Top tier men are hoarding all the women

[ascendotum]

I'm sure there are regional and cultural variations, but in my neck of the woods, young-ish black guys who dress well and have 'game' are highly sought-after by women of all races. It's actually a bit offensive in a way because the 'blackness' part plays such a significant role in terms of feeling a sense of accomplishment in hooking up with them (as opposed to the merits of just being a person).

 

This is what its like where I live. Its far and away nsa (item on their tick off list) that they seem to be sought for more so than relationships, but I cant say if this is driven more so by the women or the men.

[jen1447]

^ Agree, it oftentimes seems like an accomplishment more than anything else, and the relationships are often just sex-based. In fact I know a few white women in relationships who cheat with black guys on the side, almost like that's a niche category they fill, with the common theme being that they're superior sexually. When the actual relationships occur, they often seem temporary from the get-go, like a point-of-pride "my black guy period" thing.

 

Where are you form.

Large midwest city.

[lollipopspot]

Nearly everything you see as attractive can be scientifically reproduced on your own body/face.

 

Say more about what you mean by that?

[empresario]

^ Agree, it oftentimes seems like an accomplishment more than anything else, and the relationships are often just sex-based. In fact I know a few white women in relationships who cheat with black guys on the side, almost like that's a niche category they fill, with the common theme being that they're superior sexually. When the actual relationships occur, they often seem temporary from the get-go, like a point-of-pride "my black guy period" thing.

 

 

Large midwest city.

 

 

So, Omaha or Kansas City. Possibly Chicago if you consider that a large Midwest city, haha. Just kidding, don't say it. I'm not trying to bait you. Just when you say 'large Midwest city' it sort of limits what you could mean .

[jen1447]

There are lot of Kanye West fans in Omaha.

[empresario]

Say more about what you mean by that?

 

I will try to explain a few steps. I only know how to describe things using my own personal experience.

 

 

1. I knew I had no style. I had some close friends teach me how to dress. I'm color blind so they would go with me shopping and tell me what looks good together. That helped substantially.

 

 

2. I researched hairstyles that fit my face. I went to an actual stylist. I still don't use hair gel but I do use leave-in conditioner and some gloss drops to prevent frizz.

 

 

3. I studied how normal people respond to events. Faces they make. Voices they use. I repeated them as often as possible in similar situations.

 

 

4. I worked hard to get the body I wanted. It took years of diet and exercise.

 

 

5. I studied up on topics I could discuss with other people.

 

 

6. I put myself in awkward situations like radio shows and public speeches to work on my charisma.

 

 

7. On that, I worked on my posture. When I walked, it was with my head up and shoulders back.

 

 

8. I purposely took pictures of myself and became alright with the way I looked when previously I hated my own photos.

 

 

9. I read self-help articles including strengths tests (which helped me learn how I appear to other people) and improvement books related to my self-confidence issues

 

 

10. I whitened my teeth and went out in the sun more so I was no longer a pasty white, yellow-toothed person.

 

 

Etc, etc, etc.

 

 

I could go on for days. Some people would argue this changes who I fundamentally am. I would say I just didn't know how to become the person I wanted to be until I started watching people that had characteristics I respected.

[empresario]

There are lot of Kanye West fans in Omaha.

 

Haha, if you are truly in Omaha then we are not so far away from each other. Small world. But something tells me you are just deflecting.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I will try to explain a few steps. I only know how to describe things using my own personal experience.

 

 

1. I knew I had no style. I had some close friends teach me how to dress. I'm color blind so they would go with me shopping and tell me what looks good together. That helped substantially.

 

 

2. I researched hairstyles that fit my face. I went to an actual stylist. I still don't use hair gel but I do use leave-in conditioner and some gloss drops to prevent frizz.

 

 

3. I studied how normal people respond to events. Faces they make. Voices they use. I repeated them as often as possible in similar situations.

 

 

4. I worked hard to get the body I wanted. It took years of diet and exercise.

 

 

5. I studied up on topics I could discuss with other people.

 

 

6. I put myself in awkward situations like radio shows and public speeches to work on my charisma.

 

 

7. On that, I worked on my posture. When I walked, it was with my head up and shoulders back.

 

 

8. I purposely took pictures of myself and became alright with the way I looked when previously I hated my own photos.

 

 

9. I read self-help articles including strengths tests (which helped me learn how I appear to other people) and improvement books related to my self-confidence issues

 

 

10. I whitened my teeth and went out in the sun more so I was no longer a pasty white, yellow-toothed person.

 

 

Etc, etc, etc.

 

 

I could go on for days. Some people would argue this changes who I fundamentally am. I would say I just didn't know how to become the person I wanted to be until I started watching people that had characteristics I respected.

 

Honestly I think some of your list is good, and I've worked on some of them myself.

 

The problem I have with it is this:

 

If you are doing all of that so that you can be immensely popular and have maximum social charisma and meet the next Jackie O'Nassis, that's great. Maybe you're going to run for mayor and then governor. I'm serious.

 

But I don't really think you should have to do all of that just to meet a nice, down to Earth kind of cute gal who makes $50,000 a year?

 

Do you?

 

I think part of the reason why guys start threads like these is that they feel (right or wrong) that they have to go through all of your list just to get an average, sorta cute gal with a bachelors degree in English.

Edited May 19, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Phoe]

Honestly I think some of your list is good, and I've worked on some of them myself.

 

The problem I have with it is this:

 

If you are doing all of that so that you can be immensely popular and have maximum social charisma and meet the next Jackie O'Nassis, that's great. Maybe you're going to run for mayor and then governor. I'm serious.

 

But I don't really think you should have to do all of that just to meet a nice, down to Earth kind of cute gal who makes $50,000 a year?

 

Do you?

 

I think part of the reason why guys start threads like these is that they feel (right or wrong) that they have to go through all of your list just to get an average, sorta cute gal with a bachelors degree in English.

 

 

When you think about it, a list of things makes it seem much more than what it is. Drawn out item by item, it seems like a lot of effort.

 

But realistically, most of this is stuff that people do naturally, without even thinking about it.

 

The points about the clothes and hair? Meh, in my personal opinion that's not really necessary, taking care of oneself is certainly enough, and I'll tell you I won't notice a single bit about leave in conditioner and gloss drops, heck, I don't even go that far with my own hair lol.

 

But the other things listed? Alot of them are innate things that people aim to do. Noticing others' expressions? Emulating traits from others that we find inspiring? Studying up on interesting things? Having hobbies? Being physically active? Pushing ourselves outside of our social comfort zones and striving just to generally improve ourselves?

 

That's totally normal stuff that many people just naturally do, and not for the sole purpose of meeting a "sorta cute girl", but just because they enjoy doing these things. It brings enjoyment.

[lollipopspot]

But I don't really think you should have to do all of that just to meet a nice, down to Earth kind of cute gal who makes $50,000 a year?

 

That "down to earth kind of cute gal" who makes 50K probably does most of that stuff herself. Most women, in order to be considered even moderately attractive, have to pay attention to their appearance and projection. I'm low maintenance (seriously), and even so I'm far higher maintenance than most guys who are in my "league" in terms of maintaining my appearance.

[I_Squared_R]

When you think about it, a list of things makes it seem much more than what it is. Drawn out item by item, it seems like a lot of effort.

 

But realistically, most of this is stuff that people do naturally, without even thinking about it.

 

The points about the clothes and hair? Meh, in my personal opinion that's not really necessary, taking care of oneself is certainly enough, and I'll tell you I won't notice a single bit about leave in conditioner and gloss drops, heck, I don't even go that far with my own hair lol.

 

But the other things listed? Alot of them are innate things that people aim to do. Noticing others' expressions? Emulating traits from others that we find inspiring? Studying up on interesting things? Having hobbies? Being physically active? Pushing ourselves outside of our social comfort zones and striving just to generally improve ourselves?

 

That's totally normal stuff that many people just naturally do, and not for the sole purpose of meeting a "sorta cute girl", but just because they enjoy doing these things. It brings enjoyment.

 

The purpose is to shift from mediocre to extraordinary. You would want an extraordinary "significant other", right?

 

I am going through the same lifestyle shift. I'm a great guy, but my odds in dating are pretty bad. I was told in another thread to "be yourself" and that doesn't always work. Like I said previously that everybody is top tier and we all just haven't met the potential we are capable of.

[Phoe]

The purpose is to shift from mediocre to extraordinary. You would want an extraordinary "significant other", right?

 

I am going through the same lifestyle shift. I'm a great guy, but my odds in dating are pretty bad. I was told in another thread to "be yourself" and that doesn't always work. Like I said previously that everybody is top tier and we all just haven't met the potential we are capable of.

 

Clothes and leave in conditioner don't make someone extraordinary lol.

 

 

The other points mentioned in that list work out fine, I was simply stating that many people do that stuff naturally and don't view it as "hard work", but simply enjoy the experience and do that stuff simply because they want to, not because they think they HAVE to.

 

Nor does a lack of certain things on that list stop a person from being extraordinary.

[JuneJulySeptember]

When you think about it, a list of things makes it seem much more than what it is. Drawn out item by item, it seems like a lot of effort.

 

But realistically, most of this is stuff that people do naturally, without even thinking about it.

 

The points about the clothes and hair? Meh, in my personal opinion that's not really necessary, taking care of oneself is certainly enough, and I'll tell you I won't notice a single bit about leave in conditioner and gloss drops, heck, I don't even go that far with my own hair lol.

 

But the other things listed? Alot of them are innate things that people aim to do. Noticing others' expressions? Emulating traits from others that we find inspiring? Studying up on interesting things? Having hobbies? Being physically active? Pushing ourselves outside of our social comfort zones and striving just to generally improve ourselves?

 

That's totally normal stuff that many people just naturally do, and not for the sole purpose of meeting a "sorta cute girl", but just because they enjoy doing these things. It brings enjoyment.

 

I agree some of them are pretty normal and I do some of them as well. I mentioned that.

 

Anyway, the main the problem with doing this kind of stuff to get women, is that when you get rejected, you're just going to furiously keep working on this stuff and blaming yourself.

 

"I got rejected. Well if I was buffer, or if I had a graduate degree, that girl would want me."

 

That's a problem...

[empresario]

Clothes and leave in conditioner don't make someone extraordinary lol.

 

 

The other points mentioned in that list work out fine, I was simply stating that many people do that stuff naturally and don't view it as "hard work", but simply enjoy the experience and do that stuff simply because they want to, not because they think they HAVE to.

 

Nor does a lack of certain things on that list stop a person from being extraordinary.

 

That's fine, you're entitled to your own opinion. The difference of leave-in conditioner and gloss drops was Shaun White compared to Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. Yes I have long hair for a guy. Yes it fits my face, looks good, and makes my baby-face dissipate. But only if it's contained. Again, look up Shaun white. I was told I looked like him constantly. Now I'm like...a medieval warrior or something!

 

 

At the end of the day...I would make a change...see how people react to it, then make another change. Eventually I was attractive.

 

 

But more specifically, if you want a cute, successful lady, you have to match her success. I do appreciate and respect your points. You did admit that most women the guys in this thread want do those things naturally. I agree. For some of us, especially us guys, it isn't natural. We aren't brought into the world being taught a regiment of beauty routines. It's not innate. But it does help.

[empresario]

I agree some of them are pretty normal and I do some of them as well. I mentioned that.

 

Anyway, the main the problem with doing this kind of stuff to get women, is that when you get rejected, you're just going to furiously keep working on this stuff and blaming yourself.

 

"I got rejected. Well if I was buffer, or if I had a graduate degree, that girl would want me."

 

That's a problem...

 

It's never one thing. It's a sum of variables. It's not the leave-in conditioner...it's a collaboration of steps I took. As a guy said earlier that also is going through a transition. It's almost addicting. When you make one improvement and see the subtle results you can't wait to make the next.

 

 

Maybe you're missing that desire. That's fine. Do your thing. But don't expect to get people that put forth effort when you aren't willing to do the same. It's not an insult...it's just a fact.

[empresario]

When you think about it, a list of things makes it seem much more than what it is. Drawn out item by item, it seems like a lot of effort.

 

But realistically, most of this is stuff that people do naturally, without even thinking about it.

 

The points about the clothes and hair? Meh, in my personal opinion that's not really necessary, taking care of oneself is certainly enough, and I'll tell you I won't notice a single bit about leave in conditioner and gloss drops, heck, I don't even go that far with my own hair lol.

 

But the other things listed? Alot of them are innate things that people aim to do. Noticing others' expressions? Emulating traits from others that we find inspiring? Studying up on interesting things? Having hobbies? Being physically active? Pushing ourselves outside of our social comfort zones and striving just to generally improve ourselves?

 

That's totally normal stuff that many people just naturally do, and not for the sole purpose of meeting a "sorta cute girl", but just because they enjoy doing these things. It brings enjoyment.

 

Also, I will say this about clothing and style...

 

 

It may not matter to you. It may just not. To most people it does. For example, girls tell me all the time that they buy clothes to fit their body. Guys can do the same thing. The effects are way more subtle...but a nice pair of clothing that fits you correctly makes a ton of difference.

 

 

Like me. I'm 6'2''. I have a 6'4'' torso. I think my legs forgot to keep growing. I have to find tall/slim clothing if I want to look my best. The local cotton shirts at Wal-Mart will do nothing for my natural height and build. Nor will their dress shirts. Now, a shirt from Express...those things make me look very clean.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Maybe you're missing that desire. That's fine. Do your thing. But don't expect to get people that put forth effort when you aren't willing to do the same. It's not an insult...it's just a fact.

 

It's not that I don't put in effort in life. I just don't expect my equal in return.

 

I bet you anything I have more degrees than you and from better schools. But I'm not saying it, like I'm better than you. Just to say I'm not a lazy piece of sh@t who sits on his a@@.

 

But anyway, you're right. We all do things differently.

[empresario]

It's not that I don't put in effort in life. I just don't expect my equal in return.

 

I bet you anything I have more degrees than you and from better schools. But I'm not saying it, like I'm better than you. Just to say I'm not a lazy piece of sh@t who sits on his a@@.

 

But anyway, you're right. We all do things differently.

 

Yes, we can agree on your last point.

 

 

There's a difference between attraction and prestige. I mean, they can be related, but often they aren't. Women aren't as shallow as we seem to think they are.

 

 

Shoot, I was making 100k in a low cost of living area by age 22. I have 4 degrees from a good university I earned in 4 years. However, I never had a woman approach me and compliment me on my big, sexy, throbbing brain. It takes something more. In the end, we are still animals.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yes, we can agree on your last point.

 

 

There's a difference between attraction and prestige. I mean, they can be related, but often they aren't. Women aren't as shallow as we seem to think they are.

 

 

Shoot, I was making 100k in a low cost of living area by age 22. I have 4 degrees from a good university I earned in 4 years. However, I never had a woman approach me and compliment me on my big, sexy, throbbing brain. It takes something more. In the end, we are still animals.

 

Why'd you go and kill your credibility like that?

 

You actually had me going. You really did.

 

Some guys were probably taking notes on your list too.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Clothes and leave in conditioner don't make someone extraordinary lol.

 

 

The other points mentioned in that list work out fine, I was simply stating that many people do that stuff naturally and don't view it as "hard work", but simply enjoy the experience and do that stuff simply because they want to, not because they think they HAVE to.

 

Nor does a lack of certain things on that list stop a person from being extraordinary.

 

Extraordinary isn't a pre-requesite for me. And some people simply don't want to go that route...they don't roll that way.

 

I mean I do dress nice when I go out , get a haircut, groom myself, wear cologne, etc. But that's the extent of my "extraordinary". lol

[xxoo]

Honestly I think some of your list is good, and I've worked on some of them myself.

 

The problem I have with it is this:

 

If you are doing all of that so that you can be immensely popular and have maximum social charisma and meet the next Jackie O'Nassis, that's great. Maybe you're going to run for mayor and then governor. I'm serious.

 

But I don't really think you should have to do all of that just to meet a nice, down to Earth kind of cute gal who makes $50,000 a year?

 

Do you?

 

I think part of the reason why guys start threads like these is that they feel (right or wrong) that they have to go through all of your list just to get an average, sorta cute gal with a bachelors degree in English.

 

 

The regular, decent guy with a bachelor's degree in English, a 50K/yr teaching job, and a charismatic personality has no problem dating--and is probably dating another teacher.

[xxoo]

About extraordinary--we are extraordinary to those who love us. Everyone thinks their own partner, their own child, our best friend, is extraordinary. That's love.

[lino]

I don't know.

 

All I know is that on Match.com a significant majority of women will only date their race. I didn't say they excluded only black guys. That's just what came up.

 

Edit: You know what's really funny?

 

Match.com goes to Australia. I checked out some profiles really quickly and half of them did list black men (along with white men). How funny is that dude?

 

Man, maybe you're on to something. Maybe I should move.

 

You mean they list black men as a preference on their profile? Interesting.

 

I've never used online dating but can tell you now that a black American guy would do well here.

Heck any guy with an American accent would probably pull a bit here.

 

Kind of sad that one has to have a discussion like this but society is this way.

 

I've advised some guys in the past on here to consider a move to Australia. The whole 'tall guy = GOD' thing doesn't seem to exist here either.

 

Another bonus is that we don't have gutless cops who shoot people in the back running away from them either because of skin colour.

[lino]

Extraordinary isn't a pre-requesite for me. And some people simply don't want to go that route...they don't roll that way.

 

I mean I do dress nice when I go out , get a haircut, groom myself, wear cologne, etc. But that's the extent of my "extraordinary". lol

 

Me neither.

 

One has to also be extraordinary now?

 

What happened to just liking people?

 

My girl isn't extraordinary. If I was chasing extraordinary I'd have needed seven lifetimes to find a girl!

[JuneJulySeptember]

The regular, decent guy with a bachelor's degree in English, a 50K/yr teaching job, and a charismatic personality has no problem dating--and is probably dating another teacher.

 

Yes, I think for most people that's largely true.

 

But he may have to go through some rejections, and that will may get him down. Read Teknoe's thread in this same forum and about his fellow preceptor and comment again.

 

I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm not saying it's a monumental effort for the average guy to get a girlfriend. The only thing I'm trying to say is that dating can be difficult for some people even though they are decent, socially capable human beings. Yes, for women too. If you read Teknoe's thread, you could easily see how a nice, normal, intelligent guy could not have someone at an adult age.

 

And I didn't either. Maybe you don't think I'm nice and normal. But I know you think Teknoe is.

Edited May 19, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember