end up staying for the money. Dress it up by calling it obligation, responsibility. You've been straight up thus far - it's a calculated risk and when chips fell you would rather keep the money than your soulmate. Think about how that effects your wife, OW. How used they feel. Be smart about this or else the lawyers will take you both for everything. Also watch what you post online. If your wife gets her hands on these will not look too good for you. My husband found my post from one year ago and sent to OM wife. Keep it off the home server. If you talk to OW don't make any promises but she is thinking about you I'm sure. If she loves you she will want to be there to support you so guard yourself to get through this on your own. This is not her burden. Good luck and try to keep your cool. You will lose money. But you don't have to lose everything. Focus on the best interests of your children and not your own. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 How can anyone divorce a pregnant wife and expect any woman to want to be with him in the future?Ahh. So you're not sticking around because you don't want her to be hurt. You're sticking around so you can CATCH MORE BABES. Classy. I can't wait til your son grows up and tells you to go to hell. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 My kids will always be a priority. I cheated on my wife and don't care if she's hurt; in fact, she irritates me; I love my MISTRESS and would be with her in a heartbeat if she would have me. ONE of these two is a lie, since they cannot co-exist. Guess which one? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Why not? She is probably hurting too. Huh. She should have thought of that before coming on to a married man. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. YOUR money? Uhh no... It's hers too. She's entitled. Be grateful she left you half. Warfare? You made the first assault on the marriage, took the first shot. She's protecting herself and her children. Someone had to. You certainly weren't. Do yourself a favour and don't fight her on this. Be fair. You made Promises you didn't keep and now left her holding 2 children with no supporting partner. Take your licks 12 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. What's this MY money, kemosabe? Believe it or not, women are believed to 'own' half of all income AND debt in any marriage. Whether she worked some fancy job or not. Maybe that's been a problem in your marriage all along, that you consider her just a tagalong. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Lawyer warfare has begun. More than half of my money was withdrawn from our joint savings account and I got a text saying she has retained the best team of lawyers in town! Looks like this is going from bad to worse. Withdrawing half the funds is standard advice in these situations. Unfortunately, a betrayal is hurtful and she'll be getting advised to go for as much as possible, with the legal framework of course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Withdrawing half the funds is standard advice in these situations. Unfortunately, a betrayal is hurtful and she'll be getting advised to go for as much as possible, with the legal framework of course. When there's a lot to get - of course she'll put up a fight for it. Many people going for divorce would also love to maintain their standards of living so she'll go for as much as she can. C'mon people, what did you expect - "Oh that's fine, you get everything and I'll just move me and the kids into a one-room-apartment - oh, and say hello to OW for me, would you? I hope if she'll someday birth your children as well they might play together, then we're one big family!" Edited May 24, 2015 by No Limit 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 At this stage you have no more control over the situation. I imagine plenty has gone through her mind since you confessed. I have to say your views on it being 'your money ' are no different to the views of a lot of men who are the sole or main earners. It should always be joint, but many women don't really get 'half' until they get divorced. It should be a fair division of assets, including property, but you will likely have to pay child and spousal support. She won't be in a position to work for a few years with a baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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