Top tier men are hoarding all the women

[elaine567]

You're posting in a thread, trying to convince guys that women are not shallow and don't want the absolute best, and you, yourself make a post about being bothered by a short guy with short arms because he would give your kids short arms?

 

Why? Why? Why?

 

You do realize you are fueling the OP's argument, do you not?

 

On a side note, what on Earth would you do if your kids were born with something like achondroplasia?

 

I am not trying to convince anyone that people don't want the absolute best for themselves, I think they do and no amount of "she's not all that herself", or "she is going to die a cat lady", is going to stop women looking for what THEY want.

The short arms is an example of what turned out to be a deal breaker for me, and an example of how shallow I was, I agree, and I emphasise WAS, but I do not think I am alone there.

No-one was going to convince me at the time, that guy was for me, and no matter how ridiculous it sounds, I was no longer attracted to him, because of his short arms.

 

We, men and women, all want what we want, we all have deal breakers and no matter how ridiculous they may sound to other people, they are deal-breakers for us.

[jen1447]

And there's actually nothing wrong with that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was no longer attracted to him, because of his short arms.

 

He had short arms when you met him, so there was something about him that turned you off...not his arms, otherwise...you wouldn't even gone out with him in the first place.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I am not trying to convince anyone that people don't want the absolute best for themselves,

 

I see.

 

Carry on then.

[xxoo]

It ends up being 'better' because looks is not that subjective.

 

This is where you disagree with me. If looks is totally subjective, ask me how many hot blondes (or any blondes for that matter) have thought I was smoking hot or even cute over all my years?

 

Men are the same.

 

There is a small portion of the population who do not care about looks, money, status, and their choice of partners is way more subjective. I had a date last week and rubbing the money and looks slate away, she was just not for me. It's highly likely she thought the same. In that case, it's not about better, it's about right.

 

I never said looks are totally subjective, or that looks have no impact at all.

 

I'm saying that the "best" is not strictly the "best looking". The best is the one that she has the feels for. Great looking doesn't guarantee feelings or falling in love. This is something that women know very well; just because a man is very physically attracted does NOT mean that he loves or even cares for her.

 

When in love, that person becomes the "best".

[elaine567]

He had short arms when you met him, so there was something about him that turned you off...not his arms, otherwise...you wouldn't even gone out with him in the first place.

I didn't actually notice at first, it wasn't until it got more serious and kids were mentioned, that I started thinking about the arms, and yes there was other stuff too.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I'm saying that the "best" is not strictly the "best looking". The best is the one that she has the feels for. Great looking doesn't guarantee feelings or falling in love. This is something that women know very well; just because a man is very physically attracted does NOT mean that he loves or even cares for her.

 

 

Yes, but people will not allow themselves to develop those feelings unless that person is physically attractive. Physically attractive is not subjective, so people end up picking amongst the best options.

 

Anyway, this argument has been had before 1000x.

 

Looks are really important and people want the best they can get. Fini.

[xxoo]

Yes, but people will not allow themselves to develop those feelings unless that person is physically attractive. Physically attractive is not subjective, so people end up picking amongst the best options.

 

When I was in my 20s, I had the craziest crush on my English prof: 40s, bald, short, mild mannered. I couldn't sit in his class without getting uncomfortably aroused

 

I've had all sorts of similar crushes my whole life, since puberty. The partner I picked is someone who I had a huge crush on, who felt the same about me, and who was life-compatible. I was head-over-heels for him, and he for me, and we fantasized of a whole life together, so we got hitched!

[JuneJulySeptember]

When I was in my 20s, I had the craziest crush on my English prof: 40s, bald, short, mild mannered. I couldn't sit in his class without getting uncomfortably aroused

 

Maybe that is true. Maybe you are in a vast minority. Would you have gone on a date with a similar looking guy WITHOUT knowing him though? Gave it a chance?

 

I did have a date last week, but that is after getting rejected by dozens upon dozens of women. There are always outliers.

 

The question is "After you are done with all of the people who screen by looks (say 95%), can you find among the outliers, someone who has some kind of ACTUAL compatibility with you?"

 

If you look for the compatibility first, and then ask the looks question later, you're f@cked.

Edited May 16, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

Maybe that is true. Maybe you are in a vast minority. Would you have gone on a date with a similar looking guy WITHOUT knowing him though? Gave it a chance?

.

 

I wouldn't date to find attraction. Attraction first (not primarily a looks thing for me), then the date. I wouldn't have much use for OLD.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I wouldn't date to find attraction. Attraction first (not primarily a looks thing for me), then the date. I wouldn't have much use for OLD.

 

A date is just two people sitting down and getting to know each other better. When you sit down with your co-worker or classmate for lunch, it's essentially a date.

 

If you liked your professor because he was smart, and witty, and you value those characteristics over looks, then what would prevent you from taking a chance on another short, bald guy who would also potentially have those characteristcs?

 

THAT is dating to find attraction.

[calvincline47]

When I was in my 20s, I had the craziest crush on my English prof: 40s, bald, short, mild mannered. I couldn't sit in his class without getting uncomfortably aroused

 

I've had all sorts of similar crushes my whole life, since puberty. The partner I picked is someone who I had a huge crush on, who felt the same about me, and who was life-compatible. I was head-over-heels for him, and he for me, and we fantasized of a whole life together, so we got hitched!

 

I don't think that this is very common.

 

I do know some women that give guys chances and date below their league in looks. These women tend to get snatched up pretty quick by persistent men.

 

A good portion of women that I've seen hold out for an extremely good-looking guy that checks every box. Of course, these women typically end up alone and are unable to have children if they finally decide to settle down. So, in many cases, they shoot themselves in the foot.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Right, a woman I was lucky enough to date, exclusively, last year TOLD Me she cared nothing about looks.

 

Later on, on one of our dates, I asked her, "Did you ever or do you have any celebrity crushes?"

 

This was a typical question as it was a topic I heard on the radio about having celebrity crushes.

 

HER answer pretty much reinforced her statement of, "I don't care about looks" even though I was thinking in the back of mind that she has to be kind of giving me a white lie...but her answer was, again...."Well, I don't really care about looks, but if I Had to name someone, I'd be <name of male celeb>

 

That spoke volumes to me, because this is usually a question people answer SO easily without predicating it with "I don't care about looks."

 

She was the small minority and with it came my lucky day of getting to date this woman. She was indeed in the minority.

 

To be honest, when I think about it, it's kind of shocking how everybody favors looks over compatibility.

 

I went on a date last week and she was nice enough, but we had absolutely NOTHING in common. And if you use looks as the first screen and you are not that attractive yourself, how will you ever find someone compatible at all?

 

I think that's the reason there's so many bad marriages and relationships. Even the ones that manage to stay together could have had someone so much more compatible.

[LookAtThisPOst]

To be honest, when I think about it, it's kind of shocking how everybody favors looks over compatibility.

 

I went on a date last week and she was nice enough, but we had absolutely NOTHING in common. And if you use looks as the first screen and you are not that attractive yourself, how will you ever find someone compatible at all?

 

I think that's the reason there's so many bad marriages and relationships. Even the ones that manage to stay together could have had someone so much more compatible.

 

Right, had been talking to a newly found female friend of mine...recently divorced (3 years), and tells me that she always winds up with the trouble makers "for some crazy stupid reason."

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think that's the reason there's so many bad marriages and relationships. Even the ones that manage to stay together could have had someone so much more compatible.

 

That's the problem with people who get involved with someone based on superficial reasons.

 

This is why if people are currently IN long term, toxic relationships with abusive boyfriends/girlfriends have a hard time leaving not only because they don't want to be alone, but also the person they are with is...well...hot.

 

They basically stay with the toxic person for years until they reach some kind of tipping point where they reached a saturation point of their hotness and decided to launch the person...usually it's around the time they brought back an STD to them or something like that.

[xxoo]

A date is just two people sitting down and getting to know each other better. When you sit down with your co-worker or classmate for lunch, it's essentially a date.

 

If you liked your professor because he was smart, and witty, and you value those characteristics over looks, then what would prevent you from taking a chance on another short, bald guy who would also potentially have those characteristcs?

 

THAT is dating to find attraction.

 

I think we disagree on what is a date, which is sort of eye opening because often women are surprised to find that a mild mannered acquaintance intended a lunch to be a date.

 

I repeat, I'd only date if attraction is already there. To me, a date implies romantic and sexual interest and energy. But I've had many experiences where my attraction for a man grows while working alongside him at school, work, or elsewhere. At that point, I'd date him! (if I were single)

 

When I see a picture of a man, whether it is George Costanza or Brad Pitt, my attraction to him depends on the personality traits I layer on top of the image. A masculine, protective George is sexier to me than a weak, immature, effeminate Brad.

 

of course, a masculine, protective Brad is sexier yet....but it still shows that, at least for me, personality trumps appearance.

Edited May 16, 2015 by xxoo

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think we disagree on what is a date, which is sort of eye opening because often women are surprised to find that a mild mannered acquaintance intended a lunch to be a date.

 

I repeat, I'd only date if attraction is already there. To me, a date implies romantic and sexual interest and energy. But I've had many experiences where my attraction for a man grows while working alongside him at school, work, or elsewhere. At that point, I'd date him! (if I were single)

 

When I see a picture of a man, whether it is George Costanza or Brad Pitt, my attraction to him depends on the personality traits I layer on top of the image. A masculine, protective George is sexier to me than a weak, immature, effeminate Brad.

 

of course, a masculine, protective Brad is sexier yet....but it still shows that, at least for me, personality trumps appearance.

 

That's not really personality in my eyes.

 

It's emotional/animal attraction triggers. It's like me saying, "I met a woman, she's not that pretty, but her dress, coyness and feminine behavior just sent my juices flowing."

 

Personality to me is how she treats other people, does she watch sports or Broadway shows, is she a city or country person? What is her outlook on life? On dating? Those are the things that will win my attraction.

 

A woman does not have to be sexy to me. She just has to be kind, and be compatible. I make no distinction between my friends and lovers.

 

But anyway, we're all different. I agree most people need the looks or the animal attraction.

[calvincline47]

I think we disagree on what is a date, which is sort of eye opening because often women are surprised to find that a mild mannered acquaintance intended a lunch to be a date.

 

I repeat, I'd only date if attraction is already there. To me, a date implies romantic and sexual interest and energy. But I've had many experiences where my attraction for a man grows while working alongside him at school, work, or elsewhere. At that point, I'd date him! (if I were single)

 

When I see a picture of a man, whether it is George Costanza or Brad Pitt, my attraction to him depends on the personality traits I layer on top of the image. A masculine, protective George is sexier to me than a weak, immature, effeminate Brad.

 

of course, a masculine, protective Brad is sexier yet....but it still shows that, at least for me, personality trumps appearance.

 

Your views are refreshing, for sure. However, I can't say that I've met many women IRL with similar views (though I have met a few).

 

I'm actually similar, in that I can develop an interest in a woman that I wasn't initially attracted to after getting to know her personality. I suppose that this is even more rare for a man.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think we disagree on what is a date, which is sort of eye opening because often women are surprised to find that a mild mannered acquaintance intended a lunch to be a date.

 

 

 

When I was in my 20s, I would ask a cute girl out and if she implied it 'wasn't a date', I would get all freaked out. "Oh man, does that mean she doesn't think I'm attractive?" Or when a woman agreed to go to a place with me one on one, and suddenly changed her mind at the last minute. That was one always messed with my head.

 

Honestly, at this point in life, in my 40s, I could give a sh@t. I just assume all women aren't attracted to me until I kiss them. They can call it whatever they want.

 

To me, it's like sitting down and meeting another person and potential friend.

Edited May 16, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

That's not really personality in my eyes.

 

It's emotional/animal attraction triggers. It's like me saying, "I met a woman, she's not that pretty, but her dress, coyness and feminine behavior just sent my juices flowing."

 

Personality to me is how she treats other people, does she watch sports or Broadway shows, is she a city or country person? What is her outlook on life? On dating? Those are the things that will win my attraction.

 

A woman does not have to be sexy to me. She just has to be kind, and be compatible. I make no distinction between my friends and lovers.

 

But anyway, we're all different. I agree most people need the looks or the animal attraction.

 

How is coyness and feminine behavior not personality? My husband is definitely very attracted to my feminine nature, as opposed to a more physically beautiful woman who is gruff and cold.

 

I need a man to be sexy to me in order to have sex with him. Otherwise, it's going to be a very unsatisfying relationship for both of us Sex is glue and lubrication--bonding a couple together, and smoothing out the minor irritations. It's absolutely necessary for me.

[xxoo]

Your views are refreshing, for sure. However, I can't say that I've met many women IRL with similar views (though I have met a few).

 

Since birds of a feather flock together, I know plenty of women like me

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I need a man to be sexy to me in order to have sex with him. Otherwise, it's going to be a very unsatisfying relationship for both of us Sex is glue and lubrication--bonding a couple together, and smoothing out the minor irritations. It's absolutely necessary for me.

 

Yep. I do not. She just has to be nice and kind and have a lot in common with me.

 

But in a larger sense of the thread, good luck convincing men that completely intangible and subjective things like confidence, masculinity and protector instinct win them women over better looking and richer men. And even if you could acquire those things, how would you maintain them so that she wouldn't leave you? Are you constantly on the watch for saying something wimpy, unconfident, or feminine. If you sing ABBA at karaoke one night, is the relationship over?

 

If you said something like, "Eh, I'll give most guys a chance. If they're funny and smart and like crime dramas and college football, those things make him attractive." Then maybe, guys might start thinking,

Edited May 16, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

Yep. I do not. She just has to be nice and kind and have a lot in common with me.

 

So are you saying that you don't need sex with your partner?

 

But in a larger sense of the thread, good luck convincing men that completely intangible and subjective things like confidence, masculinity and protector instinct win them women over better looking and richer men.

 

If you said something like, "Eh, I'll give most guys a chance. If they're funny and smart and like crime dramas and college football, those things make him attractive." Then maybe, guys might start thinking,

 

But saying it's about common interests isn't the truth for me. Many of us have attraction triggers, going way back to our formative years (unsurprisingly, my dad was the masculine protective type!). It's reality, even if it isn't any more comforting than believing it's all about looks.

[xxoo]

Y And even if you could acquire those things, how would you maintain them so that she wouldn't leave you? Are you constantly on the watch for saying something wimpy, unconfident, or feminine. If you sing ABBA at karaoke one night, is the relationship over?,

 

I posted before this edit.

 

Of course not! People are multi-dimensional. It's about core personality, essence. It's not about being a robot.

[JuneJulySeptember]

So are you saying that you don't need sex with your partner?

 

 

 

But saying it's about common interests isn't the truth for me. Many of us have attraction triggers, going way back to our formative years (unsurprisingly, my dad was the masculine protective type!). It's reality, even if it isn't any more comforting than believing it's all about looks.

 

I would prefer sex, but I could see myself in a strong relationship without it, yes. If I was going to die in 4 years, would I rather have a sexless relationship with a fun, kind woman or wild sex with a bitch? Since I've already had sex, I pick A.

 

Yea, that was what I was saying. You're saying it's not about looks for women, but it's about weird, intangible alpha masculine triggers. In a debate sense, it doesn't really disprove OP's point.