Why Would My Brother Kill Himself Over a Woman?

[autumnnight]

I have heard of both BS and WS committing suicide in various situations.

 

Suicide and what actually leads up to it and actually causes a particular person to commit suicide can be so complex. Very rarely, according to repeated research, is it any one thing. But it is always tragic and hurts the people left behind so much.

 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Cephalopod]

It is hard for me to feel like she didn't cause this. I know, she had no control over him. No, she didn't lock him in his truck and run that hose from the exhaust pipe to the passenger window. He did.

 

But it will be a long time, if ever, before I forgive her for blowing up her family. She could have divorced him instead of leaving him for another man. She had options.

 

My ex-wife had options too, and she failed to exercise them. Maybe I'm transferring too much of my anger towards my ex onto my sister in law.

[lgspot]

Sir,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Such a tragedy!

Please don't blame yourself. As others have said, there was very little you could do. A person intent on suicide will find a way.

 

A good friend, a psychiatrist told me people who threaten or talk about suicide seldom go through with it. My ex threatened numerous times when I left her. She didn't of course. My friend told me then, most often people who suicide do it--don't talk about it. They just do it.

 

There are few things in life that can ignite emotion in a man more than a woman. Both negative and positive. Hell, even wars have started over women.

I found when cheated on, just about everyone is capable of acting uncharacteristicly. I know I wasn't myself.

I don't believe your brother intended to harm anyone but himself. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. Everyone who loved him hurts for him.

Blessings.

[spanz1]

whatever you do, do NOT blame yourself. you are not a professional psychologist, so what he was talking about would not necessarily have clicked with you as being seriously depressed and suicidal. hang in there dude.

[Cephalopod]

My brother may have in fact had a dark side to his life. I don't know.

 

Maybe he had long been struggling with a depression that had gone untreated? I know that if the Air Force had found out he suffered from a mental illness they would have kicked him out and he would have lost his full retirement. Maybe he hid it for that very reason. Maybe he was acting in a way that drove his wife into another mans' arms? Neither my sisters or I know anything. My brother was not the kind of guy who opened himself up to others, so if he was having problems he never told any of us.

[Lunay]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

My daughters father tried to commit Suicide in November 2013. His girlfriend had broken up with him, he was in and out of work and was living in a rented room.

He had gone over to his ex girlfriends house to pick up the rest of his things. He was extremely upset over the break up. There ended up being a big fight and the police showed up and told him to leave.

He hung himself in a tree outside her townhouse that night. He was found not long later and they were able to revive him but he stayed in a coma for 3 days. He had gone without oxygen for 10-15 minutes.

Their relationship was extremely toxic, it was never good as far as I can remember. They cheated on each other, fought constantly, and in all of our eyes we were happy it was over. I guess in his eyes his world was ending.

 

He felt like their was nothing left, which is what your brother felt. People in this situation don't see an end to their pain. They honestly think that their family and friends will be better off without them. Of course this is not the case, and none of us ever believe that the person would kill themselves. Don't blame yourself for not realizing it. I spoke to my ex a few days before he did this and he sounded fine. I never in a million years would have expected him to do what he did.

 

Nothing will take your pain away except time and even then it will never truly be gone. That hurt and ache will always be there, it just gets easier to live with I guess. I am wishing you and your family the best during this time <3

[jbrent890]

I'm so sorry for your loss. How are the children acting towards their mother and what has been her response to all of this?

[d0nnivain]

It is hard for me to feel like she didn't cause this. I know, she had no control over him. No, she didn't lock him in his truck and run that hose from the exhaust pipe to the passenger window. He did.

 

But it will be a long time, if ever, before I forgive her for blowing up her family. She could have divorced him instead of leaving him for another man. She had options.

 

My ex-wife had options too, and she failed to exercise them. Maybe I'm transferring too much of my anger towards my ex onto my sister in law.

 

Understood. What you are feeling totally makes sense to me but it's exactly why I am begging you to go to a survivor's group

[Cephalopod]

I'm so sorry for your loss. How are the children acting towards their mother and what has been her response to all of this?

 

I don't really know. She is being held for observation at a hospital nearby. I think the kids went and saw her a day or so after the funeral, before they had to leave. In talking to them they were in too much remorse for their dad's death to talk much about their mom. I would imagine they are pretty disgusted with her. I know the rest of us are.

[Cephalopod]

Understood. What you are feeling totally makes sense to me but it's exactly why I am begging you to go to a survivor's group

 

I will. Don't worry. I have my daughter to stay sane for.

[sandylee1]

I'm so sorry for your pain. You know we all say suicide is cowardly, but it takes guts to take your own life. The turmoil somone goes through is unimaginable. A suicidal person goes through the UHU phases.

 

Yesterday was - Useless

Today is - Hopeless

Tomorrow is - Unbearable

 

It seems cowardly, yet takes courage. It's so painful.

 

I know 3 people who committed suicide and one was over a guy. He didn't cheat on her, but she loved him so much, when he told her they'd never get back together she jumped off her 12th storey flat.

 

I was devastated beyond belief. Even just typing this brings back the awful memories and makes me shiver. She was a bright and beautiful girl, she could easily have got another guy and had a great relationship.

 

My mum told me abkut a friend who took her life when her H had an affair with her Bff. The final straw was discovering her Husband had fathered one of her friends children and she was made Godmother. How sick !

 

Human beings can be horrible, without consideration of their actions and behaviour. I just wish unhappy cheating spouses would file for D and be done.

 

Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[whichwayisup]

I just keep replaying that last night I saw him over and over in my mind. I should have seen the signs. He was very calm, didn't seem upset, and he was very sweet to my young daughter, telling her how much he loved her. He was talking about the past a lot, how much fun we had going camping and fishing when we were kids. Like he was reminiscing.

 

Had I been smart enough to realize what was going on I would have confronted him. I would not have let him leave my house. I would have jumped on him and tied him to the bannister, and then called the cops had I been paying better attention! I feel like such an idiot!

 

How would you have known? He kept his depression and the affect of her cheating on him to himself. You could not have realized that he was planning on taking his own life. Please, seek grief counseling so you don't have this guilt.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of you and just be there for his kids.

[SJS]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

 

 

My brother in law tried to commit suicide yesterday. He has a history of being melodramatic, so when he reached out to me I tried the tough love approach. My daughter was coming home from school so I told him I had to go. He then called several other people, 2 of who called 911. I'm so thankful they did because I did not. I did not take it seriously.

My sister called before she got to the hospital in tears because she felt like everything was her fault and felt like the worst person in the world (they are having some issues I won't get into). He tried to commit suicide because he doesn't want to live without her.

[Cephalopod]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

 

 

My brother in law tried to commit suicide yesterday. He has a history of being melodramatic, so when he reached out to me I tried the tough love approach. My daughter was coming home from school so I told him I had to go. He then called several other people, 2 of who called 911. I'm so thankful they did because I did not. I did not take it seriously.

My sister called before she got to the hospital in tears because she felt like everything was her fault and felt like the worst person in the world (they are having some issues I won't get into). He tried to commit suicide because he doesn't want to live without her.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your BIL is okay. It is sad when marriage deteriorate to the point where people do these things.

 

I found out from my sister this morning that my sister in law is out of the hospital and back home. I'm interested to see if her affair partner moves in with her. That would be something. I don't even think she has been to her husband's grave site. She missed the funeral of course.

[sandylee1]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your BIL is okay. It is sad when marriage deteriorate to the point where people do these things.

 

I found out from my sister this morning that my sister in law is out of the hospital and back home. I'm interested to see if her affair partner moves in with her. That would be something. I don't even think she has been to her husband's grave site. She missed the funeral of course.

 

I do hope she doesn't move her AP in. That would be awful. I think his suicide is the last thing she probably expected to happen. Such a tragedy that people don't think through and realise how their actions affect other people.

 

Once again, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you and the rest of the family are doing as well as possible under the circumstances.

[Cephalopod]

I do hope she doesn't move her AP in. That would be awful. I think his suicide is the last thing she probably expected to happen. Such a tragedy that people don't think through and realise how their actions affect other people.

 

Once again, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you and the rest of the family are doing as well as possible under the circumstances.

 

Thank you.

 

My daughter has been in weekly counseling since her mother left three years ago, and I called her counselor today and told her about her uncle's suicide. She is going to make sure she talks to my daughter about her feelings on this and help her make sense of it.

 

I spoke with my oldest niece last night and implored her to go get some counseling and to do her best to persuade her siblings to also. She apparently has not spoken to her mom since seeing her at the hospital.

 

It is a very tense atmosphere. My sister came over last night and we had a good cry together and talked about our brother. It was good for both of us. Thank God for family.

[Cephalopod]

My sister and my brother's "widow" had it out last night I guess. My sister came over to my house last night shaking and crying. I guess she really let my SIL have it with both barrels. From what she could glean, my SIL is still intent on being with her affair partner, even though her husband just died and she was the primary instigator. Amazing.

[minime13]

I just buried my older brother last week and I am an empty shell. He was the best man I knew, and he left behind three kids who adored him. All for a low down cheating wife.

 

Have any of you ever known anyone who committed suicide as a result of being betrayed by their partner, or were thinking of ending it after being betrayed and drug through the mud by the one person who was supposed to love and cherish them more than any other? Looking back, what were the signs they were considering ending their life? I want to know why I failed my brother and why I did not see what was happening and what he was about to do. Please help me understand this.

 

Almost 11 years ago, my brother ended his life after being horribly mistreated by the woman he loved. I'm so sorry for your loss, and understand the pain you're going through.

 

So many times, throughout the first couple of years that he took his life, I asked those same questions. What could I have done? How did I miss this? How did anyone not see the warning signs that seemed so obvious, now that I have hindsight and have had days/months/years to dissect it? The truth is, though, it often seems to come out of nowhere. It happens like that because it is just not a real option that we think about. Even if we see signs of depression in someone, most of us don't think that we should worry about that person taking his or her own life. That's what is so horrible about suicide. It doesn't quite come out of nowhere and there are usually some subtle signs, but they aren't taken as a danger because they are often similar to depression or just having down days.

 

Try not to beat yourself up about what you could have done - I know it's hard not to do that, but none of this was your fault.

 

Losing a loved one to suicide is a really tough battle to go through, and it sticks with you. You'll find your peace with it, though, and you need to let it take as long as you need it to. Be there for each other (your family) and allow yourselves to grieve. Counseling or support groups help, as well, because surviving a loved one's suicide is just so much different than losing someone to illness or accident.

 

Try your best, as well, to not place complete blame on the widow. Try to forgive her of any actions that you feel may have led to this. You are probably not ready to come to terms with that just yet, and that's fine. Anger and blame are a natural part of the grieving process. Just be careful of words you speak, because words do permanent damage. You don't want to become the person that you feel shared some responsibility in this.

 

Again, I am so sorry this happened to you, your family, and especially your brother. Time will heal, though, even if it seems impossible right now.

[Cephalopod]

Well it the drama continues. Apparently the "widow" had some kind of psychological breakdown at a local supermarket yesterday. She was crying and screaming and chased a bunch of the patrons around. The police arrested her and now she is back in the psych ward at a local hospital. I guess the OM realized what a complete piece of sh*t she is and refuses to leave his BW.

 

It's hard for me not to smile while typing this.

[d0nnivain]

It's hard for me not to smile while typing this.

 

Oh jeez. But at least you found something to smile about.

 

Hang in there.

[truncated]

I just buried my older brother last week and I am an empty shell. He was the best man I knew, and he left behind three kids who adored him. All for a low down cheating wife.

 

Have any of you ever known anyone who committed suicide as a result of being betrayed by their partner, or were thinking of ending it after being betrayed and drug through the mud by the one person who was supposed to love and cherish them more than any other? Looking back, what were the signs they were considering ending their life? I want to know why I failed my brother and why I did not see what was happening and what he was about to do. Please help me understand this.

 

I have experience in this area, but not in a sibling.

 

My child made the same choice, for different reasons ( depression).

 

His actions are not your fault. He made the choice likely because he was in a very tormented place in his mind, and was at such a low point that he couldn't see an end to that despair.

 

One thing I wanted to share with you is something someone told me. It was that you likely couldn't have stopped him, and at least he knew, right to the end, that you loved him, and in that love, he found comfort and kindness.

 

Sometimes all we are left with is questions that have no answers, but you can torture yourself trying to find them.. It sounds like you and your brother loved each other very much, and he would not have wanted you to to have to wonder what you could have done to make things different.

 

None of this is your fault.

[truncated]

I just keep replaying that last night I saw him over and over in my mind. I should have seen the signs. He was very calm, didn't seem upset, and he was very sweet to my young daughter, telling her how much he loved her. He was talking about the past a lot, how much fun we had going camping and fishing when we were kids. Like he was reminiscing.

 

Had I been smart enough to realize what was going on I would have confronted him. I would not have let him leave my house. I would have jumped on him and tied him to the bannister, and then called the cops had I been paying better attention! I feel like such an idiot!

 

 

I have been there too, but you couldn't read his mind, and suicide wans;t even something that would have crossed your thoughts.

 

None of this is your fault.

[truncated]

I know that RoseVille.

 

And I thank you all for your kind support. I'm sitting here with tears running down my face and neck trying to make sense of why such a kind, brilliant man would allow the actions of one idiot to steer him to take his own life. He wasn't too old to find a new woman and start a new life. He had so much to live for.

 

He was a handsome man for his 56 years, and in very good shape. He was liked and respected by everyone who knew him. He had an ample, full retirement after thirty five years in the Air Force. His house was paid off. He volunteered helping wounded Iraq/Afghan veterans. The list goes on and on.

 

I'm so furious right now I'm shaking!!! I had to take time off from work, so I'm at home today. I just couldn't go in. The whole family is in shock. My sisters are beyond consoling. My daughter has slept with me the last three nights, because somehow she thinks I will kill myself! This has been very hard on her. She loved her uncle.

 

It is absolutely, without a doubt, the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life. My mom's cancer, even the horrors of my breakup with my ex-wife, were no match for the pain I'm going through now.

 

Something I learned too is that it's okay to be angry at the person for making the choice they did. I tell myself that when I feel guilty for being angry for her choice, and it's true.

[No Limit]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I know of 2 suicides - a neighbour who lost everything to a long-term GF who left him and abandoned their son to mental terror by OM, and a guy I once met in a Skype call in my gaming group. He sounded cheerful, was the silly type - but took his life a few months later.

[petit_souris]

I think that suicide is not an actual "choice" in most cases.

It happens when one's ability to cope with pain is overpowered.

The pain can be physical, emotional.

It can be something "big" like a breakup or something "small", although what is seen from the outside is not relevant to the one in pain.

What's bearable to you, may not be bearable to me. Most of us have these thoughts at least once in their life, but usually they are fleeting.

He must have felt alienated from all others, due to his pain.

I am so sorry.